u/Large-Pollution-3381

My cousin is a grown 31M man who has spent the his ENTIRE LIFE bouncing between his divorced parents' houses, my mom (his aunt) and another Aunt. They kick him out when they are at their wits' end because he lies and lies and doesn't contribute to the household

He has a history of alcoholism and drug addiction, and while he's sober now (which I'm genuinely glad about), he's still completely financially dependent on his parents. His parents pay for his phone, car, insurance, utilities, and pretty much everything else.

When my great uncle passed away, my aunt begged to let him live in his house instead of selling it so that he could live there. He is not working... just occasional odd jobs like mowing lawns, and family members continue covering his bills.

Recently his dad got laid off from his job so now my mom is being asked to help pay my cousin's utilities!! It has been 5 months now?

I own three cats, so I know pets aren't cheap. I qualify for a pet credit card that I use for their visits. My cousin recently got a kitten and texted me asking if I had flea shampoo he could have.

I told him Walmart sells flea shampoo, but I also said that I didn't think someone who relies on everyone else financially should be taking on the responsibility of a pet. He laugh reacted to it?!?!

My concern is that if he can't afford basic care himself, the family will eventually be expected to pay for the cat too. It feels like a "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" situation where the requests will only keep growing. I am not opening that door.

He didn't text back but screenshot my texts to his parents. Now family members think I was unnecessarily judgmental and should've just given him the shampoo instead of making a comment.

AITB?

I'm in my early 30s and have spent most of my adult life navigating a difficult relationship with my mother's only sibling, my aunt (F56).

Over the years there have been repeated issues that damaged my trust in her, including recently catching her snooping in our home, her nonstop passive-aggressive behavior, spreading rumors about me, and making negative comments about my appearance.

No one in my family can explain why she seems to have such deep resentment toward me. The idea that since she can't control/manipulate me directly for her benefit, it feels like she tries to control the narrative about me instead by speaking poorly about me. Whether it's through rumors, degrading assumptions, or negative commentary, I've spent years feeling like my reputation was being chipped away behind my back.

The hardest part isn't actually my lack of a relationship with MY AUNT but it's what happened to my relationships with my cousins, her son (30M)and daughter (22F).

When my cousins and I were younger, I was close with them. I babysat my cousins during the summer, we all spent holidays together, and I genuinely thought of them to be my siblings when I was a kid.

Instead, as the years went on... we've drifted further apart without any direct conflict. I don't have a petty bone in my body, despite wishing I had been more expressive to defend myself.

My cousins don't respond when I reach out, I am added to their "finsta" / fake socials, and it feels like they've chosen to keep me at arm's length when we personally have never had a single fight. My mom has close contact with them and she sees their Snapchats (I'm blocked), and they have my mom on their real social media accounts (they have me blocked).

I have no desire to create more conflict or force a relationship that isn't wanted. At the same time, it hurts feeling like I've lost my cousins because of what their mother says abotu me...BTW My mother's trauma with growing up in this dynamic...with her sister's antics.... makes my mother anxiously submissive and she truly cannot defend me.

Has anyone dealt with a toxic family member who seemed to poison the rest of the family against you?

• Did your relationships with other relatives ever recover? Did it improve when the toxic relative passed?
• Did you keep reaching out or did you eventually let the relationship go?

I'm less looking for validation and more hoping to hear from those who have lived through something similar and can share how it turned out. Words of Wisdom.

P.S. My Aunt is freely able to talk negatively about me with her mother/my grandmother as they seem to both dislike me. Due to their collective negative perspective of me I also feel like my grandmother's side of the family exclude me when my Aunt is expected to attend family gatherings.

This has been eating at me all weekend...

My best friend "Skye" posted that she has been wanting to go to a sports game, and her husband surprised her with two tickets. She posted how excited she was and I commented "You're gonna love that!"

I had no idea that one harmless comment would somehow become the catalyst for SOOOOO much drama!!

My best friend is in a poly relationship and her/their girlfriend "Zoe" saw the post...upset that she had to find out on socials rather than in their group chat. Zoe assumed I was going (due to my comment) and upset that Skye didn't asked her.

The ironic part is...Zoe wasn't entirely wrong.

MY POV: My friend had asked that morning if I wanted to go because Skye hates driving in big cities as I've driven us to other events like shows or concerts plenty of times before. I'm not the biggest fan of this sport but I can have fun anywhere with good friends.

THEIR GIRLFRIEND'S POV: At first, Zoe was upset because she thought it was going to be a date night between the two of them...without her!!! But she realized HE works that night then she shifted her ANGER to the idea that I was the NEXT choice for this second ticket?? Their girlfriend said she was mad at the idea that Skye would take anyone else but her 🚩

I'm sorry, is Skye not allowed to make plans with her friends anymore?

Instead of talking things through calmly, the situation escalated into a whoel tantrum. My friend admitted that their boyfriend (her husband) surprised her and fibbed that NO decision had been made?!?! Now they're trying to find someone willing to drive THE TWO OF THEM (Skye & Zoe) there and around the city without actually going to the event.

I know it's their relationship despite me seeing how toxic it is. But I have learned my lesson not to get involved with my friend's relationships.

But I can't pretend it doesn't hurt.

It hurts knowing that the idea that I would be going was enough to become a problem FOR THEM??? I didn't invite myself?? I'm sorry she is intimidated that I was in fact her FIRST CHOICE. But the squeaky wheel gets the oil so now Zoe is going?

Now I feel like I became the casualty of someone else's insecurities.

I've replayed everything in my head all weekend, wondering if I should've just stayed quiet and never commented. But the truth is, even if I hadn't, my friend Skye probably still would have asked me FIRST because I'm the one she trusts to drive in a city she's uncomfortable navigating.

I know this isn't really about the sporting event anymore.

It's about realizing how easily I could be pushed aside just to keep the peace within her POLY relationship.

This has been eating at me all weekend...

My best friend "Skye" posted that she has been wanting to go to a sports game, and her husband surprised her with two tickets. She posted how excited she was and I commented "You're gonna love that!"

I had no idea that one harmless comment would somehow become the catalyst for SOOOOO much drama!!

My best friend is in a poly relationship and her/their girlfriend "Zoe" saw the post...upset that she had to find out on socials rather than in their group chat. Zoe assumed I was going (due to my comment) and upset that Skye didn't asked her.

The ironic part is...Zoe wasn't entirely wrong.

MY POV: My friend had asked that morning if I wanted to go because Skye hates driving in big cities as I've driven us to other events like shows or concerts plenty of times before. I'm not the biggest fan of this sport but I can have fun anywhere with good friends.

THEIR GIRLFRIEND'S POV: At first, Zoe was upset because she thought it was going to be a date night between the two of them...without her!!! But she realized HE works that night then she shifted her ANGER to the idea that I was the NEXT choice for this second ticket?? Their girlfriend said she was mad at the idea that Skye would take anyone else but her 🚩

I'm sorry, is Skye not allowed to make plans with her friends anymore?

Instead of talking things through calmly, the situation escalated into a whoel tantrum. My friend admitted that their boyfriend (her husband) surprised her and fibbed that NO decision had been made?!?! Now they're trying to find someone willing to drive THE TWO OF THEM (Skye & Zoe) there and around the city without actually going to the event.

I know it's their relationship despite me seeing how toxic it is. But I have learned my lesson not to get involved with my friend's relationships.

But I can't pretend it doesn't hurt.

It hurts knowing that the idea that I would be going was enough to become a problem FOR THEM??? I didn't invite myself?? I'm sorry she is intimidated that I was in fact her FIRST CHOICE. But the squeaky wheel gets the oil so now Zoe is going?

Now I feel like I became the casualty of someone else's insecurities.

I've replayed everything in my head all weekend, wondering if I should've just stayed quiet and never commented. But the truth is, even if I hadn't, my friend Skye probably still would have asked me FIRST because I'm the one she trusts to drive in a city she's uncomfortable navigating.

I know this isn't really about the sporting event anymore.

It's about realizing how easily I could be pushed aside just to keep the peace within her POLY relationship.

I don't want to make a mountain out of molehill but AIO or is there something sus here?

My grandmother(80F) recently had a stroke. She's still living alone but she's vulnerable, dependent on others for transportation and support, and trying to navigate major health issues with her brother having Power of Attorney.

My grandfather passed away years ago. Their WILL was simple: the surviving spouse would use the exisiting assets during their lifetime but after the last spouse passed away...the remaining assets would be divided equally among their children. Us grandchildren, including me, are not mentioned in the WILL but our parents (their children) are said to be given equal quarters of the remaining assets/properties/ect. My grandparents did not include THEIR siblings in the WILL at all...and both have several. So her brother/POA is not in the WILL

What concerns me is that I recently learned my grandmother *previously* moved her monthy checks/money out of her primary account and into an "savings" account "with her brother" (to help make money as it sits) and funds are pulls to her primary when needed BY HER BROTHER who is also her power of attorney. AIO?

I understand there are legitimate reasons for doing this...so he can help her manage her bills. But I also know that a joint account can sometimes pass directly to the surviving account holder sooooo? I really don't know if HER savings is an acutal joint account with her brother but... I have a gut feeling and feel like I am thinking the worst of my Great Uncle!!

At the same time, her brother has had significant control and managed her finances "because he is the last man in HER family". She needs a "Man" to manage her lifestyle. He is her POA, he's the ONLY remaining family member living in the same town AS SHE IS. But he's openly expressed frustration and exhaustion with the responsibility of taking care of her as he won't "inherit" anything for his troubles.

My aunts helps manage grocery deliveries and are available to take appointment calls and manage transportation IF her brother (POA) can't make it.

But AIO that this financial situation is taking advantage of my grandma? I don't want to cry "wolf" on this because he is the only family member still living in town and her POA...what can I do? AIO with no real evidence?

My elderly grandmother is the widow & spouse of a foreign-war veteran who served and had 100% disability before he passed.

She is living alone in Texas and adamant about continuing to live at home. We need to arrange 24-hour care for her but myself and her daughters are lost with where to start with her Medicare and CHAMP VA.

She is homebound receiving PT and OT in her home. Her brother has POA and doesn't have the energy/interest to contact agencies having my Grandmother paying out of pocket ($100/day) for an older hispanic housekeeper to help her in the for about 6-8 hours a day.

She needs real medical support but given that we all live states away we don't know where to start?! I am currently arranging to travel there so I can learn more but curious if this is something I can contact the VA about given she is "surviving spouse" ??