u/Ok_Vehicle1533

“I hope someday, no one ever comes into your life who makes you feel loved and safe, only to betray you.

I hope you never have to spend every day wondering if the people you trust are lying to you.

I hope you never feel your lover impose the darkest of weights…. on your own security, weighing down on your soul, questioning their loyalty…. suffocating you.. or the emptiness of knowing if someone will truly ever love you again. I hope that even when everything seems perfect, that there's never a part of you that can't shake off the doubts. 

However, 

Because you so easily bend to the cheapness of words, as a reliance, as your security blanket of self imposed lies and falsities, and not for the intent of hurt, or punishment.

But as a life lesson, an education for eternity, to say you lived what you honoured and imposed on others.

I do hope that every "I love you" you ever hear again makes you wonder if they really mean it. And when it all falls apart, when it breaks you, and your left with only a mind and a soulless heart filed with darkness…. l hope, I hope you can remember that is what you gave me.

I only need, i only need to want of one thing. Which is whole and true.. that want is you, at this point in our time. You at your most vulnerable, bared to me in nothingness, where i can reach in and remove the damage they did to you so long ago. But while I have you here.. i can take down the remaining walls and free you of the encumbering weight of shame you so strategically instilled long before my time. This one wanting need, the only need of want I carry, is for you, for a lifetime of my penance. I shall want only ever one of you.

I only need, i only need to want of one thing. Which is whole and true.. that want is you, at this point in our time. You at your most vulnerable, bared to me in nothingness, where i can reach in and remove the damage they did to you so long ago. But while I have you here.. i can take down the remaining walls and free you of the encumbering weight of shame you so strategically instilled long before my time. This one wanting need, the only need of want I carry, is for you, for a lifetime of my penance. I shall want only ever one of you.

Hmmm…
Perhaps then.
I ponder the depths for,
Not a worthless love.
But for a loveless worth.

(The conclusion for Insomnias string theory)

You didn't just betray me.
You corrupted the timeline of my life.
Now I can't trust my own memories, because every beautiful moment feels like it was staged-carefully built on a truth you were already dismantling in silence.
It's not just betrayal. It's a psychological ruin.
Because while I was collecting moments like proof of love, you were quietly proving how easily love can be faked. And the worst part isn't that you lied to me. It's that you made me live inside those lies so deeply, I can't even tell where sincerity ended and performance began. So now, I don't just miss you.
I just question the entire reality I shared with you.

I only need,
i only need to want of one thing.
Which is whole and true.. that want is you.
At this point in our time, you at your most vulnerable, bared to me in nothingness, where i can reach in and remove the damage they did to you so long ago.
But while I have you here.. can I take down the remaining walls and free you of the encumbering weight of shame you so strategically instilled long before my time.
This one wanting need, the only need of want I carry, is for you, for a lifetime my penance.
I shall want only ever one of you.

Forcing me to accept your behaviour while refusing to accept my reaction to it is not a relationship dynamic. It's a dictatorship with a romantic label on it. What you’re really saying at that moment is pretty breathtaking when you break it down. “Your behaviour” — the lying, the disrespect, the neglect, the cruelty — that's supposed to be received quietly. Absorbed without complaint. Processed privately in silence so you never have to witness the damage you’re causing.

But my reaction to that behaviour!! My heartbreak, my grief, my resentment, my angst, my withdrawal, my completely human response to your utter inhumane treatment….. Suddenly that's the problem that needs addressing. You created the storm and built a noise ordinance around my thunder. This was the clearest sign of dealing with someone who has no interest in accountability — only compliance. You don't want a partner who communicates. You want an audience that absorbs. 

You don't want to examine your behaviour. You want to normalise it. And every time I swallow my reaction to keep the peace i accidentally teach you that your behaviour has no consequences. My reaction is not the issue. It is information. It is my soul communicating clearly that something is wrong. Anyone who tries to silence that reaction while continuing the behaviour that triggered it, is not confused. You cannot demand tolerance for your actions, while being intolerant of the response those actions create. 

That is not a relationship standard. 

That is a disgusting display of control.

“I hope someday, no one ever comes into your life who makes you feel loved and safe, only to betray you.

I hope you never have to spend every day wondering if the people you trust are lying to you.

I hope you never feel your lover impose the darkest of weights…. on your own security, weighing down on your soul, questioning their loyalty…. suffocating you.. or the emptiness of knowing if someone will truly ever love you again. I hope that even when everything seems perfect, that there's never a part of you that can't shake off the doubts. 

However, 

Because you so easily bend to the cheapness of words, as a reliance, as your security blanket of self imposed lies and falsities, and not for the intent of hurt, or punishment.

But as a life lesson, an education for eternity, to say you lived what you honoured and imposed on others.

I do hope that every "I love you" you ever hear again makes you wonder if they really mean it. And when it all falls apart, when it breaks you, and your left with only a mind and a soulless heart filed with darkness…. l hope, I hope you can remember that is what you gave me.

I had never contemplated such another dead sky.
When that darkness is set upon only to consume what survives.
Nothing is spared in this vacuum of self reckoning.
You’ll do well to thank me when/ if we make it to my hell.

Yes, I’m accountable for the state of this mess.
My future plans were never placed in stone.
I had never envisaged there’d be a return trip.
And, if known you were to join me,
I’d have flagged it upstairs long ago.
For, I have not want, nor need of your companionship.

You sweat an impulsive desire like it has claimed your fame..
While I’m sometimes accommodating to it..
we both know I’m well practiced with this extension of my shame.

If only your desperation were not for an other. My hope in us might not be left to ponder in vein

Without effort straight from my marrow.
I’d have let you stay to meet my brother..
However, we both know of the sins that you carry.
Down here, you’ll be famous in no time at all.. They’ll pass you round like a blunt, then pass you down like a pinnate
These dark depths turn my truths into lies.

It’s been 25yrs between drinks.. I never planned to drink that poison again

Later remnants serve last survived…
I know of such a darkness. A dark that could shadow all our lies.
Never searching my mind or knowing why your heart fouled the bottom, as we grew closer to shoreline.
My manicured grief only knows of permanence, the kind that teaches the absolutes of nothingness.

I hope someday, no one ever comes into your life who makes you feel loved and safe, only to betray you.

I hope you never have to spend every day wondering if the people you trust are lying to you.

I hope you never feel your lover impose the darkest of weights on your own security, weighing down on your soul, questioning their loyalty…. suffocating you.. or the emptiness of knowing if someone will truly ever love you again. I hope that even when everything seems perfect, that there's never a part of you that can't shake off the doubts.

However, because you so easily bend to the cheapness of words, as a reliance, as your security blanket of self imposed lies and falsities, and not for the intent of hurt, or punishment.

But as a life lesson, an education for misgivings, to say you lived what you honoured and imposed on others.

I do hope that every "I love you" you ever hear again makes you wonder if they really mean it. And when it all falls apart, when it breaks you, and your left with only a mind and a soulless heart filed with darkness…. l hope, I hope you can remember that is what you gave me.

You made me.
And now I hate the idea of hating you more than I could ever hate anything.
But, at least the perception of your villain now fits your narrative much more accurately.
You ruined a life so effortlessly, and it didn’t go unnoticed.
Let that sit and fester wholly on your toxic ego, for the next age.

You made me.
And now I hate the idea of hating you more than I could ever hate anything.
But, at least the perception of your villain now fits your narrative much more accurately.
You ruined a life so effortlessly, and it didn’t go unnoticed.
Let that sit and fester wholly on your toxic ego, for the next age.

The future is set, unknown however, is the path that leads us to where our souls desire.

You have somehow obtained a grasp on my heart. More so a hold, a comforting clutch that encompasses it in the form of hope, security, warmth and honesty.

To hold me weightlessly in your thoughts, will serve you my untold devotion, gratitude and love. I could share my soul with you for an eternity and sleep in peace knowing forever is not long enough with you in this life.

I hope that the piercing affection your gaze imposes on mine sees the love that overwhelms me from within.
No words shall ever replace the feelings I have for you.

If when a time comes that I must verbalise this sentiment.

I fear that this may be the decline of our souls desire for one another, as everything that draws us inside of each other needs no explanation in blood or ink…….