u/No_Context_4747

I just wanted someone my age who could elaborate how it is being married as a person born in 2004.

It's been almost 4 weeks since I've been broken to with and honestly it's not that bad. I was so blinded by love and I would've stayed through anything. I'm glad that the guy made a call and broke up with me, though it was an ugly breakup and I got blamed for it.

The guy cheated on me and when we tried to fix things and I was so consumed by anger and pain so I said some hurtful things that made him breakup with me. I may be blamed for the end of the relationship but that guy was not a good bf to put it in simple terms. He would shout at me in public, had severe mental issues that I would have to manage at times, would sabotage our relationship while I'm constantly trying to save it, would start arguments out of nowhere, he was a lovebomber, he proposed on the fourth month, he would make many mistakes on purpose but expect to be given grace but if I make a mistake which I rarely did I am treated harshly, he never wanted to improve his life I encouraged him to go back to school so many times, he was a pathological liar, he lied so much that he would even lie to himself and would use his mental health as a crutch to treat others poorly and wouldn't always admit his wrongs until months later. Apart from that he was unkind to everyone but his friends, whenever he'd be going through stressful times he'd speak to me harshly.

He was just a deeply wounded person that didn't want to heal from it and took advantage of my kindness and empathy until he couldn't. The guy told me that I'm the prettiest girl in the world but still cheated on me with God knows how many people.

The biggest lesson I've learnt is to have boundaries in relationships, listen to my intuition, have non-negotiables, to never forgive cheating, to constantly assess a person's behaviour over their potential, and not to give too much of the benefit of the doubt and to also pay attention to red flags.

I initially didn't breakup with this person because I believed that I couldn't live without this person. I was just very naive. The first week was very bad but it's just better this way. Our relationship just wasn't meant to be. Out of all the things one ought to fight for in life that much it shouldn't be love. I held on more than he ever held on and he was never a good guy, just a great actor. Very charming and deceitful. Mirrored me so he could get me.

It reminds me of the Taylor Swift quote, "I was going down with it my white knuckle dying grip and you're not sure if he wants to be there." My knucles were pale from constantly trying to climb this mountain which was our relationship and he barely pulled his weight. At some point I felt like his mommy. I was constantly trying to save the relationship and being the first one in repair whenever a problem arised which is a red flag. I forgot that he had an irrational fear of being cheated on, he may as well be a serial cheater. The guy was just very idealistic with little to no action.

Given his personality whichever girl he'll date next she's in for a ride and I don't envy her.

So it does get better fellow dumpies.

I'm 21 years old. I'm currently looking for someone to talk to. Nothing serious. Preferably a guy not older than 25.

I enjoy walking, reading and coffee. I am planning on studying nursing next year.

I don't think that we were both ever ready for a serious relationship. I also am not the person for you. For most of our relationship, I was tiptoeing with my tongue in fear that you'd break up with me. I think that there's a girl out there who won't have to tiptoe with her tongue because she's meant for you. I feel very bad for the things you've been through and I think they affect you to this day because you haven't processed them and neither have you healed from them, though one should not use their mental health as an excuse to treat others poorly like you did with me. I was constantly trying to understand you and not even once did you ever try to understand me.

In terms of dating you? It's the biggest mistake of my life because I had an intuition that screamed NO! Until it lost its voice. So this is the price I pay for not listening to my intuition.

I honestly don't think that there was any amount of tiptoeing on my tongue that could've been enough and maybe you were right that a person like you is not meant to be in a relationship, you'd be very hard to deal with at times and I'd be left feeling like I'm mothering. I was just very blind. I was thinking to myself earlier that you're my first child.

When I look at your character, with what I know now, you do have some good qualities as a person but you're not the man I'd like to marry. You just don't have the qualities I want in a partner, firstly you're not very forgiving yet you expect to always be forgiven, you're not patient at the slightest, you're a liar, you don't give grace to others, you're not an empath, you're conditionally kind, also I don't want someone who gives me grand gestures of affection and isn't stable, I prefer someone calm, stable, someone I know that in Monday 6 am even if we had an argument, i won't get broken up with, you never loved me unconditionally, you never valued me and you're dishonest to everyone including yourself. Also you eveh admitted that you grew comfortable with the idea of hurting me. My biggest regret is not leaving early but anyway I learnt my lesson.

Honestly, you do have a good side neh? But you just don't possess the qualities I'd like in a partner and that's okay. And maybe I don't for you and that's okay. We should've just never been.

I never thought that I could live without you but it does get better by the day. I found God, I am growing secure in myself, rebuilding a relationship with myself. It feels so good. I'm just enjoying life in tidbits.

From this relationship I have learnt to listen to my intuition, judge someone by their behaviour and not words and to never ever trust someone like that again, the only trust I can have in someone like that is in God. I also accepted that human beings will disappoint you, hopefully my next partner is faithful, calm and emotionally stable. Also there is no such thing as forever, the promise of forever will make you stay in a ditch all because you honour your promises only for that person who put you in that ditch to leave you there, stranded. So even if I do get married, I will not be as blind, I will not idolise the person and I will constantly assess their behaviour and tally it into how I'd like to be treated.

I do believe that there's some good in you but, you're just not the type of person I'd like to be with for a lifetime. I was just very much blinded by love that I didn't leave a situation before it got worse.

I hope that you eventually heal and find God. God heals and he works on me daily. He is who you need.

All the best in life. We were just not compatible. We were either both blinded by love or you were just mirroring me until you just couldn't. Though I believe that a good person exists somewhere inside of you.

By this letter, I in no way absolve myself of any wrongdoing. It just wasn't meant to be.

I just had an epiphany after an argument with Ndad. Arguements are like fuel to them. They give them energy the way food's supposed to give us energy. It's so hard having to coexist around them. I'm trying to grey rock but a part of me is like I live with these people and in our culture having community with the people you live with is such a big thing. But for the sake of my peace I have to stick to my plan.

I (F21) will be home until the end of January and it's really draining me. My dad is a narcissist and does not like me whatsoever. I will be home for the next nine months. How do I survive living in this house while trying to be mentally healthy because every chance he just tries to hurt me. I feel dread the minute he walks into the house. It's like an evil spirit is back.