u/Lurch1400

Hello there,
My wife 32F and I 34M have been trying to have a kid since 2020, and its been a long and depressing ride of no luck.

I knew very early in my life (16), that i would likely not be able to have kids. I confirmed this back in 2020. Since I had a good while to come to terms with that, I very quickly said lets do donor sperm or adopt.

My wife on the other hand was very upset and cried back then. After a while she accepted that we could use donor sperm and we started seeing a doc at a fertility clinic. A year or two into trying at-home IUI/ICSI, my wife found out she had PCOS and PMDD. So she tried taking various medications in addition to continue trying at-home ICSI and in-clinic IUI. My wife developed pretty serious depression and recently had a suicidal episode that led to me seeking individual & couples counseling b/c we need help and didnt initially consider the emotional toll the fertility journey would take on both of us.

We had our first couples counseling session the other day, and it was good, we left feeling understood and the therapist mentioned EMDR therapy as something that might help us going forward.

I dont know much about it other than its for like really really traumatic stuff. Wondering if others have done it or recommend it for us.

So I applied for a Data Analyst & Data Associate role at a behavioral healthcare clinic. For the most part it looked like it’d be a SQL reporting role. After applying, I realized the tech stack was Microsoft Access and Excel. Coming from a SQL Server background, Im thinking this is a step down in terms of infrastructure and tooling.

I applied and within a few days had an interview with a recruiter who was not tech savvy. Couldnt figure out very much other than they were looking for someone to do the stakeholder/leadership conversations and someone to do the grunt work of making reports. Although with Access, I dont really know how that works since i thought most healthcare orgs use Epic or something else.

So within about 30 min of answering a few questions with the Recruiter and being honest that i dont have much experience in healthcare or billing, im moving forward to the interview with the Director of Professional Development (not IT or Reporting).

Odd things to me:
- No SQL test
- No answers to technical questions
- Fast tracked interviews
- Unsure of Access/Excel as a reporting toolset

What do yall think?
Any insights into how this might work or if these are red flags?

EDIT:
For context, the last time I was actively job hunting was over a decade ago (I’ve had many job roles within current org), and back then i was applying to a non-IT/data role. I also lurk around in several data/BI subs, and I generally understood that usually there is a technical test of sorts or several rounds of interviews. So this experience just seemed odd to me. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

So I applied for a Data Analyst & Data Associate role at a behavioral healthcare clinic. For the most part it looked like it’d be a SQL reporting role. After applying, I realized the tech stack was Microsoft Access and Excel. Coming from a SQL Server background, Im thinking this is a step down in terms of infrastructure and tooling.

I applied and within a few days had an interview with a recruiter who was not tech savvy. Couldnt figure out very much other than they were looking for someone to do the stakeholder/leadership conversations and someone to do the grunt work of making reports. Although with Access, I dont really know how that works since i thought most healthcare orgs use Epic or something else.

So within about 30 min of answering a few questions with the Recruiter and being honest that i dont have much experience in healthcare or billing, im moving forward to the interview with the Director of Professional Development (not IT or Reporting).

Red flags to me:
- No SQL test
- No answers to technical questions
- Fast tracked interviews
- Unsure of Access/Excel as a reporting toolset

What do yall think?
Any insights into how this might work?

Found a Data Analyst role in a mental healthcare clinic. Got an interview for a role that seems a lot more like a BI & Reporting Manager role than Analyst.

Some red flags that i noticed:
- No SQL test
- Recruiter not tech savvy
- Tech stack is Microsoft Access & Excel

I currently work in a SQL Server environment as BI Developer / Integration engineer. Im very familiar with that syntax and generally reports are run through SSRS, and exported to Excel.

Im trying to move to be closer to family, so Im wondering how fucked id be to take a role with a messy infrastructure in very legacy based tech and try to transfer my heavy SQL Server background knowledge to Microsoft Access.

Anyone have advice or any insight into orgs setup this way?

My wife has chronic depression caused by PMDD. Three years ago, she told me she had suicidal thoughts, so i encouraged her to go to therapy and seek psychiatric treatment.

Since then she went to therapy and had gotten prescribed zoloft, its been ups and downs all of the time. We are also struggling with infertility issues which makes things worse. Lately i noticed she had a bad few weeks, so i tried to take on more household chores and what not to try and make it easier for her when she gets home. This past weekend, I made sunday brunch and during that meal she disclosed to me that she made a plan to kill herself and wrote a note, which she later burned and said she feels is better now. I calmly responded in the moment that day, but yesterday it started to hit me that she was really really unwell. I was trying to figure out if i needed to get her to the ER or a psych eval immediately. Only after nagging her did she get an appointment with PCP. I told her she needed to go back to therapy and she refused.

Later that evening, she expressed that in order for her to have a reason to live, she needed to be a mom, otherwise she sees no point to things. She has her PCP appointment tomorrow, im trying to figure out if i should call ahead and share what occurred b/c idk if she’ll downplay it or not be truthful. She told me im not allowed to go over her like that, and that i cant fix this. Given that im her husband, i do feel like this is one of those times where i should b/c im not sure i trust her judgement right now.

Do i violate her trust and call ahead to tell the doc about what happened?

OR

Try to trust that she’ll be open about what she did and told me?

Idk man, Im just messed up by all of this

Thinking the Tucson may be my next vehicle. In my current car (2017 VW Passat), I can connect my phone via bluetooth for phone/audio and I prefer to do that instead of the Carplay/Auto nonsense.

In the newer models, can you disable that feature?