u/Lucky-pl

Hi everyone,

I am reaching out to share a situation I am trying to navigate and would appreciate some perspective.

My partner is a Shinrankai lay teacher (not a monk). Recently, we started taking space after a deep conversation about our future. He expressed uncertainty about whether a relationship fits into his path and teaching work. He is also managing a lot of personal stress regarding work and finances, and the distance between us makes everything more challenging.

He speaks about his practice with a lot of love, and he mentioned that understanding his path would help me understand him better. Because of this, I began learning on my own over the past three weeks. I’ve started a daily routine of listening to morning chants, reciting Namu Amida Butsu, and I attended two beginner lectures at a local branch. Coming from a family with a Vietnamese cultural background, lighting incense at our home altar has also become a daily way for me to quiet my mind and manage anxiety.

I am feeling deeply conflicted about my motives:

- Fear of Attachment: Part of me worries that I am engaging with this practice out of fear of losing the relationship, emotional attachment, and a desire to control the outcome.
- Genuine Appreciation: At the same time, I find real comfort in the daily routine, and I genuinely find the teachings beautiful. I truly want to understand his world.

How can I navigate this situation without losing myself? How can I distinguish between practicing out of genuine intention versus practicing out of fear and attachment?

Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts.

Namo amida butsu.
Hello everyone,
I’m looking for more info about this organization called Dharma Academy in Indonesia. It seems like they follow and practice Shinrankai, the teaching is Jodo Shinshu Japan .
Has anyone in Bali or Indonesia reached out to them or attended any sessions?
Thanks!

I’m 31, a woman from Southeast Asia, and lately I’ve been thinking about how different my life is from what I imagined.
On paper, I have plenty of reasons to be proud. I’ve more than tripled my savings from where I started. I built a career that I’m proud of. I show up to work every day, even on days when my chronic illness or anxiety make me want to stay in bed. I started traveling on my own, spending time living abroad one month at a time, something that once felt impossible.
But those aren’t the milestones that make me emotional.
The real milestones are quieter.
I no longer resent my mum the way I used to. I repaired my relationship with my younger sister. I appreciate my dad more than I ever did growing up.
I spent years believing love meant obsession. This past year, I paid my own way to see someone I love, not because I expected to be rescued, but because I wanted to make the effort. I worked hard on my codependency. I learned to communicate instead of react. I’m still heartbroken, and our future is uncertain, but I know I’ve loved in a healthier way than I ever have before.
I’ve lost friendships. I’ve survived depression, anxiety, and a chronic illness that changed my life. I’ve questioned my worth more times than I can count.
Some days I still cry. Like today because holding space for a person that I love, but also have lots of insecurities and issues can be so tough
Sometimes I feel behind. At 31, unmarried as a woman in a small country in Southeast Asia, I know the expectations. People don’t always say it out loud, but you feel the timeline hanging over you.
But at 21, when I could not walk or brush my own hair, bedridden in the hospital alone, at 24, when I live with my “broken family” having no job, no money, no will to live, at 27, feeling insecure when people I thought I could have had a life with left, so things are still way better now, at 31

I got K space, 8 diamonds, 10 heart. The querent is female. My interpretation is that the male figure in this spread will propose when he feels secure about his finances. The male figure is an older dark male, who could deals with religion, or something very strict. What do you think?

I’m 30F from Vietnam, and my boyfriend is a Buddhist teacher in Bali. We’ve been together for about 8 months. We met in Bali, and honestly, it was the first place that ever felt like home to me. I fell in love not only with him, but also with the community and the life I experienced there. I flew to him 3 times, each time staying for a month.
The problem is that we’re now in a long-distance relationship, and I’m struggling.
My boyfriend earns less than 1k usd a month from the Buddhist academy where he teaches. The money ultimately comes from donations, so he has to be very careful and accountable about how it’s is used. He’s under a lot of pressure from his superiors, recently had health accident at the gym and is dealing with work stress. I genuinely understand that his situation is difficult, and I’m not angry that he isn’t wealthy. From where we are from in south east asia, that income is actually not bad at all.
The issue is that every time we talk about our future, we seem to speak different languages.
I ask questions like:
“How do we eventually close the distance?”
“What practical steps should we take?”
“What does the next year or two look like?”
His answer is usually some version of:
“See things for what they are.”
“Accept reality.”
“Don’t imagine the future.”
He also says I’ve been making decisions on my own, researching visas, thinking about sponsorship, and planning possible moves without involving him enough. He’s probably right about that. I tend to research everything because uncertainty makes me anxious.
But at the same time, I feel like I’m the only one trying to figure out how we actually build a future together.
I don’t need him to promise marriage tomorrow. Honestly, we’ve only been dating for 8 months, so I know marriage is a big topic. I also understand he hasn’t met my parents yet, and I haven’t met his family either.
What I really want is for him to say something like:
“I don’t know exactly how we’ll get there, but I’m willing to figure it out with you.”
Instead, I often leave our conversations feeling like I’m being told to simply accept that he has limitations and I should see things for what it is and that’s reality.
He’s also worried that I’m becoming too emotionally dependent on him or that I’m giving up my own life to chase this relationship. That concern isn’t completely unreasonable, and I’ve been asking myself whether I’m romanticizing everything.
For context, I’m still working full-time remotely. I have about money in savings. I’m not quitting my job tomorrow. I simply dream of spending 6 months in Bali to see whether we can actually build a life together before making any bigger decisions.
At the same time, I’m Vietnamese, and eventually I would want my parents to know about my relationship and feel confident that I’m building something stable. I don’t feel comfortable disappearing overseas indefinitely for a relationship that has no direction.
I just came back from Bali two days ago, and I’ve been crying ever since. I miss him. I miss the community. I miss feeling like I had a home.
So I guess my questions are:
Am I asking for too much by wanting some kind of shared plan, even if it’s not a promise?
How do you balance accepting reality while still building toward a future together?
For anyone who’s been in a long-distance relationship, how did you know the difference between patiently building something real and holding onto hope that wasn’t going anywhere?
I’m not looking for people to tell me to leave him or tell me he’s right. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether I’m missing something.

My boyfriend is a Buddhist teacher at a very strict academy and receives a stipend of about $800 USD per month. Where I’m from, that’s actually a decent income, but he still says he’s struggling financially.

We’re in a long distance relationship, and I’ve been doing my best to close the distance by regularly flying to visit him. It’s physically, emotionally, and financially exhausting. He refuses to fly to see me because he believes using money provided by the temple for personal travel would be inappropriate.

It’s been eight months, and I’m feeling lost. He has encouraged me to learn more about Buddhism so I can better understand where he’s coming from. I grew up in a Buddhist household myself, but my family’s practice and beliefs are quite different from his.

What makes this especially difficult is that he often talks about how choosing this spiritual path means accepting that relationships may be challenging and that he may have to be alone. He says that if he keeps focusing on the light, the shadow will follow him. I understand and respect his beliefs, but from my perspective, it feels like he’s sharing explanations and philosophical reflections rather than taking concrete steps to move our relationship forward.

Im not asking him to support me financially but i would like him to give me a timeline of when he can meet my parents but he said he can’t do that due to his practice. Im at lost and very sad. Is being a Buddist preventing him to work out a relationship? He said he loves me and want to make this works but he has not been saying how

My long distance partner told me his student confessed to him after his lecture today, saying she couldn’t sleep and had been holding feelings for a while.

When he told me, I stayed calm and didn’t attack him or escalate things. I told him honestly that I felt jealous and triggered, but I approached it in a supportive way rather than blaming him.

I said I understand his job, but I need him to be more mindful about boundaries with students, especially avoiding unnecessary one-on-one emotional situations. I also mentioned that I don’t think private one-on-one interactions with her are a good idea anymore.

I suggested he also speak to a female colleague of his (married, works in the same field, and knows the student) to get a more grounded perspective on how to handle situations like this professionally other than male mentors

He said he handled the confession properly, told her he has a girlfriend, and kept it strictly teacher-student. He stayed calm during our conversation and didn’t dismiss what I said either. He will consult this with his mentors to not repeat this dynamic and learn better from it

I’m glad about how he handled it, but I’m still stuck on the fact that she confessed after class like that and how long it must have been. I have met the student and my intuition back then told me that this person has feeling with him but i trust my partner enough to let things unfolding naturally (really was hoping that I was wrong) . The fact she chosen to confess instead of regulate her own feelings in private is just… wow the audacity. Also she knows me, met me, and said it during the time Im not in the same country with my partner….

What should have been done?