u/NaturalQuestion1464

I think I have fucked up everything in my life. I don't feel safe with anyone, and the person I did feel safe with got so overwhelmed by my depression and anxiety and drinking issues that they don't want me to rely on them anymore. I think our relationship is over. I just want to be out of my misery. I wish someone would just kill me since I'm too scared to do it myself and I don't have the tools for it. I have gender dysphoria, raised religious so transphobia is everywhere and I'm just called mentally ill and that I'm going to hell. I wish I would be sent there already cause I guess it doesn't fucking matter if i die or not

I'm afab, started having gender dysphoria when I was 15/16 and I'm 21 now. I know I'm a trans man or at least transmasc. I'm also very suicidal and have been thinking about committing so I'm not a burden to my religious family or anyone else who knows me tbh. I have major mental health issues, I just took time off work because i cant focus, I have a drinking issue and to drink whenever i feel depressed which made my bf upset to the point he ignored me which i don't blame him. I'm slowly beginning to think dying is the only escape since I'm told I'm not saved anyway so why would it matter if i died

I don't even know where to begin. My mental health has ruined my relationship. I had to break up with my partner. At first I thought it was just gender dysphoria eating me but it's more than that. I feel like I have no identity. I don't know who I am. I befriend people and then I dump my issues on them, make them worried and then push them away. I'm a horrible person. I thought I was over doing that years ago but with my current relationship I did just that and I still don't get how he still wants to be with me in the future

I feel like I'm nothing without him because I have nothing to look forward to. I have a nice family but Im distant

I have self harmed and I'm very suicidal. Im angry at myself for ruining my relationships that I just want to kill myself. I don't want to go to work anymore or go anywhere or eat anything i just want to die. I've contacted the suicide hotline but I'm still not convinced

I'm non binary and asexual (sex repulsed). I feel like I have a very low chance of anyone dating me because of it

I might be saying this because I had to breakup with my ex because of me being non binary. (He wasn't the proble, but his family was). Before him, I had no interest in dating at all but he made me realize I enjoyed it. Now I'm heartbroken that I probably have no chance of finding anyone

And I know I could go on dating apps and put myself out there but I don't think that's a good idea since one, I just had a breakup and two, I don't know if I even would open myself up to anyone again. I hate the feeling of heartbreak, I loved him so much. I feel like I just need to be alone cause no one is going to understand me

I know for sure I'm asexual. And I know this isn't a subreddit to discuss bisexuality/biromanicism but I wanna know if anyone else can relate

I was in a relationship with a guy for almost a year and a half. Before and even during dating him I wondered what it would be like dating a girl. He knew about this so it's not like I was trying to hide it. Just curiosity

I love men and my ex partner but if I'm being honest, penises just scare and repulse me and it's smth I struggled with during my relationship. I am sex repulsed also and I feel like if I ever saw my ex partner's genitalia I would be scared.

Now that im single I started to fantasize dating a girl. But I'm not sure if I actually want to date a girl because I like girls or that I would just feel more comfortable with them. Or even a trans guy, doesn't matter

This is an incredibly weird and stupid fear I have and I'm sorry I wasted anyone's time

Not necessarily for asexual reasons, but partially I suppose. It still worried me that a sexless relationship wasn't gonna be enough for him. I kept trying to convince myself that sex would be okay, even if I was told a sexless relationship was just fine. I always felt guilty because he was allosexual and I wasn't.

But I guess I won't have to worry about that anymore even if that wasn't the main reason we had a mutual breakup. I will always miss him, he was very supportive and understanding.

Now I just feel sad and lonely.

Don't know if anyone is going to read all this, it's just me being heartbroken.

To start, Im gonna state it was a mutual breakup. It was not done on bad terms.

My gender dysphoria had been an issue from the start of dating but I tried to ignore it since I loved my bf. I wanted to just put on a mask and pretend to be a woman for him. He accepted me for being trans but I couldn't live with it since his family is against anything related to being transgender. It made both of us nervous. I got stressed out constantly and I couldn't take it anymore.

(My family is also against anything related to being transgender so I felt like I was trapped on both sides)

We dated for almost a year and half. I tried so hard to make it work, I loved being around him. He was so supportive and understanding in everything I did. He always made me feel better. I wanted him so badly. I wish it could have just been me and him together with no one else, because I wouldn't have worried at all.

In a way, I feel free because I felt like I was put on chains and being held back from my true self. I felt like I was putting on an act. I thought my love for him was stronger than my gender journey, but it wasn't. Towards the end I started to get distant from him because I knew that the future didn't seem happy to me.

I can only now focus on myself and see where this journey will take me.