u/LostRaspberry5457

That'd be the last time. Do you actually have the audacity to keep putting me through your stupid tests over and over because you cant believe I am who I say and you cant actually believe that I am being transparent. You are actually willing to piss me off so bad that i'll walk away after giving you way too many chances to come to me and offer me your truth? What exactly do you think i WANT from you. If my intentions are so nefarious, please tell me why I would choose you? Other than falling in love with you while you were a complete ass to me? I have not needed a man to fulfill anything in my life, and why do you think I strategically placed myself in that? Because I wanted to pine away in despair? If i really wanted a man in my life, do you not think would have one? I learned as a child how easy it is to just say "okay," and I have never wanted that. Ive never seen myself as a vixen, or had any need to control a man! I also know that i can be happier alone than with someone who treats me poorly and it is easy to let those people go! If they come back in an honorable way, that's great, they've learned my worth and they want me to be in their life, if they dont abd are still disrespectful towards me, I say goodbye right away. All chances are gone, they know this. Even if someone throws a test at me, to test my loyalty, if it disrespects me in any way.. .. nothing changes, that person remains as nothing. Nothing of my past, nothing in this present moment and nothing towards my future. These people that used my empathy against me or reacted with spite and didnt offer an oppology or a plan of action to ensure they won't repeat their toxic, negative action, will never be seen, felt , they will be nothing to me. With that I mean it in the absolute. Why would I put my energy into someone that doesnt want to give their energy to me? Eventually, I would just die because they'd deplete me and leave me to suffer with none. I never want to be with anyone that doesnt want me, or want to show me. I know exactly what it feels like to be not-wanted, to be a burden and I would rather be a lone than to feel that again! So your games that should make me desire you or become addicted to you, just repel me to the point where you are no longer anything i desire or are even attracted to. I think maybe, youll need new tools if you want to play with me and truly, I am really not your average gal! Am I? You've underestimated me enough times that you should really be embarrassed for throwing your "game" at me over and over. You think you won, is there really a winner if your, so called "opponent", didn' know the game, and certainly didnt know the game started, didnt know the objective and we're never shown the rules. Who would want the bragging rights to that win? If it's needed that bad, it's yours, take it! I will say nothing, i'll never seek the validation of anyone, as I stand firmly in who I am in this moment, where I come from, and where I am going! I am a good person now, then and in the future and fuck those who accuse wirhout knowledge, so either stand down or step away. If ya keep coming at me, in hopes to knock me down, all is seen. Thinking its a game of wit and you can outsmart me is the way a fool travels. Don't act like a fool, coz your smarter than that!! However, it might be time to stop and think.

Thinking, that im gonna come chasing after you, is not ever going to happen. You've not shown me anything I want, let alone chase after. You see, i have never been like the others and I never will. If you give me shit, i'll give you shit, if you give me lies and I see truth, I will call you out on it, not to shame you, but to say hey, I see and once I see, I cant unsee. Besides you know, you know that I see you and through you and you know that not going away. You think it's me that needs to accept you for you, and you think I wanna change you. Nope. I dont! I got my own shit on the go, dude! If youd only step out and look at the big picture once in awhile, you might see more than just your tiny view that is a cycle if same-ole-same-ole. Blonde, ginger, brunette its all the same b-o-r-i-n-g. Is there away to play without causing causing chaos and pain. It depends, if its just me it'll be okay, and I really dont want to share you. I've never said this to another, I want you as mine! All of you, as mine and I want to claim you! I want to show you and take you as mine! Not to own you or control you, more like a way to secure us as one.

I want to make a pact that if I start to become lost in you and vice versa, we don"t let that happen. I love you enough as you, that i will not let you get lost.....

Your actions last night said you don't want to be with me. So understand whyI am taking another step back!

"If a man wants to be with me, he will always make the time"

What if i need support, how do I ask? What if i need to hear those words? What if I need reassurance? What if I am hurting? What if I just need consistency? Its been a long time that we've been doing the dance, and i need more...

I am needing an eyeliner for overhanging (not sure if there's a better word) eyelids that doesn't end up smudged. I work outside in the summer and deal with varying weather, such as hot weather to downpours and extreme humidity that leave me soaked. I wear a bandana, which helps. However, at the end of the day, when I hop in my car and see myself in the mirror, I scare myself! I can only imagine what my customers must think!!! Help a gal out, please. Is there anything?

That'd be the last time. Do you actually have the audacity to keep putting me through your stupid tests over and over because you cant believe I am who I say and you cant actually believe that I am being transparent. You are actually willing to piss me off so bad that i'll walk away after giving you way too many chances to come to me and offer me your truth? What exactly do you think i WANT from you. If my intentions are so nefarious, please tell me why I would choose you? Other than falling in love with you while you were a complete ass to me? I have not needed a man to fulfill anything in my life, and why do you think I strategically placed myself in that? Because I wanted to pine away in despair? If i really wanted a man in my life, do you not think would have one? I learned as a child how easy it is to just say "okay," and I have never wanted that. Ive never seen myself as a vixen, or had any need to control a man! I also know that i can be happier alone than with someone who treats me poorly and it is easy to let those people go! If they come back in an honorable way, that's great, they've learned my worth and they want me to be in their life, if they dont abd are still disrespectful towards me, I say goodbye right away. All chances are gone, they know this. Even if someone throws a test at me, to test my loyalty, if it disrespects me in any way.. .. nothing changes, that person remains as nothing. Nothing of my past, nothing in this present moment and nothing towards my future. These people that used my empathy against me or reacted with spite and didnt offer an oppology or a plan of action to ensure they won't repeat their toxic, negative action, will never be seen, felt , they will be nothing to me. With that I mean it in the absolute. Why would I put my energy into someone that doesnt want to give their energy to me? Eventually, I would just die because they'd deplete me and leave me to suffer with none. I never want to be with anyone that doesnt want me, or want to show me. I know exactly what it feels like to be not-wanted, to be a burden and I would rather be a lone than to feel that again! So your games that should make me desire you or become addicted to you, just repel me to the point where you are no longer anything i desire or are even attracted to. I think maybe, youll need new tools if you want to play with me and truly, I am really not your average gal! Am I? You've underestimated me enough times that you should really be embarrassed for throwing your "game" at me over and over. You think you won, is there really a winner if your, so called "opponent", didn' know the game, and certainly didnt know the game started, didnt know the objective and we're never shown the rules. Who would want the bragging rights to that win? If it's needed that bad, it's yours, take it! I will say nothing, i'll never seek the validation of anyone, as I stand firmly in who I am in this moment, where I come from, and where I am going! I am a good person now, then and in the future and fuck those who accuse wirhout knowledge, so either stand down or step away. If ya keep coming at me, in hopes to knock me down, all is seen. Thinking its a game of wit and you can outsmart me is the way a fool travels. Don't act like a fool, coz your smarter than that!! However, it might be time to stop and think.

Thinking, that im gonna come chasing after you, is not ever going to happen. You've not shown me anything I want, let alone chase after. You see, i have never been like the others and I never will. If you give me shit, i'll give you shit, if you give me lies and I see truth, I will call you out on it, not to shame you, but to say hey, I see and once I see, I cant unsee. Besides you know, you know that I see you and through you and you know that not going away. You think it's me that needs to accept you for you, and you think I wanna change you. Nope. I dont! I got my own shit on the go, dude! If youd only step out and look at the big picture once in awhile, you might see more than just your tiny view that is a cycle if same-ole-same-ole. Blonde, ginger, brunette its all the same b-o-r-i-n-g. Is there away to play without causing causing chaos and pain. It depends, if its just me it'll be okay, and I really dont want to share you. I've never said this to another, I want you as mine! All of you, as mine and I want to claim you! I want to show you and take you as mine! Not to own you or control you, more like a way to secure us as one.

I want to make a pact that if I start to become lost in you and vice versa, we don"t let that happen. I love you enough as you, that i will not let you get lost.....

Your actions last night said you don't want to be with me. So understand whyI am taking another step back!

"If a man wants to be with me, he will always make the time"

Smoke and mirrors

The games I wouldpn't play

Manipulation i saw through

The excuses

The "no-show"

The. delays

The ghosting

The breadcrumbs

The eyes always watching , everything i say, where I go, who I interact with, and see on screenall

The one's chosen over me

The push and pull

The magyk thrown my way

The nasty words spoken behind my back

The anger at me with no cause

This is a manual that I received a long time ago go. It describes "the mask" you wear, the one you've chosen to stay in, the one that keeps you stuck on repeat. You wonder why your numb, bored, youve built walls so high thinking its protection. Its not, its keeping you in this tiny world where you are no longer at the helm. Lack of new experiences, new people only hinders new thoughts, new ideas and creativity! Instead you have been slowly succumbing to a world of fear. It grows like a cancer in your brain and keeps into your body.

I've been fortunate to see you without the mask. The first time I saw a great king, a leader, a man with great integrity and stood solid in his authentic self. A man with great passion and stood on solid ground on his core beliefs. Being you, just you is the most beautiful thing i've ever known. Your mask is your ego and it has caused you more pain, struggle and that constant yearning for satisfaction. That's what drives your impulsive behavior, the urge to feel satisfied, which never happens. Numb! That's what you get, more and more numb. It makes me sad to see the man I love hold onto a mask so tightly, when he should be holding me.

I don't like you in this moment, you weren't being nice. However, I am on solid ground with my love, and I've not once wavered on how I feel. Take it as u wish, do with it as you want. However, look deep and choose the path that suites you. I'll not stand in your way, look closely i am not the enemy. Just because I choose me and no longer allow others in my energy that treat me poorly. I have been patient, translucent, vulnerable, kind and l will always love you. However, i draw the line has been drawn. It's your choice as to how we proceed (u always want to control the outcome and share your version with your fans, so now they can see clearly that there aren'tany victims here, just choices)

Smoke and mirrors

The games I wouldpn't play

Manipulation i saw through

The excuses

The "no-show"

The. delays

The ghosting

The breadcrumbs

The eyes always watching , everything i say, where I go, who I interact with, and see on screenall

The one's chosen over me

The push and pull

The magyk thrown my way

The nasty words spoken behind my back

The anger at me with no cause

This is a manual that I received a long time ago go. It describes "the mask" you wear, the one you've chosen to stay in, the one that keeps you stuck on repeat. You wonder why your numb, bored, youve built walls so high thinking its protection. Its not, its keeping you in this tiny world where you are no longer at the helm. Lack of new experiences, new people only hinders new thoughts, new ideas and creativity! Instead you have been slowly succumbing to a world of fear. It grows like a cancer in your brain and keeps into your body.

I've been fortunate to see you without the mask. The first time I saw a great king, a leader, a man with great integrity and stood solid in his authentic self. A man with great passion and stood on solid ground on his core beliefs. Being you, just you is the most beautiful thing i've ever known. Your mask is your ego and it has caused you more pain, struggle and that constant yearning for satisfaction. That's what drives your impulsive behavior, the urge to feel satisfied, which never happens. Numb! That's what you get, more and more numb. It makes me sad to see the man I love hold onto a mask so tightly, when he should be holding me.

I don't like you in this moment, you weren't being nice. However, I am on solid ground with my love, and I've not once wavered on how I feel. Take it as u wish, do with it as you want. However, look deep and choose the path that suites you. I'll not stand in your way, look closely i am not the enemy. Just because I choose me and no longer allow others in my energy that treat me poorly. I have been patient, translucent, vulnerable, kind and l will always love you. However, i draw the line has been drawn. It's your choice as to how we proceed (u always want to control the outcome and share your version with your fans, so now they can see clearly that there aren'tany victims here, just choices)

You like to stomp on that one boundary, the only one I ever spoke to you about. Well, thank you again for a lesson in healing that from my past! me allowing you the opportunity to stand me up and leave me hanging, taking a whole evening waiting on you. You who doesn't see my worth, you who turns a blind eye to my love, kindness and the amazing woman I have become. You who pushes me away, knocks me down and speaks lies on my name. I am OK with it, I have learned the most lessons from you and I am grateful to you. The bully, the boy ruling the man, the runner and the one who said he loves me, the one with a non-stop excuse of why... I heard every one and i pondered each of them. I came to a solid conclusion, I'm just not one to live my life on excuses. I want to experience life, even if it hurts, at least I'll know that the outcome is based on the choices I made. Choices I made, not a partner acting out of fear, "what if'", or excuses. I may not make the best choices, and that's okay. I will take accountability and hold truth and wisdom in knowing, that I AM Captain of my vessel, I am the controller and nothing or nobody is taking the wheel. control is only sought by those living in fear, I have no desire or need for control. Peace