u/MarylandCat

My school counselor gave me the books "Gender Queer: A Memoir" by Maia Kobabe and "Stone Butch Blues" by Leslie Feinberg when i was venting to her about my gender dysphoria.

I was given no warning as to the contents of these books.

This is a re-upload because my last post about it was understandably taken down since I did describe some of the stuff that happens in both books.

I feel bad that I did kinda get mad at the cou selir when I know she was trying her best, but she should've considered that I have told her about past events I experienced and how these books could have potentially triggered me.

Update: I went to bed not long after posting. I had multiple nightmares due to reading SBB and it triggered past trauma I experienced. I am probably going to talk to the counselor about why this wasn't appropriate to recommend to anyone in general.

Oh boy where do I start.

Yesterday, I was talking with my school counselor who we will call Ms. F. I was talking to her about my gender dysphoria and how much it affects me, because she's the only person I can really vent to about it. She told me that the librarian had some books that are about "transness" and went down to the library to get them for me. Since the bell was about to ring, I didn't look at what she gave me, just put them in my bag and thanked her for her time before heading off to my next class.

At lunch, I finally opened my bag to see what she gave me. The first book was Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg and Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe. I was struck. "How does being butch or genderqueer have to do with trans men?" But I decided to open Gender Queer halfway to see what the artstyle. And the first thing I saw?

A girl fantasizing about and older man touching a younger boy in a Greek pottery piece.

What. The. Fuck.

I slammed the book shut in horror. I desperately hoped no one else had seen it. But, since I'm curious and not one to back down, I decided I'd read these books when I get home so I wouldn't automatically assume their full content.

Gender Queer was perverse. The author, Maia Kobabe, was nothing but a fujoshi who fetishized gay men. While the part about how puberty affects gender nonconforming youth was somewhat relatable, the rest was just a garble about how they turned out to be asexual. I honestly didn't get it. But maybe it's not for me, I'll admit.

And then I read Stone Butch Blues. Literally in the first 40 pages there is a rape scene, where the main character Jess is gang-raped by 6 high school boys. Forced oral and vaginal was very vividly described. I'll admit, I almost threw up. I hoped that would be a one off. It wasn't.

A few chapters later, after a 16-year-old Jess goes to gay bars, one gets shut down and she is arrested by cops. Who then rape her. Her face is shoved in a toiled with unflushed feces and after her mugshot two cops take turns raping her. One even says, "Flip her over dammit! Her cunts too loose."

Jesus fucking christ. I couldn't keep reading. But I felt I had to. I finished the whole thing but those scenes stuck on my mind. And those incidents are what pushed Jess to transition and then later detransition. Another atrocious scene is when Jess is still passing as male, she has sex with a straight woman who doesn't know Jess is female. She makes sure the lights in the room are off, slips into a strap on, and successfully has sex with the woman named Annie. That counts as rape since it is "sex by deception".

I read it to the end. When I was done, I slammed it shut, pushed it across the coffee table, laid back on the couch, and pondered. How the fuck is this considered the "lesbian bible"? The ultimate "book on queer history?" "Why in the absolute fuck was this recommended to me with no prior warning as to the contents of these books.

Sorry for the rant, I needed somewhere to vent where someone else could truly understand where I'm coming from.