u/LongjumpingLie6011

I don't really know quite how to explain it.. but it's like looking at the reflection and thinking "Damn that's me.." like I can't believe it or something, I know it's me, but I've been really surprised at what I look like.

It might be because I've been really tired lately but I don't know..

I hate. HATE how vapes are so colourful and advertised as all sunshine and rainbows, when they give you a HORRIBLE consequence. They're obviously trying to advertise to younger audiences, like young adults, teenagers, maybe even children! It is so fucked up, and it deserves the same treatment as cigarettes. It reminds me of Markiplier jingling the keys in front of the cameras like how they're trying to tempt the more influenced to buy their candy flavoured gaseous lung cancer. So yeah anyways, put a freshly cut open patient with their blackened lung visible to let em know what they're buying.

I have some questions.

#1. What if they think I'm faking?

#2. What if it gets out that I'm doing this? (Saying to my counsellor that I think that I am neurodivergent)

#3. Would I get any help or assistance?

#4. Is all of this worth it? (It mostly depends on the 3rd question)

#5. How would I build up the courage to even approach the counsellor?

​

Question #1: "what if they think I'm faking?"

I'm afraid of this because I think I'm pretty self aware, and when they see that, they might think that I probably don't need to be there and talk to them because they'll think I've got it 'all figured out' but.. that's exactly why I'm there in the first place. I don't have it figured out at all. I've only completed the first step, which is knowing my problems. Now, how do I fix them? I'm afraid that they'll dismiss me because I'm a teenager who's going through puberty, and it's just my 'hormones'. But, I've felt this way my whole life. And my whole life's experiences will be invalidated or something.

​

Question #2: "what if it gets out that I'm doing this?" (Saying to my counsellor that I think that I am neurodivergent)

Okay.. I don't exactly know how this would happen. But, I'm still scared of it either way.

I think how this would happen is that I would go to the counsellor, they will tell my teacher, my teacher would talk to me outside of the classroom while the lesson is being carried out by the other teacher, and my classmates would overhear our conversation.. which is how it would get out.

It's already bad enough that my friend CONFIRMED that they think I'm weird and stuff.. and I used to be the butt of EVERY joke (because I yelled at a girl and called her a bitch because she was yelling at me to just get in a group). So if my potential neurodivergence gets out, it might start the jokes at my expense up again and I do NOT want to go through that anymore.

​

Question #3: "would I get any help or assistance?"

I live in a Singapore, a rich southeast Asian country. So I would probably get assistance if I get officially diagnosed. I've already talked to my father, the more lenient and reliable parent. But, he brushed me off by saying that I was normal and that there was nothing to worry about (that shit hurt a lot I'm not going to lie).

But I kept talking about it, and I realized that we share mostly the same experiences. He's probably also neurodivergent, but he doesn't seem to want to acknowledge it at all. And seeing that, I know that he definitely won't get me any help in getting an official diagnosis. I would tell my mom but I know it'll be just like my dad's reaction with more of a "oh don't be ridiculous" vibe to it.

​

Question #4: "is all of this worth it?" (Depends mostly on the 3rd question)

If I get officially diagnosed, but it's at the cost of my reputation with my class that I'm weird and stuff.. I think that I would pick getting officially diagnosed. There's no point in caring about what they think about me if they won't change their perspectives.. as long as I get the help I need.

But what I'm kinda worried about is that the r word (the slur used for disabled people), is somewhat common in my classes vocabulary. I've even heard my Chinese teacher say it once, and I just don't know what to say about that. It's been a year and I still don't know what to feel. She was one of the teachers I liked more, if I'm being honest. So now, it's even more confusing. Ableism is way too normalized nowadays..

​

Question #5: "how would I build up the courage to even approach the counsellor?"

So, I know I should have mentioned this earlier.. but I don't even know if my school has a counsellor or not. Never in my 1.5 years in my school, have they mentioned a counsellor that I can talk to. I was considering asking my teachers, but it's still holiday and it's not important. I'll just ask the general office once school reopens.

Also, I'm super shy. And like I said.. I don't know how I would build up the courage to go and ask. Nowadays, I don't even have the energy to get out of bed in the morning. My grades are getting worse, and I have lesser and lesser motivation to do anything anymore. Let alone ask anyone for help.

​

Yo I'm sorry, I just can't take this anymore. I know something is wrong with me and I'm desperate for an answer after waiting for so long. Maybe it is puberty, but I highly doubt it.. can anyone give me tips on how to navigate this situation?

***SPOILER WARNING!!*** (SPECIFICALLY FOR THE SHINAZUGAWA BROTHERS.. and for the Hashira meeting regarding the demon slayer mark)*** I CAN'T ADD MORE THAN ONE TAG SO THIS WILL HAVE TO DO.***

​

​

Also, this is going to be really, really long.

​

​

He's rude, has a short temper, an asshole, and he's almost always hostile. He's a piece of shit!! And I don't know how his defenders can even tolerate this guy. And this has a LOT to do with the tension between his brother Genya, and Tomioka.

​

Let's start off with his tension with Genya, their relationship is undoubtedly.. very, very, very strained. Partly due to what happened in their backstory, when Genya called him a murderer. Which his anger is already kinda unreasonable, Genya was like.. 3 bro (if you take Sanemis age and subtract it with Genyas age, the difference is 5 years.) and I get it, it was really traumatic for your own little brother to call you a murderer after you protected him..

​

BUT GENYA WAS A TODDLER BACK THEN, HE DID NOT KNOW WTF HAPPENED!! And on top of ALL OF THAT.. Genya joined the corps. Which Sanemi obviously does not want, and it is the main reason Sanemi is so mean and harsh to him. And it pisses me off to no end, he ACTUALLY thinks that it will drive him out of the corps. When you can see that Genya wants to follow in his footsteps and become a Hashira so that Sanemi will stop being so cruel to him.

​

And idk, I think that Sanemi is smart enough to see that. He is NOT stupid, so he definitely should have noticed! And all of this is because of his god damn communication issues. And he doesn't get it until it was too late. And I just feel really bad for Genya for having a shitty brother, and him being his ONLY remaining family is even worse. And has Sanemi ever considered other options on getting Genya to leave the corps?? Surely he might have thought of other ways regarding getting Genya out of his workplace like.. telling Ubuyashiki the situation and hoping that Ubuyashiki would understand and kick him out.

​

And him verbally and physically abusing Genya with making me so pissed off, I get that it's a part of the plan to make him leave.. but it is fucking TERRIBLE

​

​

OK I think I'm done ranting about the brothers, I want to move on with his relationship with Tomioka.

​

​

I never really understood why Sanemi would think that Giyuu thought that he was better than everyone else. Why?? Just because Giyuu doesn't want to talk to anyone? I never understood this thought process, especially as someone who relates to Giyuu. I don't have many friends, I don't really talk, I'm sort of lonely. (I suspect that I might be autistic)

​

But I really don't see how it could have such a reaction like, "ohh he's not talking to anyone, that means he thinks that he's above everyone else!!!" It doesn't make any sense! Also, Giyuu tried to befriend him. Why would someone who is arrogant do that? What's the thought process here? He doesn't even talk bro, what did he ever do anyway? It kinda hurts to see a character I relate to so much, get insulted by his own coworkers. (And I definitely relate to that.)

​

​

Also, last thing. I want to add that I am not trying to infantalize Giyuu, if that's what you're thinking. And yes, I do understand Sanemis character. Anger is one of the hardest things to get over, and it's extremely hard to let go to resentment and rage. As we see in Kratos, God Of War. Kratos spent a long time trying to get rid of his rage, and he did.. partially. It's still there, and it shows how difficult it is.

​

​

But Sanemi is still very much a terrible person, and I do think he's underhated. Like, you would NOT like this dude in real life.

​

​

Sorry for the long ass rant, thanks for reading this all the way through! Lemme know if I got anything wrong

***MANGA SPOILER WARNING!!*** (SPECIFICALLY FOR THE SHINAZUGAWA BROTHERS.. and for the Hashira meeting regarding the demon slayer mark) ***I CAN'T ADD MORE THAN ONE TAG SO THIS WILL HAVE TO DO.***

​

Also, this is going to be really, really long.

​

​

He's rude, has a short temper, an asshole, and he's almost always hostile. He's a piece of shit!! And I don't know how his defenders can even tolerate this guy. And this has a LOT to do with the tension between his brother Genya, and Tomioka.

Let's start off with his tension with Genya, their relationship is undoubtedly.. very, very, very strained. Partly due to what happened in their backstory, when Genya called him a murderer. Which his anger is already kinda unreasonable, Genya was like.. 3 bro (if you take Sanemis age and subtract it with Genyas age, the difference is 5 years.) and I get it, it was really traumatic for your own little brother to call you a murderer after you protected him..

BUT GENYA WAS A TODDLER BACK THEN, HE DID NOT KNOW WTF HAPPENED!! And on top of ALL OF THAT.. Genya joined the corps. Which Sanemi obviously does not want, and it is the main reason Sanemi is so mean and harsh to him. And it pisses me off to no end, he ACTUALLY thinks that it will drive him out of the corps. When you can see that Genya wants to follow in his footsteps and become a Hashira so that Sanemi will stop being so cruel to him.

And idk, I think that Sanemi is smart enough to see that. He is NOT stupid, so he definitely should have noticed! And all of this is because of his god damn communication issues. And he doesn't get it until it was too late. And I just feel really bad for Genya for having a shitty brother, and him being his ONLY remaining family is even worse. And has Sanemi ever considered other options on getting Genya to leave the corps?? Surely he might have thought of other ways regarding getting Genya out of his workplace like.. telling Ubuyashiki the situation and hoping that Ubuyashiki would understand and kick him out.

And him verbally and physically abusing Genya with making me so pissed off, I get that it's a part of the plan to make him leave.. but it is fucking TERRIBLE

​

OK I think I'm done ranting about the brothers, I want to move on with his relationship with Tomioka.

​

I never really understood why Sanemi would think that Giyuu thought that he was better than everyone else. Why?? Just because Giyuu doesn't want to talk to anyone? I never understood this thought process, especially as someone who relates to Giyuu. I don't have many friends, I don't really talk, I'm sort of lonely. (I suspect that I might be autistic)

But I really don't see how it could have such a reaction like, "ohh he's not talking to anyone, that means he thinks that he's above everyone else!!!" It doesn't make any sense! Also, Giyuu tried to befriend him. Why would someone who is arrogant do that? What's the thought process here? He doesn't even talk bro, what did he ever do anyway? It kinda hurts to see a character I relate to so much, get insulted by his own coworkers. (And I definitely relate to that.)

​

Also, last thing. I want to add that I am not trying to infantalize Giyuu, if that's what you're thinking. And yes, I do understand Sanemis character. Anger is one of the hardest things to get over, and it's extremely hard to let go to resentment and rage. As we see in Kratos, God Of War. Kratos spent a long time trying to get rid of his rage, and he did.. partially. It's still there, and it shows how difficult it is.

​

But Sanemi is still very much a terrible person, and I do think he's underhated. Like, you would NOT like this dude in real life.

​

Sorry for the long ass rant, thanks for reading this all the way through! Lemme know if I got anything wrong

Like y'all know how in episode 1, season 1.. Kusuo was introduced to have mode reading powers. And when he was walking down the street, he saw Kokomi. And she was like

"My name is Kokomi Teruhashi. And not to sound arrogant, but I'm the prettiest and most perfect girl in the world! Again, I'm not trying to be arrogant.. I'm just stating a fact!" (Something like that) And it makes me think like.. you just did that?? You just randomly introduced yourself in your mind?

Were you practicing introducing yourself to other people? But no, that can't be possible. She only introduces herself by saying her name or something. She won't say ALL THAT OTHER STUFF. So what was that for? She couldn't have been trying to introduce herself to Kusuo because she noticed him only AFTER she said all that stuff.. IN HER MIND.

Maybe she was trying to remind herself of her status or fuel her ego.. but, people already openly admire her on the street and that in itself proves herself correct, and that would maybe fuel her ego. So why tf did she do that?? Does she always do that randomly? Why this one time? Has she done it any other time off screen?

I wonder how many times she had done this, it couldn't have been random.. she has to be doing this like every single day.

I think it would've been funny if she just kept introducing herself in her mind as a gag or something. Like every single episode, we would hear her doing it all over again in the background while Kusuo is talking and stuff.

Anyways, has anyone else thought about this? I can't stop thinking about it. It can't be JUST a one time thing, right?

So I was in the shower talking to myself about how I think a boy hates me even when I did nothing to him, I said "I feel a lot of animosity from me to him-" and I quickly realised my mistake and corrected myself by saying "no, wait.. from him to me" and then I realised that I did this a lot.. like every week, nearly everyday, I would make this error. I feel like one of the wires connected to my mind to what I want to say was cut and never repaired.

​

(I think it's because I'm so focused on not saying the wrong thing like "Don't say this.. don't say this.." and then I end up saying it because I'm thinking about it so much)

​

It's super embarrassing when I do it in front of other people, like "omg they must think I'm stupid now".

​

Also, I have a lot of other problems with what I want to say and what I DO say, like I always want to say a lot of things and I end up saying all of them at once and sound like I'm mumbling. Even worse, when I go to correct myself.. but I didn't think about what I want to correct beforehand so I end up mumbling even more. It just seems like my mouth works faster than my mind.

​

I also just can't really seem to describe any complex emotion at all. I can identify the basic feelings like happiness, sadness, anger, fear.. ect. But other than that.. if someone asks me how I feel, I'll have to ask myself.. "what DO I feel?" And I never end up giving a solid answer, and I say that I don't know. And then I feel bad about not giving them a straight answer afterwards.

​

Also, I'm suspecting autism and maybe even ADHD if that helps.

​

There's more than I want to cover, but I forgot about them. Is there anyone else going through the same thing?

I thought that the feeling that I would need to drink water would come to me via thirst, but it mostly isn't the case D:

​

It comes in some form of tiredness, headache or nausea. I had some slight nausea and a slight headache today, but I thought that it was from the sweetness of the food I had today. I usually liked or didn't mind sweet things, so I thought that it was very odd.. for some reason, the thought of water did NOT cross my mind

​

Rarely, it DOES come in the form of thirst. But, I always think, "I'll drink water later" and the feeling goes away, and then I forget to hydrate myself💔

​

Do I set alarms to drink water like I did a few years ago? I followed the alarms for a while but I just ended up ignoring them after less than a week

I'm living with my relatives and we went out to do some outdoor stuff. Originally, I was excited because I didn't ever have the energy/motivation to go out and it was a chance to spend some time with my extended family who I rarely ever get to see.

But, it ended up getting really really exhausting. In a restaurant, I started to really fidget with my hands and legs, and I know that I asked the adults when we would leave maybe 2 or 3 and I don't remember but they said something about a shop, and they told me to just use my phone.

Maybe after like 30 to 49 minutes of just waiting, we were finally going to go to the shop they were talking about. I was relieved, but not after we had to walk like 30 minutes in the scorching southeast Asian sun with a hat and an umbrella. On the way, we found shelter and rested for a few minutes.

But, by then, I didn't want to even think anymore. Let alone, walk for another 20 to 30 minutes because we actually went the wrong way and had to walk back to where we were.

We had a little break while finding our way back at a boba shop. I started to bounce my legs a lot because I felt really really tired, and my mom tried to hold my legs down because she doesn't like me doing that. It didn't work and then she asked me if I still loved my grandma and her (I felt too tired to be angry but I still did feel a little agitated) and I just mumbled yea a few times to their questions.

We eventually found the shop, it was a phone shop. I think my aunt said that it was something about a phone for my cousin. We did NOT get a phone. They just chatted with the guy behind the counter and I started to get really frustrated and tried not to whine. I started to lightly slam my foot heels into the floor and it made some noise.

My grandma somewhat grabbed my thigh and told me to stop but I of course pushed her away. I asked my mom 3 times when we would leave and she told me that they were just chatting. On the third time, mom said that we were going home after my aunt left the bathroom. My aunt left the bathroom and I asked one last time when we would go home.

Mom said that we were waiting for the Uber to come. After like 10 minutes, the car finally came and we got in. My aunt told me to sit with her and she put me in-between her legs. I didn't mind tho, and nor with the seatbelt pressing against my neck.

I just wanted to turn my brain off and zone out, but I just couldn't because I was feeling nauseous. Usually I don't feel nauseous in the car unless I'm looking at my phone, which I was not so I was kinda confused. I also tried to fall asleep but failed, so I just was nauseous listening to music the whole ride.

I'm home now, and I was still nauseous a few minutes ago. Now it mostly disappeared and now I'm dizzy. I still don't feel well at all. Sorry that this was such a long rant, but I really wanted to get all the details in.

Is this overstimulation or am I just really really tired?

I noticed that I have been losing my love for a fictional character for months and I've kinda tried gaslighting myself into thinking I still loved the character as I did before but I've lost most of my love for him and I can't deny it anymore💔

I've been obsessed with this character for AT LEAST 1 or 2 years and I don't know if hyper fixations can last that long or was it just a special interest..

If you're wondering who the character is, it's Gyomei Himejima from Demon Slayer

(also sorry for using the word 'interest' so many times, I couldn't find another word with the same meaning in time before I lost the thought😭😭)

I keep falling for autism tests that advertise themselves as free and lo and behold.. YOU HAVE TO PAY SOME BULLSHIT PRICE JUST TO RECIEVE THE RESULTS I HATE IT I HATE IT JUST GIVE ME THE RESULTS. DAMN THEM DAMN THE ALL TO HELL AND BACK

I've suspected being neurodivergent for a while now (as my last post said), and knowing that people experience the same thing makes me feel a little validated❤️‍🩹🥹

I find myself relating to a LOT more to people towards the spectrum than the people around me. (who are neurotypical) And I find some comfort in that.

Hi, I'm neurotypical, and I've never really fit in with the others. I don't think that I am neurodivergent, but I do find myself relating to a lot of posts regarding neurodivergency (I don't know if there's a word for that).

I really can't tell if I'm a weird neurotypical person or just neurodivergent. whenever I want to think about my problems.. a thought pops into my head, saying, "Everyone has these problems. You're not special!" And I don't know what to do anymore.

I can't speak to my parents about it because they'll brush me off, and I'm too young to get a proper diagnosis. I'm stuck. What can I do? I don't have much of a social life, and it's been like this since elementary school. I'm really shy, and whenever I want to do anything.. I think about how others will react first. It's taken over my life. I also have this really bad habit of procrastinating no matter how important the assignment is.

Does anyone have tips? Anything would be appreciated.