u/MycologistOrganic227

Me (32f) and my bf (28m) celebrated Valentine’s Day a month late. We got into a fight the night before and I cancelled our plans. To make up for it I got him a book that listed 50 reason why I love him and planned a whole day of fun activities for us.

When I gave him his gift he read the first 20 pages and started crying. I asked him if he was okay and he said no one had ever given him a gift this thoughtful before. He said he was going to read the rest later because he didn’t want to keep crying.

It’s been almost three months now and I recently asked him if he ever finished it. He told me he hasn’t and is waiting for a special time to read the rest of it.

AIO for being hurt and kind of pissed that he hasn’t read the rest of it? If he truly found it so special why wouldn’t he want to read the rest of it when he had the time? I would have read the rest of it immediately when I got home and thanked him again but instead it’s just collecting dust until he finds a “special” time. What does that even mean??

’m an artist and I’m lucky enough that my art is able to pay the majority of my bills. I’ve been doing this full time for six years but have occasionally had to get a pt job to help pay for unexpected bills/debts.

My last pt job I was working for a cleaning service. It was easy, only two days a week and honestly satisfying. It was working out well for a few months but then I started waking up every morning extremely overwhelmed by the thought of having to go in and having panic attacks while working causing me to have to go home mid shift. I eventually was fired.

I now have a new pt job. I’ve been here for a little over two months now and it’s easily one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. I get to take care of puppies, it’s only three days a week and only 3-4 hours a day. I will say it is very physically demanding but other than that I absolutely love dogs and taking care of puppies is a dream. The owner is also incredible and I feel lucky that I was able to get this job. But that sinking feeling is starting to set in. I’m starting to feel really overwhelmed about going in starting the night before and I start dreading it in the morning. I hate working for someone else. Even if they are amazing and understanding. The fact that I have to be in at a certain time and have to carry out those hours feels overwhelming. I don’t know if something is going to cause me to split mid shift or if I’m going to have a panic attack. They both come on so fast and in a working environment I don’t have the time or room to try to regulate and bring myself down and I’m terrified of letting the owner and my team down and getting fired…again.

I’ve been fired from so many jobs for my absences and having to leave mid shift. I really don’t want to lose this job and other than having to call off for my grandmas funeral I’ve been good at not calling off. But that feeling is starting to creep in again which makes it incredibly difficult to work. I try to hype myself up, tell myself over and over that I’m “going to have a good day” and it works to a certain extent but the whole time I’m at work it’s like I’m trying to manage my symptoms. It’s mentally exhausting and on top of all the physical work I’m completely drained after a 3-4 hour shift.

How on earth do you hold down a job while having this illness? I can’t go through the embarrassment and guilt from being fired again.

I’m an artist and I’m lucky enough that my art is able to pay the majority of my bills. I’ve been doing this full time for six years but have occasionally had to get a pt job to help pay for unexpected bills/debts.

My last pt job I was working for a cleaning service. It was easy, only two days a week and honestly satisfying. It was working out well for a few months but then I started waking up every morning extremely overwhelmed by the thought of having to go in and having panic attacks while working causing me to have to go home mid shift. I eventually was fired.

I now have a new pt job. I’ve been here for a little over two months now and it’s easily one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. I get to take care of puppies, it’s only three days a week and only 3-4 hours a day. I will say it is very physically demanding but other than that I absolutely love dogs and taking care of puppies is a dream. The owner is also incredible and I feel lucky that I was able to get this job. But that sinking feeling is starting to set in. I’m starting to feel really overwhelmed about going in starting the night before and I start dreading it in the morning. I hate working for someone else. Even if they are amazing and understanding. The fact that I have to be in at a certain time and have to carry out those hours feels overwhelming. I don’t know if something is going to cause me to split mid shift or if I’m going to have a panic attack. They both come on so fast and in a working environment I don’t have the time or room to try to regulate and bring myself down and I’m terrified of letting the owner and my team down and getting fired…again.

I’ve been fired from so many jobs for my absences and having to leave mid shift. I really don’t want to lose this job and other than having to call off for my grandmas funeral I’ve been good at not calling off. But that feeling is starting to creep in again which makes it incredibly difficult to work. I try to hype myself up, tell myself over and over that I’m “going to have a good day” and it works to a certain extent but the whole time I’m at work it’s like I’m trying to manage my symptoms. It’s mentally exhausting and on top of all the physical work I’m completely drained after a 3-4 hour shift.

How on earth do you hold down a job while having this illness? I can’t go through the embarrassment and guilt from being fired again.

So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 8 months. We’re long distance and only see each other a few days out of the month, which is important context here.

He has two cats and one of them he’s had for around 10 years. He’s like obsessed with her which I genuinely understand because I’m obsessed with my dog too. The issue isn’t really the cat itself it’s how emotionally neglected I’ve started to feel in comparison.

Almost every night we’re together he has to have her in bed with us. Normally I wouldn’t care except he’ll cuddle her instead of me. We barely get physical time together as it is and most nights the only time he cuddles me is if she doesn’t want to be in the bed or after she finally leaves in the middle of the night.

He’s constantly telling her how much he loves her, how beautiful she is, how she’s “the only girl in the world for him,” while petting her, holding her, giving her affection, etc. Meanwhile when we first started dating he used to compliment me all the time, tell me I was beautiful, be affectionate, all of that. Over time he slowly stopped. It got to a point where I basically had to freak out over it for him to start trying again.

Now he tells me I’m beautiful but overall I still feel emotionally and physically starved for affection unless we’re literally in bed together without his cat.
Last night was our last night together before I won’t see him again for two weeks. He started out cuddling me but then couldn’t sleep and brought the cat in because her purring helps him sleep. I started getting upset but tried really hard to regulate myself and remind myself that if this genuinely comforts him I don’t want to take that away from him. I kind of calmed down for a bit.
But then he started repeatedly telling her how much he loves her, how beautiful she is, how she’s the only girl in the world for him, while holding her close and giving her tons of affection. And I just completely shut down.

I rolled over and cried quietly. He asked if I was okay and I said I was fine because I knew if I opened my mouth I was going to explode and I’m also very passive aggressive.

I know logically this sounds ridiculous because it’s a cat. I’m aware of that. But emotionally it makes me feel abandoned, unwanted and second place. It’s not even really about the cat at this point it’s about watching the person I love freely give the exact affection and reassurance I’ve been begging for to something else while I feel deprived of it.

I don’t want to snap on him because I know this conversation could come out horribly if I wait until I’m angry enough. I want to bring it up calmly and explain that I’m not asking him to love his cat less I just need to feel loved too. Especially with how little time we get together physically.

Has anyone else ever experienced jealousy toward a pet before? Or felt emotionally neglected in a relationship in a way that attached itself to something irrational like this?

I feel genuinely exhausted and emotionally drained over this situation and fucking illness and I know my reaction is bigger than “just a cat.” I’m trying to figure out how to communicate this in a healthy way before resentment completely takes over.

My last close friend started copying everything I did. I’m an artist full-time and she’s an artist but very rarely makes or sells anything. So we started crafting together. I have a shit ton of craft supplies. Like hoarder level so I told her she could use some of my supplies but she was literally copying everything I was currently making or had already made like down to the T. I have a very niche art style so it’s obvious if it’s a copy. She sold something she “made” that looked identical to the earrings I already made. I told her nicely once that she can’t do that because that is what I do for a living and if she wants to be an artist she needs to find her own thing she was passionate about and she refused. I had two more conversations about it with her and then I totally split on her and cut her off. I was sending her really mean and angry texts because I felt she was threatening my business and was trying to vend with me after I’ve spent the past six years perfecting my art and it took years of very hard work to make a little name for myself in my town. I wasn’t going to let her try to take that away from me. So we gave each other our stuff back and I completely shut her out. She’s tried reaching out so many times and now apart of me misses her because apart from that we had a really great friendship. We did everything together she was like my FP. I hadn’t had a best friend like that in a long time and apart of me misses it. But I’m still so angry and confused about her copying me and I don’t think I can get over that.

Good morning!
I am posting for a friend.
My ex recently passed away due to complications from his addiction. I am still close with his mom and family and am looking for a support group in the Torrance area closer to Hermosa Beach.

If anyone could point me in the right direction that would be truly appreciated ♥️

TYIA ♥️

The last time we spoke we got into an argument and it reminded me of our past arguments and where they lead and I didn’t want to subject myself to that again so I decided it was best for me to stop speaking with you.

I regret it so much now. I could have helped more and I should have been there for you when you were at your lowest.

The truth is Spence, I have never loved or have been loved by anyone else the way we loved each other. It was an instant connection. The first time I ever saw you, you were wearing your black and white striped shirt, I knew and felt that you were going to be an important person in my life.

When I was having a disassociative attack and asked you to leave you just held me. I barely knew you at that point but you knew what to do without hesitation and you calmed me and brought me down so fast. We started talking all the time and had this instant understanding of each other. Like we could immediately be our authentic selves around each other. I had never met anyone I was so in tune with so instantly. I had never met you. I remember when I told you that I’d make you fall in love with me and you laughed and said “not if I make you fall in love with me first” I won ;) I remember when we were sitting on the bench and it was warm and sprinkling outside and you asked me if you could kiss me. I had so many butterflies inside me that I thought I was going to turn into one. And it was such a pure, passionate and anticipated kiss.

I loved you immediately.

When I was having a panic attack and I told you about it you immediately put on my favorite comfort show, snuggled up to me and wrapped a blanket around us. I knew I wanted to spend my life with you. I wanted to have a child with you and I’ve been anti-kids my entire life but with you everything felt alive and electric.

But the drug abuse came back and it turned you into someone unrecognizable. You hurt me. A lot. I tried to save you over and over again but the abuse got worse and I had to leave.

I thought I lost apart of my heart that day but I needed to do what was best for me. I thought about you everyday and compared everyone to you. But I could go a thousand years and never find anyone who made me feel the way you did.

I knew it was bad this time. It had almost been two years and I knew you wouldn’t have called me if it wasn’t something serious. So I answered and it was worse than I could have imagined. You lost yourself in such a scary way. I tried so hard for months and you were finally starting to get out of this paranoid state of mind when the controlling behavior started to creep back in. Finally one day I had it and decided to cut you off.

Now you’re dead. You’re not here and I can’t ever see or touch you again. I was the only person who was able to reach through to you and I cut you off. I should have stayed. I should have helped you. You would still be here. I could have gotten through to you to go to the hospital earlier. You’d be alive and sharing this planet with me but now the world is sadder without you. Now a piece of my heart really is missing. I can’t believe this is happening

The last time we spoke we got into an argument and it reminded me of our past arguments and where they lead and I didn’t want to subject myself to that again so I decided it was best for me to stop speaking with you.

I regret it so much now. I could have helped more and I should have been there for you when you were at your lowest.

The truth is Spence, I have never loved or have been loved by anyone else the way we loved each other. It was an instant connection. The first time I ever saw you, you were wearing your black and white striped shirt, I knew and felt that you were going to be an important person in my life.

When I was having a disassociative attack and asked you to leave you just held me. I barely knew you at that point but you knew what to do without hesitation and you calmed me and brought me down so fast. We started talking all the time and had this instant understanding of each other. Like we could immediately be our authentic selves around each other. I had never met anyone I was so in tune with so instantly. I had never met you. I remember when I told you that I’d make you fall in love with me and you laughed and said “not if I make you fall in love with me first” I won ;) I remember when we were sitting on the bench and it was warm and sprinkling outside and you asked me if you could kiss me. I had so many butterflies inside me that I thought I was going to turn into one. And it was such a pure, passionate and anticipated kiss.

I loved you immediately.

When I was having a panic attack and I told you about it you immediately put on my favorite comfort show, snuggled up to me and wrapped a blanket around us. I knew I wanted to spend my life with you. I wanted to have a child with you and I’ve been anti-kids my entire life but with you everything felt alive and electric.

But the drug abuse came back and it turned you into someone unrecognizable. You hurt me. A lot. I tried to save you over and over again but the abuse got worse and I had to leave.

I thought I lost apart of my heart that day but I needed to do what was best for me. I thought about you everyday and compared everyone to you. But I could go a thousand years and never find anyone who made me feel the way you did.

I knew it was bad this time. It had almost been two years and I knew you wouldn’t have called me if it wasn’t something serious. So I answered and it was worse than I could have imagined. You lost yourself in such a scary way. I tried so hard for months and you were finally starting to get out of this paranoid state of mind when the controlling behavior started to creep back in. Finally one day I had it and decided to cut you off.

Now you’re dead. You’re not here and I can’t ever see or touch you again. I was the only person who was able to reach through to you and I cut you off. I should have stayed. I should have helped you. You would still be here. I could have gotten through to you to go to the hospital earlier. You’d be alive and sharing this planet with me but now the world is sadder without you. Now a piece of my heart really is missing. I can’t believe this is happening

My (32f) boyfriend (28m) and I have been together for 7 months now.

I want to start off by saying I absolutely love him. So far this has been the most normal, supportive and understanding relationship I’ve been in.

Buuuut

I frequently change my hair color and usually go pink or purple for the spring/summer time.
I died my hair pink a couple months back and he never complimented me on it or said a word about it.

One of my main issues with him is he rarely compliments me. He tells me how much he loves me and appreciates me every single day but rarely tells me I’m beautiful.

The other day I brought this up and it turned into an argument. He feels that telling me he loves and appreciates me every day should imply that he finds me beautiful. To me they’re totally different. I feel secure in our relationship when he tells me he loves me and I feel confident when he tells me I’m beautiful. Two different feelings. And with the lack of compliments I’ve been feeling really insecure about my appearance and kind of obsessing over what I should change for him to want to say that to me.

I brought up my hair again and asked why even then he couldn’t tell me that I looked good with my new color. It turns out he thinks “it doesn’t suit me” and he didn’t want to be “disingenuous” so he said nothing.

This made me spiral out and now I’m sitting here with a Kroger bag on my head while my brown hair dye sets in.

I feel like I’m not being true to myself and kind of disgusted that I’m changing my appearance for a man but at the same time I’m so desperate for him to just tell me that he thinks I’m beautiful that I changed my hair color back to what he prefers. I knew if I didn’t I’d continue to spiral out and would never feel confident around him knowing that he thinks my hair color doesn’t look good on me.

I hate the way this is making me feel but I also couldn’t stop obsessing and worrying that he doesn’t find me attractive or finds me less attractive with colored hair. I’m so dependent on his approval and so desperate for him to just tell me I’m beautiful. I hate this part of my BPD. I hate that I feel like I can never be my authentic self because others may not accept me especially my FP. I hate that I’m so easily willing to change myself so I can hopefully turn into the person I feel he wants me to be.

I angrily told him that I would just dye it back. Idk if he believed me but I still haven’t told him that I went through with it and now I’m worried he’s going to feel bad for making me feel like I had to change myself for him. But my BPD brain kept screaming “if you don’t go back to brown he’ll leave you for someone prettier”. I know that’s not logical thinking but logic seems to fly out the window when it comes to my FP.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for after typing this out. I think I just needed a space to vent to people who could understand.

My (32f) boyfriend (28m) and I have been together for 7 months now.

I want to start off by saying I absolutely love him. So far this has been the most normal, supportive and understanding relationship I’ve been in.

Buuuut

I frequently change my hair color and usually go pink or purple for the spring/summer time.
I died my hair pink a couple months back and he never complimented me on it or said a word about it.

One of my main issues with him is he rarely compliments me. He tells me how much he loves me and appreciates me every single day but rarely tells me I’m beautiful.

The other day I brought this up and it turned into an argument. He feels that telling me he loves and appreciates me every day should imply that he finds me beautiful. To me they’re totally different. I feel secure in our relationship when he tells me he loves me and I feel confident when he tells me I’m beautiful. Two different feelings. And with the lack of compliments I’ve been feeling really insecure about my appearance and kind of obsessing over what I should change for him to want to say that to me.

I brought up my hair again and asked why even then he couldn’t tell me that I looked good with my new color. It turns out he thinks “it doesn’t suit me” and he didn’t want to be “disingenuous” so he said nothing.

This made me spiral out and now I’m sitting here with a Kroger bag on my head while my brown hair dye sets in.

I feel like I’m not being true to myself and kind of disgusted that I’m changing my appearance for a man but at the same time I’m so desperate for him to just tell me that he thinks I’m beautiful that I changed my hair color back to what he prefers. I knew if I didn’t I’d continue to spiral out and would never feel confident around him knowing that he thinks my hair color doesn’t look good on me.

I hate the way this is making me feel but I also couldn’t stop obsessing and worrying that he doesn’t find me attractive or finds me less attractive with colored hair. I’m so dependent on his approval and so desperate for him to just tell me I’m beautiful. I hate this part of my BPD. I hate that I feel like I can never be my authentic self because others may not accept me especially my FP. I hate that I’m so easily willing to change myself so I can hopefully turn into the person I feel he wants me to be.

I angrily told him that I would just dye it back. Idk if he believed me but I still haven’t told him that I went through with it and now I’m worried he’s going to feel bad for making me feel like I had to change myself for him. But my BPD brain kept screaming “if you don’t go back to brown he’ll leave you for someone prettier”. I know that’s not logical thinking but logic seems to fly out the window when it comes to my FP.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for after typing this out. I think I just needed a space to vent to people who could understand.

TW: Mention of ED

So me (32f) and my partner (28m) have been together for 7 months. I told him about my BPD early on and for the most part he has been very kind, patient and supportive of me. I’ve split on him before and have broken up with him twice for a very short period of time.

I can feel a split/rage building up inside me. My grandma is currently in hospice and only has a couple days to live, I am dealing with some medical issues, my mom recently spent an entire hour telling me how horrible and unlovable I am and on top of all that I’ve been working non-stop. The tipping point was went I went to the doctor yesterday and had to be weighed. I’ve struggled with an ED since middle school and with the stress of everything it’s found its way back.

These past few weeks I have been incredibly overwhelmed and stressed. I have asked my bf for reassurance but he’s hasn’t been very helpful since he is also currently overwhelmed and stressed. I have been patient and understanding with him. I’ve asked multiple times how I can be here for him but he keeps saying he doesn’t need any help and wishes he was in a better place to be there for me more.

I am going to therapy on a weekly basis but that only does so much when I start feeling elevated. I feel so selfish for saying this but I really need reassurance from my partner/FP.

Yesterday he sent me a long text explaining how he wishes he could be there for me more, isn’t sure how to be there for me, feels like he’s been failing me and wishes he was in a better headspace to help me. I responded by saying I know he’s doing the best he can right now and that I appreciate him and his effort….and I genuinely do! But I can feel this storm growing inside of me.

When I saw my weight yesterday it pushed me over the edge. I was telling him how it made me feel and how I feel so unattractive and have lost my confidence. He responded by saying how weights fluctuate, it’s normal and nothing I should worry about but he never once said he finds me attractive. This has been a huge issue for me in our relationship. We’ve talked about it multiple times and he still won’t do it. I can count on one hand how many times he’s told me I’m pretty or has complimented me in any way and yesterday I desperately needed him to just tell me that he finds me beautiful. Instead he went a fact based route, which I understand is his way of trying to be supportive, but I am at my breaking point with everything that’s going on. Seeing my weight yesterday triggered the hell out of me and just amplified my feelings towards everything else.

I tried to keep the conversation short with him because I do not want to split on him especially since he’s going through his own emotions right now but I desperately need that reassurance from him. I need him to tell me that he finds me beautiful and that he’ll stay by my side during all of this. It’s the only thing that will help calm me down a bit right now and hearing it from someone who isn’t my bf/FP doesn’t feel or help in the same way.

I feel so selfish needing this from him when he’s not having a good time either but this burning feeling is starting to consume me and I know if I can’t get the reassurance I need I’m going to split on him.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to talk with him about this without overwhelming him or it seeming unfair. What I do know is that I have a limited amount of time before I’m totally consumed and my usual soothing techniques aren’t helping.

If you have any advice on how I should address this please let me know! I can’t split on him again and potentially break up with him again because it might be too much and he might leave.

TW: Mention of ED

So me (32f) and my partner (28m) have been together for 7 months. I told him about my BPD early on and for the most part he has been very kind, patient and supportive of me. I’ve split on him before and have broken up with him twice for a very short period of time.

I can feel a split/rage building up inside me. My grandma is currently in hospice and only has a couple days to live, I am dealing with some medical issues, my mom recently spent an entire hour telling me how horrible and unlovable I am and on top of all that I’ve been working non-stop. The tipping point was went I went to the doctor yesterday and had to be weighed. I’ve struggled with an ED since middle school and with the stress of everything it’s found its way back.

These past few weeks I have been incredibly overwhelmed and stressed. I have asked my bf for reassurance but he’s hasn’t been very helpful since he is also currently overwhelmed and stressed. I have been patient and understanding with him. I’ve asked multiple times how I can be here for him but he keeps saying he doesn’t need any help and wishes he was in a better place to be there for me more.

I am going to therapy on a weekly basis but that only does so much when I start feeling elevated. I feel so selfish for saying this but I really need reassurance from my partner/FP.

Yesterday he sent me a long text explaining how he wishes he could be there for me more, isn’t sure how to be there for me, feels like he’s been failing me and wishes he was in a better headspace to help me. I responded by saying I know he’s doing the best he can right now and that I appreciate him and his effort….and I genuinely do! But I can feel this storm growing inside of me.

When I saw my weight yesterday it pushed me over the edge. I was telling him how it made me feel and how I feel so unattractive and have lost my confidence. He responded by saying how weights fluctuate, it’s normal and nothing I should worry about but he never once said he finds me attractive. This has been a huge issue for me in our relationship. We’ve talked about it multiple times and he still won’t do it. I can count on one hand how many times he’s told me I’m pretty or has complimented me in any way and yesterday I desperately needed him to just tell me that he finds me beautiful. Instead he went a fact based route, which I understand is his way of trying to be supportive, but I am at my breaking point with everything that’s going on. Seeing my weight yesterday triggered the hell out of me and just amplified my feelings towards everything else.

I tried to keep the conversation short with him because I do not want to split on him especially since he’s going through his own emotions right now but I desperately need that reassurance from him. I need him to tell me that he finds me beautiful and that he’ll stay by my side during all of this. It’s the only thing that will help calm me down a bit right now and hearing it from someone who isn’t my bf/FP doesn’t feel or help in the same way.

I feel so selfish needing this from him when he’s not having a good time either but this burning feeling is starting to consume me and I know if I can’t get the reassurance I need I’m going to split on him.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to talk with him about this without overwhelming him or it seeming unfair. What I do know is that I have a limited amount of time before I’m totally consumed and my usual soothing techniques aren’t helping.

If you have any advice on how I should address this please let me know! I can’t split on him again and potentially break up with him again because it might be too much and he might leave.

I have been dealing with reoccurring BV since December and I’m about to LOSE IT. I have tried everything! I’ve taken Clindamycin about 7 times now along with probiotics and suppositories and it just keeps coming around the same time of the month like clockwork. Usually around the time i’m ovulating. I can’t take flagyl because I am allergic to it.

I’ve been with my partner since August and didn’t start having issues until December. Even though he doesn’t seem to be the issue he decided to get treated during the same time I was to see if that would stop this cycle but it didn’t. We’ve now been pulling out during sex to see if that was the issue and it wasn’t. I have a healthy diet and drink lots of water so it can’t be from that. I am also very hygienic but stopped using my Ph balancing soap to see if that was triggering it but still nothing has changed.

I recently started deep diving and learned about biofilm. Biofilm is “a complex, slimy community of bacteria that adheres to the vaginal wall, creating a protective, antibiotic-resistant barrier.” Apparently BV can cause a layer of biofilm that antibiotics can’t touch. It acts like a shield, allowing bacteria to survive treatment which can lead to the reoccurrence of BV.

So, my next step is to figure out how to get rid of this biofilm, get treated and then find the right supplements and/or suppositories to keep everything balanced.

Has anyone tried treatment for biofilm before? What did you use and did it work?

I am at the end of my rope. I have lost all confidence. I feel gross, disgusting and like a walking disease all the time. Any suggestions or recommendations would be so appreciated ♥️