u/MarkOnKarma

I think I've now accepted the fact that I suffer from ADHD, avoidant disorder, intestinal problems and intolerances and sometimes low-grade depression and this often leads me to reflect on how I wouldn't be able to give anything in a relationship, because I tend to be very overstimulated and if I already do a lot of things, I often tend to not be able to be calm. Then it's true that I worked a lot, 10 hours of driving a day, two different workplaces and they moved me whenever my bosses wanted and I was a professional educator in a retirement home and the work was hard, but I often say, at the moment I'm fine on my own, I've been single for 2 years, I experienced a strong sense of failure when I returned to live with my parents at 35, here the costs of living are impossible and salaries don't grow, but I've found a sort of balance. I'm trying to rebuild my life my way, but often, in terms of relationships, I don't know what I can contribute. I've often been invalidated, treated badly because I had moments of burnout, and I've been told that my suffering was meaningless compared to that of the other person, and this has hurt me deeply. And of course the comparison with others and the fact that my body is not enough exiting, because i'm thin and not so much muscular

I'm not always serious or depressed, i 'm more of a man that joke a lot, say bullshit, be ironic, sarcastic and cuss sometimes, go out to mountain biking in dirt roads, do jogging, play guitar at the same time i'm also a melanchonic, deep, sensitive and fragile human being that love to write, reading, watching films, love animals, cry, feel to much, listen nick drake, elliott smith, soundgarden, the smiths, the cranberries , nirvana, Stone Sour, Linkin Park, and maybe people had difficulties to not see me always happy and satisfacted.

I often tend to think that the other person won't respect me and will say I'm not strong enough, that I'm too insecure, that I'm not a real man, and that we can't show our suffering, etc., etc. But I want to reiterate that I've always been faithful, I've always been able to listen,to love, to be present,to be helpful etc., etc. Yes, maybe I'm not rich but that was never enough. I am too boring to live with, because i don't have always the same energy

So, I'm staying out of it, because if you can't have moments of fragility in a relationship, then it's better not to get engaged.

Do you have similar experiences?

Hi guys, i always want to say that Elliott music especially XO is kind of a medicine to me, because this music is so important for mental health and struggles. Music had saved me many times and not feel alone in some struggles. Sorry i don't have social media and i want to share that i live with avoidant disorder, low and ADHD and sometimes low grade depression and i always be kind the "lonely ,shy, melanconic but funny kid" i was bullied, i had struggles with relationships and be hurt so much and i don't have many friends. And i am a sensitive man , i like being alone and go out alone with mountain bike, reading, writing, sometimes also go out and be with some friends. I live with my parents at 35 and glad that i have my parents that help me because i leaved a toxic job,burnout and a terribile end of a relathionship. I do psychotherapy a lot and helps me, search job. So i want to say to all people who struggle to find the help and don't be ashamed. And that sometimes being alone is a good thing and can really help you to find your way (obviously with support) .

Tired of self help guru that tells that you are never enough or guru of masculinity who say that men are "this" and women are "that, or that men need to be "economically viable for women" , and always stoic, confident and strong and you had to be an arrogant (quote people like Jordan Peterson or Scott Galloway that spread this toxic traits) and tell how to resolve your problem with a reel of 15 seconds how to live life. I near felt suicidal for not respond to the "society rules" of how men "should be" and for the economic part.

To me Elliott represent the oppose of that toxic traits. I feel bad for thinking that my value depends only for how much money i made . To me is not a good thing and I think that also Elliott would agree.

Men are also human beings that suffer , that struggled , some of them are more fragile and sometimes struggle with mental health and are more sensitive and not the alpha stupid male macho.

i had deleted social media guys, the world is so much better outside without constantly news, political polarizations by the two sides and toxicity, it kill mind and free thinking, and find professional help

do you people had felt that way?

thx you

Hi guys, i always want to say that Elliott music especially XO is kind of a medicine to me, because this music is so important for mental health and struggles. Music had saved me many times and not feel alone in some struggles. Sorry i don't have social media and i want to share that i live with avoidant disorder, low and ADHD and sometimes low grade depression and i always be kind the "lonely ,shy, melanconic but funny kid" i was bullied, i had struggles with relationships and be hurt so much and i don't have many friends. And i am a sensitive man , i like being alone and go out alone with mountain bike, reading, writing, sometimes also go out and be with some friends. I live with my parents at 35 and glad that i have my parents that help me because i leaved a toxic job,burnout and a terribile end of a relathionship. I do psychotherapy a lot and helps me, search job. So i want to say to all people who struggle to find the help and don't be ashamed. And that sometimes being alone is a good thing and can really help you to find your way (obviously with support) .

Tired of self help guru that tells that you are never enough or guru of masculinity who say that men are "this" and women are "that, or that men need to be "economically viable for women" , and always stoic, confident and strong and you had to be an arrogant (quote people like Jordan Peterson or Scott Galloway that spread this toxic traits) and tell how to resolve your problem with a reel of 15 seconds how to live life. I near felt suicidal for not respond to the "society rules" of how men "should be" and for the economic part.

To me Elliott represent the oppose of that toxic traits. I feel bad for thinking that my value depends only for how much money i made . To me is not a good thing and I think that also Elliott would agree.

And I tell you that in my country wages are so low and costs of living sucks, we prefer as European countries waste money on weapons and cut spending on healthcare, jobs, welfare and for workers rights, so i don't really like both of politicians of both two sides.

Men are also human beings that suffer , that struggled , some of them are more fragile and sometimes struggle with mental health and are more sensitive and not the alpha stupid male macho.

i had deleted social media guys, the world is so much better outside without constantly news, political polarizations by the two sides and toxicity, it kill mind and free thinking, and find professional help

do you people had felt that way?

thx you

Good afternoon, everyone. I’d like to start by saying that I’ve loved Linkin Park’s music for quite a few years now—specifically since 2001. Their music continues to help me when I’m alone with my thoughts and dealing with challenges like avoidant personality disorder, ADHD, and low-grade depression; I’m also a highly sensitive person. I’ve experienced bullying, mockery, and various betrayals—both in friendships and relationships—and things like that can slowly make you feel unworthy of appreciation or see yourself as ugly when you look in the mirror.

Fortunately, I’m in therapy, and I have things that help me feel good: mountain biking, music, and reading. I’ve also deleted all my social media accounts except for YouTube, Pinterest, and LinkedIn, and for me, it’s been like a rebirth. I moved back in with my parents at 35 after some devastating failures. But getting to the point: sometimes I can’t wrap my head around how so many bullies listen to Linkin Park.

The messages in their lyrics—whether in the angrier songs or the more melodic, vulnerable, and desperate ones—often involve "regurgitating" the pain inflicted by someone who hurt us. This stirs up anger, despair, and the whole spectrum of human emotions. Yet, I just can’t reconcile these artists with bullies, macho "alpha males," or people who just want to act arrogant, show off, flaunt their wealth, and so on. Linkin Park was different from the other bands in the early 2000s, was more deep, vulnerable and emotional band in the lyrics and in the music and they always support people to ask for help.

For the record, I deleted my social media accounts precisely because they were driving me to suicidal thoughts—the constant comparisons, the dehumanization of people, the various forms of cruelty, the insensitivity, the extreme political polarization on both sides. Then there are the self-help gurus who tell you your life sucks and—in a 15-second Reel—tell you exactly what to do, trivializing psychotherapy. And all those "masculinity gurus" claiming women don't find men with little money attractive, insisting you have to be a provider and a procreator, that you need high social status to be appealing, that you must be arrogant, hyper-stoic, and incredibly selfish to be "a real man," or that living with your parents past 30 makes you a failure—they even make you feel guilty about it. They completely ignore the fact that men suffer from mental health issues, have emotions, sometimes they enjoy being alone and loneliness too and often need to seek help, all while trivializing that very help.

People like Scott Galloway and Jordan Peterson often push these ideas; for someone who has lost their job or quit due to burnout—and who often finds themselves isolated—these toxic messages are anything but healthy. Sorry for the rant, guys, but I just wanted to share this perspective with you.

Well I grew up with The Cranberries, Nirvana, Soundgarden, Nick Drake, Radiohead of course Jeff Buckley and Elliott Smith (I listen different kind of music like new wave depeche mode, tears for fears, the Smiths, but also Linkin park, Neil Young, Rush, Other different stuff) but also love Opeth music and obviously the more introspective acoustic stuff and I always find comfort in this lyrics, don't have social media. Feeling inadequate, feeling awful, low self esteem, feeling hyper sensitive and find difficult to deal with people. I struggle with ADHD, dysthimia, anxiety disorders and avoidant disorder. I leave a toxic situation of unsustainble rhythms of job and high cost of life. My relathionship ended and it takes 2 years for processes all the pain that this person had caused to me and before , I was suffered from chronic stress, burnout and start drinking too much in loneliness (but now is one year and 5 months completely healthy and without alcohol of course I don't smoke, . Come back to my fam home at 34 now 35.

Society view me as a loser. But I prefer be a loser and take care of my mental health.

When you listen this toxic messages for masculinity gurus (like Jordan Peterson , Robert Greene , Jay Shetty, Mel Robbins and Scott Galloway) that say that you need to always be strong, be aviable economically for a woman ( you worth only if you have money because women find men with less money less attractive), don't show your sensitivity or "oversensitivity" or fragility with a woman, because they made fun of you and they want a fucking "alpha male" strong, with money , provider and procreator and masculine, so you start to feel so inadequate and so lonely, because maybe you get hurt by invalidation of feelings. To me this concepts reinforce my insecurities about self esteem and tell that you are not worth if you are not into this standard. And this gender role models for men to me are solo toxic. As a man I always felt shamed when you say this stupid rethorics. I felt like an alien when I was young, in was not so good at primary school, get bullied, in was the sensitive kid. My ex friends betrayed me , steal my first gf and I was so hurried that I start to close myself to the world because I fear to deal with pain again, I passed anger , sadness, depression and was totally embarassed. But hey guys, music always helped,now I am more aware of myself , I do therapy, exercise, running, meditation, listen to music, reading books, know myself better and of course I delete social media. I don't have anything but Reddit and YouTube and linkedin. I always struggle to be ok to the external world for my sensitivity and intestinal issues. It is so complicated because sometimes I feel like an alien in this ultracompetitive, aggressive, asshole world.

What kind of songs had helped you through the process of grief??

When I say this, I'm referring to the pressure exerted by social media, motivational podcasts, masculinity gurus and gurus who mix the "grind" mentality with broism, toxic masculinity, and self-help advice with easy "solutions" that aren't even scientifically sound, but pseudoscientific.

And all these slogans like "happiness is a choice," "you always have to step out of your comfort zone, put yourself in dangerous situations, take financial risks, and do difficult things," or phrases like "never stop," "if you are hurt you hurt people" "be a financial supporter," "always be strong," "never give up," "men are like this and women are like that," or "don't be sensitive"—I think there are some misconceptions about what self-care means. Sometimes it also means trying to slow down and live a slower life. I'm neurodivergent with ADHD, avoidant personality disorder, dysthymia, and anxiety. I'm very sensitive to stimulations and easily overstimulated, especially in social situations and i have hard times with socializing. All those slogans, techniques, and other things don't work for me. I do psychotherapy, which helps me. I spend time in nature, I run, I mountain bike when I can, I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I try to stay healthier and meditate (but i also listen The Cranberries, Soundgarden, Nirvana, Neil Young, Elliott Smith, NINsome metal alternative prog, funk stuff and much different music )i am now unemployed and think to delete instagram. Are you able to slow down a bit when you need to??

Love Ed and his new album, I see that he had done an interview with Rich Roll. I say that I disagree with the self help guru people because sometimes they kill authenticity and mix pop psychology with grind culture/motivation and toxic masculinity. So I don't really like that. I don't like the banalization of the fragility of humans, put pressure for being rich, perfect, with money, without fears, made you feel worst if you struggle, put more insecurities and if you don't respect this standard you are never worth and always think that you are never enough. Like you miss something or you are not good enough for relationships or for women ecc ecc, for job for everything. Irony, I listen Radiohead obviously because they always speak for people who are more sensitive, or have neurodivergencies or have difficulties like depression, dysthimia, ADHD, social awkwardness, had been bullied or betrayed by some lovers and friends ecc ecc. Of you are in struggle find always professional help. There is always good psychologists out there. Mental health is important also for men.

Of course Radiohead music is the opposite of this culture of performance ecc ecc.

I Simply don't like where people speak about "controlling emotions" and all the self help guru of masculinity teach that if you are not strong, confident, be a provider and rich with much money and if you don't do that, you are not worth and a loser. People like Jordan Peterson, or Scott Galloway or Robert Greene or all this people who share this messages that to me is dangerous for mental health. Because they say to repress emotions like anger or sadness and be not sensitive and say things like "you are a loser" if you want to stop, meditate, relax and leave a toxic job or a toxic situation and made more of a slow life. Put pressure for being always productive, beautiful, perfect, with money. But life doesn't work like that. And I totally disagree with they're view.

Do you guys think that guruism is the opposite or Radiohead messages?? However if we struggle I think that their music is always an answer

Xx

I feel completely useless these days. I feel like I can't cope with life and that I have nothing left to give. I don't want to complain to you guys, but I feel like these past two days I'm sinking into my dysthymia. I feel useless, a complete failure. I'm 35 years old. I have a college degree. I worked for seven years in education as an educator. I never truly gained satisfaction from my work, except perhaps a little on a human level. Starvation wages and precarious contracts; among other things, I had to quit a low-paying job that required constant sacrifice and long hours, plus 10 hours of driving a week. A few relationships failed, both with friends and with the only love I had. I never felt truly appreciated for who I was. Sure, I've made some mistakes too; I'm not perfect, but not enough to compromise friendships or relationships. But now I don't trust relationships; I see them as a threat and I find them painful. I've moved back in with my family in a small town, and I often see ghosts of the past in my friendships. I'm lucky to have a family who still loves me and puts up with me, and a friend who lives far away. But I often feel a much more pronounced sense of loneliness. Often, I'm the one who seeks solitude because I'm fed up with this world. Fed up with superficiality, bullying, the non-stop productive mentality, the gurus of social media masculinity, all those who mix grind/motivational/business mentality with pop psychology, toxic positivity, and masculinity. I think those profiles are the ultimate evil. Then there are manipulators on social media who use our fragility to make us feel even worse. "Happiness is a choice." "A negative mindset gets you nowhere." "Women don't find low-income men attractive." "You always have to take risks, step out of your comfort zone, and keep pushing." "Weak people are like that, winners are what, and go fuck yourself." It's sad we live in a world like this. I've been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder, ADHD, dysthymia, and anxiety disorders, and I'm hypersensitive. I sometimes feel like this system wants to eliminate people like me. Now I'm at home and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I had plans, but I'm afraid AI will take everything away from us. In the meantime, I have books, therapy, and music to keep me company while I suffer: Opeth, Porcupine Tree, Soundgarden, Elliott Smith, Nick Drake, Neil Young, Linkin Park, NIN, Rush, Nirvana...etc. etc.

I wanted to ask you something philosophical, and I want to connect it with the Soundgarden song "The Day I Tried to Live," which is helping me through this time of isolation and loneliness, combined with avoidant personality disorder and ADHD. The line "I woke the same, as any other day you know,"

"I should have stayed in bed,"

"Hey, hey"

reminds me of how sick this society is.

I've often related to this song lately because of my own conditions, such as ADHD, anxiety disorders, avoidant personality disorder, and dysthymia. For me, modern society is becoming too chaotic, too hyperproductive, marketing-oriented, race-oriented, extreme selfishness, violence, toxic masculinity, a loss of depth, toxic positivity (and not genuine hope or optimism, but the phrase "good vibes only" scares me), the denial of fragility, the dehumanization of human feelings, a world of self-help geared toward building a giant ego, precarious work (at least what I see here in my country), the consideration of people like me as failures because they escaped extreme burnout, financial problems (and at 35 I returned to live with my family), and social media, which is intoxicating people with a constant flow of information, sometimes stupid, extreme, provocative, violent, and sometimes senseless.

And .... This people who now dance on hits and became "viral"??

And often all this makes you feel like you're never enough, because social media amplifies this feeling. I don't have Facebook or X or TikTok, but I tend to use YouTube, but it's very different from traditional social media. And I think there's a sense of disconnection and superficiality of the pain.

Can I ask you fans if you relate to this song and this discomfort?