u/Any_Insect8448

​

He says he needs to fix himself first, when he goes silent he says he wasn't talking even to his mom or family, doesnt want to commit and says he'd rather distance himself -that it feels safer to him. He knows he is not treating me well and when I pointed it out, he understood how bad it looks. I suggested he looks up avoidant attachment or go to therapy to fix whatever trauma he has. I also have been understanding. He told me he doesnt want any relationship with anyone months ago because he knows he is acting mean with me and needs to fix himself. Says I won't understand him because he doesn't even understands himself. Also says every little daily thing he Has to do, he is having issue doing. He told me I'm too valuable for him. Is it possible he thinks he is just not good enough for me?

I told him how I feel when he treats me like this and he said now that I told him, he sees it and feels bad about it.

And says he has personal problems.

Also says I'm important to him.

We are LDR. Met once. Everytime when I want to meet, he says next time, not right now, we will see. Later he says he was embarassed of himself and that's why he doesnt want to meet. (He does drugs every weekend)

Is it possible he will overcome his demons and commit to me?

Also I'm a believer of theory that whether you have problems or not, if you want someone, there is nothing stopping you.

​

He says he needs to fix himself first, when he goes silent he says he wasn't talking even to his mom or family, doesnt want to commit and says he'd rather distance himself -that it feels safer to him. He knows he is not treating me well and when I pointed it out, he understood how bad it looks. I suggested he looks up avoidant attachment or go to therapy to fix whatever trauma he has. I also have been understanding. He told me he doesnt want any relationship with anyone months ago because he knows he is acting mean with me and needs to fix himself. Says I won't understand him because he doesn't even understands himself. Also says every little daily thing he Has to do, he is having issue doing. He told me I'm too valuable for him. Is it possible he thinks he is just not good enough for me?

I told him how I feel when he treats me like this and he said now that I told him, he sees it and feels bad about it. And says he has personal problems.

Also says I'm important to him.

We are LDR. Met once. Everytime when I want to meet, he says next time, not right now, we will see. Later he says he was embarassed of himself and that's why he doesnt want to meet. (He does drugs every weekend)

Is it possible he will overcome his demons and commit to me?

Also I'm a believer of theory that whether you have problems or not, if you want someone, there is nothing stopping you.

​

He says he needs to fix himself first, when he goes silent he says he wasn't talking even to his mom or family, doesnt want to commit and says he'd rather distance himself -that it feels safer to him. He knows he is not treating me well and when I pointed it out, he understood how bad it looks. I suggested he looks up avoidant attachment or go to therapy to fiz whatever trauma he has. I also have been understanding. He told me he doesnt want any relationship with anyone months ago because he knows he is acting mean with me and needs to fix himself.Says I won't understand him because he doesn't even understands himself. Also says every little daily thing he Has to do, he is having issue doing. He told me I'm too valuable for him.

We are LDR. Met once.

Is it possible he will overcome his demons and commit to me?

Also I'm a believer of theory that whether you have problems or not, if you want someone, there is nothing stopping you.

​

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

I replied with "ok" and I won't reach out anymore until he does. But I think its the end.

Its midnight, Friday. He hasn't reached out since.

Middle of Friday and still silence. I think its an answer.

Saturday morning. Silence. Its evening of Saturday and still silence

And I think he is silent because of the whole drama with screenshots from ex, like he sees me as guilty and as he said "he cannot trust me anymore" and said I "betrayed" him. That's why he is silent probably.

Sorry for the long text.

Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

And the fact he has been distant lately is definitely because of stalking drama with ex and it changed the whole dynamic between us. But even before drama, he wouldn't pick up his phone several days in a row in the evenings, ignoring my texts, being dry, not wanting to meet etc etc but now he distanced for days.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

Also isn't his "you want me to promise you I won't meet with anyone for the rest of my life or what" a telling sign...there might be someone already?

Should I send him a final goodbye now and block or wait until he reaches out and then tell him? I reaaaallly need to tell him what a piece of sh\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\_t he is.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings. He has contact with his ex, I reached out to her catfishing as someone else and she sent me screenshots proving that they talk. He said I betrayed him and is distancing now. Should I confront him?

​

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

I replied with "ok" and I won't reach out anymore until he does. But I think its the end.

Its midnight, Friday. He hasn't reached out since.

Middle of Friday and still silence. I think its an answer.

Saturday morning. Silence

And I think he is silent because of the whole drama with screenshots from ex, like he sees me as guilty and as he said "he cannot trust me anymore" and said I "betrayed" him. That's why he is silent probably.

Sorry for the long text.

Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

And the fact he has been distant lately is definitely because of stalking drama with ex and it changed the whole dynamic between us. But even before drama, he wouldn't pick up his phone several days in a row in the evenings, ignoring my texts, being dry, not wanting to meet etc etc but now he distanced for days.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

Also isn't his "you want me to promise you I won't meet with anyone for the rest of my life or what" a telling sign...there might be someone already?

Should I send him a final goodbye or wait until he reaches out and then tell him?.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings. He has contact with his ex, I reached out to her catfishing as someone else and she sent me screenshots proving that they talk. He said I betrayed him and is distancing now. Should I confront him about how much he hurt me?

​

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

I replied with "ok" and I won't reach out anymore until he does. But I think its the end.

Its midnight, Friday. He hasn't reached out since.

Middle of Friday and still silence. I think its an answer.

Saturday morning. Silence

And I think he is silent because of the whole drama with screenshots from ex, like he sees me as guilty and as he said "he cannot trust me anymore" and said I "betrayed" him. That's why he is silent probably.

Sorry for the long text.

Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

And the fact he has been distant lately is definitely because of stalking drama with ex and it changed the whole dynamic between us. But even before drama, he wouldn't pick up his phone several days in a row in the evenings, ignoring my texts, being dry, not wanting to meet etc etc but now he distanced for days.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

Also isn't his "you want me to promise you I won't meet with anyone for the rest of my life or what" a telling sign...there might be someone already?

Should I send him a final goodbye or wait until he reaches out and then tell him?.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings. He has contact with his ex, I reached out to her catfishing as someone else and she sent me screenshots proving that they talk. He said I betrayed him and is distancing now. Should I confront him about how much he hurt me?

​

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

I replied with "ok" and I won't reach out anymore until he does. But I think its the end.

Its midnight, Friday. He hasn't reached out since.

Middle of Friday and still silence. I think its an answer.

Saturday morning. Silence

And I think he is silent because of the whole drama with screenshots from ex, like he sees me as guilty and as he said "he cannot trust me anymore" and said I "betrayed" him. That's why he is silent probably.

Sorry for the long text.

Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

And the fact he has been distant lately is definitely because of stalking drama with ex and it changed the whole dynamic between us. But even before drama, he wouldn't pick up his phone several days in a row in the evenings, ignoring my texts, being dry, not wanting to meet etc etc but now he distanced for days.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

Also isn't his "you want me to promise you I won't meet with anyone for the rest of my life or what" a telling sign...there might be someone already?

Should I send him a final goodbye or wait until he reaches out and then tell him?.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings. He has contact with his ex, I reached out to her catfishing as someone else and she sent me screenshots proving that they talk. He said I betrayed him and is distancing now. Should I confront him about how much he hurt me?

​

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

I replied with "ok" and I won't reach out anymore until he does. But I think its the end.

Its midnight, Friday. He hasn't reached out since.

Middle of Friday and still silence. I think its an answer.

Saturday morning. Silence

And I think he is silent because of the whole drama with screenshots from ex, like he sees me as guilty and as he said "he cannot trust me anymore" and said I "betrayed" him. That's why he is silent probably.

Sorry for the long text.

Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

And the fact he has been distant lately is definitely because of stalking drama with ex and it changed the whole dynamic between us. But even before drama, he wouldn't pick up his phone several days in a row in the evenings, ignoring my texts, being dry, not wanting to meet etc etc but now he distanced for days.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

Also isn't his "you want me to promise you I won't meet with anyone for the rest of my life or what" a telling sign...there might be someone already?

Should I send him a final goodbye or wait until he reaches out and then tell him?.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings. He has contact with his ex, I reached out to her catfishing as someone else and she sent me screenshots proving that they talk. He said I betrayed him and is distancing now. Should I confront him about how much he hurt me?

​

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

I replied with "ok" and I won't reach out anymore until he does. But I think its the end.

Its midnight, Friday. He hasn't reached out since.

Middle of Friday and still silence. I think its an answer.

Saturday morning. Silence

And I think he is silent because of the whole drama with screenshots from ex, like he sees me as guilty and as he said "he cannot trust me anymore" and said I "betrayed" him. That's why he is silent probably.

Sorry for the long text.

Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

And the fact he has been distant lately is definitely because of stalking drama with ex and it changed the whole dynamic between us. But even before drama, he wouldn't pick up his phone several days in a row in the evenings, ignoring my texts, being dry, not wanting to meet etc etc but now he distanced for days.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

Also isn't his "you want me to promise you I won't meet with anyone for the rest of my life or what" a telling sign...there might be someone already?

Should I send him a final goodbye or wait until he reaches out and then tell him?.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings. He has contact with his ex, I reached out to her catfishing as someone else and she sent me screenshots proving that they talk. He said I betrayed him and is distancing now. Should I confront him about how much he hurt me?

​

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

I replied with "ok" and I won't reach out anymore until he does. But I think its the end.

Its midnight, Friday. He hasn't reached out since.

Middle of Friday and still silence. I think its an answer.

And I think he is silent because of the whole drama with screenshots from ex, like he sees me as guilty and as he said "he cannot trust me anymore" and said I "betrayed" him. That's why he is silent probably.

Sorry for the long text.

Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

And the fact he has been distant lately is definitely because of stalking drama with ex and it changed the whole dynamic between us. But even before drama, he wouldn't pick up his phone several days in a row in the evenings, ignoring my texts, being dry, not wanting to meet etc etc but now he distanced for days.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

Also isn't his "you want me to promise you I won't meet with anyone for the rest of my life or what" a telling sign...there might be someone already?

Should I send him a final goodbye or wait until he reaches out and then tell him?.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings. He has contact with his ex, I reached out to her catfishing as someone else and she sent me screenshots proving that they talk. He said I betrayed him and is distancing now. Should I confront him about how much he hurt me?

​

​

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

I replied with "ok" and I won't reach out anymore until he does. But I think its the end.

Its midnight, Friday. He hasn't reached out since.

Middle of Friday and still silence. I think its an answer.

And I think he is silent because of the whole drama with screenshots from ex, like he sees me as guilty and as he said "he cannot trust me anymore" and said I "betrayed" him. That's why he is silent probably.

Sorry for the long text.

Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

And the fact he has been distant lately is definitely because of stalking drama with ex and it changed the whole dynamic between us. But even before drama, he wouldn't pick up his phone several days in a row in the evenings, ignoring my texts, being dry, not wanting to meet etc etc but now he distanced for days.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

Also isn't his "you want me to promise you I won't meet with anyone for the rest of my life or what" a telling sign...there might be someone already?

Should I send him a final goodbye or wait until he reaches out and then tell him?.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings. He has contact with his ex, I reached out to her catfishing as someone else and she sent me screenshots proving that they talk. He said I betrayed him and is distancing now. Should I confront him about how much he hurt me?

​

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

I replied with "ok" and I won't reach out anymore until he does. But I think its the end.

Sorry for the long text.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

EDIT: Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings

​

This situation is really messing with my mental health and I need your perspective.

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if he needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Tuesday and still silence between us

Today on Wednesday, I sent him a msg asking if he wants to keep contact still and to just be honest and let me know. 3 hours and no response.

He responded sending a voice memo saying "he doesn't know how he sees this" and that "he hasn't been talking to anyone lately and that he needs to sort things out by himself" and "its not like I don't want to have contact at all, I will reach out probably but I need to sort things out by myself". What a BS.

Sorry for the long text.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

EDIT: Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings

​

This situation is really messing with my mental health and I need your perspective.

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Yesterday, Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I asked I understand, asked if we needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Its tuesday and still silence between us

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Sorry for the long text.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

EDIT: Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings

​

This situation is really messing with my mental health and I need your perspective.

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Yesterday, Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I asked I understand, asked if we needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

That was on Sunday. Its tuesday and still silence between us

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Sorry for the long text.

Do you think he is still involved with the ex or possibly looking for new options?

EDIT: Also I don't know if I mentioned it, but about a month ago, before the whole contacting ex drama happened, he told me I'm too valuable for him and I should 'focus on someone else' because he knows he has his own issues and stuff.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings

​

This situation is really messing with my mental health and I need your perspective.

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him and they broke up 4 years ago. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho(I contacted her from fake account, she gave me some info on that)

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Yesterday, Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I said I understand, asked if we needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore but this silence is making me upset. He could have answered and just give me clarity.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Sorry for the long text.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings

​

Some of you might seen this story. I used to post it few months ago. However, this situation is really messing with my mental health and I need your perspective.

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho.

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Yesterday, Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I asked I understand, asked if we needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Sorry for the long text.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings

​

Some of you might seen this story. I used to post it few months ago. However, this situation is really messing with my mental health and I need your perspective.

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho.

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Yesterday, Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I asked I understand, asked if we needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

Sorry for the long text.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings

​

Some of you might seen this story. I used to post it few months ago. However, this situation is really messing with my mental health and I need your perspective.

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho.

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Yesterday, Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I asked I understand, asked if we needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

What do you guys think? Sorry for the long text.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings

​

Some of you might seen this story. I used to post it few months ago. However, this situation is really messing with my mental health and I need your perspective.

Warning: long text

1. Meeting online

I met a guy on tiktok last September 2025.

He is 37, I am 26. He is divorced with two kids (divorce confirmed, before y'all tell me he is married still)

He lives abroad in a very big city. We are from the same country, same nationality. He texted me after my tt live. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I was careful with starting something new with someone so I wasn't really into it on the first few days. Later, I texted him first another day and this is how we started messaging. First two weeks he was lovebombing me. Telling me about his life, saying no one understood him like I do, even sent me videos of his city, it was beautiful and vision of him and me quickly blossomed in my mind. He kept telling me "would you be able to switch countries?" Showing me his apartment and stuff. Saying "you will be here haha", sending me good mornings every day, goodnights everyday, sweet words, he could text me every other hour. He wasn't the only one to initiate, it was mutual, but he was really into me so I was into him. This kept going until December 2025, we met on real life - he kept saying before that he wasn't ready, he has his own issues going on, he is afraid and stuff...however we met for few days, were intimate and stuff. (I drove to him)

To clarify, we are both attractive people, before you think I'm simping over handsome man.

2. Ex in the picture

He has ex gf that used to live with him. She has the same name and age as me. When we began talking on the phone, sometimes his phone would ring and he would tell me "oh its my ex, i don't want to talk to her". That raised red flags to me but I didn't panic yet.

He told me "she is calling him but he doesnt answer". When I visited in person, she also called.

He kept telling me they are just acquaintences / friends and she usually asks to borrow money.

Until now, I tried to respect it, however it rubbed me the wrong way. He doesnt have children with her. She also happened to live in his city again. They are not meeting each other tho.

3. Our contact since beginning of the year

We kept contact after we met in December, he didnt ghost me, kept calling a lot like always, could call me for hours after our meeting, we kept texting and checking up on each other.

I wanted to see him during New Years but he spent it with his kids. Which was sad for me because I really wanted to spend time with him.

February came up, he knew I could take days off my work because my company was closing. I asked him if we can meet and he kept having excuses. Told me he knows I want something more but he doesnt want to be in a relationship because he "has to fix himself first because he knows how he talks to me sometimes and that he is mean"

4. His behaviour

He abuses drugs frequently every weekend. In fact, when I visited, he asked me if I want to take it. That's why this time when I met him feel so euphoric and that's why I miss it so much because my brain associates it with this high feeling.

His drugs wasnt problem for me and I never judged it.

He has problem with communication, often when we talked he kept saying "this convo makes me angry" and raising his voice being mean and not understanding.

Everytime I brought up meeting, he would come up with "we'll see" "not right now" He later said he didnt want to meet because he "was embarassed of himself"

In March and April he would call me and we would sleep together on phone calls during night. Also he initiated it sometimes too and it was sweet and nice.

Since May, something changed. I would call on the evening, and he wouldnt respond. He still used to call me but not everyday like before.

June he called me only few times. He was sometimes drunk in a train, mentioned few times that a woman was staring/hitting on him in a train which I communicated that wasn't nice to say and he flipped it on me being jealous.

Also he is a narcissist. I'm not self diagnosing, but he loves to talk about himself, and I noticed lately he is not asking questions about myself. Do I work somewhere right now? (i do) , do I feel well? What I'm up to?

He dissapears every Saturday and responds late Sunday, because he was so drugged out at home.

As I said, he started distancing, I kept asking why, and he would say he feels like a loser and that has "a lot going on" . I would be supportive always, sending him messages of support and understanding.

Every time I asked to meet, he would come up with excuses. For example his buddy was staying at his place for a month and making a mess yet I cannot visit for 2 days because "woman visiting is different". He upset me many times refusing to see me.

5. July 2026 and me distancing

I wanted to distance myself because he of his comments about women on train, because of him not picking up my phone and not even calling back/apologizing for not picking up (he is doing this frequently) and he never calls back lately. I understood that he doesnt care about me as he claims he does and distanced a little. Less texting, I started going back to tiktok and doing lives sometimes (I did like 2 times) just talking to people and singing sometimes (I sing) because I wanted to focus on myself.

He noticed and tried to guilt trip me. Sent me a gift on tiktok live because I greeted him when he came to live and jokingly said "send some gift!" He sent me a gift and then sent me a long message that he sent me his last money and he doesnt have nothing to eat next day. Mind you, this man is making good money from what he said and what I saw visiting him.

Later, we began talking and he said " I know you won't be there for long....and you were the only person I have..."

I told him I'm still here but he was the one not giving any effort and feelings back so I feel rejected and sad

He said he knows. Said he has a lot going on, a lot feelings inside but couldn't give them, he feels like there is something wrong with him and stuff.

Told me "we will met, I promised to you" - another manipulation to keep me close without effort.

That conversation was vulnerable and honest but still nothing changed between me and him. We are only texting at this point. And yes I did text first and reached out after this convo still.

6. End of Jully 2026 - reaching out to ex

To keep it short, I reached to his ex from fake FB account as a guy and she kept sending me screenshots of them talking. She also told me he doesn't want to meet with her.

Lots of missed calls from her, him not picking up, next days her calling on facetime, he calling back after 2 mins, they talked for few minutes.

Next day, he approaches her first 5pm and calls her on face time. She is not picking up. Next messages he is showing her his weed he is growing, they talk about being hungover and stuff. She asks him about Netflix passwords and says to him "call me when you can" he didnt call that day.

Before I revealed myself to her, I told him that I didnt know they talk on facetime. IT was always him saying "she calls me, I don't pick up" which was partially true but it was actually him calling her (while not calling me for 2 weeks for example at all)

I talked to her as me, she told me "oh its only platonic, we respect each other due to the relationship we were in". I was respectful, however texting as a guy and pretending to know the truth was stalkerish Joe Goldberg vibes and crazy and I wish I never did that.

She promised not to tell him about this convo, I was respectful and told her I don't want to get between them but just wanted to know the truth.

To me, this is NOT normal and shows I AM not that important to him as he claimed.

She told him, shit hit the fan, I apologized to him like I just commited the worst crime, told him I needed to know whether he chooses me and I did use the worst way to find out. Asked him to forgive me for that but I would never do that if I knew how he feels about me and wondering just is killling me.

He told me "I told you I talk to her sometimes???"

But he told me she calls mostly. I didnt know that he also reaches out to her. And for what?

He was and is very angry about the whole ex thing and wanted to end our contact.

I told him how bad he is treating me the whole time and I never threw him out of my life for his mistakes.

(He told me once he knows he treats me bad and I should have told him to get the fuck out long time ago)

I take accountability for this mistake of texting the ex. However, he is the one who hurts me constantly with broken promises and never doing effort and being mean/lacking communication sometimes. No self reflection on dissappointing me and stuff.

7. Now

I wanted to steer our situationship to a normal pace again, so we kinda started to text normally. One day he texts me 9 AM and dissapears for whole day. Not responding for texts or something. I figured out he needs space after all that.

I brought up meeting and he got so angry. He told me "no, not right now" and got angry because "6pm hits and you already calling me" - he used to call me on his own before and wasn't annoyed like that. Told me he feels smothered and stuff.

I told him "so if you're not meeting me, you will be okay with meeting next person I suppose?"

He said something that broke me:

" What do you want, you want me to promise you I will never meet with anyone in my whole life? I don't want that for now for sure"

I asked what does he mean.

"That I'm not your property for example"

I said I know and I'm not his. But him saying I mean a lot and that I'm important meant something for me.

Ask him if I'm important still.

"You are in some extent"

We had heated convo on the phone. I got silent for two days since Friday because he told me he doesn't want to talk to me.

Yesterday, Sunday, he texts me "Is everything good?"

I said " yes, you told me not to reach out"

He said "I know (pet name) but I was worrying"

I asked I understand, asked if we needs more space or can we go back to normal contact. He didnt respond. I sent him goodnight. I won't reach out anymore.

His message about "promising me about not meeting anyone" broke my heart. After all that time he reasurred I'm important to him.

What do you guys think? Sorry for the long text.

TLDR; Guy (37M) I (26F) met online is acting avoidant and playing with my feelings