u/InterestingSea2611

I 21F genuinely don’t understand why I seem to become the problem person in so many environments despite trying so hard to be considerate.

I’m an AUDHD woman NOT from the West so neurodivergence is almost unheard of in most parts of society and the country. Anyway, I’ve noticed a pattern my entire life where:
- I’m hypervigilant about others’ feelings
- very self-aware
- overly apologetic
- helpful to the point of self-sacrifice
- careful not to hurt people
- and constantly trying to do the right thing

Meanwhile, I’ve watched people around me:
- gossip,
- exclude others,
- be rude,
- emotionally immature,
- selfish,
- passive aggressive,
- flaky,
- or outright cruel,

and somehow still be socially accepted, loved, chosen, and protected.

Whereas I feel like every mistake I make gets magnified and remembered forever. People seem to project onto me very quickly, misunderstand my tone, or single me out even when I’m genuinely trying my best.

I don’t know if this is an AUDHD thing, trauma/hypervigilance, people-pleasing burnout, rejection sensitivity, or if I’m unknowingly giving off some energy that makes me an easy target, but I feel exhausted.

It’s like I’ve spent my whole life trying to earn basic kindness and social safety by being useful/helpful/good, while watching other people exist imperfectly without being punished for it.

Can anyone else relate to feeling simultaneously:
- hypervisible,
- heavily scrutinised,
- and yet emotionally invisible/unimportant?

I’ve also been depressed and anxious from the age of 10, + have developed CPTSD due to emotional abuse and multiple toxic environments/traumatic incidents. Never dated and don’t really have friends as such.

I’d especially appreciate hearing from other AUDHD women who grew up becoming the mature/helpful one early in life 🩵

Hi, I’m 21F and I’ve been dealing with some really distressing physical symptoms for around 6 months now and I’m wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar, especially related to neck/spine issues, vestibular problems, anxiety/dysautonomia, cervical instability, spondylitis etc. I wanted to get some answers as I’m going to be doing a lot of travelling in 2 days.

Main symptoms:
- constant earthquake-like / rocking / swaying sensation internally, like my body is moving even when still
- feeling like my neck/head/spine are unstable or wobbling constantly
- internal vibrations/trembling
- visible twitching/tremors
- severe chronic neck pain for about a year now (worse on waking, DEBILITATING when i wake in the morning)
- sensation that my lower back, hips, pelvis and torso are constantly shifting/moving
- nausea and motion-sickness feeling almost constantly
- occasional blurry vision
- pressure/heaviness in head and neck
- symptoms worse when lying down or focusing on them
- feeling like I have to consciously hold my head/body upright

I saw a neurologist a couple months ago who mentioned possible spondylosis and ordered a brain MRI, but I haven’t managed to get it done yet because I’ve been extremely anxious and honestly haven’t had the time since I had to go in for an emergency dental surgery recently + a close family member also needed help whilst going through a big surgery of their own.

I also have diagnosed essential tremor, severe anxiety/dissociation, chronic stress, possible AUDHD, and a bit of a muscle clenching/tension problem, so I know those could be contributing too.

I’m mainly wondering:
- what exactly this could be? Do I need urgent treatment?
- has anyone experienced similar internal rocking/earthquake/instability sensations from neck/spine issues?
- can severe neck tension/cervical problems cause this level of dizziness/instability feeling?
- did anything help you?
- are there any tips to manage symptoms?

I’m honestly really scared and exhausted from feeling physically unstable all the time, so please be kind. 🤍

I didn’t know I had an actual self harm problem till last month. I’ve been doing it since I was around 10. I’m 21 now (also undiagnosed neurodivergent, but en route for it now, discovered last year).

It started as fixing imperfections and sensory stuff and became something that completely consumed my body and nervous system. I pick everywhere:
face, neck, shoulders, chest, stomach, sides, thighs, calves, back, arms, backside. Some areas are especially bad because I repeatedly went over the same skin for years.

There are places where the skin genuinely changed colour or texture permanently. Some spots became white and scarred because I damaged the skin barrier so badly over and over again. I have hyperpigmentation everywhere, scarring everywhere, open wounds half the time, bleeding, swelling, infection anxiety, shame, sensory obsession, compulsive checking, all of it.

I’ve never really worn the clothes I wanted to wear because of it. Never felt comfortable in my body. Never felt feminine or desirable. I avoid mirrors but also obsessively check mirrors. I isolate because of how ashamed I feel physically.

Sometimes I’m not even upset while doing it; it feels regulatory, sensory, compulsive, self-soothing and self-destructive at the same time. I’m doing it, but can’t stop myself. Other times I’m dissociated HARD.

And then afterwards I feel horror. Especially because I already struggle with:
• dissociation/depersonalisation
• possible AUDHD (Autism/ADHD)
• severe anxiety/depression
• chronic self-hatred
• poor interoception
• emotional abuse history
• isolation
• body image issues
• PCOS/HS/acne/eczema stuff

I genuinely think this disorder has shaped my entire identity and how I interact with people. I don’t let people touch me comfortably. I’m terrified of intimacy. I compare myself constantly to girls with clear skin/bodies that weren’t destroyed by years of compulsions and stress.

This feel like addiction + compulsion + dissociation + self harm + sensory regulation all mixed together.
I honestly don’t know what my body would look like if I’d been left alone emotionally growing up.
I think part of me was trying to erase myself for years.

If anyone else experiences excoriation disorder at this level, especially alongside dissociation/neurodivergence/trauma stuff, I’d genuinely really appreciate hearing from you because I feel deeply alone in it.

I didn’t know I had an actual self harm problem till last month. I’ve been doing it since I was around 10. I’m 21 now (also undiagnosed neurodivergent, but en route for it now, discovered last year).

It started as fixing imperfections and sensory stuff and became something that completely consumed my body and nervous system. I pick everywhere:
face, neck, shoulders, chest, stomach, sides, thighs, calves, back, arms, backside. Some areas are especially bad because I repeatedly went over the same skin for years.

There are places where the skin genuinely changed colour or texture permanently. Some spots became white and scarred because I damaged the skin barrier so badly over and over again. I have hyperpigmentation everywhere, scarring everywhere, open wounds half the time, bleeding, swelling, infection anxiety, shame, sensory obsession, compulsive checking, all of it.

I’ve never really worn the clothes I wanted to wear because of it. Never felt comfortable in my body. Never felt feminine or desirable. I avoid mirrors but also obsessively check mirrors. I isolate because of how ashamed I feel physically.

Sometimes I’m not even upset while doing it; it feels regulatory, sensory, compulsive, self-soothing and self-destructive at the same time. I’m doing it, but can’t stop myself. Other times I’m dissociated HARD.

And then afterwards I feel horror. Especially because I already struggle with:
• dissociation/depersonalisation
• possible AUDHD (Autism/ADHD)
• severe anxiety/depression
• chronic self-hatred
• poor interoception
• emotional abuse history
• isolation
• body image issues
• PCOS/HS/acne/eczema stuff

I genuinely think this disorder has shaped my entire identity and how I interact with people. I don’t let people touch me comfortably. I’m terrified of intimacy. I compare myself constantly to girls with clear skin/bodies that weren’t destroyed by years of compulsions and stress.

This feel like addiction + compulsion + dissociation + self harm + sensory regulation all mixed together.
I honestly don’t know what my body would look like if I’d been left alone emotionally growing up.
I think part of me was trying to erase myself for years.

If anyone else experiences excoriation disorder at this level, especially alongside dissociation/neurodivergence/trauma stuff, I’d genuinely really appreciate hearing from you because I feel deeply alone in it.

hi, i (21f) am not doing well and i’m reaching out because i don’t really have people in my life i feel safe talking to/who would understand.

i’ve been dealing with long-term emotional abuse growing up, isolation, and a recent experience that left me feeling more disconnected and numb. lately i feel very detached from my emotions, my body, and even my sense of self, and it’s starting to scare me. i struggle with depression, anxiety, dissociation, depersonalisation, and feeling like i don’t really know who i am or how to connect with others anymore. my physical health has also declined badly over the last few years. multiple chronic conditions + some undiagnosed. i was told to get a brain MRI 2.5 months ago since a neurologist suspects something serious. i haven’t got it done yet, i’m scared of the contrast dye since i tend to be allergic to some things. i was also diagnosed with essential tremor recently (vocal and hands). i also suffer from chronic skin picking (excoriation disorder) which means all parts of my body have scars/discolouration/active cuts due to years of deep picking (12 years now), and i can’t really wear cute clothes due to that. need to keep everything hidden.

i’ve also maladaptively daydreamed for 12+ years now to the point where it feels deeply ingrained into how i function and cope with reality. journalled since i was around 5 as a coping mechanism and have always been working on self improvement since i was always made to feel like the problem.

i’ve never dated, been approached, pursued, or really “noticed” in that way, and i’ve changed drastically over the years. i used to be a very extroverted, talented, expressive kid until around age 10. i was ahead of my peers socially, creatively and academically in a lot of ways, but because i was never praised or emotionally nurtured i assumed none of it meant anything. instructors had told my parents there was something “special” or “prodigious” about me musically/intellectually, but emotionally i never internalised any of it.

i got bullied a fair amount growing up and bounced through friend groups constantly. i’ve always been the “extra” friend, the low-maintenance friend, the one whose birthday is forgotten, the one who is around but never truly chosen. my current friend group does not fulfil my emotional needs at all and i mostly stay because otherwise i’d be completely alone.

i’ve been passively suicidal since i was around 10. i also grew up around emotionally immature, angry, narcissistic family dynamics. i feel guilty criticising my family because they provided financially, but emotionally i feel like i sacrificed huge parts of my sanity and identity just to survive. i also developed anorexia around 14, was put on antidepressants as a teenager, and have struggled with severe self-esteem issues and self-hatred since childhood. i’ve had a stutter since around age 8 too.

during my final year of university abroad, i went through a confusing sexual experience that destabilised me badly because it involved my firsts and left me feeling emotionally unsafe and disconnected afterwards. around that same time i started therapy and realised i might be an undiagnosed audhd woman. discovering that simultaneously explained my entire life while also emotionally wrecking me because suddenly years of rejection, alienation and feeling “wrong” started making sense. university abroad was a crazy feat as an undiagnosed ND but i did well. i struggled but i did well.

i genuinely feel like a sore thumb in every environment i enter, like i fundamentally don’t feel human a lot of the time. my social feedback throughout life has been overwhelmingly negative, inconsistent, neglectful or mocking. after years of people treating you like you’re too much/not enough/weird/unlikeable, eventually your brain starts believing it.

people have admired me for “being okay alone,” but the truth is i was pushed into isolation very young and adapted to it because i had no choice. i majorly self-isolate now. i feel simultaneously invisible and hypervisible; like nobody truly sees me, but i somehow become the target whenever people want someone to criticise, dismiss or project onto.

i’ve always been extremely kind, giving and accommodating. i’ve always taken the high road and tried to love people sincerely, but over time it’s started feeling like i’m only tolerated when i’m useful or easy. meanwhile people around me can be selfish, cruel or careless and still receive love, attention and social validation effortlessly.

what i present socially is completely different from my inner world. internally i’m intense, imaginative, emotional and analytical. externally i come off quiet, cold, awkward, detached or spacey. i have a very loud inner world but struggle massively with interoception, emotional processing and expressing myself in real time. i often need to intellectually analyse feelings to even know what i’m feeling.

i also have severe maladaptive daydreaming that’s been ongoing for over a decade. i pace for hours imagining alternate versions of my life, relationships, friendships, intimacy, scenarios where i’m wanted or visible or loved. it’s become so automatic and ingrained that reality often feels emotionally flatter and harder to access than fantasy.

i’m currently 21, unemployed despite having a degree from a reputed foreign university, extremely isolated, emotionally numb, and terrified i’ve lost myself permanently. i’m scared i’ll never get to feel young, alive, connected or safe enough to experience things like friendship, romance, intimacy, purpose or happiness in a normal way.

this is only a glimpse into everything honestly, more emotional than physical, but i think i just needed to finally say it somewhere people might understand.

if anyone relates to any of this, i’m really sorry. sending hugs 🫂

I wouldn’t say I’m ugly; I’m average. But being neurodivergent makes being average feel like being hideous. Taller than average so that alone makes me feel like a sore thumb, stack on AuDHD (undiagnosed but en route for it at 21) on top of that. I’m also high masking/high functioning so people really underestimate what it’s like living w my brain. I’ve received little to no male attention all throughout my life, never asked out or had a bf. No male friends either. I have had 1 confusing grey area sexual experience which traumatised me.

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten positive social feedback honestly and it sucks. I’ve had my fair share of bullying and exclusion, developed social anxiety at around 10, and been depressed and passively suicidal since, + developed CPTSD. I get compliments on my looks mostly from those older than me, never from my age group. But I just find them hard to believe lol.

But yeah people also judge by appearance and I’d say I’m really average. It’s like in social settings, either I: don’t exist, OR, everyone’s focused on me. And not for positive reasons haha. People dislike me in the first meeting for no reason even if I absolutely have pure intentions and was nice to them. I basically live with 0 fulfilling/safe human connection in my life. I wonder if I was prettier, would people would look past social deficits?

Hi!

I used to be a confident kid but stacked on trauma, emotional abuse and eventual CPTSD, made me develop a crippling stutter at around age 7. Hasn’t left me since and it genuinely makes my life 50x harder as someone with social anxiety and severe depression. I don’t have supportive people around me, so I wanna know if anyone overcame this somehow?

Hey guys! i 21(f) have always been a little insecure about the fact that I look way better in unedited photos than I do in real life. Most people I meet are far more gorgeous irl than their pictures.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Has anyone else experienced having little to no dating attention growing up, and instead dealing with negative notions around intimacy? Never been asked out btw, had 1 traumatising situationship.

I sometimes feel really behind or disconnected from others my age and was wondering if anyone relates or has worked through it 🤍

21(f) btw and not the prettiest

Hey!

I 21(f) wasn’t having any pain but had had a pressure on my left cheek + chin for a few months (not too bad, just annoying because I’m hyperaware). A dentist suggested getting a CBCT and my wisdom teeth were visible inside (all 4 impacted), one was close to a nerve (bottom left).

Went to an oral maxiofacial surgeon recommended by a mom’s friend and even though it caused no pain he was pretty enthusiastic about having the one close to the nerve (bottom left) removed. said they usually get taken out in pairs so he’d try the top left too. In the dental OPG I took pre-surgery, a lot of TMJ issues had also been found on my left side such as mild degenerative changes, styloid process that was 15 mm too long, Possible Posterior disc displacement(?), Internal derangement/ Disc Displacement with reduction

Also noted this in the Dental OPG report:
• Chance of lingual cortex fracture due to abutment by the tooth.
• Chance of Paresthesia due to overlap with the IANC.

He took out the one he was concerned about (bottom left) (after 4 rounds of local anaesthesia) and I honestly wanted him to stop there but he said I’ve already given the anaesthesia, it’s upto you to do the others. My mother and I trusted him and gave him the green light for the upper left one. He STRUGGLED, tugging. I was in agony. Having my mouth wide open for that long + those TMJ changes. He could not get the upper left tooth out and just stitched it back up.

More than 1 month post surgery, I cannot still open my mouth beyond 2 fingers, left eye and cheek are in pain, it’s like a pain behind my eye and my eye is blurrier than usual. Cheek hurts too under my eye and left jaw pains as well when I try to open it as well. Haven’t eaten on my left side in one month now, and have been sticking to soft foods. This has caused me a lot of emotional distress because I’m FED UP. I was better before the surgery. And NO DENTIST, seems to be taking my eye and cheek pain seriously. There’s been slight visible swelling on the left side still but I think it hasn’t been there since yesterday however all the pain aforementioned remains. Like it’s impacting my daily life. It’s basically my eye, the cheek below it going uptil my nose and the side of my eye + my left jaw hurts like a bitch when I try to open it and the UPPER LEFT WISDOM TOOTH SITE still hurts when I try to open my mouth. Multiple dentists have checked it and said there was no active infection, just slight inflammation from ongoing gingivitis I’ve had for a few years now that comes and goes. Also there’s like a hole next to my lower extraction site and it’s pretty deep. I can’t obviously check the upper one myself. I’m in agony and I regret listening to that dentist tbh.

I’m worried there might be something deeply structurally damaged on the left side of my face internally because it’s been more than 1 fucking month. Anyone have any advice?

I 21(f) wasn’t having any pain but had had a pressure on my left cheek + chin for a few months (not too bad, just annoying because I’m hyperaware). A dentist suggested getting a CBCT and my wisdom teeth were visible inside (all 4 impacted), one was close to a nerve (bottom left).

Went to an oral maxiofacial surgeon recommended by a mom’s friend and even though it caused no pain he was pretty enthusiastic about having the one close to the nerve (bottom left) removed. said they usually get taken out in pairs so he’d try the top left too. In the dental OPG I took pre-surgery, a lot of TMJ issues had also been found on my left side such as mild degenerative changes, styloid process that was 15 mm too long, Possible Posterior disc displacement(?), Internal derangement/ Disc Displacement with reduction

Also noted this in the Dental OPG report:
• Chance of lingual cortex fracture due to abutment by the tooth.
• Chance of Paresthesia due to overlap with the IANC.

He took out the one he was concerned about (bottom left) (after 4 rounds of local anaesthesia) and I honestly wanted him to stop there but he said I’ve already given the anaesthesia, it’s upto you to do the others. My mother and I trusted him and gave him the green light for the upper left one. He STRUGGLED, tugging. I was in agony. Having my mouth wide open for that long + those TMJ changes. He could not get the upper left tooth out and just stitched it back up.

More than 1 month post surgery, I cannot still open my mouth beyond 2 fingers, left eye and cheek are in pain, it’s like a pain behind my eye and my eye is blurrier than usual. Cheek hurts too under my eye and left jaw pains as well when I try to open it as well. Haven’t eaten on my left side in one month now, and have been sticking to soft foods. This has caused me a lot of emotional distress because I’m FED UP. I was better before the surgery. And NO DENTIST, seems to be taking my eye and cheek pain seriously. There’s been slight visible swelling on the left side still but I think it hasn’t been there since yesterday however all the pain aforementioned remains. Like it’s impacting my daily life. It’s basically my eye, the cheek below it going uptil my nose and the side of my eye + my left jaw hurts like a bitch when I try to open it and the UPPER LEFT WISDOM TOOTH SITE still hurts when I try to open my mouth. Multiple dentists have checked it and said there was no active infection, just slight inflammation from ongoing gingivitis I’ve had for a few years now that comes and goes. I’m in agony and I regret listening to that fucking dentist tbh.

I’m worried there might be something deeply structurally damaged on the left side of my face internally because it’s been more than 1 fucking month. Anyone have any advice?

So I was wondering if anyone else has this problem of never being able to consistently be interested in one thing at a time. As an (undiagnosed) ADHDer my brain constantly seeks novelty and I end up with a lot of unfinished projects/interests, because I’m jumping into the next shiny thing that suddenly gauged my interest. This has also resulted in me being good at many things but never really the absolute best at anything. This has been a consistent pattern across my hobbies, studies and I imagine it affects career too. My hobbies mainly lie in art, design and music, and I’d say I’m well above average in those capabilities but I could be SO MUCH BETTER if I were to be consistently investing ONLY in those areas. I get interested in absolutely anything; science, architecture, you name it. And I’m fairly adaptable so even if it’s something that could seem dull and absolutely uninteresting at the start, I’d still somehow pick it up. I guess that’s the novelty/dopamine seeking part of ADHD. And then it’s a vicious loop, because I’d learn that particular thing to a certain extent then drop it for the next thing that’s suddenly caught my attention. So I end up knowing basics of a lot of things and never actually becoming a master at anything.

In my childhood, I was told I had prodigious talent in music but early burnout and likely undiagnosed ADHD caused my interest/investment levels to fluctuate a lot. I read a lot about NDs being able to ‘hyperfocus’ on their interests and assumed it meant you hyperfocus on the one interest you have. In my case, I hyperfocus on one interest/task for a few days then move onto the other and do the same.

Does anyone else also deal with this?

(This is just a discussion post)

Hi!

I 21(f) recently graduated (without meds) and have been applying for jobs, but I’ve started wondering whether certain fields/work environments tend to suit people with ADHD better than others.

For those of you working/studying, what kinds of jobs have worked well (or terribly) for your executive function, emotional regulation, motivation, boredom levels etc?

I know ADHD experiences vary a lot, but I’d genuinely love to hear what environments/tasks felt sustainable for you and which ones burned you out.

Has anyone else with ADHD (especially women) experienced having little to no dating attention growing up, and instead dealing with negative notions around intimacy?

I sometimes feel really behind or disconnected from others my age and was wondering if anyone relates or has worked through it 🤍

Tips can be as crazy and woo-woo as u want ✨

Hi everyone! I 21(f) have suffered from severe anxiety, depression, maladaptive daydreaming, since I was around 10. Only recently discovered the possibility of AuDHD and en route for a diagnosis.

I suffer from severe depersonalisation and dissociation and it’s been especially bad for the past year or so since my burnout started after graduating uni and moving countries to move back home. I’ve never dated, and I don’t really have good friends who I consider my ride or dies. My family is emotionally abusive. I have a lot of trauma with interpersonal relationships.

I guess amidst all this, I want advice on how anyone who’s been through similar stuff, found their spark and rediscovered themselves? I’ve reached a stage where I hardly know what I like/who I am. I mostly isolate myself and pretty much only indulge in my hobbies (art, music), but I guess I wouldn’t be able to tell you what my passion is in life, my ambitions, what kind of guys I might like etc.? I feel I’m very muted/guarded on the outside (and this is smth I’ve been told repeatedly through my life) and I realise literally nobody knows me. The opinions people form of me break my heart because they’re just… so different from how I am on the inside, often negative. I have a super vivid inner world but I feel barely anything shows up on the outside/I never feel safe enough to just… be. I never have just… been.

Does anyone else relate and have any advice for me to slowly fix this? 🩵