u/LiSAuCE

Flight at 7:30pm continuously delayed until now 11:40pm.

They said they are waiting for crew. Is that actually the case? Last time this happened it got delayed and delayed until it got cancelled. Crew had exceeded FAA hours. They should have known that?

Should I stick it out? Or is this a clear sign cancellation is going to happen.

This is at LaGuardia btw. Should I rebook and get a hotel? Or stick it out. I'm not sure if I can trust AA.

A few months ago I had a period of weakness and saw a string of escorts. No emotional connection. My wife is a great person, but our libidos are wildly mismatched, and it's been a while since I felt wanted. Although she is receptive to my initation, and always "tries", sometimes her body is just not into it. We would fight, and it was heartbreaking because it wasn't like a typical DB. She wanted to fulfill my needs, but just didn't get turned on some times. I was in a dark place, I don't know what triggered it, but I terribly missed feeling sexually wanted, and was feeling hypersexual for whatever reason. It has been so long that she spontaneously initiated with me, like that spark was gone. My self esteem was in the gutter. It was so bad I was willing to pay for the fantasy and to get off. It didn't help her libido was even lower than usual. And most of the time it wasn't even sex. Just a handy. You may ask how does escorting, which is transactional, help with feeling wanted? I actually have a lot of thoughts on this, but for the sake of argument let's just say I was looking for a spark, or a thrill.

After each session I felt no guilt. Which convinced me I was a terrible sociopath. I'm not gonna pretend what I did was a good thing. But in a fucked up way, it actually helped our marriage. We stopped fighting about sex. I stopped asking all the time and feeling like I'm pestering her. She felt less pressure to "get it up".

So things were "good". I would discretly get my rocks off, no emotional cheating. Our relationship actually improved.

However, starting a few days ago, I've randomly been hit with waves of guilt. It's really strange, because I haven't seen any providers recently. Part of me is wondering if it's because I decided to stop with providers because it just wasn't as good. Part of me wonders if it was just a phase I was in, that hypersexual phase caused me to seek experiences. And idk if it's a dumb reason, but I read a couple romance novels and I wonder if the fantasy/idealization in the books made me feel super guilty ("i'll never betray you", "one true love" blah blah those books tend to broadcast).

I've already decided that I'm done with that phase. I've come to terms with not being initiated with, because she tries so hard to fulfill my needs even if her body doesn't cooperate. I can sacrifice that for all the other good. I just can't shake the guilty feeling. I keep flip flopping if confessing is the right thing to do. If it just self-serving to clear my conscience while at the same time hurting her. Or if it's better to just stay quiet and move on with a pretty good relationship, minus some libido mismatches. Anyways, could use some advice.