u/LongjumpingLie6011

I did NOT know what tag or category this post will fit in so I

Does anyone else do a slightly not normal thing, and think, "Ok this is not normal, so if someone does the same thing I shouldn't be angry. Because I do this exact same thing and if I do get angry, I would be a HYPOCRITE." (Which I hate)

Or like someone does a thing I don't like and I tell them about it. And then I look through my memory and see if I had done that exact thing before. And then after, I go out of my way to try and not do the thing the other person did. Because I don't want to get into an arguement and then have them bring it up. Which would label me as a HYPOCRITE, and also, I don't want to do something that I don't like another person doing.

Sorry if my wording is confusing, this is the first time I'm tryna put this into words😭😭 I don't hear people talking about it, does anyone else do this?

It's not even about sleep, I get a full 8 hours of sleep everyday.. I can't even concentrate and my mind doesn't want to sleep but my eyes do. Had a test today and I could NOT focus on the words (it was a Chinese test but I'm bad at Chinese so idk) carbohydrates give energy but I eat carbohydrates everyday and it still just doesn't work. What is happening bruh..

I was just playing around with my brother like I usually did everyday and my dad jokingly said something along the lines of

"you're not autistic, you communicate very well!! Autistic people have problems with communicating" and I froze for a second.. I literally poured my heart out to him about how I thought that I was autistic and he's doing this shit💔💔 I thought it was a private conversation but ok

And then on top of ALL OF THAT, my brother started calling me autistic after that, he stopped after I tried to attack him

But this made me feel so humiliated, embarrassed, angry, sad and so invalidated bru I hate everyone and I hate everything

Also I'm NOT diagnosed, I'm only suspecting and I'm currently seeing a counsellor for it, what do you all think

I've been suspecting autism for a while now, and I kinda recently confided in my friend how I think I'm neurodivergent. And after maybe 2 conversations about it, she admitted that she didn't care about my potential autism. I was a little hurt, but I still accepted it. I'd rather her admit it now rather than later.

I think I get where she's coming from, but it still felt kinda wrong yesterday. I feel like I opened up to her about my vulnerabilities and she just doesn't care (about the potential autism).

But what I'm saying is, autism is a part of who you are.. how could you not care about that? Anyways, I still feel sort of guilty for feeling this way. Any thoughts? Also, I didn't know if I should put a flair on this lol sorry

I don't really know quite how to explain it.. but it's like looking at the reflection and thinking "Damn that's me.." like I can't believe it or something, I know it's me, but I've been really surprised at what I look like.

It might be because I've been really tired lately but I don't know..

I hate. HATE how vapes are so colourful and advertised as all sunshine and rainbows, when they give you a HORRIBLE consequence. They're obviously trying to advertise to younger audiences, like young adults, teenagers, maybe even children! It is so fucked up, and it deserves the same treatment as cigarettes. It reminds me of Markiplier jingling the keys in front of the cameras like how they're trying to tempt the more influenced to buy their candy flavoured gaseous lung cancer. So yeah anyways, put a freshly cut open patient with their blackened lung visible to let em know what they're buying.

I have some questions.

#1. What if they think I'm faking?

#2. What if it gets out that I'm doing this? (Saying to my counsellor that I think that I am neurodivergent)

#3. Would I get any help or assistance?

#4. Is all of this worth it? (It mostly depends on the 3rd question)

#5. How would I build up the courage to even approach the counsellor?

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Question #1: "what if they think I'm faking?"

I'm afraid of this because I think I'm pretty self aware, and when they see that, they might think that I probably don't need to be there and talk to them because they'll think I've got it 'all figured out' but.. that's exactly why I'm there in the first place. I don't have it figured out at all. I've only completed the first step, which is knowing my problems. Now, how do I fix them? I'm afraid that they'll dismiss me because I'm a teenager who's going through puberty, and it's just my 'hormones'. But, I've felt this way my whole life. And my whole life's experiences will be invalidated or something.

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Question #2: "what if it gets out that I'm doing this?" (Saying to my counsellor that I think that I am neurodivergent)

Okay.. I don't exactly know how this would happen. But, I'm still scared of it either way.

I think how this would happen is that I would go to the counsellor, they will tell my teacher, my teacher would talk to me outside of the classroom while the lesson is being carried out by the other teacher, and my classmates would overhear our conversation.. which is how it would get out.

It's already bad enough that my friend CONFIRMED that they think I'm weird and stuff.. and I used to be the butt of EVERY joke (because I yelled at a girl and called her a bitch because she was yelling at me to just get in a group). So if my potential neurodivergence gets out, it might start the jokes at my expense up again and I do NOT want to go through that anymore.

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Question #3: "would I get any help or assistance?"

I live in a Singapore, a rich southeast Asian country. So I would probably get assistance if I get officially diagnosed. I've already talked to my father, the more lenient and reliable parent. But, he brushed me off by saying that I was normal and that there was nothing to worry about (that shit hurt a lot I'm not going to lie).

But I kept talking about it, and I realized that we share mostly the same experiences. He's probably also neurodivergent, but he doesn't seem to want to acknowledge it at all. And seeing that, I know that he definitely won't get me any help in getting an official diagnosis. I would tell my mom but I know it'll be just like my dad's reaction with more of a "oh don't be ridiculous" vibe to it.

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Question #4: "is all of this worth it?" (Depends mostly on the 3rd question)

If I get officially diagnosed, but it's at the cost of my reputation with my class that I'm weird and stuff.. I think that I would pick getting officially diagnosed. There's no point in caring about what they think about me if they won't change their perspectives.. as long as I get the help I need.

But what I'm kinda worried about is that the r word (the slur used for disabled people), is somewhat common in my classes vocabulary. I've even heard my Chinese teacher say it once, and I just don't know what to say about that. It's been a year and I still don't know what to feel. She was one of the teachers I liked more, if I'm being honest. So now, it's even more confusing. Ableism is way too normalized nowadays..

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Question #5: "how would I build up the courage to even approach the counsellor?"

So, I know I should have mentioned this earlier.. but I don't even know if my school has a counsellor or not. Never in my 1.5 years in my school, have they mentioned a counsellor that I can talk to. I was considering asking my teachers, but it's still holiday and it's not important. I'll just ask the general office once school reopens.

Also, I'm super shy. And like I said.. I don't know how I would build up the courage to go and ask. Nowadays, I don't even have the energy to get out of bed in the morning. My grades are getting worse, and I have lesser and lesser motivation to do anything anymore. Let alone ask anyone for help.

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Yo I'm sorry, I just can't take this anymore. I know something is wrong with me and I'm desperate for an answer after waiting for so long. Maybe it is puberty, but I highly doubt it.. can anyone give me tips on how to navigate this situation?

***SPOILER WARNING!!*** (SPECIFICALLY FOR THE SHINAZUGAWA BROTHERS.. and for the Hashira meeting regarding the demon slayer mark)*** I CAN'T ADD MORE THAN ONE TAG SO THIS WILL HAVE TO DO.***

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Also, this is going to be really, really long.

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He's rude, has a short temper, an asshole, and he's almost always hostile. He's a piece of shit!! And I don't know how his defenders can even tolerate this guy. And this has a LOT to do with the tension between his brother Genya, and Tomioka.

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Let's start off with his tension with Genya, their relationship is undoubtedly.. very, very, very strained. Partly due to what happened in their backstory, when Genya called him a murderer. Which his anger is already kinda unreasonable, Genya was like.. 3 bro (if you take Sanemis age and subtract it with Genyas age, the difference is 5 years.) and I get it, it was really traumatic for your own little brother to call you a murderer after you protected him..

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BUT GENYA WAS A TODDLER BACK THEN, HE DID NOT KNOW WTF HAPPENED!! And on top of ALL OF THAT.. Genya joined the corps. Which Sanemi obviously does not want, and it is the main reason Sanemi is so mean and harsh to him. And it pisses me off to no end, he ACTUALLY thinks that it will drive him out of the corps. When you can see that Genya wants to follow in his footsteps and become a Hashira so that Sanemi will stop being so cruel to him.

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And idk, I think that Sanemi is smart enough to see that. He is NOT stupid, so he definitely should have noticed! And all of this is because of his god damn communication issues. And he doesn't get it until it was too late. And I just feel really bad for Genya for having a shitty brother, and him being his ONLY remaining family is even worse. And has Sanemi ever considered other options on getting Genya to leave the corps?? Surely he might have thought of other ways regarding getting Genya out of his workplace like.. telling Ubuyashiki the situation and hoping that Ubuyashiki would understand and kick him out.

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And him verbally and physically abusing Genya with making me so pissed off, I get that it's a part of the plan to make him leave.. but it is fucking TERRIBLE

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OK I think I'm done ranting about the brothers, I want to move on with his relationship with Tomioka.

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I never really understood why Sanemi would think that Giyuu thought that he was better than everyone else. Why?? Just because Giyuu doesn't want to talk to anyone? I never understood this thought process, especially as someone who relates to Giyuu. I don't have many friends, I don't really talk, I'm sort of lonely. (I suspect that I might be autistic)

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But I really don't see how it could have such a reaction like, "ohh he's not talking to anyone, that means he thinks that he's above everyone else!!!" It doesn't make any sense! Also, Giyuu tried to befriend him. Why would someone who is arrogant do that? What's the thought process here? He doesn't even talk bro, what did he ever do anyway? It kinda hurts to see a character I relate to so much, get insulted by his own coworkers. (And I definitely relate to that.)

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Also, last thing. I want to add that I am not trying to infantalize Giyuu, if that's what you're thinking. And yes, I do understand Sanemis character. Anger is one of the hardest things to get over, and it's extremely hard to let go to resentment and rage. As we see in Kratos, God Of War. Kratos spent a long time trying to get rid of his rage, and he did.. partially. It's still there, and it shows how difficult it is.

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But Sanemi is still very much a terrible person, and I do think he's underhated. Like, you would NOT like this dude in real life.

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Sorry for the long ass rant, thanks for reading this all the way through! Lemme know if I got anything wrong

***MANGA SPOILER WARNING!!*** (SPECIFICALLY FOR THE SHINAZUGAWA BROTHERS.. and for the Hashira meeting regarding the demon slayer mark) ***I CAN'T ADD MORE THAN ONE TAG SO THIS WILL HAVE TO DO.***

​

Also, this is going to be really, really long.

​

​

He's rude, has a short temper, an asshole, and he's almost always hostile. He's a piece of shit!! And I don't know how his defenders can even tolerate this guy. And this has a LOT to do with the tension between his brother Genya, and Tomioka.

Let's start off with his tension with Genya, their relationship is undoubtedly.. very, very, very strained. Partly due to what happened in their backstory, when Genya called him a murderer. Which his anger is already kinda unreasonable, Genya was like.. 3 bro (if you take Sanemis age and subtract it with Genyas age, the difference is 5 years.) and I get it, it was really traumatic for your own little brother to call you a murderer after you protected him..

BUT GENYA WAS A TODDLER BACK THEN, HE DID NOT KNOW WTF HAPPENED!! And on top of ALL OF THAT.. Genya joined the corps. Which Sanemi obviously does not want, and it is the main reason Sanemi is so mean and harsh to him. And it pisses me off to no end, he ACTUALLY thinks that it will drive him out of the corps. When you can see that Genya wants to follow in his footsteps and become a Hashira so that Sanemi will stop being so cruel to him.

And idk, I think that Sanemi is smart enough to see that. He is NOT stupid, so he definitely should have noticed! And all of this is because of his god damn communication issues. And he doesn't get it until it was too late. And I just feel really bad for Genya for having a shitty brother, and him being his ONLY remaining family is even worse. And has Sanemi ever considered other options on getting Genya to leave the corps?? Surely he might have thought of other ways regarding getting Genya out of his workplace like.. telling Ubuyashiki the situation and hoping that Ubuyashiki would understand and kick him out.

And him verbally and physically abusing Genya with making me so pissed off, I get that it's a part of the plan to make him leave.. but it is fucking TERRIBLE

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OK I think I'm done ranting about the brothers, I want to move on with his relationship with Tomioka.

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I never really understood why Sanemi would think that Giyuu thought that he was better than everyone else. Why?? Just because Giyuu doesn't want to talk to anyone? I never understood this thought process, especially as someone who relates to Giyuu. I don't have many friends, I don't really talk, I'm sort of lonely. (I suspect that I might be autistic)

But I really don't see how it could have such a reaction like, "ohh he's not talking to anyone, that means he thinks that he's above everyone else!!!" It doesn't make any sense! Also, Giyuu tried to befriend him. Why would someone who is arrogant do that? What's the thought process here? He doesn't even talk bro, what did he ever do anyway? It kinda hurts to see a character I relate to so much, get insulted by his own coworkers. (And I definitely relate to that.)

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Also, last thing. I want to add that I am not trying to infantalize Giyuu, if that's what you're thinking. And yes, I do understand Sanemis character. Anger is one of the hardest things to get over, and it's extremely hard to let go to resentment and rage. As we see in Kratos, God Of War. Kratos spent a long time trying to get rid of his rage, and he did.. partially. It's still there, and it shows how difficult it is.

​

But Sanemi is still very much a terrible person, and I do think he's underhated. Like, you would NOT like this dude in real life.

​

Sorry for the long ass rant, thanks for reading this all the way through! Lemme know if I got anything wrong

Like y'all know how in episode 1, season 1.. Kusuo was introduced to have mode reading powers. And when he was walking down the street, he saw Kokomi. And she was like

"My name is Kokomi Teruhashi. And not to sound arrogant, but I'm the prettiest and most perfect girl in the world! Again, I'm not trying to be arrogant.. I'm just stating a fact!" (Something like that) And it makes me think like.. you just did that?? You just randomly introduced yourself in your mind?

Were you practicing introducing yourself to other people? But no, that can't be possible. She only introduces herself by saying her name or something. She won't say ALL THAT OTHER STUFF. So what was that for? She couldn't have been trying to introduce herself to Kusuo because she noticed him only AFTER she said all that stuff.. IN HER MIND.

Maybe she was trying to remind herself of her status or fuel her ego.. but, people already openly admire her on the street and that in itself proves herself correct, and that would maybe fuel her ego. So why tf did she do that?? Does she always do that randomly? Why this one time? Has she done it any other time off screen?

I wonder how many times she had done this, it couldn't have been random.. she has to be doing this like every single day.

I think it would've been funny if she just kept introducing herself in her mind as a gag or something. Like every single episode, we would hear her doing it all over again in the background while Kusuo is talking and stuff.

Anyways, has anyone else thought about this? I can't stop thinking about it. It can't be JUST a one time thing, right?