u/KurtFerreira

I’ve fallen for a younger, unavailable (to me) guy. He’s been really friendly and hangs out with me a lot and I mistook his kindness for something else. He’s occupied my heart and mind for months now and I’ve only recently come to understand that there’s zero chance of anything happening.

That aside, I still long for him to give me attention, affirmative and reassurance. I still for him to choose me, even as a friend. But navigating a potential friendship while setting aside any romantic/sexual feelings is hard. I don’t know how to stop or at least reduce my feelings.

He’s always on my mind. Always. I’m expecting him to fill a role he’s not able to. He doesn’t even know how tortured I am by this situation.
I’ve made him the centre of my world for months now and I don’t know how to balance things out so I become my priority.

I’ve fallen for a younger, unavailable (to me) guy. He’s been really friendly and hangs out with me a lot and I mistook his kindness for something else. He’s occupied my heart and mind for months now and I’ve only recently come to understand that there’s zero chance of anything happening.

That aside, I still long for him to give me attention, affirmative and reassurance. I still for him to choose me, even as a friend. But navigating a potential friendship while setting aside any romantic/sexual feelings is hard.

I’ve made him the centre of my world for months now and I don’t know how to balance things out so I become my priority.

I’ve been clean for 6 months after primary and secondary care. I’m currently living in a sober living house.

I hate meetings. I find them repetitive and rigid but it’s also a critical component for most recovering addicts. Sometimes I attend a SMART meeting but I find myself so opposed to 12 step meetings.

What are some of the tools you have in your toolbox outside of meetings?

My top two are the 7777 chocolate and Cadbury’s Holey Moley.

Sex is a basic human need, right? As a SA, how does one know what desires, fantasies, fetishes are normal/healthy/acceptable vs ones that are rooted in trauma and dysfunction?

I ask this from the perspective of shame. I generally feel shame about my sexuality period.

For months now I’ve been fixated on someone. I’ve heard that hyper fixation is symptomatic of ASD. I’m working on balancing things so I focus more on other things/myself/my needs but invariably find my mind focused on this person. Have you experienced this and how have you dealt with it?

I have a friend - a fairly new one - who I love spending time with. The trouble is I also have moments where I’m ’into him’ and I know he doesn’t share my sentiment.

I’m trying to keep my sexual/romantic feelings at bay because there’s no chance of anything happening and importantly, I don’t want to jeopardise the friendship.

How does one structure the friendship in such a way that secret feelings die out?

Is memory loss a symptom of ASD? I forget the most simplest things like the name of the movie I watched last night.

I enjoy the community aspect of NA meetings but have such resistance to working the steps or having a sponsor. The programme, as far as I understand, has not been updated in decades and is rigid. I attend SMART meetings, exercise, journal and see a therapist. Am I missing out on a key tool in recovery by not following a 12 steps programme?