u/Objective-Deal8745

I’m a car guy, I have been my whole life. The thrill of the drive gives me life! I currently own a beautiful and mint condition 2007 RX-8 Sport 6spd with 72k miles that I have spent over two years restoring it to all of its glory. I LOVE it, sublime shifter, telepathic steering, the classic banshee howl at 9000 rpm, cornering so flat it makes pancakes jealous.

But, recently I came into a large inheritance. And it’s been my dream to own a Lotus ever since I was 10 when I saw an Esprit in a James Bond movie.

(For those about to ask. It’s NOT 7 figures. The inheritance, will pay off my mortgage, all of my debts, and put enough away to solve my retirement savings. Then I’ll still have plenty leftover…)

According to the market my RX-8 is worth about $18k. A new Lotus Emira is $118k the way I’d want it. OR a preowned Evora GT is about $85-90k if I hold out for a good one.

I can’t have both, because I don’t have garage space. I can’t put an addition on because I don’t have the space on my property to add. My HOA doesn’t allow cars to sit on driveways with covers on them for more than 7 days. (Not that I would do that anyway. ) My inheritance would indeed be enough to cover getting a different house and selling mine, but I’m not giving up the home I’ve worked so hard for and loved over the years. Plus my interest rate is 3.25% and I’m not about to trade that for 6.3%.

I’m so torn…. I need some good “car guy” outside perspective.

Background:

My father has always had this thing where he views himself to be the head of the whole family and extended family.

When I (43m) got engaged he asked: “To who?” My response: “Ummmm… my girlfriend(38F)” there was a pause followed by “Ohhh. Congratulations, I guess.” (Those words have always stuck with me.)

A month later we told him the told him the date of October 4th 2026 (This was the end of September ‘25) his response: “Okay, but that’s not going to work with me. I’ll get back to you with a better date….” I didn’t respond, I didn’t know how.

He sent me a text saying “December 12th is better, get married then. I’ll tell everyone you’re switching it.”

I immediately responded with: “Dad, it’s still October 4th, we’re not changing it. We’re both practicing Buddhists. The date was chosen by the monks, it lines up best with our birthdates and our energy.”

He then instantly says “You’re the loser in this family, you just had to get married to HER. (my fiancé is originally from Laos) PLUS a disappointment to this family, if you want to redeem yourself, you need to do what I say.”

I told him in not changing it, that’s final.

We haven’t really talked since last Christmas when he asked me if I still intended to marry her (I’m not using her name). I told him “Yes” and he just shook his head.

Her family views this as a major disgrace and incredibly disrespectful. The family wants to honor my father, but he ignores them. (my mom passed in 2012)I feel like he needs to be there. Since the holidays he has been an absolute cruel human. My fiancé is saying they’ll just honor me as if my both of my parents passed way.

My younger brother is coming and he and his wife are SUPER supportive. My two uncles and aunt are both disappointed bigots in my “non American” fiancé.

Should I just cut him out of my life and walk away?

I’m engaged to an Asian Princess. No, seriously, I’m actually engaged to an Asian Princess.

I need to tell this story of how I really met my fiancé. (Because it’s not what we tell people)

We tell people we met in college, 14 years ago. We tell people we were just friends for years, then we both gained feelings for each other. Because that’s what some people need to hear, others want to hear. But, it’s simply not true.

So, I need to tell this story, I need to get it out. To relieve myself, to take this weight off of my shoulders. I need to explain why I’m terrified.

Let me tell you a story:

Once upon a time I was 40. I was single and ready to have a relationship again. I had a bad breakup about eight months prior and I was starting to get the feeling of being lonely and wanting to have someone in my life.

My local area was filled with very superficial women, I live in Florida after all. I’m sure there was a good ones, but I hadn’t found them yet. I was very, very tired of it. I decided to look further than a couple hours drive away from me. So, I got onto OkCupid, and I set the filter of distance to “unlimited”. I was perfectly willing to talk to a woman in Canada, or the islands off of Florida, or in another part of the US.
I was immediately flooded with matches from Africa, primarily Kenya and South Africa, I was also flooded with matches from China and from other eastern block countries.

There were a few from Southeast Asia, one of them caught my eye. It was a very cute woman with a strong personality who was very liberal. This caught my eye, because in that part of the world, most women are very traditional. I sent her a message and she responded, we hit it off right away. We were video calling, messaging, talking every day, and even multiple times a day.

Very strangely, unlike other women I had talked to from Southeast Asia, or from the Philippines, this woman never brought up the topic of marriage. Like it was the furthest thing from her mind. She focused on getting to know me and my life.

I flew out to see her after six months of talking, I spent three weeks with her. I met her family, I met her parents, I met a couple of her brothers and sisters, and I met a few of her friends. Everyone was very nice to me and her and I hit it off in person immediately. I felt like I finally found my person. After getting back home, we made plans and over the next 18 months I saw her two more times each for three weeks. I went back to fourth time, again for three weeks and I proposed. (This was right before the travel ban in 2025). She said “yes” I became the happiest man in the world at age 43, she is 38.

After we got engaged, after we called everyone…. She looks at me and says: “There’s something you need to know about my family.” I was dreading whatever she was about to tell me, I was thinking “Here falls the other shoe.” She told me that her name wasn’t actually her real name.

She told me her real first name and last name, she proved it by showing me her passport. Then she said: “Google it.”

I did…… OH BOY.

This is what Google said: “Marrying into the S-$&#%\\\^\\\*+£€ family means entering one of the most historically prominent, aristocratic lineages in this country, deeply intertwined with the country's former royal governance, diplomacy, and elite leadership. While not officially part of the current ruling family, they are as close to it as it gets, with real power in the government.”

I think I gulped, visibly, several times before I could speak again. They were, make no mistake… actual royalty, I was stunned, speechless, and dumbfounded. This felt like I was a character in a Disney movie. The commoner, me, in love with a princess. All I could think was: “What the hell did I just step into?”

I looked at her and told her I didn’t believe her, even though she had shown me her passport so I know she was telling the truth. So, she pulled out photos of her family in very high positions of power in the government. Several ministers & several senators… business owners of many different industries, I got lost when she described over 60 successful businesses owned within the very large family.

Her family, obviously, didn’t approve of me, marrying their youngest daughter for quite normal reasons of not being up to her station in life. They’re right, I’m a GM of a multiple store company in boutique retail. I am nowhere near the level of royalty. She begged her parents to sit down with me and grill me. she promised them they would approve of me afterwards. So they made her a deal; they would sit down with me at her request. But, if they didn’t like me after spending a day with me, they would cut her out of the family. They asked her if she would be willing to take that risk. She said “Yes!” instantly, without any hesitation, and without me asking her to. Long story short, the parents and the elders of the family approved. They said they liked me because I didn’t try to impress them, I stood my ground whenever they pressed me. They told me no one had ever done that before with them.

Our Wedding is scheduled for this October at the greatest, largest, grandest, and most prominent wedding hall in the country. It’s going to be filled with dignitaries from all over the area, most of the ministers, the Prime Minister, the first lady, and over 1000 other guests.

I’m a combat veteran of OIF/ OEF, I DO NOT do well in crowds, especially ones filled with people I don’t know. I’m completely terrified that I have to do two choreographed dances in front of all of them. (One with her and another with her mom.)

I’m positively in hell, of my own making, about this wedding and being able to simply get through it without turning into a catatonic mess hiding in the corner. I don’t want this much attention, I don’t want any of this. But, I don’t get a choice… I HAVE to go through with it if I want to be with her, and I DO, absolutely.

Not a day goes by where I don’t have a quiet freak out moment or 20 mins where I’m nearly shaking.

That’s the truth off my chest, every word of it. Whether you believe it or not, is up to you. But, it is 100% absolutely the truth.

I’m a combat veteran, I used to be a military interrogator, lives depended on me to gather valuable information. I took my job very seriously, I was very good at it.

Present day… that’s, now, my problem. I can’t turn it off, I can’t relax, I don’t trust anyone, and I’m constantly using subliminal techniques to gather information. I’m a GSM (General Sales Manager) as a career, because of my background, I’m really damn good at it. But, I can’t turn it off. As soon as something ‘weird’ happens…. My antennas are up and my brain is off to the races.

For example: My cleaner asked if I was going to be home when she was by. She’s been my cleaner for 6 years, she’s NEVER asked me that question before, my brain instantly picked up that’s was a weird question for her to ask. I told her I was injured with a sprained ankle and that I would be home. Then….. wouldn’t you know it, she suddenly had car trouble and couldn’t make it. Hmmmmm….. what a strange coincidence. Now I’m in full investigation mode…

Another example: I’m walking down a row of tables in a restaurant to my table in the corner (always the table in the corner). I see a woman reading a book, I don’t know her, she sees me, then she instantly and frantically hides the book from my view. Then when I sit down, I see her pull it back out to read it. Why???? I don’t know her, I don’t care that she’s reading a book. But… it doesn’t matter, my antennas are up and now I’m suspicious.

Another example: I’m at a local park, I just finished my mountain bike ride and I’m packing up to go home. I see a woman casually walking on the side walk towards me, I don’t know her, I can tell she’s not coming to me, she’s just strolling. I see her say “Hello” or nod her head to several people in the parking lot s as she walks by them. I get myself ready to say “Good Morning” as she gets nearer, then when she’s about 20’ feet away she suddenly becomes INTENSELY interested in the grass next to the side walk until she gets 20’ past my spot. Then she looks up again and continues to say “hello” to other people going down the sidewalk. I know because I watched. So… what the hell made me so terrifying that she couldn’t say “hello” to me? She walked calmly within 3 feet of my body, deliberately ignored me, and then went back to saying hello to strangers again. Why?? So my spidey senses turned on and that very situation bugged me for the next 2 hours.

I can’t turn it off, I don’t know how. I’m already in therapy with 2x therapists. 1x VA therapist, 1x private one. I’m also in group therapy, but I still can’t seem to switch it off.

I’m posting here and hoping for some ideas.

In the last few days I’ve actually counted 25 different new bodystyle Tellurides. Kia must be doing something right.

I saw THREE on my drive in to work this morning alone.

What is the obsession with this vehicle?

I have to drive closer to the car in front of me than I’d like. Because if I don’t drive as close I get every single car jumping in front of me going Mach 5 and then slamming on their brakes. Then I have to hit mine to stop from hitting them.

I have to floor it passing people on the highway. Because if I don’t, they speed up until getting to a car to pass. Then they slow down to .5mph and achingly slowly pass the car. As soon as they do it’s right back up to 85 until the next car. So I have to floor it to get around their mess.