r/InsightfulQuestions

do you think you have to forgive them to heal from their actions ?

If I like women sexsually and wanna get married to women and all, but I also like extremely feminine man but not sexually only for physical closeness like holding hands cuddling and all. mainly males with extreme appeal like a woman long hair smooth skin and all what is that considered?

Be so honest.

This debate has scrambled the brains of my boyfriend and I. The argument is If Time travel and teleportation are essentially the same things? Teleportation = WHERE changes. Time travel = WHEN changes. That being said
Both can happen at once = WHERE + WHEN changes

My argument:
Example: It is Texas 2026 and I want to live 1950 New York. I would TIME TRAVEL there. This is just time traveling bc I want to live 1950 New York, I didn’t teleport there just TIME TRAVELED. Of course I changed setting when I traveled back in time.

Boyfriends argument: Time traveling and Teleportation are the same thing in a sense

Example: For example, if I'm in my room right now and I wanna time travel one hour into the past where I was in the kitchen, theoretically that changes my location, so it's like teleporting.

The definition of time traveling and teleportation essentially changes the meaning of them both. I would like to see what y’all think about this argument, it has been very fun!

I’m always so fascinated with what people who are in long term therapy seem to work through and stay with. I have always wanted my therapist to have a session with a few close friends of mine to get an objective perspective of people who know and love me, but could maybe point to things I can’t see.

Not in a sense of a delegation of responsibility, I just think people close to you can often identify certain things in us we can’t always see. I would be so interested in what might change if my therapist could hear from others about me.

I am sorry for my English, it's not my mother toung.

I heard a saying, be careful what you want it actually can happen to you and you are going to be disappointed by that.

I also heard, in life what you said you don't want to do or you are sure that you are never going to do that. Someday that thing will hapend and it will be surprisingly good, amazing or wonderful.

There days on social media I hear a stories like: a lot successful people are unsatisfied with what they have accomplished. They achieve things, because achieve big goals is going to make them happy.Lots of people work without a feeling satisfied or calm. It is either for families to survive or they don't think and work all day every day to accomplish something, or better say don't listen to themselves.

Kids sometimes study something just because their parents want that.

What you really want?

What you don't want?

What happened to you, that you thought it is never going to happened?

Have you forced a friendship and later regret it?

I’ve been thinking about the priorities that change so gradually you only notice them in hindsight. Things like peace, independence, dependable relationships, or having control over your time can start to feel very different. What rose the most on your personal priority list?

What would you miss, if at all, if the entire human race disappeared except you, your friends and family? Would you miss the rest?

If yes, what would you miss?

Edit: I really appreciate all your responses. I hope everyone reading this thread is reminded that even as strangers to each other, we are all so connected, and valuable to each other. Sure, we could live without each other or might even prefer some of your absense from a nice beach. :D But we would still miss you if you're gone. I am so grateful that we all exist, and sharing this timeline in human history. The weight of this realisation is truly beautiful to me. Okay, pheeww, enough tears, back to wars now.

Here’s a Philosophical question. In front of you is a person and you have a gun pointed at their head, the gun is unloaded and you have the choice to pull the trigger or not to pull the trigger. The person doesn’t know it’s unloaded but they know you have the choice to pull the trigger. Would you pull the trigger?

Let me just say that I always appreciate and respect people’s identities and looking to gain insight and knowledge about gender ideology and how people perceive themselves as unique individuals in our society, however, as a bi man myself.

The concept of being transgender has always stumped me because science has always taught me that you’re the gender whats held inside your pants, however as I learn more about the LGBTQ+ community that Im in, it struck me that if I continue in believing in my thoughts then how can I support my friends and people who identify they’re trans?

I also get it confused with non-binary folks since they sound like the same idea but I know its not and its a complete opposite.

If anyone can help me understand what being trans is and the difference between being nonbinary then that will help. Also on how to support people who are trans themselves.

Thanks

I’ve only just realised that America changed maritime laws in the 1980’s to be different to everyone else.
The rest of the world always required ships entering a harbour to keep the red marker on the left and the green on the right. In the 1970’s a huge shipping accident occured and there was an attempt to standardise the system but America wouldn’t agree. To this day they abide by the complete opposite with green on the left entering a harbour.

Meanwhile most of the world uses metric measurements but America had to be different and uses imperial.

What other weird alterations did America make to the established world order in its history?

I’ve been thinking about something for a while, and I’m genuinely trying to understand the psychology behind it.

Why do some people seem to place others into hierarchies? Why do some people treat someone differently depending on their achievements, appearance, career, social status, or how “successful” they seem from the outside?

I find this really difficult to understand because I don’t naturally see people that way. I don’t understand how someone can look at another person and unconsciously decide that they deserve more respect, patience, or kindness because they have achieved certain things.

Something I’ve been struggling with is the feeling that some people only started seeing me differently after I had “proven” myself. After I had a good career, a nice home, and appeared more confident from the outside, suddenly the way people interacted with me changed.

And I find that incredibly confusing and honestly painful, because the person was still the same person before.

I was still the same person when I was struggling. I still had feelings, needs, thoughts, and things that mattered to me. Why does it sometimes feel like people only recognize someone’s worth after there is external evidence that they are “successful”?

I also wonder if this is something that happens between siblings or within families. Is it common for one sibling to be seen through a certain role for years, while people don’t really see them as a whole person anymore?

Something else I struggle to understand is why some people seem to think it’s okay to hurt someone who is more sensitive or who doesn’t respond in the same way.

I’ve often had the feeling in my life that people thought they could do things to me that they wouldn’t do to others. Maybe because I was visibly hurt instead of immediately fighting back. Maybe because I had certain moral boundaries and didn’t want to hurt someone back just because they hurt me.

But I don’t understand what happens psychologically when someone sees another person’s pain and needs, but somehow doesn’t fully register them.

The hardest part for me is that I know rationally people can hurt others because of their own choices, patterns, or limitations. But emotionally, I still struggle with accepting that someone can hurt me without there being something wrong with me.

A part of me always wants to find the reason inside myself.

“Maybe I caused it.”
“Maybe I wasn’t enough.”
“Maybe there was something about me that made this happen.”

Even though I know logically that isn’t always true.
I’m curious about people’s experiences with this. Have you ever noticed people treating you differently after you became more successful or confident? Do you think some people genuinely don’t see the person behind the role they have assigned them?

And for those who grew up in families where these dynamics existed how did you understand it later in life? What was actually happening there?

When I created my Reddit account, I signed up directly through Google and never got the option to choose my own username.

Now I’m really not liking the username Reddit gave me 😅

Is there any way to change it, or am I stuck with it? Has anyone dealt with this before?

I’ve been thinking about how politically divided the United States has become, and I’m curious what people here think. Is it possible that Donald Trump is going to be the reason behind the Second American Civil War, or is this only an exaggeration ? I do not mean a conflict like it happened in the 1860s, with armies and battle lines, but is there going to be another form of political fighting similar to prolonged political violence and confrontation of extremist organizations?
( I'm from crete and I'm just curious about the futur of America :) )

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Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

I replied with "ok" and I won't reach out anymore until he does. But I think its the end.

Its midnight, Friday. He hasn't reached out since.

Middle of Friday and still silence. I think its an answer.

Saturday morning. Silence. Its evening of Saturday and still silence

And I think he is silent because of the whole drama with screenshots from ex, like he sees me as guilty and as he said "he cannot trust me anymore" and said I "betrayed" him. That's why he is silent probably.

Sorry for the long text.

Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

And the fact he has been distant lately is definitely because of stalking drama with ex and it changed the whole dynamic between us. But even before drama, he wouldn't pick up his phone several days in a row in the evenings, ignoring my texts, being dry, not wanting to meet etc etc but now he distanced for days.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

Also isn't his "you want me to promise you I won't meet with anyone for the rest of my life or what" a telling sign...there might be someone already?

Should I send him a final goodbye now and block or wait until he reaches out and then tell him? I reaaaallly need to tell him what a piece of sh\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\_t he is.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings. He has contact with his ex, I reached out to her catfishing as someone else and she sent me screenshots proving that they talk. He said I betrayed him and is distancing now. Should I confront him?