u/Intrepid-Reindeer679

I’m at home temporarily (long complicated story) and my deeply enmeshed parents are so needy and clingy that it’s suffocating. Every time I do anything they try to get involved either by trying to literally join even if it’s getting gas, or asking 10000 questions and prying to feel like they are involved. It’s genuinely so suffocating even if I give very little info, it’s not enough to feel sane or like i can breathe. I try to remain calm and detach myself but it seems like nothing helps, even when I’m physically far from them I never feel like I can escape. Until I can move back out again, how can I preserve my sanity and autonomy?

I’ve been dealing with extremely loud music from the house next door and idk what to do.

My older neighbors have kids in their late 20s or 30s who are very into playing live music and doing rock, pop, country and screamo at all hours of the night. They love to sing and scream and wail and play their instruments in the backyard. They have very good quality speakers so the rest of us have the pleasure of hearing them extra clearly.

This has been going on for months. We’ll have a nice week or two of peace then the music will randomly start around 8 or 9 and go until at least midnight and sometimes 3 or 4 in the morning. don’t know why no one else has said anything. My family members are afraid of confrontation/potential violence so discourage us from talking to them in person, I’ve sent them politely worded letters though and nothing has come out of it. I’m not sure they would do anything about this.

Every time this has happened we’ve called the non emergency line and sometimes they tell us other neighbors on the block have done it but nothing ever happens. No one comes and sometimes we call multiple times in one night up until 2am with updates and they always say they don’t have someone available. We have no HOA or anything like that.

What should I do in this situation?

My older neighbors a few houses down have kids in their late 20s or 30s who are very into playing live music and doing rock, pop, country and screamo at all hours of the night. They love to sing and scream and wail and play their instruments in the backyard. They have very good quality speakers so the rest of us have the pleasure of hearing them extra clearly.

This has been going on for months. We’ll have a nice week or two of peace then the music will randomly start around 8 or 9 and go until at least midnight and sometimes 3 or 4 in the morning. don’t know why no one else has said anything. My family members are afraid of confrontation/potential violence so discourage us from talking to them in person, I’ve sent them politely worded letters though and nothing has come out of it. I’m not sure they would do anything about this.

Every time this has happened we’ve called the non emergency line and sometimes they tell us other neighbors on the block have done it but nothing ever happens. No one comes and sometimes we call multiple times in one night up until 2am with updates and they always say they don’t have someone available. We have no HOA or anything like that.

What should I do in this situation?

A few days ago we had the pleasure of hearing our next door neighbors screeching and wailing at the top of their lungs— they have some kind of emo “rock” band and they sing and play instruments while screaming and shrieking. They did this from around 6pm to 7pm and I left the house bc I couldn’t handle listening to it. I got back at half past 9 and they were silent then but restarted around 10pm.

I don’t know them so I asked my parents if they have their contact info. Apparently my father has talked to their parents before and has their phone number. I asked if he can text them to ask their kids (who are pushing 30) to keep it down, it was almost midnight and we had been assaulted by the sounds of their screeching and drumming and “singing” for hours.

My father LOST it at this, he started shouting at me to “calm down” and said these people are “young and enjoying their youth” and “just enjoying some music” which is completely ridiculous because they were screaming. I shouted back that they were wailing (which we could all hear) and then he shouted at me to stop shouting.

He then yelled that they were “not hurting anyone.” I said they were hurting US and he started yelling saying if he says something to the parents they will “get mad” and their “feelings will be hurt” and they will “be upset at him” because he dared to complain about their children not being perfect. He said I can go sleep in the garage if I’m so bothered by this noise and that “they’ll stop when they go to sleep” (they did not stop until 3am).

I told him to think about how it impacts us and how we deserve to have peace too, and how they are being inconsiderate. He replied yelling about how we can deal with it because we can’t “antagonize” people and it seemed like all he cared about was staying on our neighbors good side. He refused to utter a single word to the neighbor parents or even consider the idea of letting on that it bothered him/us.

Is anyone else’s AP also a relentless people pleaser to their own detriment like this? It’s crazy how they don’t realize it affects their livelihood and even the people around them bc they’re so terrified of “losing face” or looking bad that they are willing to suffer to avoid any conflict or confrontation.

My father is a pathological people pleaser and treats the entire family like trash but also expects us to be people pleasers like him too. If we don’t it’s outrageous and he will scream and insult and verbally abuse us because we dared make him look bad to strangers.

A few days ago we had the pleasure of hearing our next door neighbors screeching and wailing at the top of their lungs— they have some kind of emo “rock” band and they sing and play instruments while screaming and shrieking. They did this from around 6pm to 7pm and I left the house bc I couldn’t handle listening to it. I got back at half past 9 and they were silent then but restarted around 10pm.

I don’t know them so I asked my parents if they have their contact info. Apparently my father has talked to their parents before and has their phone number. I asked if he can text them to ask their kids (who are pushing 30) to keep it down, it was almost midnight and we had been assaulted by the sounds of their screeching and drumming and “singing” for hours.

My father LOST it at this, he started shouting at me to “calm down” and said these people are “young and enjoying their youth” and “just enjoying some music” which is completely ridiculous because they were screaming. I shouted back that they were wailing (which we could all hear) and then he shouted at me to stop shouting because I said one sentence too loud for his liking, while voraciously defending the people screaming for hours outside.

He then yelled that they were “not hurting anyone.” I said they were hurting US and he started yelling saying if he says something to the parents they will “get mad” and their “feelings will be hurt” and they will “be upset at him” because he dared to complain about their children not being perfect. He said I can go sleep in the garage if I’m so bothered by this noise and that “they’ll stop when they go to sleep” (they did not stop until 3am).

I told him to think about how it impacts us and how we deserve to have peace too, and how they are being inconsiderate. He replied yelling about how we can deal with it because we can’t “antagonize” people and it seemed like all he cared about was staying on our neighbors good side. He refused to utter a single word to the neighbor parents or even consider the idea of letting on that it bothered him/us.

Is anyone else’s enmeshed parent also a relentless people pleaser to their own detriment like this? It’s crazy how they don’t realize it affects their livelihood and even the people around them bc they’re so terrified of “losing face” or looking bad that they are willing to suffer to no end just to avoid any conflict or confrontation.

A few days ago we had the pleasure of hearing our next door neighbors screeching and wailing at the top of their lungs— they have some kind of emo “rock” band and they sing and play instruments while screaming and shrieking. They did this from around 6pm to 7pm and I left the house bc I couldn’t handle listening to it. I got back at half past 9 and they were silent then but restarted around 10pm.

I don’t know them so I asked my parents if they have their contact info. Apparently my father has talked to their parents before and has their phone number. I asked if he can text them to ask their kids (who are pushing 30) to keep it down, it was almost midnight and we had been assaulted by the sounds of their screeching and drumming and “singing” for hours.

My father LOST it at this, he started shouting at me to “calm down” and said these people are “young and enjoying their youth” and “just enjoying some music” which is completely ridiculous because they were screaming. I shouted back that they were wailing (which we could all hear) and then he shouted at me to stop shouting.

He then yelled that they were “not hurting anyone.” I said they were hurting US and he started yelling saying if he says something to the parents they will “get mad” and their “feelings will be hurt” and they will “be upset at him” because he dared to complain about their children not being perfect. He said I can go sleep in the garage if I’m so bothered by this noise and that “they’ll stop when they go to sleep” (they did not stop until 3am).

I told him to think about how it impacts us and how we deserve to have peace too, and how they are being inconsiderate. He replied yelling about how we can deal with it because we can’t “antagonize” people and it seemed like all he cared about was staying on our neighbors good side. He refused to utter a single word to the neighbor parents or even consider the idea of letting on that it bothered him/us.

Is anyone else’s Nparent also a relentless people pleaser to their own detriment like this? It’s crazy how they don’t realize it affects their livelihood and even the people around them bc they’re so terrified of “losing face” or looking bad that they are willing to suffer to avoid any conflict or confrontation.

I had to temporarily move back home and it’s been really hard dealing with the pace of life at my parents house. They were very controlling and unbearable when i was growing up and now they’re retired, and have become insufferably clingy and needy.

They are getting older and everyone tells me to try to enjoy the time i have with them and it’s very difficult due to their personalities lol. I made a compromise of eating breakfast and dinner with them and just do my own thing in between but i feel like they are constantly hovering, watching and lingering no matter what i do or where i am.

I have been home for a month and a half and every day is torture on my nervous system.

Every time i go anywhere there’s questions—where are you going ?? who are you seeing?? when are you getting back??? and even the dreaded “can we come with you????”

And when i get back, a litany of questions about what i did, where I was, what i bought, why i was away for so long, etc etc. Its so suffocating and i usually just give very flat boring simple answers like “grocery store” “got gas” but its so exhausting bc they will press and press and then sometimes get accusatory and critical “why did you spend so long at the supermarket??? Did you put on sunscreen?? How much money did you spend??”

Once i told them i was working on job applications and thought that would get them off my case, but apparently not.

“Why dont you do it at home???” (LMFAO)

“We have wifi here!!! Is that not enough?? Did you just go sit in mcdonalds or something and work for hours?? Is that even allowed? Did you wipe down the table before? Did you charge your phone? Why can’t you do it here at the kitchen table? Why didnt you ask us for help? Did you park your car straight? Did you use public wifi? What food did you order?”

Does anyone else have to deal or dealt with enmeshed clingy parents who act like this? Until you can move out and get some space and geographical distance between them, how do you handle this suffocating behavior?

Est ce que c’est mieux de faire un stage en OI/ONG ou ministère si on est en master de droit mais on sait pas ce qu’on veut faire après ?

Effectivement j’ai été pris pour deux stages (l’un au sein d’une ONG et l’autre au ministère) et j’hésite entre les deux parce que je sais pas encore ce que je veux faire après ce master.

Je suis en master de droit international public et le stage dans l’ong ça semble un peu mieux correspondre à ma formation mais c’est une mission un peu niche et je sais que le marché pour le droit international c’est très bouché et difficile de trouver un travail après… et chez le ministère ça a l’air peut être plus intéressant comme mission mais c’est plutôt en droit national (ce que je connais moins) et l’environnement de travail semble moins chill. Je veux juste améliorer mon cv et développer mes connaissances pour avoir plus de débouchés à l’avenir même si maintenant je sais pas du tout ce que je veux faire plus tard.

les deux ne me semble pas trop avantageux concentrant les débouchés après mais je dois juste valider mon master. est ce que ce serait mieux de choisir le stage en ONG ou au ministère dans cette situation ?

Je demande pour mon amie qui a été prise pour deux stages (l’un au sein d’une ONG de droit international ou droits humains et l’autre au ministère j’ai oublié lequel mais je pense soit des affaires étrangères ou de justice) et elle hésite entre les deux parce qu’elle sait pas encore ce qu’elle veut faire après son master. elle vient de terminer son m1 de droit public et elle se réoriente vers droit international privé pour son m2 à la rentrée. vu qu’elle sait pas encore ce qu’elle veut viser comme métier, elle sait juste qu’elle veut pas faire avocate et qu’elle aimerait une carrière un peu transversale et peut être internationale car elle parle plusieurs langues et elle veut voyager. bon avec ce genre de profil est ce que ce serait mieux de choisir le stage en ONG ou au ministère dans cette situation ?

Every week for the past month there has been a very loud house on my street that blasts music for hours on a random evening or afternoon, usually between 3 and 8 pm ish.

It sounds like a party or a gathering because I can hear multiple voices and lots of stomping. Their shouting and music is so loud that i can feel it vibrating in my house and can hear it clear as day pounding in my ears even tho i have my windows and curtains drawn. Due to the layout I cannot even tell for sure which house it’s coming from. I hear stomping, dancing, singing and music on speaker blasting for hours and not even joking my sofa actually shakes with the vibrations even though they’re not even that near us. I’ve called 311 to make a noise complaint but usually nobody comes.

This is the fourth time and it’s been about 2 hours since my complaint and nobody has come. I don’t really want to go find them in case well, they’re dangerous or something, maybe not likely but honestly who knows. I don’t know my other neighbors enough to ask around and idk why no one else has complained yet, unless they have and they also were ignored lol. Anyway what should you do in this kind of situation?

One of the things that’s really hard to deal with while figuring out how to heal decades of trauma is also the realized that my parents treated/still try to treat me as their therapist, mediator, and only friend (yuck 🤮) because they legitimately have no social circle or friendships outside of each other.

They both have zero friends and never socialize, at most they just spend time with a few distant relatives then talk shit about them the second they leave. They have absolutley no social skills or hobbies or interests, they just love to compare each others kids/grandkids and then make everything a competition. They don’t have anyone they could meet up with in town or have a tea/beer with or partake in any shared activities.

I tried to encourage them but I can’t do it if they don’t want to. It seems like all they want to do is sit around and complain then try to use me for therapy aka whining and groaning while watching tv then arguing. Its extremely unhealthy and while I know im not responsible for their mental health I wish there was some way I could get them out of this rut they’ve put themselves in so they could have a chance at being somewhat healthier.