u/Normal_Annual_2749

Good evening, I hope you are all well.

One week ago we found a stray / feral baby kitten and observed for 2 days before concluding abandoned by mum. I have not owned a cat before and so this is new to me, and I have found myself increasingly anxious and desperate to keep him alive!!! I feel like how a new mum must be, watching her baby sleep to check he is still breathing all night.

I have a couple of questions and I am already £300+ down from vet, medication and supplies costs - which is a financial predicament I had not planned for and so I’m really hoping to please get some solid advice here to save me another £80 check up and whatever extras.

The day after we found him, and took him for his first vet check up, they confirmed 5-6weeks old, 0.63kg, male, respiratory infection. He also had a small wound on his eyelid. He was given a spot flea treatment and de-wormer. Also synulox to be given 0.15ml twice daily for respiratory and eye wound. We are now 5/6 days later from this.

He was completely unsocialised and terrified but I have been following Socialisation saves Lives training and he, by today, is getting cuddles and falling asleep on my lap. He plays consistently, has energy, and is gaining weight. As of today, he weighs 0.69kg. He is eating complete kitten pate food, with some water mixed in. Not a single vet or pet store in my city had kitten replacement milk and he is consuming the food happily and finishing every plate. I have kitten replacement milk coming tomorrow if that is suggested.

He has had some pretty soft poops, a couple were pudding-ish. Mostly now they are formed but soft. Twice I have observed him letting out a little squeak whilst pooping, but immediately returns to playing and being fine. Just now, there was the tiniest, and I mean tiniest red thin streak in his poop. He is also pooping 4-5 times per day.

So question 1 - should I be concerned about his bowel habits? Is this an emergency? Food related? Medication related? Am I doing something wrong?

Question 2 - is that he has still been having some light coughing and the odd sneeze despite the medication. He is only 5/6 days into taking it. However I only realised today, although the synolux vial was milky coloured, there was a lot of powder settled at the bottom. I was shaking it but clearly not as vigorously as needed. I will continue to shake properly moving forward. Do you think that he has not been getting the right dosage of medication because of this? Is this maybe why he is still coughing here and there? Do I need to change how long I continue to give this to him/extend it now?

Question 3 - we had one scare where his breathing per minute was 160. Went to the vets and they said he was okay. He’s been fine since, but again today, after purring and going to sleep, it was about 140 breaths per minute again. He isn’t struggling to breathe, his stomach is not trying hard to breathe in and out, he is sleeping and fine, just breathing very fast on these two occasions I’ve observed. He is now currently playing and attacking my feet as i write this.
Most other times his breathing is in the normal range of 30-40 BPM. What can I do about this? Is this normal?

I am just trying to get him healthy and to the 8/9 week mark where he can be a bit sturdier. I am terrified of doing him wrong in any way and I won’t live with myself if anything happens to him. Any advice or insight would be so appreciated. I am weighing him every day, tracking his BPM every day, and monitoring all his poops. My husband (a non animal person) is concerned I’ve lost the plot. Any insight from vets here would really help me to make sure he is okay please 🤍

Hi all. I have OCD, mostly in relation to cleanliness but some other traits too, and have recently caught and taken in a stray, semi-feral kitten. The shelters are all full due to kitten season and I have not owned a cat before. I already went to a pet store and the vets and got him everything he needs. He is safe and doing well.

Happy to share backstory if asked or needed but for now will keep the post focussed!

He is 5-6 weeks. Caught him yesterday afternoon. Had a vet appointment today afternoon. He has been confined to the bathroom. He has mostly been inside the cat crate, inside the bathroom. Occasionally I have brought the crate outside to the hard floor living room, when me or my husband need to shower. He has worms, fleas, cat flu, and an eye infection. Today the vet gave him medication for all of the above, including antibiotics that I administer with a syringe to his mouth twice a day. He is otherwise happy and well, playing by himself and grooming himself. Eating and toileting well.

Any clothing that I used to catch him, has been washed on a 60 degree wash.

A blanket and toy that he peed on, was washed on a 40 degree wash.

Any puppy pads he has been on, have been thrown in the bin daily and the bins taken outside.
When I changed these, I disinfected his carry crate too.

I today, hoovered everything in the bathroom, all the little corners too, and disinfected the floors and skirting boards with kitten safe cleaning spray. I hoovered the main house as normal (less rigorously). Then mopped.

He is back in his den in the bathroom. When I swaddled him up to give him his medicine, I saw a couple of big fleas running in and out of his fur. He is all white, so they are easy to see. However when I used the toilet, I saw one running across the floor, towards the hallway (gap under the door). This has sent me into a small spiral, that despite my cleaning the fleas are going to venture further out and my bedroom is very close to the bathroom. My husband is also completely opposed to pets as culturally he has never been around them (he has been very supportive but I can see he finds it hard) but I think if we ended up with fleas around the house it would be too much, and I’m trying to keep hold of little one until we find his forever home. We aren’t allowed animals in our apartment also. So tacking this flea issue early and with swiftness helps on multiple fronts.

My question is for seasoned kitten and cat owners, or those who have dealt with feral or stray kittens.

What else can I do regarding the fleas? Am I making mistakes? Is there anything more I can do?
The vet said to not bathe him for at least 48 hours for the flea treatment to work but that the treatment might not work first time. I need to go through him with a flea comb in a few days time. I just want to ensure I get this sorted as swiftly and efficiently as possible. I would always prioritise the kitty over my own comfort with my OCD, but if there is advice from experienced cat people to a newbie that can help me get ahead of this flea thing, please let me know!!

Also not sure how to go through him with a flea comb when he doesn’t accept touch. He doesn’t bite but he doesn’t like to be touched and is very scared still. I don’t want to flood him or scare him too much. Any advice on that front appreciated too.

Thank you in advance ❤️

Hi all. I have OCD, mostly in relation to cleanliness but some other traits too, and have recently caught and taken in a stray, semi-feral kitten. The shelters are all full due to kitten season and I have not owned a cat before. I already went to a pet store and the vets and got him everything he needs. He is safe and doing well.

Happy to share backstory if asked or needed but for now will keep the post focussed!

He is 5-6 weeks. Caught him yesterday afternoon. Had a vet appointment today afternoon. He has been confined to the bathroom. He has mostly been inside the cat crate, inside the bathroom. Occasionally I have brought the crate outside to the hard floor living room, when me or my husband need to shower. He has worms, fleas, cat flu, and an eye infection. Today the vet gave him medication for all of the above, including antibiotics that I administer with a syringe to his mouth twice a day. He is otherwise happy and well, playing by himself and grooming himself. Eating and toileting well.

Any clothing that I used to catch him, has been washed on a 60 degree wash.

A blanket and toy that he peed on, was washed on a 40 degree wash.

Any puppy pads he has been on, have been thrown in the bin daily and the bins taken outside.
When I changed these, I disinfected his carry crate too.

I today, hoovered everything in the bathroom, all the little corners too, and disinfected the floors and skirting boards with kitten safe cleaning spray. I hoovered the main house as normal (less rigorously). Then mopped.

He is back in his den in the bathroom. When I swaddled him up to give him his medicine, I saw a couple of big fleas running in and out of his fur. He is all white, so they are easy to see. However when I used the toilet, I saw one running across the floor, towards the hallway (gap under the door). This has sent me into a small spiral, that despite my cleaning the fleas are going to venture further out and my bedroom is very close to the bathroom. My husband is also completely opposed to pets as culturally he has never been around them (he has been very supportive but I can see he finds it hard) but I think if we ended up with fleas around the house it would be too much, and I’m trying to keep hold of little one until we find his forever home. We aren’t allowed animals in our apartment also. So tacking this flea issue early and with swiftness helps on multiple fronts.

My question is for seasoned kitten and cat owners, or those who have dealt with feral or stray kittens.

What else can I do regarding the fleas? Am I making mistakes? Is there anything more I can do?
The vet said to not bathe him for at least 48 hours for the flea treatment to work but that the treatment might not work first time. I need to go through him with a flea comb in a few days time. I just want to ensure I get this sorted as swiftly and efficiently as possible. I would always prioritise the kitty over my own comfort with my OCD, but if there is advice from experienced cat people to a newbie that can help me get ahead of this flea thing, please let me know!!

Also not sure how to go through him with a flea comb when he doesn’t accept touch. He doesn’t bite but he doesn’t like to be touched and is very scared still. I don’t want to flood him or scare him too much. Any advice on that front appreciated too.

Thank you in advance ❤️

My family just recently had their annual convention. I left a long time ago. In small talk, I asked how it was and they were delighted to share. Part of the “Jesus series” they watch each year, one part had Jesus casting out demons from people? Apparently one woman had 7 demons inside of her? My whole life we had to turn the TV off at so much as a Harry Potter advert… now they are watching Insidious AT the convention? 😂 anyone know anything about this or any context? Is it as mad as it seems to me or am I being pedantic?

I am looking for advice based on positive own experiences, and backed research please.

My husband is 25M.
Somali ethnicity (soft, thin, fragile curls, not like an Afro, but cut short/grade 2).
Generally fit and healthy.
Eats high protein, high fibre, organic where possible.
No smoking or alcohol.

1 year ago did a blood test and had an emergency level of low Folic Acid, was given tablets to take for a month to fix this, never heard anything more about it and he has no idea if this issue fully resolved or if it was part of a bigger picture. Typical man, avoids doctors and just gets on with it.

5 years ago he did a partial hair transplant at the front / hairline with success.

Now facing shedding and baldness that is rapidly getting worse. He wants a full hair transplant, but financially we likely cannot afford this for 1-2 years.

As his wife, he doesn’t mention it frequently, but I can see this bothers him a lot. It affects his confidence, his body language in avoiding letting people see the top of his head, wearing hats and caps constantly to hide it. When he does speak about it, it’s clear it affects him daily and he’s really mentally down about it but sees it as less important than his other financial responsibilities to our family so tries to brush it off. This breaks my heart as he’s an absolutely gorgeous man and it doesn’t bother me one bit, but if it makes him feel bad about himself, I want to do all I can to support him.

My initial thought is to invest in a full comprehensive health check, to see if any vitamins or health issues are causing this, especially given the previous folic acid issue and it may be that his body is struggling to absorb the nutrients he eats. This could give us an answer to specifically address (ie a certain vitamin deficiency). He seems to brush this idea off and thinks it won’t help.

He mentioned minoxidil and fin, but says he is worried because he is young and newly married, he doesn’t want to fall victim to the side effects in certain departments that are widely documented here on Reddit and online. We are both concerned about that. I’m not a fan of pharmaceuticals unless necessary and would rather check his health before going on these meds.

His ideal end result is a full hair transplant but I don’t know if there are feasible steps to take before this or if it’s best to just save up and jump to that asap?

What would the best strategy and step by step plan be to pinpoint what’s causing this and resolve it please? I don’t want him to stress or waste money or time. I’ll happily save up and treat him if I have clear steps or advice on what the best course of action is.

What advice would you give, and ideally steps in order of priority or productivity? Thank you in advance.

Asalaamu Alaiykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakahtu. I pray you are all well in health & emaan.

I am ajnabi, and my husband is Somali. His hooyo is very sweet Allahumma Barik, and I see her be so generous to all of her children, grandchildren, and her children in-law. Therefore, I asked my husband that we take her on a staycation to a private countryside cabin, somewhere peaceful and quiet where she can relax and be spoilt. Me and my husband arranged and paid for this together and I’m really excited insha’Allah.

My question is, during our stay there, other than relaxing and going for walks, what would a typical Somali habaryar enjoy? I know in some cultures elders enjoy dominoes or cards. Is there anything specific that’s typically a hit? Waax yerr am ku hadley karax & Hooyo speaks no English so it’s not as simple as me just asking her what she likes to do in her free time. My husband just sees her as Hooyo and doesn’t know what she would like 😂 so any suggestions please insha’Allah?

JazakAllah Khayran

TLDR - What advice would you give to a newly married female who feels that physically sex is great but that mentally there might be a blockage based on power dynamics within the relationship? How should a female keep her husband mentally stimulated sexually in your opinion? And how should a female discuss her mental sexual needs with her husband in a way that isn’t forcing him to act in a way that he doesn’t naturally?

I’m newly married (27F) and my husband is 25M. Our sex has been physically really good. We waited until marriage. My biggest turn on is being submissive and his is being Dominant - so it works. We eased into physical sex after marriage, and since then have tried lots of different things, he’s recently started eating me out which he had never done before and has even woken me up with it. He 9 times out of 10 makes me orgasm first before he does. I make an effort to dress up for him, and give him things the way he likes it. We are still learning eachother and I enjoy catering to exactly what he asks for or likes. I believe physically we are both being fulfilled. One thing that drives us both crazy is “doing things we shouldn’t be doing” - so phone sex outside of marriage was a huge turn on for us at the time because it was forbidden (we are religious). Then sex was new, so it was exciting. But now it’s reached a point where there is no element of “we shouldn’t be doing this”, we are getting comfortable in sex, plus other matters in the relationship, and so I am overthinking. You would think that if physically things are going great, why would I even think there is an issue? But I’m wondering if mentally (not physically) a blockage or disconnect is forming and if so, how to nip it in the bud quickly so that we don’t end up just another long term marriage with faltering sexual desire. I’d really like to avoid that.

The reason I am concerned about a MENTAL sexual issue, is because I require mental stimulation to orgasm and be present, that’s a big thing for me, and I believe men also do to some extent. I like for him to dirty talk to me, use me and dominate me, aggressive and gentle at the same time - but I think he doesn’t really know what to say or he doesn’t say the things porn used to get me going. I can dirty talk to him, but sometimes I also don’t know what to say and also it doesn’t appeal to my enjoyment of being dominated because I feel like I’m the one speaking/leading us to orgasm. When we do dirty talk, I sometimes feel like it’s too obvious that it’s staged or forced. Like we aren’t present - genuinely talking to eachother in such a way - but instead just throwing phrases out there that we think sound good almost like we are acting. That in itself makes me think we are mentally distracted instead of being real and immersed in the moment. I worry if I’m pleasing him enough or if since marrying me he is underwhelmed with me or our sex. I also crave him being immersed into me and talking to me in a way that I can tell comes from him naturally. Him being silent makes me think he’s thinking of something else to be stimulated.

In addition, in our relationship emotionally, since marriage, I’ve had to take charge a lot and felt more dominant than I did before marriage. Before marriage he was EMOTIONALLY dominant and led us through tasks, milestones and challenges, and I felt that he knew best and I followed him, but he would also still always consult with me and care about my opinion which I valued a lot. This massively added to my sex appeal towards him. Having a traditional submissive wife is equally very important to him. But since marriage and moving in together, this has shifted. I have lived alone for many years before, managed a household and finances, and I am very literate and experienced in my career, but him having only lived at home with his parents and still in the start of his career, a lot of the more dominant “in charge roles” within the relationship and household I am having to either do myself or kind of teach him how to do it. For example I plan all the finances and I also planned our entire honeymoon because he has not travelled before whereas I am well travelled. These are not issues to me in and of themselves. I have no problem with growing with him and he makes full efforts to learn and take these things on. He is admirable and he learns fast and cares about being a provider. But I feel like in the process it has affected the imaginary energy between us that is the foundation of our mental sexual compatibility and power roles.

For example, I feel he has experienced me being bossy or leading emotional and household matters, and sees me subconsciously as less submissive. Equally, I see him as less dominant because I “know better” in such matters and he agrees and we continue with what I plan or decide and he learns on the job. In our marriage, this is completely fine and I think very healthy and sweet how we are growing together. But how this shift affects our sexual energy is what I am wondering about. Physically, as in the actual physical act, the sex is great, but in my mind, I don’t feel as wrapped up and present in the sex. I feel like we are both mentally a bit distracted or like when we try to role play the sexual roles that always excited us, dominance and submission, we both feel a little forced or shy or like it’s a bit repetitive or fake. It has made me over worry about if he’s still into me like he was before, if these matters are ruining our sexual chemistry, and if I need to adjust anything myself and/or speak to him about things he needs to change. Or is this mental sexual energy just something that is either there or isn’t? Can it be grown and adjusted over time?

I don’t know if I’m just conjuring up an issue that inevitably isn’t that big of a deal, or if actually this is the start of the decline of sexual interest between us. I do believe I have undiagnosed OCD which affects me overthinking and pre empting issues in my relationships, and there’s a chance he’s FINE and he only seems less present in sex because he can see I am less present in sex 😂 but - alas - I’m intrigued to know what Men’s advice would be towards the concerns I’m having.

My question to Men is, have you experienced this? How did you combat it? What advice would you give to the female in question to avoid and amend this? What are your thoughts on what I’m saying overall? I’ll appreciate brutal honesty and advice with wisdom behind it. Ideally from Men but also if women have thoughts I’ll appreciate what anyone has to say. I’m truly grateful for my husband - and my only wish is that we flourish in a lifetime together and please eachother truly and genuinely.

Thank you all in advance x

Hi, I’d love some advice from knowledgeable people on this sub please.

I am 27F and my Husband is 25M. We live and rent in Birmingham. We do not desire to buy a home in England. The dream would be to one day buy a property abroad, somewhere that finances make sense, and move there, or rent it out and stay renting in England. We would like children, and would like to start trying in 1-2 years and have as many as is feasible, but only once we are financially prepared to do so. Essentially we want to build long term financial stability in good careers with lots of progression. We would like to earn enough to afford renting, bills, and to live comfortably. We would like to maximise saving capabilities for our long term goals of buying a property and having a lot of savings for our children and lifestyle that we wish for ourselves and for the children. We would be open to starting a business but not until we have baseline stability from full time work.

My husband has had no official employment for the last 4-5 years whilst being a full time carer for his Mother and doing off the books security work, meaning essentially he has a large employment gap. He has some IT training courses and light work experience like warehouse work and entry level customer service. He has the background in security and an SIA badge.

Myself, I have been employed in the civil service for the last 5 years, but unfortunately I am under an internal investigation, related to mistakes of others that I also got dragged into, of which I don’t expect to keep my job once that ends. It’s frustrating and I wish I had been smarter, but we live and learn.

We are both nearing full unemployment soon, with bills to pay and a future we hope to build. We haven’t been smart in our early twenties, but we have learnt from those mistakes and we are determined to work extremely hard and “lock in” to create the life that we want.

We are mindful of AI changing the workplace, the current state of the job market, economy, cost of living, and world politics. We would like to enter into career paths that will allow strong progression, training and salary rises, and that are unlikely to falter in today’s changing world. We will likely be held back by his employment gaps or my negative previous job reference.

What would your advice be, for what careers to look for and get into, that we can access, that provide what we are looking for? What would you do if you were currently in our situations? We are open to any suggestions, ideas, advice, even if it’s harsh!!!

I’ve struggled with picking at my skin for about 4 years now, face and body. At my best, it’s just my face, or just my body. Whichever area I stop picking, my skin clears up. Whichever area I am picking, I get more spots there, which leads to more picking. I’ve tried picky pads, fidget spinners, all the solutions we see online over and over again, but they just never work or I don’t get to them in time to avoid skin picking. For me I just zone out whilst scrolling or talking or watching something and don’t even realise I’m doing it. My problem is that by the time I realise I’m doing it it’s 1) too late and I’ve hacked at my face or body and 2) now I’m stressed that I’ve gone at myself again and then feel even more compelled to pick and just “get it all gone”.

But today, for the first time in years, I haven’t picked at my skin at all. I was gifted something called a “Mukhawar”. It’s like a comfy silk/satin pyjama dress, but typically has little jewels bedazzled onto it. Over in England, some girls started wearing them as nice dresses to go out, but in Middle Eastern culture, they are 100% pyjamas and I wear it as house clothes or pyjamas. They are beautiful actually, and I’ve wanted to order more, so comfy to sleep in but equally feel pretty and put together whilst being lazy at home. I just snapped out of a 3 hour “zoning out, picking away” moment, to see the little gems all over the floor. Instead of picking my face, I picked at the gems, lol. Now I know that this doesn’t solve the true crux of the issue, of the habit of picking - but hell - until I figure that one out, I’m young, I want to feel beautiful, I want to be able to show my body without feeling embarrassed! So until I find a real fix to stop picking all together, to me this is amazing! I feel so happy! It gives the same sensation as picking at the body, because you quite literally are. They are all over the chest and shoulders which is where I normally pick. Mukhawars are COVERED in these little gems, so even though I really went at it for ages, you can’t even tell from looking at it. And I don’t intend on just cycling through them all and wasting clothing, but equally the gems are over the top of embroidery that matches the pattern, so even if ALL the gems got picked off, you’d still have a perfectly new looking garment to wear. Some of you might think I’m insane, but as a newly married girly, this solution is going to help me so much to feel confident in my body and without scars in the meantime. For anyone else still on the journey - 10/10 would recommend giving it a go!

It’s the only thing I’ve found in all these years to actually stop me from picking my skin. Happy to put reference pics of the Mukhawars in the comments or links to buy <3 hope we all get this cured one day!!!