u/No-Pie-7676

Hi guys!! I’m a young ESFJ and I’m trying to get over some social anxiety I have due to past situations. Whenever I try to talk to someone that’s a stranger, especially people my age, I get really nervous and I always assume the worst or how they might think about me. So I either end up really quiet, I only say a word or two, or I just end up too loud that I embarrass myself around them. I really do love people and talking to them, but I struggle at first when trying to talk to them. If you guys were ever in this situation, do you have any advice for me.

I have this friend, (let’s call her B), that I recently met up with and I’m considering cutting ties with her. I’ve been friends with B for the past 3 years and we both met and bonded with each other through being the outcasts in school. During those 3 years, we got really close and we were hanging out all the time at school. I even considered B a best friend of mine for a couple years.

However, things started to change recently due to me fixing some of the issues I had in my life and realising that I enjoy being around other people a lot and how that’s how I get my energy through the day, and why I can be kinda uncomfortable alone in public spaces where everyone’s talking. I also learned about all of the struggles B was going through, and how it might bring me down in the future.

When we got to the meet up, I was so excited to see B, so I gave her a hug and started to talk with her. However, B was weirdly uncomfortable about how I was acting. (I wasn’t doing anything weird or unusual for the situation btw.) During the whole event, I was talking to the other people in the group while B only had a few conversations with me, ignored a high five I was trying to give her, and barely could have a conversation with anybody else.

I don’t expect everyone to be super extroverted or love people like me, I love my introvert friends so much and they’re so sweet, my best friend is an introvert and she’s amazing. But if I put so much time and effort into being friendly with someone and making conversation with them, I at least expect some appreciation for it.

I’m considering cutting B off due to how she always acts like she did at the meet up. She was in communication classes for years, yet she still won’t put in any effort to improve. B has been told about this before by some of my other friends about this, but she turns up her nose to the advice, calls it being rude, and B always thinks that we don’t “understand her” by giving her some advice.

So if you guys were in this situation, or if you have been before, what would you do?

I’m a young teen girl and I’ve known this girl (let’s call her K), for the last 4 or so years. K is very sweet and I love her personality. However, I’m very concerned since Ive been noticing she’s been going down the same path I went down. I had social anxiety, especially around men, for a long time due to bad past experiences. I became friends with a trans person and soon after, I found the trans social media community. This lead me down to believing that I was a guy trapped in a girl’s body, and that the cure to my issues would be if I transitioned into a man. During this time, I isolated myself from people, stopped talking, I came out as non binary to my friends, and I changed my name. This lasted for 6-9 months, and I regret every second of it. Even though it was that short of a phase and I never touched a hormone in my life, I occasionally get these very sore throats for no reason, and it sometimes feels a bit hard to talk. Now, I see my friend hanging out with all of these trans people. I can tell that K has been watching trans content, the same harmful stuff I was watching. I also see that K is wearing these pronoun pins, and if you mess up on her by accident, she will get mad at you for it. I’m so scared for K since I know that she (like I was), is pretty vulnerable to these communities and is struggling a bit outside of the trans thing, and just wants to fit in somewhere. I really care about K and I want to uplift her, but I want to see the best for her and I want K to see how dangerous this is for her. How can I help her?

I’ve looked into cognitive function, I’ve studied mbti, yet I’m still coming inconclusive on my results. I’ve gotten Isfp, Infp, Enfp, Entp, Entj, Enfj, Esfj, Esfp, Estp, Istp, and even Istj on these tests. None of the extroverted ones seem to fit me cognitively, except for the extroverted part, and the introverted ones fit me great cognitively, I cannot relate to their need of alone time, and self reflection.

My thinking patterns:

I think inwardly first, and I think and decide what I want in private mainly by my desires and interests, and I’m very quick to judge. I usually go with the first idea that pops into my head. However, my opinion can adapt and change quite quickly although it can be challenging at first. I take in information by a proven method, then I follow it, with a few personal touches. My mind can easily change from topic to topic and I make connections from one thing to the next quite quickly. A lot of these connections involve my interests. I get very excited on ideas, and I usually branch out and connect a bit on them, but not too much. And I decide at first by what I want. When I don’t want to do something, I delay it a bit, I procrastinate, or I depend on others to do it for me.

My actions in the real world:

I’m very energetic, optimistic, my personality is sometimes described as charming by others. I’m also noticeably on the extroverted side, more moderately I would say, not on the more ambiverted side and not on the extreme extroverted side either. I mostly gain my energy from people and although I need some alone time, it’s quite short, and I get bored of my own company after I’ve done everything I could alone. I’m prone to getting bored and I’m quite hyper. I crave action, going out in the world and doing things that entertain me. When I get an idea, I want to act on it right there and then, I get anxious if I can’t do it right that moment. I thrive on connection with people and I always want to have someone around me that I can talk to about all of my crazy interests and tell jokes to. I also crave community and having a sense of belonging to a group. I love to deep dive into my niche interest, and gather all the facts I can about them. I’m open to shift my perspective and I sometimes disregard my own feelings in weird ways, such as lack of communication, lying, etc. I like to seek other’s opinions on situations and ask for help and when they offer, I take their advice happily. I trust a lot of people, and I would open up to anybody, not just a select group. I know what I want a lot, but I usually let others decide. I enjoy possibility making for a while, but I want to know the answer soon enough. In conversations, I focus on the topic at hand and what I can contribute to it, though answers, connection, etc. I like finding similarities and differences between me and others. I also enjoy subjects like history and language learning to see how one point leads to the next. I live life valuing myself, exploring the world, and finding meaningful connections with others. I say let live but, I only keep it for me, I will sometimes impose my views on others. I will also break a small moral here and there if it benefits me.

When I’m stressed+My weaknesses:

I mainly get stressed by too many assignments that have to be done since I’m always focusing on my interests and socialising with others. I also get quite distracted by these things, so I get emotional when I don’t do them due to lack of time management and motivation. I also absorb the emotions in the room like a sponge at time, and when others are angry, I can snap at them. When I’m stressed, I’m a lot more reflective on myself, needy of other‘s support, and only letting my side be heard. When I do this, I reflect so carefully on my mistakes, I get so emotional on what I did and my wrongdoings, and how they affected me and others. I always appreciate advice from others though about my feelings. I’m awful at remembering small details in conversation, I’m very spontaneous, I’m too rigid at times, and I can’t predict what people will do next, I just can’t.

I‘m leaning towards ISFP and type 7w6, followed by INFP and 9w8 as a close second right now.

I have been studying cognitive functions and I’ve decided I’m an ISFP. However I have doubts about this, since Isfp fits me perfectly except for how they recharge and gain energy, how they can make connections, and how observant they are to details. On most cognitive function tests and through others, I‘m pretty sure I’m an Fi dom. Since I love expressing my emotions, my feelings dictate my world and I live for myself, not anyone else. And when people tell me I’m too this or too that, I stick up for my belief. But I mostly gain energy from other people, not from my own mind, unless I get a really good idea that I can put in place or at least is possible in the real world. I sometimes need alone time, like my type, but unlike most, I need to go out and do stuff and I get quite bored after more than 1-2 days alone no contact. I see the big picture rather than small details and I act spontaneously, when an idea comes to mind sometimes. I also love going out so much, I could do it for 4-5 hours everyday. I also can see visual connections, most times unrelated to the thing at play and interests. I have quite an easy time going back and forth on topics and I feel most alive alone when branching out on strange ideas that could happen in the real world. If I get on a call with someone or see someone out there when I’m tired, my energy level noticeably goes up. I’m known for being the energetic one in the group, and although a bit shy, I can talk to new people quite easily and find some fun in doing that. I enjoy seeing connections happen in real time, that’s why I love things like history and languages, hobbies you can build up on, getting from one place to the next. Though I don’t always see possibilities everywhere and I make decisions quite easily but I can adapt to another idea and change my mind quickly. And on the big 5 test, I mainly get 60-80 range in extroversion, mostly around 70-75.

For background, I have this friendship with this girl, let’s call her B. B and I have been friends for about 3 years now and we’ve always been pretty close. So, B and I had plans yesterday night that we set up so we could see each other, since it’s been a while and we want to get closer again and just see how the summer‘s going for each of us. I recently started to push myself to be more social recently, and I realised that I love being social and that being around people makes me happy. So, I changed my attitude and energy a bit. A lot of my friends, including my introvert friends love my energy in conversations and quite a few of them have said something to me about it recently. I haven’t talked to B recently though aside from the meet up, so I was curious on how she would like my constant energy and love for people. However, some of my family members have been saying stuff to me over the last 6 months about how B might not be the best influence for me. But I didn’t really see an issue with her until we met up last night. When I got there, I was really happy to see her and I talked a lot about how she was. But instead of being happy to see me, she just seemed uncomfortable for no reason. We hung out for quite a while last night but she just seemed really off that whole time. B didn’t want to talk and could barely hold a conversation with anyone there except for me. And when the other people there tried to say something to her, she just gave a one word answer. One time I tried to give B a high five, but when she saw it, she completely ignored it. After the meet up, someone said something to me about how I shouldn’t be hanging out with B all of the time. I agree with them and I‘m thinking about cutting ties with B because why am I putting so much effort into our friendship when she puts almost none. She was in social skills and communication classes for years, yet she still hasn’t made any progress. When me and my other friends try to give B advice, she doesn’t even try to listen to our advice. However, I still do really care about B, and I want the best for her. Also, she is still part of my friend group, and I don’t want to create unnecessary tension in the group. If you guys were me, what would you do?

I’ve gotten like half of the mbti types, I know the cognitive functions but I’m still confused because all could fit me.

The Questions:

1. What makes you respect individuals, groups, or organizations? List whatever you can think of

2. What kind of things turn you off about a person, a brand/company, or a particular environment? What gets under your skin (in a bad way)

3. How good is your memory for detail? Specific conversations you've had in the past, little tasks that need to get done, what you were doing the first time you heard a song or tried a food, etc.

4. What do you spend the most time thinking about - the past, the present, the future? Practical topics, logistical issues, relationships with people, theoretical concepts, issues of morality/ethics? Do you find yourself fixating on one thing, coming back to it, and trying to figure it out, or are you more prone to meandering through multiple tangentially related topics? Do you often daydream/space out? When you do daydream or fantasize, what kind of things do you imagine and think about.

5. Think about a topic or two you're really interested in and like having conversations about. Do you think you would generally have more fun talking about that topic with an enthusiastic, curious listener who asks you lots of great questions, or do you think you would generally have more fun listening to an interesting, entertaining person talk at length about it and answer your questions enthusiastically. In the last question, what topic(s) were you think about?

6. If someone is doing something that you strongly disagree with, how likely are you to confront them about it? If you do confront them, how do you usually tend to do it? How does your answer change depending on your relationship with the person, and whether their actions directly affect you.

7. How interested are you in trying new things - traveling, trying strange and exotic foods, going on roller coasters, jumping out of airplanes, things like that? Regardless of how interested you are, how willing would you be to do those things if someone asked you to? How often do you actually do things like that? Give examples.

8. How would other people describe your demeanor? It may help to ask people you know. How emotional do you seem to people? How rational? Do you tend to be quiet and reserved, or more loud and talkative? Do you seem to choose your words carefully, or talk stream of consciousness, or do you sometimes think so fast you stumble trying to get all the words out? Do you tend to finish your sentences, or skip to the next sentence in the middle of the one you're saying, or skip to new topics entirely? Do you interrupt - if so, when and how often? How do you feel if someone interrupts you? How often do you feel like you have so much energy you can't sit still and need to be up and moving? How hard is it for you to get out of bed in the morning, or get up after relaxing for a long time?

9. Are you involved in any creative activities or projects? What are they and why do you like them? What are your goals in these areas? What have you felt most proud of or satisfied with? How likely are you to finish a particular project you start.

10. What are your age, gender, and nationality, if you feel comfortable sharing?

My Answers:

1. If I see they treat their own customers with respect as they do with the company and if the company is reliable.

2. Frequent and unnecessary rudeness to customers for no reason.

3. I do not have any sort of small detail memory like that. Small tasks go in one ear and out the other unless it made an impact to me like a funny conversation or something interesting happened.

4. My mind is mainly on the present, with visits of both the past and future. Though my mind can easily go from one topic to the next, I can think in and out of reality in the snap of a finger. I daydream only when I’m bored and my mind makes branches of one idea rather than going full crazy in my mind.

5. I have more fun being the talker. I love being enthusiastic about stuff and making people happy is just a bonus. As long as I get my thoughts out, I’m happy and I don’t care too much about indifference.

6. I mainly just leave them be, it’s not my business anyway. But if I have to, I talk to the about it in the most professional way possible while getting my honest point across.

7. I’m interested in the new. Expanding my palate is something I find joy in doing. Though I do get nervous right before doing it due to negative possibilities.

8. Other people describe me as funny, cheerful, and optimistic but sometimes I can be a bit unaware of my actions and the environment around me. They say I’m quite energetic and that I can find many similarities in all types of people I meet. I tend to interrupt only when there isn’t a clear structure of the conversation. I‘m described as imaginative but realistic and spontaneous but rigid.

9. I dabble in art sometime. The interesting part about art is that, I can bring my thoughts to life, I can change my ideas mid project, and do stuff my way. However, I don’t finish a lot of projects I start, mostly due to me finding them boring.

10. I’m too young lol. And no I don’t because I lowkey am terrible at singing.

Here’s a bit about myself:

My favourite hobbies are paint by numbers, listening to music, playing Mario Kart, posting on social media, and calling my friends. My main energy comes from doing things I love with a few of my loved ones. However, I do need short periods of alone time sometimes but after a short period of time alone (more than a day or two) I get quite bored and I need someone to talk to. I’m somewhat comfortable around people I don’t know and I often connect with people quite easily. I like to talk a lot especially about the things I like but I also like to hear about other people’s stories. I have a vivid imagination but I don’t let it get in the way of life, instead I let my feelings, my moral compass, my curiosity, and my willingness to do things take the lead in my life. I have a pretty strong moral compass that I learned over the course of my life. And sometimes I can be quite protective of those values. When I make my decisions I mainly go with what I think first but I usually ask for external help and if one makes more sense I‘ll do that instead. My biggest weakness is that I’m prone to overthinking which can make me tired and over critical of myself. I also have a huge problem of being so rigid half the time but being extremely spontaneous the other half of the time. Another problem I have is getting so obsessed with something and wanting to know all about it then I ditch it as soon as it gets boring to me.

Here’s a bit about myself:

My favourite hobbies are paint by numbers, listening to music, playing Mario Kart, posting on social media, and calling my friends. My main energy comes from doing things I love with a few of my loved ones. However, I do need short periods of alone time sometimes but after a short period of time alone (more than a day or two) I get quite bored and I need someone to talk to. I’m somewhat comfortable around people I don’t know and I often connect with people quite easily. I like to talk a lot especially about the things I like but I also like to hear about other people’s stories. I have a vivid imagination but I don’t let it get in the way of life. I have a pretty strong moral compass that I learned over the course of my life. And sometimes I can be quite protective of those values. When I make my decisions I mainly go with what I think first but I usually ask for external help and if one makes more sense I‘ll do that instead. My biggest weakness is that I’m prone to overthinking which can make me tired and over critical of myself. I also have a huge problem of being so rigid half the time but being extremely spontaneous the other half of the time.

I’ve been looking at cognitive functions and I know I have Se and Fi as dominant and auxiliary but I don’t know if I’m Fi-Se or Se-Fi:

My favourite hobbies are baking with my best friend, calling my loved ones, doing social media (especially commenting on discord and reddit), and going out to eat with my grandparents. I naturally am I pretty loud and enthusiastic person who can easily shift my personal a bit to fit the mood of the current environment. I get very excited and whenever I get to do some cool, especially if it’s with somebody. I‘m always curious about what will happen in new environments, like if I’m going to meet new people, do new things, etc. I naturally have a strong personality and I have a tendency to lead the conversation. I use my emotions and learned morals over time to guide me through the world and I try my best to make the world a better place for me and other people. Sometimes I can get so caught up in my thoughts and feelings that I need some time alone, but it’s never more than 1-2 days. I love to do my solitary hobbies such as Mario Kart, painting, and listening to music. I could just have a whole day doing that but I couldn’t really enjoy more than 3 days alone even when I’m doing things I enjoy. I also have some very niche interests that I could explain all day without getting bored or tired.

I’ve been looking at cognitive functions but I can see some traits of all functions for myself. I currently type myself as an ISFP but here’s some evidence for and against each:

Fi-dom (ISFP, INFP)

I have a strong moral compass that I use when I’m around other people

I love expressing and explaining my emotions to other people

I can get very upset and lash out if someone goes against one of my main moral principles

Not Fi-dom

When making decisions I usually go what others want to keep the peace

I only process my feelings alone for a short time until I feel the need to talk to someone else about it

I sometimes get so caught up in other‘s emotions that I forget my own

Se-dom (ESFP, ESTP)

I crave new experiences (social and physical)

I rely on external stimulation to keep me entertained and energised

I‘m always on the lookout for someone to talk to or something to do

Not Se-dom

I use my past experiences as a guide for my moral compass and social etiquette

I get so absorbed in my own thoughts I lose track of my environment

I’m not a huge risk taker

Ne-dom (ENFP, ENTP)

A lot of my ideas and thoughts have to do with social interactions between me and other people

I easily can bounce between multiple topics

I highly value other people’s perspectives

Not Ne-dom

I easily get bored when left alone with my thoughts

I usually have one or two big thoughts rather than a bunch of little ones

After a while, I find brainstorming sessions boring and I want to streamline the group to the best idea

Let me know what you guys think my main cognitive function is after these points. Thank you!

I’ve been looking into cognitive functions rece and I’ve been getting very different results. I believe I’m an ISFP since:

1. I have an internal view and I use that to guide me through the world and sometimes I can be very stuck on my feelings.

2. I love sharing my own thoughts and opinions.

3. I like appreciating the outside world as well to make me happy.

4. I sometimes can get stuck in my own thoughts and I think deeply on only a few thoughts.

However, I’m not sure if I’m really an ISFP because usually make my decisions based on the feelings of others and what would be best for the other person/group. It’s important to me that everyone can keep the peace. Also, I get my energy externally and need the presence of others to gain energy. Most times, I struggle with alone time and I always am anxious to find someone to talk to and something to do. I much prefer small talk to deep conversations. I also don’t go by what others say as a fear of expressing myself, I do it since it brings me joy to please other people. And I’m always very curious about the outside world and where situations can go if you just do them.

I’ve been studying cognitive functions and have gotten multiple conclusions. I‘m pretty sure I’m ISFP because a lot of my posts have to do with my personal feelings and values although they can change a lot and none of the other types work with their functions like an ISFP but I’m wondering if you guys could give some input.

Fe vs Fi

I highly empathise with people and like to give words and signs of comfort. I’m very emotionally sensitive when I hurt someone else and my emotions almost always adapt to my environment. I also prefer explaining my emotions with others instead of processing the feelings internally. I find a joy of bringing energy to someone and making their day. When I make small decisions I go with the group instead of my own no matter my emotions and if I do go my own way I only do it partially. Even when I see a great solution to a big personal issue and it is a noticeable disadvantage to another person I find another way. However I sometimes am a bit stubborn with my ways and my feelings and I though I ask for advice a lot and appreciate input, I usually make big decisions based on my own feelings. Whenever I help others with their decision, I give some of my input to try and help them but I let them choose the option that best resonates with them. And my moral compass is what takes me through the world.

Ne vs Ni

I have a very vivid imagination and I love daydreaming. Sometimes I just get so lost in my own thoughts even around others. When I see interesting things out I like to discuss their meaning and brainstorming brings me joy. I love to discuss hypotheticals and backstories. I also love doing things to just see where they lead. Occasionally when I’m bored I just like to explore my inner world for a few moments.

Se vs Si

When I’m out doing things I’m very sensitive to sensations like taste, smell, colours, images, etc. I’m very keen on experiencing new things and when I have ideas I like doing them hands on. When I have a fun experience I’m most likely to remember key details of the environment instead of its personal meaning to me. I have a great memory of faces, dates, the environment itself, etc. But I’m not that aware of my environment all the time and I usually skip over small details and I see the big picture instead.

Te vs Ti

When deciding logical ideas, I mainly go by all perspectives then I can decide which claim makes the most sense and how logical the reasoning is. In groups, I mainly organise which idea we do and I choose the idea or opinion that makes the most logical sense. I enjoy debating with others and seeing their perspective as well. However when I have doubts about something I go to others to get their opinions to see if they make more sense than mine.

I’ve recently been studying cognitive functions. It’s been on my mind but I can’t seem to figure out exactly what they are since I can relate to certain things about each cognitive trait. I think I’m Fi-Se since I have a very strong set of my moral compass and I use my values to navigate through tough decisions and I mainly make decisions based on what’s best for me and I use my Se to crave new experiences in the world based on what I like to do since I get like to live in the moment and I like to take risks and live on the edge. But I’ve gotten other results before. I‘m curious if I‘m Ne since when seeing something unfamiliar I usually like to wonder what it is and what it’s purpose is. I also love to think and discuss an hypothetical scenarios with others. And I like to brainstorm ideas and debates with other people and hear about all types of ideas. I’m also wondering if I might use Fe instead of Fi since my strong moral compass mostly runs on the ways I treat others and and my moral compass is mainly built due to past experiences and external factors I also like to keep the peace between two people in an argument and I definitely consider another person’s viewpoint and I’m willing to change my perspective and see others on all types of issues even ethical ones. I prefer expressing my emotions around others instead of just keeping them to myself as well and I’m very good at explaining what I’m feeling to others.

For context I’m a young teen girl and I recently started processing the effects of these media pages on my mental state and how my behaviour due to these online spaces affected the people around me. This all started one day when I found this trans guy’s YouTube channel and I found some of his content interesting. I kept seeing his videos on my feed and I quickly got hooked onto his content and soon after I started looking into pronouns and micro labels for gender identities. I changed my pronouns from she/her to she/they because I thought that she/her didn't describe me completely. For a little while after the pronoun change I was fine with myself and I didn’t really have any other thoughts about my gender for a few months. I even stopped watching his content almost entirely. Unfortunately this didn’t last and a few months later I really started getting into the gender and very pro trans side of social media. I fully came out to my friends as non binary and I started to feel gender dysphoria for the first time in my life. After I came out I got myself very involved in trans spaces and I started to think of myself as a trans man and that I needed hormones to feel comfortable with myself again and that the two choices in my life would be I could live as a trans man or I could stay a girl that wouldn’t make it to 18. All of this content I was watching was affecting my mental state so much to the point where I almost never talked to anybody, especially guys, I felt uncomfortable going out and doing stuff in the world, and I could barely look at myself or hear myself speak without feeling awful inside. I also drew back from a lot of close people in my life and I had such a short temper that I would get mad at people for nothing. I never struggled with gender dysphoria or had any of these thoughts before these trans and non binary social media spaces. The real problem all along was that I just struggled with some normal confidence and body image issues for an adolescent girl, I had severe social anxiety due to past social experiences and I’m neurodivergent. It’s concerning how so many kids and young teens like me have these other struggles and don’t necessarily fit into gender stereotypes of their sex but would otherwise be fine without social media get sucked into these spaces and then convince themselves that they’re trans when they’re really not.