u/Local-Issue-1740

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I’m 27M, and I feel like my past love life has messed up the way I see relationships, love, and maybe even myself as a person.

I’ve had four relationships in my life. The first lasted 5 years, the second 2 years, the third 3.5 years, and I’m currently in my fourth relationship, which has been going on for a couple of months.

With every relationship that passes, I feel more and more like it’s pointless to believe that there is some “right person” out there for me. I feel like I’ve lost that special feeling I used to have — the feeling that this person is different, that this time it means something deeper.

Between relationships, I also dated other women and had a few situationships. I think the way I approached dating may have ruined my perspective. I always treated sex and intimacy as something pretty casual, and I had that kind of connection with most women I was attracted to. I’m also a very open person, so I tend to share personal things quickly and build emotional intimacy fast.

But now, nothing feels special anymore.

Even the things that are supposed to feel meaningful in a relationship don’t really affect me the way they should. Meeting the parents, getting to know friends, planning romantic evenings, going on trips, doing all the “relationship things” — I’ve gone through these steps so many times that now it feels like I’m just doing them on autopilot.

In my current relationship, I feel like I’m doing everything a boyfriend is “supposed” to do, but mostly because I feel obligated to. I care about her, and she really doesn’t deserve someone who feels this emotionally disconnected. But deep down, I’m scared that part of the reason I stay is because I’m afraid of being alone.

I don’t know what exactly is wrong with me. Maybe I’m emotionally burned out. Maybe I’ve confused intimacy with routine. Maybe I’ve repeated the same patterns so often that I don’t know what love is supposed to feel like anymore.

I know the obvious answer is therapy, and I am already in therapy. I’ve brought this up with my therapist a few times. I guess I’m just writing this because I want to know whether anyone else has felt something similar — like relationships started to lose meaning after too many repeated experiences, and you started wondering whether the problem is you.

I am a bad person

My ex left me 9 months ago.

We had little to no contact. I completely cut off contact 2 months ago after she rejected me for the third time — after she had reached out to me and confessed that she still had feelings for me. I blocked her, and I don’t have social media, so I haven’t heard anything from her.

Four months ago, I randomly met a woman whom I slowly started dating. I didn’t want anything serious and hesitated for a long time to take the next step.

I have to honestly say that this woman is everything I ever wanted in a partner. She is kind, intelligent, shares interests with me, puts me at the center of her attention, and is truly a woman for life. She is so attentive and often surprised me with the way she is.

I genuinely fell in love with her personality, especially over the last two months. So we made it official 1–2 weeks ago.

I really thought: this is it, and the remaining thoughts I still had about my ex would disappear.

But I notice how often I still think about my ex and that I still love her. I don’t understand it.

How can I still think about her when she would lose every comparison with my new girlfriend? Somehow, I miss her so much. Even though we weren’t compatible in every way, there was still something about her.

I’m in such a shitty situation right now, and I brought it entirely on myself. I have feelings for both of them. I think I may even love both of them at the same time. That sounds completely insane, but that’s how it is.

How can I process what happened with my ex so that I can finally let her go? I don’t even want to be with her anymore, because I know that nothing can repair what she did to me.

How should I deal with this? How do I forget my ex?

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My ex left me 9 months ago.

We had little to no contact. I completely cut off contact 2 months ago after she rejected me for the third time — after she had reached out to me and confessed that she still had feelings for me. I blocked her, and I don’t have social media, so I haven’t heard anything from her.

Four months ago, I randomly met a woman whom I slowly started dating. I didn’t want anything serious and hesitated for a long time to take the next step.

I have to honestly say that this woman is everything I ever wanted in a partner. She is kind, intelligent, shares interests with me, puts me at the center of her attention, and is truly a woman for life. She is so attentive and often surprised me with the way she is.

I genuinely fell in love with her personality, especially over the last two months. So we made it official 1–2 weeks ago.

I really thought: this is it, and the remaining thoughts I still had about my ex would disappear.

But I notice how often I still think about my ex and that I still love her. I don’t understand it.

How can I still think about her when she would lose every comparison with my new girlfriend? Somehow, I miss her so much. Even though we weren’t compatible in every way, there was still something about her.

I’m in such a shitty situation right now, and I brought it entirely on myself. I have feelings for both of them. I think I may even love both of them at the same time. That sounds completely insane, but that’s how it is.

How can I process what happened with my ex so that I can finally let her go? I don’t even want to be with her anymore, because I know that nothing can repair what she did to me.

How should I deal with this? How do I forget my ex?

I am m27 and i think that my past love life fucked up how i see relationships and how i am as person.

I had already 4 relationships in my life one 5years second 2 and third 3.5 years. The 4th i am currently in since a couple of months.

With every relationship that passes i feel more thats its pointless to think that there is some kind of person that is right for me. Like i have already lost this special feeling that i had before. That this time its a special person.

I have also dated some women between my relationships and also had situationships.

I think that the way i though of dating ruined my perspective on life. I always saw sex and intimacy as something casual and had this pretty much with every girl that i was attracted to. I am also a pretty open guy, so i can share Personal thing quite fast.

Now nothing feels special anymore. Not even the things that i do in my relationships. Like i went through the process of getting to know the parents, friends, or just some typical relationship things like planning romantic evenings, Trips etc. that often that i do it kind of on Autopilot by now.

I also feel like at this point in my current relationship i just do everything that a boyfriend has to do, because i feel obligated to do it. I hope you get what i mean. And i know i do it just because i am scared of being alone.

Idk do you worst in analysing this. I get it i need psychological help and i am in therapy, i also tol my therapist this a couple of times.

I joined this thread 8 months ago and it helped me to see that so many are also going through this pain right now and that we can be stronger together.

This breakup still turned my life completly around, my Plans and my goals.

It was a rough journey not gonna lie, i cried so much. 4 months ago i met a girl, that at first i thought would be just a short history.

I didnt want to go further, because i didnt want it to be a rebound. She was to good, to sweet to be just rebound. So i decided to go slow.

In the last 4 months she showed me what a incredible person she is. She didnt push, she didnt try to force something she was just the lovely person she naturally is.

I noticed how the thoughts of my ex slowly became less and less and how she started to fill my mind.

I noticed that i am starting to love her. I noticed how much more compatible we are.

I cant belive that met her so randomly and how moment for moment she hooked me more and more.

Now we are officially together. And the way it happened was so beautiful. This might be the best shot i have, to have a beautiful family some day.

I love you all people but i hope i wont see you in this thread ever again.

There is this girl that i met during a Lab exercise where i was the tutor. She instantly catched my eye and we talked alot during this exercise. She is kinda my dream girl, intelligent, funny and really beautiful. I got a feeling that she might be attracted to me. We had a lot of eye contact and she also was initiating conversation. I also felt that there was chemistry there.

After the Lab exercise i asked her for her number and she gave it to me. We talked about a Event from our uni this week and that we both will be there.

So yeah yesterday was the Event, i saw her and didnt have the balls to talk to her, as there is no overlap between our friendsgroups. I also had the feeling that she didnt really notice me. It was a small Event so it wouldnt be difficult. I thought about going up to her but was to scared that she might be annoyed or not interested.

Maybe i just missed my shot.

So ein fucking pain 45 min präsentieren und 15 min fragen. Die sind ja komplett behindert, will doch einfach nur nen Abschluss damit ich die scheiß Bude verlassen kann.

Ich übertreibe ich habs studieren eh gern