I need advice regarding my dad's behaviour.
I need some advice, here's the thing me and my dads relation has never been a typical father son's relation, he always wanted me to do a thing he wants, whereas I have had dreams and plans of my own, and till now mostly its been me managing my life trying to get the things which I want, done. Now by the things which I want I dont mean the rebellious things, its to the very basics, since childhood I wanted to become a pilot, he wanted me to do something else, whenever I went to my hometown with my mom, he wanted me to stay with his parents, but I stayed at my moms parents house, he didn't want me to get a driving licence, I had to convince him, I want to study outside my home country my dad wants me to stay, now ofcourse there could be actual concern for me in these decisions of him. But I feel theres not, I feel he looks at me as a liability, as if I am a investment for him, he tells me that I sent you to school, I never said no to any education related costs (infact he did, he refused to pay for my extra classes fee, as he wanted to pay a really rediced price which is not acceptable) I have given you clothes, a home, a car you can drive.
But I think arent these the most basic things a human being needs to survive. In my family the culture to drive around in my own car with friends is very frowned upon, so thats something unothrodox aspect in his view, but even with the car 90 percent of the time I am doing either his work, or mom's or brother's. And I have always listened to him, whatever he says to do. Infact, I went to my school all alone, about 25km far, in a taxi for my own admission in 11th grade,I was 16, I did all that alone myself, I mean I don't know about other places, but here parents should be present for admissions. And when I questioned him about all of that, he said this will make you independent.
I don't think sending me alone to a place where parents are required will make me independent. He wants me to do everything he says, as if I don't have choices, and as soon as my choices go against his, he calls me ill mannered, and that I have no respect for him, like the heck dude. Arent I allowed to have my own opinions, choices etc? And this all has been going on all my life, I do everything, and when the time comes my opinions and choices don't matter to him. He says that I am too ill mannered, I swear he has not seen what ill mannered kids do, I have a car and money, I could do all sorts of things, legal illegal, doesn't matter, but out of his respect I don't. There have been so many of my friends plans, and events I didn't go just because he said no, even though it won't affect him at all, he always says momey is tight, I squeeze down my own wishes so that he is able to manage it. And then guess what, his brother or sister says that there is a plot of land on sale, he jumps on and buys it. And thats another issue of him, he literally worships his siblings, anything they say is the truth, and tbh they have used him as a money mule, for all of their spendings and wishes, they get whatever they want.
And when i ask, hes like nope. I still remember, his brother family came and were guests in our house, well they aren't guests, they are non paying Tennants, and his brother has 2 kids. My father bought them sweets, snacks, candy, everything without them even asking, and he literally talks so nicely to everyone but me. That man has never bought me anything without me saying or asking it, whether it he birthday or any other event doesn't matter. And when my 10h grade results came out, it took my mom and brother to convince him to congratulate me, because I got 89.2% and not 90% .
He wanted me to get 90% above. For him marks matter more than me, till this day, he taunts me about that score. My passion, is stupid for him, I love plane spotting and aircrafts, I want to go on different types ir aircrafts, I wanna go plane spotting, but for him this is a waste of money and time. And its stupid, I shouldn't do it. He calls me stupid for having such a passion. And right now, i am in the middle of transitioning from high school to college, and ever since my final exams finished, he has been continously nudging me about when will you get admission into any college, where will you go, like i get it ,it is ok to ask about it once or twice a day, but every convo we have thts the topic. And when you are in this phase of life, it is ok to be a bit negative and think that you might not get into any uni, but it is your parents who support you and tell you, you will get in, don't worry. Guess what, everyone except him has told me I will get in, he tells me you will not get in anywhere, there are thousands of kids applying not only you.
Like whom am I supposed to go to feel good about my college condition if my own are demotivating me. And today came another incident, I have kept my hair long, I like it that way, he doesn't, so he came with me to the barber, and completely ruined my hair, its short on the back and long on the front, like i had a proper hairstyle in mind, but he was like nope, its either my way or highway. Like I take my haircut very seriously, its super important for me, and he has ruined it. And he dosent like my hair long, but now, i will keep them long, i don't care. He doesn't own me, he is not my master, he is my father, I too have choices, and wants. Like he should atleast respect or acknowledge what i want, i literally had to push myself off the barbers chair, or he would have ruined it even more. And when he came to the car, and started saying I should have cut it more, I was like stop it its enough. I feel a bit bad for saying that my tone wasnt right, I will probably tell him that, or should i not?. But like can't I for once get what I want, and he tells me during the ride home, "the more freedom you give them the more they want". What freedom dude, haircut is one of the most basic things, he wants me to keep a nerdy hairstyle which won't look good on me. I have a specific type of hair and head shape, and my choosen haircut was according to that.
So am I the arsehole here, should I respect my father even more, or not at all or what should I do, what should I make of this situation, i need opinions. And before anyone comes at me with the he is your father he has sacrificed a lot for you. Sure buddy, he his and i respect him for that, but shouldn't he to consider what i want, i feel i am a literal investment he wants to get rid of as soon as possible. Anyways I am going off to college in a month or two, and let me see what will happen then, cuz my brother he is a carbon copy of dad, they both get angry quickly and argue, i on the other hand say something once and regret saying that. I choose silence, let them, reply with then with only what's required nothing more and I wanna see when I am gone, who will he scream to, no one else is gonna just gulp his words. And i know my family very well, it can be summed up easily, when a blind man gets his eyesight back, the first thing he does is throws away the stick, here my fathers side of the family is the man, and my father is the stick, the day he stops sending them money, they will kick him out literally.
So tell me am I the wrong one here?