u/Ok-Stress-9269

I dont know if this is the right place to post it but would help me a lot to get your perspective on this.

My grandma, otherwise a kind person, very stressed, constantly over analyzing everything, extremely deep, says things that are not light-hearted, and thinks she can control people's lives, sometimes entitled. Ever since I have left my home country 15 years ago, every few years she would say things like "return back" without thinking that this makes me not even consider returning back. I have always given 100% to support my parents, trying to be here as much as possible, sometimes 6 times a year for 1/2 weeks each visit. My sister on the other hand doesn't, so she now has her own family and now she is even further from coming back fequently.

Whenever I am back here more frequently, my family always puts a toll on me. Whenever I come back here only twice a year, things are better as bounderies are in place.

I have a place, partner, friends, job and built my life in a country outside of mine and have always cared for everyone. Yesterday my grandma asked if she could speak to me. She said Ive been analysing everyone's lifes, starting with you "you are alone". I stopped her right there and then to tell her that I am not alone and I have a life. Just because i dont have kids yet, that doesn't make me alone. She didnt even reply. She tried talking about everyone with the goal to tell me that I need to be the carer for my mom after my dad is no longer here (my dad has cancer) and he is young, my mom as well so she is capable of taking care of herself.

Because of all the times my grandma has always considered me that I will be the care giver for the whole family, I dont like talking about these things because I dont agree with it. She started again, I stopped her and told her to not think too much about the future but to enjoy the present that I am here.

She is always upset and her blood pressure rises so when she feels these type of emoitions and unsaid things, she gets even more upset. We continued talking like nothing happened but she continues to keep these things inside of her and it's very toxic trying to guild trip me. She. constantly compares her grandkids and I am sure she thinks I am less of a person when comparing me with brothers/cousins.

Doesnt matter how much I do for my family, the more I do, the more I have a toll on me. My grandma on the other hand, hasn't helped my mom with anything - not even helping my dad in any way. I am the one who is helping, I am the one who is here and putting my job on the line.

She builds an image in her head about someone and believes it. I am expecting to receive a hand-written letter even before she passes to make things even deeper with "you need to be the caregiver etc".

Update: Told her again this will never happen, she said "you will come back" while shaking. Told her again, it will never happen and to not write any letters to me telling me these things, then thanked her for thinking of me and told her that there is no future here. She didn't say anything. This is a pattern that happens every 3-4 years. Ive been on the phone on my birthday 4 years ago, instead of her wishing me happy birthday, the first thing she said was "come back". She has always been overthinking her life and the life of others to try to influence them. My mom told me to not even listen to what she is saying and that she is an old lady with her own understandings. My mom on the other hand doesnt even think like this, she always says "my kids dont belong to me, I will probably have to be in a care home, you have no obligation to help me, you are my kid". Which of course I won't do and will try to help her as much as possible, but just tells you how toxic my grandmother is to think of me as a 2nd hand person who will be the carer because I am "alone, and doesnt have a house/not settled". I am thinking of not visiting, but I have to go there tonight as well for half an hour.

Have you ever been guild-tripped by family and do you by any chance know what I can tell her so she could be calm?

dont know if this is the right place to post it but would help me a lot to get your perspective on this.

My grandma, otherwise a kind person, very stressed, constantly over analyzing everything, extremely deep, says things that are not light-hearted, and thinks she can control people's lives, sometimes entitled. Ever since I have left my home country 15 years ago, every few years she would say things like "return back" without thinking that this makes me not even consider returning back. I have always given 100% to support my parents, trying to be here as much as possible, sometimes 6 times a year for 1/2 weeks each visit. My sister on the other hand doesn't, so she now has her own family and now she is even further from coming back frequently.

In the last 15 years, ive been coming back here multiple times. The only time I was fully happy was when I was only coming back every 9 months. She has in her mind that I will be coming back. Little does she know, my goal is to even move further away to the US. She constantly creates drama and talks deeply and puts words in other people's mouths. She started saying "you are 30, your dad is unwell, you were making a difficult choice". I haven't, but she has it in her mind and creates drama constantly.

Whenever I am back here more frequently, my family always puts a toll on me. Whenever I come back here only twice a year, things are better as bounderies are in place.

I have a place, partner, friends, job and built my life in a country outside of mine and have always cared for everyone. Yesterday my grandma asked if she could speak to me. She said Ive been analysing everyone's lifes, starting with you "you are alone". I stopped her right there and then to tell her that I am not alone and I have a life. Just because i dont have kids yet, that doesn't make me alone. She didnt even reply. She tried talking about everyone with the goal to tell me that I need to be the carer for my mom after my dad is no longer here (my dad has cancer) and he is young, my mom as well so she is capable of taking care of herself.

Because of all the times my grandma has always considered me that I will be the care giver for the whole family, I dont like talking about these things because I dont agree with it. She started again, I stopped her and told her to not think too much about the future but to enjoy the present that I am here.

She is always upset and her blood pressure rises so when she feels these type of emoitions and unsaid things, she gets even more upset. We continued talking like nothing happened but she continues to keep these things inside of her and it's very toxic trying to guild trip me. She. constantly compares her grandkids and I am sure she thinks I am less of a person when comparing me with brothers/cousins.

Doesnt matter how much I do for my family, the more I do, the more I have a toll on me. My grandma on the other hand, hasn't helped my mom with anything - not even helping my dad in any way. I am the one who is helping, I am the one who is here and putting my job on the line.

She builds an image in her head about someone and believes it. I am expecting to receive a hand-written letter even before she passes to make things even deeper with "you need to be the caregiver etc".

Have you ever been guilt-tripped by family and do you by any chance know what I can tell her so she could be calm? I already told her again and again that I am never coming back.

The more I do, the more they try to drag me down.

I spoke to one of my best friends who is 75. He told me "they are trying to drag you back down like quick sand, be careful and dont take anything they say personally" He is constantly trying to help me.

I dont know if this is the right place to post it but would help me a lot to get your perspective on this.

My grandma, otherwise a kind person, very stressed, constantly over analyzing everything, extremely deep, says things that are not light-hearted, and thinks she can control people's lives, sometimes entitled. Ever since I have left my home country 15 years ago, every few years she would say things like "return back" without thinking that this makes me not even consider returning back. I have always given 100% to support my parents, trying to be here as much as possible, sometimes 6 times a year for 1/2 weeks each visit. My sister on the other hand doesn't, so she now has her own family and now she is even further from coming back fequently.

Whenever I am back here more frequently, my family always puts a toll on me. Whenever I come back here only twice a year, things are better as bounderies are in place.

I have a place, partner, friends, job and built my life in a country outside of mine and have always cared for everyone. Yesterday my grandma asked if she could speak to me. She said Ive been analysing everyone's lifes, starting with you "you are alone". I stopped her right there and then to tell her that I am not alone and I have a life. Just because i dont have kids yet, that doesn't make me alone. She didnt even reply. She tried talking about everyone with the goal to tell me that I need to be the carer for my mom after my dad is no longer here (my dad has cancer) and he is young, my mom as well so she is capable of taking care of herself.

Because of all the times my grandma has always considered me that I will be the care giver for the whole family, I dont like talking about these things because I dont agree with it. She started again, I stopped her and told her to not think too much about the future but to enjoy the present that I am here.

She is always upset and her blood pressure rises so when she feels these type of emoitions and unsaid things, she gets even more upset. We continued talking like nothing happened but she continues to keep these things inside of her and it's very toxic trying to guild trip me. She. constantly compares her grandkids and I am sure she thinks I am less of a person when comparing me with brothers/cousins.

Doesnt matter how much I do for my family, the more I do, the more I have a toll on me. My grandma on the other hand, hasn't helped my mom with anything - not even helping my dad in any way. I am the one who is helping, I am the one who is here and putting my job on the line.

She builds an image in her head about someone and believes it. I am expecting to receive a hand-written letter even before she passes to make things even deeper with "you need to be the caregiver etc".

Have you ever been guild-tripped by family and do you by any chance know what I can tell her so she could be calm?

I've been working in the same international company for the last 7 years, ever since I started, I told management I wanted to transfer to the US, worked hard towards it, received great ratings for the first 5 years, built my reputation, relationships with senior leaders, went for roles that were based in the US, failed on the last interviews due to not being American.

Fast forward to 2 years ago, all my VPs who were based in America left or got fired, they recruited VPs in my country, and they are extremely toxic, my ratings continued to decrease until 2 months ago, I realized they targeted me to get me out of the team or the company. Introduced PIPs, toxic attitude towards me, trying to make me quit.

On top of that, my dad got diagnosed with cancer 2 and a half years ago, his health is deteriorating. Absolutely no support from seniors except when I share it with someone else who is in another team. The toxicity seems to come from 1 or 2 teams, but not the majority.

2 weeks ago I had to take a week off to help my dad with eating and general care, he is not doing good at all. They looked at me like I was slacking. Then I had to work from my home country for 2 weeks and I can already see that they are using this against me. Even when applying for roles, I feel like they talk to my VP and she bad-mouths me to block me.

Look, I realized a few things about the corporate life that I wanted to share:

1. If you are not in an organization like Google where they focus on learning, multinational opportunities and relationships, you are most likely to be screwed over. All the financial/data companies seem to have the same bs corporate attitude

2. You really depend on your leadership in corporate as much as we think we dont. They can influence a lot of your career

3. Nobody cares about you, when you apply for internal roles, apply for multiple at a time until you get an offer. I was too loyal, when a role opened up in a team where I knew the VP, I said I wont be applying for any other teams because I thought I will get the role. I didnt get the role.

4. As much as you think you got a ton of friends, most seniors dont care about you. I built relationships for 7 years, if I quit today, all I will get is "good luck"

5. Your destiny in the company is already decided 1 year ago but your higher ups keep it quiet until they serve you with the papers for you to quit

6. People are extremely transactional and will do anything to get their way

7. Your bosses are constantly using your work and label it as theirs, credit is not given

8. Choosing to do something that you are not as passionate, but may give you international opportunities or more money puts you in a situation where you dont get good at it

9. Look after yourself at all times, these people dont care. Everyone is acting, all the numbers are made up, all the spreadsheets are made up, even VPs positions are made up. "VP of internal capabilities" - like what?

10. Learn a job for 4-5 months and try to move on at the 1 year mark. You dont need 2 years to learn a job. The only reason the 2 year rule exists is for the corporations to exploit you

I am now sitting here, my dad is sick, my family is worried, im in my 30s, single, gave everything to move to the US, didnt achieve it, corporate put a target on me. Even when all of it is going down, whenever I apply for another job, I get invited for interviews for jobs that pay 50% more than what I am getting today, but I simply dont want to be in corporate anymore.

I think it's time to start something on my own, but having a dilema whether I can relocate with this. I hope this helped you.

I constantly over-analyze things in life and it hit me the other day when I was walking around the office. I spent 7 years of my life in corporate, was a low-level executive, became a manager and just looking at my director and my VP makes me feel bad for them. They spent over 15 years in this company to become a director, take orders from a hostile VP and be on 24/7. Same goes for the VP, she just takes orders from her SVP. It hit me hard. Climbing the ladder takes 20 years and I don't think any person should invest half of their healthy life into building a career in corporate.

When I compare the salaries between a manager and a director, the difference isn't a lot. Maximum 1.5K more a month vs my salary and when I compare a VP to a manager salary, that's about 3K more a month (that's all in the UK). The amount of stress and bs you have to deal with for some fake made up spreadsheet and a deck that needs to be presented to a higher up leader to show a fake strategy that you just created for a department that's totally made up is just not worth it anymore.

A friend of mine who I used to work with before he left the business told me something powerful. He said "imagine that you are 60 and you worked in corporate for 40 years, what's the story you have that makes you interesting?". In life, in order to try something new and learn from it, you will need around 5 years. Imagine starting a business and growing it for 5 years. Even if you fail, you learned how to grow a business. So you will take those lessons to the next thing you start, you will meet different people along the way, but you will also make mistakes, but they will be your own, no manager, no director, nobody. Now think of how many cool things you can start until you are 60. That will make you an interesting person"

It struck me and solidified what I was already thinking. I think corporate is dead especially in Europe where the pay is not as high as the US. What is your observation?

For the past 2 years I have been targeted by my Vice President (I am a manager) in one of the biggest financial companies. I do great work and I am the only SME that knows this particular marketing channel in the company which is the largest channel and earns most of the $$ in the business. I have close relationships with other VPs even though I am at a manager level through upskilling myself and bringing value to them. My feedback from my co workers is always great, and mid-year just passed so I am sure I will get positive feedback again. I have 7 years experience in this channel and know the ins and outs.

For the past 2 years this VP has done the following things:

1. Changed timelines constantly.
2. Assigned me projects that should be completed in 3 months, for 2 days.
3. Didnt communicate to me when there was a leadership presentation. I learn 2 days before it because some numbers were messed up and I needed to fix them, then I am put on the pedestal to deliver in 2 days.
4. Yelled at me in meetings, talked back at me in front of my co-workers, paraphrased me in a nasty way and talked down on me.
5. Constantly dissatisfied with my work and my director’s work and non-stop sharing her dissatisfaction that she is confused about the work I am doing on purpose to keep it in writing.
6. One day she tells me "this team should provide the performance updates" she then assigns it to an analytics team, then she puts a 100 things on me to do until 2 weeks pass and she goes back to me and asks me "I asked you to provide performance and you didn’t" even though she assigned it to someone else.
7. Put me to lead a project for 9 months only for her leader to say that we are not going ahead with it after so much work I put into it.
8. Bad mouths me in front of my stakeholders.
9. When I apply for an internal transfer, she makes the process a nightmare for me. I believe she also bad mouthed me to the new directors/VPs.
10. My role has completely changed over the last 3 years. I was hired to scale one capability into more markets, now I own around 15 capabilities, budgeting, investment, optimisation, finance etc etc. None of this was ever officially added to my role. And nobody has ever told me in a bulletpoint format what my role is.
11. Every day things change. New responsibilities outside my role are given to me and it's been incredibly stressful.
12. I've been at this company for 7 years and have done 2 roles. I became an SME in a specific area and my entire team knows I'm the expert.
13. My goal has always been to move to the US with my company. I applied multiple times, including for a team where I have a really close relationship with the VP because I've done a lot for him over the years. Built relationships with other VPs too. During that recruitment process my VP made everything a nightmare, criticised me for not asking directors to support my interview (I didnt even know people did that) and just made me feel like I was doing everything wrong. I didnt get the job and didnt get 2 more jobs I applied to too.
14. We also had a hiring freeze and there still is one, so I just focused on doing my job
15. On a personal note, I think my dad is in his last days. He was diagnosed with lung cancer and treatments are not working. She knows he has cancer - nobody else knows that.
16. This week I was put on a PIP. To me it feels like a death sentence. All the relationships I built over 7 years, my career with this company and my dream of moving to the US feel gone. They havent done it officially yet, but they will and I dont know what to do
17. Yesterday I found out that someone from the broader team is moving to the US into that same VP's organisation. This person has barely been busy, I havent even seen them in the office for 3 months and they've had a really chill role. If I had 15 things to do, they had 1 and it put me off that people like this get what I always wanted in my life.
18. This same VP made 5 people quit the team because of her bullying, always throws people under the bus, takes credit for their work and makes their life miserable

One thing I learned is how important it is to be in a team that actually respects you - in my last role, I was in such a positive team and I did so well. Im in the UK and honestly dont know what to do, whether to leave after they serve the PIP to keep my dignity, complain about this VP, or take medical leave. I just know what happens - people who take medical leave, are out of the company in a month. I've seen this happen many times to others.

Any advice is appreciated.

For the past 2 years I have been targeted by my Vice President (I am a manager) in one of the biggest financial companies. I do great work and I am the only SME that knows this particular marketing channel in the company which is the largest channel and earns most of the $$ in the business. I have close relationships with other VPs even though I am at a manager level through upskilling myself and bringing value to them. My feedback from my co workers is always great, and mid-year just passed so I am sure I will get positive feedback again. I have 7 years experience in this channel and know the ins and outs.

For the past 2 years this VP has done the following things:

1. Changed timelines constantly.
2. Assigned me projects that should be completed in 3 months, for 2 days.
3. Didnt communicate to me when there was a leadership presentation. I learn 2 days before it because some numbers were messed up and I needed to fix them, then I am put on the pedestal to deliver in 2 days.
4. Yelled at me in meetings, talked back at me in front of my co-workers, paraphrased me in a nasty way and talked down on me.
5. Constantly dissatisfied with my work and my director’s work and non-stop sharing her dissatisfaction that she is confused about the work I am doing on purpose to keep it in writing.
6. One day she tells me "this team should provide the performance updates" she then assigns it to an analytics team, then she puts a 100 things on me to do until 2 weeks pass and she goes back to me and asks me "I asked you to provide performance and you didn’t" even though she assigned it to someone else.
7. Put me to lead a project for 9 months only for her leader to say that we are not going ahead with it after so much work I put into it.
8. Bad mouths me in front of my stakeholders.
9. When I apply for an internal transfer, she makes the process a nightmare for me. I believe she also bad mouthed me to the new directors/VPs.
10. My role has completely changed over the last 3 years. I was hired to scale one capability into more markets, now I own around 15 capabilities, budgeting, investment, optimisation, finance etc etc. None of this was ever officially added to my role. And nobody has ever told me in a bulletpoint format what my role is.
11. Every day things change. New responsibilities outside my role are given to me and it's been incredibly stressful.
12. I've been at this company for 7 years and have done 2 roles. I became an SME in a specific area and my entire team knows I'm the expert.
13. My goal has always been to move to the US with my company. I applied multiple times, including for a team where I have a really close relationship with the VP because I've done a lot for him over the years. Built relationships with other VPs too. During that recruitment process my VP made everything a nightmare, criticised me for not asking directors to support my interview (I didnt even know people did that) and just made me feel like I was doing everything wrong. I didnt get the job and didnt get 2 more jobs I applied to too.
14. We also had a hiring freeze and there still is one, so I just focused on doing my job
15. On a personal note, I think my dad is in his last days. He was diagnosed with lung cancer and treatments are not working. She knows he has cancer - nobody else knows that.
16. This week I was put on a PIP. To me it feels like a death sentence. All the relationships I built over 7 years, my career with this company and my dream of moving to the US feel gone. They havent done it officially yet, but they will and I dont know what to do
17. Yesterday I found out that someone from the broader team is moving to the US into that same VP's organisation. This person has barely been busy, I havent even seen them in the office for 3 months and they've had a really chill role. If I had 15 things to do, they had 1 and it put me off that people like this get what I always wanted in my life.
18. This same VP made 5 people quit the team because of her bullying, always throws people under the bus, takes credit for their work and makes their life miserable

One thing I learned is how important it is to be in a team that actually respects you - in my last role, I was in such a positive team and I did so well. Im in the UK and honestly dont know what to do, whether to leave after they serve the PIP to keep my dignity, complain about this VP, or take medical leave. I just know what happens - people who take medical leave, are out of the company in a month. I've seen this happen many times to others.

Any advice is appreciated.