It hurts so bad
Never in my life could I imagine a pain so deep. I miss my Q so badly. I adopted him when he was about 8 years old, and was lucky enough to spend about 10 years with him. He was my best friend and he made everything better. I miss his smell, I miss the sound of his sniffs in my ear, I miss his smile, the way he put his head on me. Seeing him curled up on my bed. Everything feels so empty. I feel sick. He was always right there loving me through everything. Nothing feels right, he was such a huge presence and huge part of my life. His little stomps when he was begging me for food.. now eating doesn’t even feel right. I’m so heart broken.
I knew it was his time though, and Friday 10/2/2026 he crossed the rainbow bridge. It was only a few days before that he was taken to the vet because we noticed his belly looked a bit swollen. We were told it was his heart failing, and it was too late. Humane euthanasia was the best option. I was in denial. I wanted a second opinion, to try meds, anything! Over the couple days passing I saw it. He declined so fast. Could hardly walk or even hold his head up by Friday. He wasn’t him anymore I saw it in his eyes.
I feel so bad for him and I feel so awful. What if I took him sooner and got him help. I work a lot and hadn’t been home as much in the last month. He had bad separation anxiety. All I keep thinking to myself is what if I was home more? Was he sick and scared? Was in pain that entire time? Did his anxiety make his heart bad? He never showed any symptoms ever! He always seemed so happy and energetic right until the end…
I don’t know what to do with myself.
Edit: We chose at home euthanasia. I was so scared for him, but it’s truly the only thing bringing me some peace. He took his last breath in my arms, and went so gently. The woman was truly an angel and made sure Q was so relaxed and pain free.