u/Material-Scale4575

Caution: This post is entirely SFW. Not only is it safe for work, but it’s so clean that it's safe for the environment, your grandmother, your boss and children under the age of five years.

Intelligent, literate and occasionally witty F65, nature lover, seeks a male of similar age and character for stimulating conversation, hikes in the woods, bike rides and the odd animal rescue (only if we should stumble upon an animal that needs rescuing - she will provide the gloves). Please tell me what you liked about my post and why we might be compatible. In person preferred, but will consider online chat.

Caution: This post is entirely SFW. Not only is it safe for work, but it’s so clean that it's safe for the environment, your grandmother, your boss and children under the age of five years.

Intelligent, literate and occasionally witty F65, nature lover, seeks a male of similar age and character for stimulating conversation, hikes in the woods, bike rides and the odd animal rescue (only if we should stumble upon an animal that needs rescuing - she will provide the gloves). Please tell me what you liked about my post and why we might be compatible. In person preferred, but will consider online chat.

Caution: This post is entirely SFW. Not only is it safe for work, but it’s so clean that it's safe for the environment, your grandmother, your boss and children under the age of five years.

Despite the fact that this is not an NSFW sub, the vast majority of posts are NSFW. This one is different.

Intelligent, literate and occasionally witty F65, nature lover, seeks a male of similar age and character for stimulating conversation, hikes in the woods, bike rides and the odd animal rescue (only if we should stumble upon an animal that needs rescuing - she will provide the gloves). Please tell me what you liked about my post and why we might be compatible.

Edit to correct tag: Location is Bucks County.

Feel like going out tonight and none of my friends are available. F65, just looking for a relaxed vibe, some good music and an atmosphere that won't make me feel weird for being alone. Fireworks are ok, but that's not really what I'm looking for.

What about Dharma Bums? Anyone know the place?

I realize this isn't a big deal. But for the first time on FB dating, I have matched with two men and both are making some effort to text with me. I feel like it's a small victory but nonetheless must be celebrated.

I don't have especially high hopes for either one panning out. But that's ok. Just having two men who are decent enough to follow through is nice.

One of these days, I'd love to post here about how I didn't drink for seven days, or 14 days or 30 days. Can't do that today.

Nonetheless, I want to just celebrate my small triumph today. Last night I was dealing with relationship anxiety and felt the pull to go get the alcohol. I felt that back and forth conversation, which went something like this:

>*You are feeling so terrible about this relationship that I think it's ok to go get some alcohol. It's ok, just tonight!

>*No, don't go. Let your natural laziness keep you from making the trek. All you have to do get past this trigger, and you'll be home free. You know that you're always fine once you get past the trigger! And you'll be so proud tomorrow morning that you resisted.

Well, I am proud and happy that I resisted. The feeling of accomplishment in the morning is one of my strongest motivators to not drink at night.

I struggle with getting too quickly attached to people I connect with online (even if I haven't met them yet). I've always been this way; at the same time, I'm aware that some people don't have this problem.

Recently, after doing some online research, I came up with a list of practical ideas to prevent this early attachment. Nothing on this list is a groundbreaking, yet somehow arranging the ideas in this format (think I'll print it out) makes me feel more empowered. It's just a series of steps, and I can do all of them. Curious what others think. I arranged it according to what seems most important to me.

• Invest in Your Own Life: Prioritize your own work, hobbies, fitness and other interests; make time for your friends.
• Match Their Energy: Don't exceed the effort and emotional vulnerability they are offering. Don't rearrange your life to be accessible to them.
• Connect with Multiple People: Exploring a few connections at once keeps you from putting all your hopes on one person.
• Limit App checking: Turn off app notifications and set specific windows of time to check messages so you aren't obsessing over their replies throughout the day.
• Avoid Fantasy Building: Although it may feel more intimate, remind yourself you are interacting with a stranger. Don't project unmet needs or create idealized scenarios about a future together before you meet, or within the first few dates.

Well actually it was 22 years ago I first tried OLD. But I like the nod to O. Henry in the title.

The main difference in OLD between now and 2004, as far as I can tell, is user control and profile transparency Back then, users had the ability to easily search by multiple criteria and I believe it was also possible to "save" profiles that you wanted to return to.

Recently have tried FB Dating and (free) Match. The platforms decide whom to display, force users into saying yes or no, and don't allow profile saving or going back to people you liked. In other words, the platform has much more control than I do.

Question: If you've recently tried other platforms, which allow the most user control?

NB: I know there are many negative opinions about OLD on this sub. I'm not seeking such views with this question; I'm seeking practical information, as a person who needs OLD in order to meet someone. TIA.

I just signed up for Facebook Dating and checked the box to show I'm interested in friends as well.

As I look through the local men whose profiles are in the Friends section, I'm wondering- are they really looking for friends? Because their profiles usually sound like they're looking for romantic partners. But often there is only the "Friendship" tag on their profile. Just curious?

I've been having a bad time emotionally the past few days, struggling with depression.

Yesterday I kept pushing myself to do my regular activities but it wasn't easy. I thought several times about going out to buy wine. Normally this gives me a feeling of relief (even if it's temporary), like "Yes the wine will help me." Well, yesterday I felt so low that even the thought of the alcohol did nothing for me. Nothing! Even after bringing the thought back several times - nothing. So I didn't drink. And guess what? This morning I still feel low. But I'm happy I didn't drink. Small victory.

TL;DR below

This is for those who understand how discouraging it can feel to be over 60, open to dating and no prospects in sight.

Recently I developed a long distance connection with someone online who was not a great choice for me. I knew that, but I continued texting, because, frankly, that's as close as I've been to having a date since I lost my husband 7 years ago. And I was enjoying the feeling of compatibility and connection even though I knew he wasn't a long-term prospect (he was not interested in anything serious, but not a scammer). And I knew it wasn't good for me emotionally because I get attached very easily. I knew all this, but still...

Then last night he texted something that made me react with anger internally. It doesn't matter what it was (and actually it wasn't anything bad). But I suddenly realized I needed to harness that anger, right in the moment, to end the relationship. And yes, even a short-term text-based exchange can be a form of a relationship between two people.

So I ended it decisively. And then I cried and felt like crap. And today I'm missing our text exchanges, which were meaningful to me even if they were not really "real."

I did the right thing. But I feel as if I had a real breakup of a real relationship. (Hah, I think I achieved relationship all pain/no gain without even trying).

I have an active life with lots to keep me occupied. But sometimes, the emptiness of going through life without an intimate partner hits me heavily. I'm a strong person and I'm not afraid to live alone or spend time alone. But there is nothing like having an intimate loving, trusting partnership. There is no substitute.

What is the point of my rambling? Not much, except I hoped you good folks here would understand. And maybe share how you deal with similar feelings.

TL;DR: Dating is hard. Dating over 60 is harder. Being alone sucks.

Last night I was really struggling over the desire to go get some alcohol.

In the course of 1.5 hours, I went back and forth at least fifty times between, "Ok, that's decided, I'm not drinking tonight," and "I can drink tonight if I ride my bike in the morning," or "It's ok to drink tonight, it's just one night."

That mental struggle is exhausting. Two things that I know are always true for me with this struggle:

1. If I push past that first urge (usually by having dinner and non-alcoholic beverage), the desire to drink drops to nearly zero. In fact, I usually forget about it.

2. The next morning, I will feel happy that I didn't drink. Not because I would have been sick—I don't over-indulge—but because I didn't let the alcohol control me.

I'm so happy this morning that I'm going to send an email to nighttime me, reminding her of this great feeling.

My longtime therapist retired about a year and half ago. I had plenty of time and notice to process the loss.

I've been doing pretty well, but recently certain events have spurred me to seek therapy again. I've seen three in the past few months:

1. Nice older T whom I saw for five sessions until I realized that she couldn't remember my important life history. I had to keep reminding her.

2. Therapist A from my insurance's free online platform- I saw her twice. We had some things in common, which I like, but she gave a fair amount of unsolicited advice. I will listen to advice, but in the beginning of a therapeutic relationship, it's more important that I can say what I need to say and not be interrupted by advice.

3. Therapist B from my insurance's free online platform- I saw her once and she snacked during the entire session (which I posted about here). She wasn't too bad otherwise, but also did a lot of advice-giving.

I'm not posting to complain about these Ts. I think they're all decent people doing the best they can. But I don't see them as a fit for me.

Some of the stuff I'm dealing with now is very personal and related to things my old therapist and I worked on years ago. It occurs to me that when you've had a longtime therapist who's been hugely instrumental in your life, it's like losing a family member when they're gone. (It's not that they overstepped boundaries- not at all). It's simply that you can't easily replace someone who knew you and helped you across decades with a stranger, even if they're very good. And if they're only average, that's even worse.

Not sure why I'm posting, except I think that a lot of folks here would understand and maybe have a perspective to share.

I've been looking into a volunteer position with a literacy non-profit. In addition to their general public literacy programs, they also have prison programs. I have no experience in corrections but I do believe in second chances and in education. Has anyone volunteered in a prison and what was it like for you? I'm F65 if that matters.

I've been looking into a volunteer position with a literacy non-profit. In addition to their general public literacy programs, they also have prison programs. I have no experience in corrections but I do believe in second chances and in education. Has anyone volunteered in a prison and what was it like for you? I'm F65 if that matters.

Edit to add: There was no medical reason offered and the T appears to be past the age of childbearing.

Recently I had a session with a new therapist and she started eating immediately when the remote session opened. She was reaching for some kind of snack and eating it throughout my session. It was pretty much as if she was snacking while watching a movie. She said nothing about it until the end, then she sort of apologized and made a excuse. Other than the eating, she was ok.

I've had several therapists in my life- some good, some not so good. But I can't recall any that ate throughout the entire session. (Or even ate anything, at any time, during the session). Water, tea, or coffee - sure that's fine. Not the same as eating though.

Has anyone experienced this before?

Edit to add: There was no medical reason offered and the T appears to be past the age of childbearing.

NAT. Recently I had a session with a new therapist and she started eating immediately when the remote session opened. She was reaching for some kind of snack and eating it throughout my session. It was pretty much as if she was snacking while watching a movie. She said nothing about it until the end, then she sort of apologized.

I've had several therapists in my life- some good, some not so good. But I can't recall any that ate throughout the entire session. (Or even ate anything, at any time, during the session). Water, tea, or coffee - sure that's fine. Not the same as eating though.

Would you consider this acceptable for a therapist, especially with a new client?

NAT, but a longtime client.

For the first time ever, I tried an online therapy platform, Teledoc, because it's free and a regular therapist would cost me a copay. This is presumably a legit platform, as my well-known and generally decent insurance company contracts with it.

The platform allows me to book appointments, then sends an immediate confirmation saying "Therapist X confirms your appointment!" However, what I found is that these appointments are not really open and definitely not confirmed (except by the bot). So far, I have booked three appointments but had no sessions. I have another one booked for tomorrow - we'll see!

Can anyone give insight to how the platform works on the therapist's end? TIA.

Sometimes you just have to laugh.

I decided to try an online Teladoc therapy appointment today (for the first time) because it's free under my insurance, whereas with a regular provider I'd have a copay.

I scheduled the appointment today and got a confirmation (supposedly from the provider) for the time scheduled. Ten minutes before the appointment, I was invited to join the online waiting room, which I did.

Well, I ended up waiting about 40 minutes before I bailed. I sent three messages through the portal asking where the provider was during my wait.

About an hour after the scheduled time, the provider finally replied to my message. They blamed the system and said "the system" had sent the confirmation, not them (what is the point of that- an automatic confirmation is meaningless!). Then they wanted me to reschedule for a later time today. I don't think so.

Maybe the system is bad- it's certainly possible. But frankly, now I just don't have a good feeling about this therapist. Their first response was not to apologize to me, but to make an excuse and blame the system.

Then I had to laugh to myself, thinking about all the posts on this sub about ruptures. I had a rupture before we even had any therapy. That's some kind of rupture speed record! 😂

Recently a fox had a litter in my yard. The kits are playful and getting bolder, roaming further from the den and I'm concerned that, being young and ignorant, they could fall into the pond.

Because of the design of my pond, it does not have a shallow end with a gradual slope. If an animal fell in, they would be in relatively deep water, maybe 30-36 inches, and would not be able to get out because of the steep sides. In theory they could probably get through the vegetation to the steps at the shallow end but they might not realize that option. See annotated image.

I do intend to have a professional look at it, but for now I'm seeking any ideas for how to make this safer in the short term (or long term). It has a liner which I obviously do not want to puncture. TIA.

https://preview.redd.it/08ow14kvu6yg1.jpg?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b0a8178a6523336f7667eab92c26b20c4e10e039