u/Ok_Language2849

Something I've noticed online and different online forums if you say you've had an argument with someone and got angry/ need space away from the person then it's not normal.

For example I asked what DBT on a different online fourm and everyone said "DBT is tor people who have intense emotions" "It's for people who can't calm down within an hour" when I said sometimes I need alone time away from the person and not discuss the argument until my head is cleared.

Someone said "It's not the norm to take more than 1hr to calm down and that's unusual"

As much as I have a power struggle with my therapist she has never ever suggested DBT even though she knows sometimes I can get angry.

So I am so confused why it's always the first thing people suggest on reddit?

It's very invalidating and patronising in a sense of "Your emotions are too much for me to handle to to DBT and learn how to be calm"

I'm not a therapist but since sharing my therapy journey on reddit and openly speaking about how I am working on my anger in therapy.

My therapist does work with anger so seems counterproductive to leave her and go do DBT instead.

Is DBT usually for people who argue a lot, angry or don't think in the moment? My anger isn't ever directed at anyone physically, I just have very low tolerance and patience for a lot of things .

A lot of people have suggested DBT, I have researched into but it seems like a sister to anger management which I've done before and made me more angry.

I have seen it's very skilled based and a lot of worksheets on how to regulate yourself, calm yourself down or if in a rage or anger to count to 10 or something very generic.

Is DBT for people who struggle to emotionally regulate themselves? I usually come down from it all within 48hrs pushing 72hrs but that's if I've let my anger build up.

So before I returned to therapy I didn't really read my therapist website in depth as I already knew her from 2021 when I worked with her at a non profit organisation for 3 months/ 12 weeks. It was more of counselling than therapy.

On her website now and I've done a deep dive it states she works from psychodynamic therapy but also includes all of this: TA,( Transactional Analysis), CBT, ACT (Acceptance and Commitment), CFT (Compassion Focused) and somatic (body-based) and experiential methods to support holistic mental health and the mind-body connection. She is also EMDR qualified as well.

To me that sounds like a whole overfilled toolbox and now I'm thinking would one structured modality fit me better? As sometimes the sessions just are overwhelming with her incorporating every modality based on what I'm talking about.

Is Integrative Relational Therapy best for C-PSTD or would a more structured therapy be better?

I'm running out of things to discuss simply because my therapist asked me for a timeline of my life in March and I sent her 6 pages of 30yrs and felt like there's no need to discuss it if that makes sense.

My last two sessions seemed unproductive and I didn't journal afterwards and I basically just had to find something to talk about so just randomly thought of something that happened the week before.

I also feel like everything my therapist suggests as a new coping skills I've already done.

Mindfulness - I've done

Cut down on drinking alcohol - already been doing

Go for walks - already do

Journal - been doing for 16 years on and off

Socialise more - slowly doing again

Etc

I'm running out of things to discuss simply because my therapist asked me for a timeline of my life in March and I sent her 6 pages of 30yrs and felt like there's no need to discuss it if that makes sense.

My last two sessions seemed unproductive and I didn't journal afterwards and I've taken another break for 2 weeks (I just came off from a 2 week break 2 weeks ago) and my next session isn't until 16th July but also sat here like "what do I talk about in that session?"

I also feel like everything my therapist suggests as a new coping skills I've already done.

So I keep having these ruptures with my therapist and I can feel the tension from my therapist.

As I did let her into my "inner world" and actually finally opened up to her then took a break. Then I returned from my break last week Wednesday and then the session was like a lead balloon and it didn't go well.

My therapist got frustrated with me because I wouldn't open up emotionally even though the last session that I had before I took the break I finally cried.

Then I returned and refused to get emotional again (genuinely cba) and then she told me to stop pretending etc

I tried to go weekly so book in for this week and went again and absolutely hated the session and told her I was irritated and my walls have gone up.

So I again took another 2 week break and not returning to July 16th. But when I texted her to book in there was no warmth from her and it felt very cold, clinical and detached.

Last week she said

"I've booked you in for then.

Have a lovely weekend, stay cool.... See you Thursday."

This week its

"They are booked in"

So I'm not sure what's happened or why she's suddenly all cold, distant and clinical?

Or am I overthinking or is my therapist pissed that I keep taking breaks and not opening up?

So I want to go to monthly sessions instead of weekly/ bi weekly.

I feel like after my last 2 sessions I'm not really benefiting from them and I leave feeling "meh". My last sessions were last week Wednesday and Thursday this week. I left both sessions not feeling like I got anywhere.

Plus we keep having ruptures she doesn't take feedback from well and I don't take feedback from her lightly so we're always going back and forth.

So I thought monthly sessions would help the ruptures become less frequent etc

So recently I started to notice my therapist switch from warm to cold with me.

So my therapist gaslighted me today in my session and I was so shocked so last week session at the very end she broke through the fourth wall she dropped the mask and snapped.

She abruptly went at the very end of the session last week "Stop pretending. Find new vocabulary to describe 2019. For the past hour you have used the words I pretend, I'm pretending. Just stop."

Then she realised she broke character looked at me and went "Okay then." Then we walked out in silence and she didn't say a word.

Today in the session I brought up last week and basically told her last week threw me off.

Her response to what I said when I said

"You said stop pretending. I don't know what you mean by that?"

She went whilst looking up the ceiling

"Hmm. I don't remember saying stop pretending. I didn't say that."

I firmly said whilst looking at her directly

"Yes you did. You said stop pretending and I don't know what you mean by that?"

Then she doubled down and made up a reason but threw in all her "parts" work language etc

I'm not sure if I'm using the word ruptures wrong within therapy.

What are ruptures is it genuinely just disagreements or something profound that needs addressing ASAP?

How would you go about a session that is a rupture and repair?

My therapist created a rupture in our "therapeutic relationship" and I nearly didn't come back but booked in last week Friday for tomorrow. She offered me a morning slot at 9am as the first client for the day.

I have no idea if I am the one who is meant to bring up the rupture or let them or just speak about something else thats irrelevant.

For me I don't trust my therapist but obviously feel safe so with the ruptures that keep happening it annoys me but eventually I move on from it very fast and never address it and we both just pretend it didn't happen. We even joke that I'm fiery etc.

So the question is how do I address even though now the session is tomorrow is not too bothered anymore.

In my everyday life I'll argue with family or friend make up and move on so that's my default with therapy too.

So I'm starting to notice that my therapist has started being more frustrated with me in our sessions.

And then throughout the session she was not asking how I felt and more about other people's involvement so it felt like she was building a story without the main character.

But then I read her Google reviews and every single one is a 5* and is basically like "I felt so safe and she is very easy to talk with and made the space safe."

Then I thought "Oh okay so why are me and her butting heads every single session. Why are we having constant ruptures and am I actually just a very difficult client that she hasn't experienced before and that's why she's frustrated?"

I'm so confused in it because if 10 people have said they've had really good safe and comforting experience with her and then there's me who feels like I'm going to war every session then I must be the problem?

If anyone can understand from an outsider what is happening would be grateful to hear.

I am going to another session to try understand what's happening but trying to prep myself with something to bring other than "I don't know"

So I'm starting to notice that my therapist has started being more frustrated with me in our sessions.

I'm not sure why but our session last week ended with a massive rupture from her not me and ever since I've felt less inclined to open up with my trauma with her again.

In my last session she seemed frustrated that I kept going back and forth with 2019 and she then eventually just randomly cut me off and went

"What do you want to talk about? Alcohol as drinking is for drinking, uni, friends or something else?"

Then I was like "Oh wow okay that's a lot to take in ermnmm."

And then throughout the session she was not asking how I felt and more about other people's involvement so it felt like she was building a story without the main character.

But then I read her Google reviews and every single one is a 5* and is basically like "I felt so safe and she is very easy to talk with and made the space safe."

Then I thought "Oh okay so why are me and her butting heads every single session. Why are we having constant ruptures and am I actually just a very difficult client that she hasn't experienced before and that's why she's frustrated?"

I'm so confused in it because if 10 people have said they've had really good safe and comforting experience with her and then there's me who feels like I'm going to war every session then I must be the problem?

So in my last session it ended very abruptly and sort of intensely from my therapist.

​

Basically I told my therapist about something traumatic from 2019 and she knows that I have detached and dissiocated from 2019 and struggle to talk about it.

​

I tried in March and got a flashback and didn't speak about it again until my last session last week and I had a flashback again and froze in shock. Then I managed to tell her what happened and she was like "Well done." (Not sure what she meant by that) but didn't say anything.

​

At the very end of the session she was talking and I was shaking and getting angry so then I told her when she asked "what's happening you've got a very shaky leg" and I went "I'm angry. I need something for my hands. I need something to squeeze" I was angry about something else.

​

Then we did some grounding exercises and I finally calmed down before the last few minutes of the session she abruptly went stone cold face and serious tone said all this feedback,

​

"Stop pretending. For the last hour you have used the words I pretend and pretending to describe 2019. You need to find new vocabulary to use. Also stop putting on this front. I know there's more underneath."

​

I sat there frozen in fear/ shock and didn't say anything back and just sat there staring at her like and didn't respond then she basically was like "Okay then." As I didn't respond to what she had said to me. Then we walked out in complete silence down two flights of stairs and then I got to the front door I sheepishly went "Bye." And turned around but she didn't say anything back and closed the door and I turned

​

It seemed like she was angry at me for not having a strong emotional reaction to what happened to me which in nature was actually really serious.

​

And I'm suspecting countertransference because usually the therapist is meant to be calm and steady and not the client. However, I was very calm and steady that I think it threw her off.

Would this be countertransference from my therapist aka her being angry that I lack emotions when discussing 2019! So in my last session it ended very abruptly and sort of intensely.

Basically I told my therapist about something traumatic from 2019 and she knows that I have detached and dissiocated from 2019 and struggle to talk about it.

I tried in March and got a flashback and didn't speak about it again until my last session this week and I had a flashback again and froze in shock. Then I managed to tell her what happened and she was like "Well done." (Not sure what she meant by that) but didn't say anything.

At the very end of the session she was talking and I was shaking and getting angry so then I told her when she asked "what's happening you've got a very shaky leg" and I went "I'm angry. I need something for my hands. I need something to squeeze"

Then we did some grounding exercises and I finally calmed down before the last few minutes of the session she abruptly went stone cold face and serious tone said all this

"Stop pretending. For the last hour you have used the words I pretend and pretending to describe 2019. You need to find new vocabulary to use. Also stop putting on this front. I know there's more underneath."

I sat there frozen in fear/ shock and didn't say anything back and just sat there staring at her like "Erm.." then she basically was like "Okay then." As I didn't respond to what she had said to me. Then we walked out in complete silence down two flights of stairs and then I got to the front door and I sheepishly went "Bye." But she didn't say anything back and closed the door.

It seemed like she was angry at me for not having a strong emotional reaction to what happened to me which in nature was actually really serious.

So in my last session it ended very abruptly and sort of intensely.

​

Basically I told my therapist about something traumatic from 2019 and she knows that I have detached and dissiocated from 2019 and struggle to talk about it.

​

I tried in March and got a flashback and didn't speak about it again until my last session this week and I had a flashback again and froze in shock. Then I managed to tell her what happened and she was like "Well done." (Not sure what she meant by that) but didn't say anything.

​

At the very end of the session she was talking and I was shaking and getting angry so then I told her when she asked "what's happening you've got a very shaky leg" and I went "I'm angry. I need something for my hands. I need something to squeeze"

​

Then we did some grounding exercises and I finally calmed down before the last few minutes of the session she abruptly went stone cold face and serious tone said all this

​

"Stop pretending. For the last hour you have used the words I pretend and pretending to describe 2019. You need to find new vocabulary to use. Also stop putting on this front. I know there's more underneath."

​

I sat there frozen in fear/ shock and didn't say anything back and just sat there staring at her like "Erm.." then she basically was like "Okay then." As I didn't respond to what she had said to me. Then we walked out in complete silence down two flights of stairs and then I got to the front door and I sheepishly went "Bye." But she didn't say anything back and closed the door.

​

It seemed like she was angry at me for not having a strong emotional reaction to what happened to me which in nature was actually really serious.

Is it normal to have frequent ruptures with your therapist?

​

I've been seeing my therapist since November 2025 and I've had about 6 ruptures so basically at least once a month we'll have a rupture.

​

She'll reflect something back to me at the very end of the session and leave it there. I don't respond because the session is over and I leave very angry and don't say bye or engage in any small talk or co regulation from her.

​

Then I return 2 weeks later and move onto processing trauma from 2023 or childhood.

​

She doesn't bring it up and I don't either.

I'm someone that does minimise a lot, I don't use a wide range of vocabulary to describe something that happened to me I usually just say "Yeah I pretended I was fine." "I pretend and carried on like normal."

​

In my last session at the very very end my therapist basically turned around and bluntly said "And you need to find more emotional/ vocabulary language to use than saying "I pretend" or "pretending" you spent most of this session using the word pretending to describe 2019."

​

I didn't say a word back but was staring at her and listening then went into the bracing position ready to get up and leave. I did rush out and didn't enage in small talk and didn't really say bye to her properly.

​

It did throw me off and wondering is she telling me to use more emotional loaded language or what?

​

She has said this to me before that my words don't match how I feel etc

How would a therapist deal with a client that minimises and uses flattened emotional language to describe feelings?

​

I'm someone that does minimise a lot, I don't use a wide range of vocabulary to describe something that happened to me I usually just say "Yeah I pretended I was fine." "I pretend and carried on like normal."

​

In my last session at the very very end my therapist basically turned around and bluntly said "And you need to find more emotional/ vocabulary language to use than saying "I pretend" or "pretending" you spent most of this session using the word pretending to describe 2019."

​

I didn't say a word back but was staring at her and listening then went into the bracing position ready to get up and leave. I did rush out and didn't enage in small talk and didn't really say bye to her properly.

​

It did throw me off and wondering is she telling me to use more emotional loaded language or what?

​

​