u/Op_Jokeer

i am looking for some realistic advice on my physique and where to go next. I am currently stuck in a brutal mental loop regarding my nutrition, and the physical exhaustion is starting to catch up with me.

My current stats are 5'11" and around 180 lbs, down from 211 lbs. My measurements are 46.5" shoulders, 36" chest, 15" biceps, a 30" natural waist, a 36" lower stomach/love handles, and 40" hips.

For my weekly workload, I lift weights 4x a week with a heavy focus on my quads, hamstrings, upper back, and shoulders. I also do cardio 4x a week and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu 2x a week. Right now, my current calories are restricted to around 1550 to 1650 per day while keeping my protein high at around 167g.

The problem is that my ultimate goal is to build a solid, blocky, masculine frame and fill out my upper body to balance my lower half. Spherically, my shoulders are broad, but because my chest is only 36" and my hips are structurally 40", I feel like my frame looks narrow or slightly hip-dominant in the mirror.

edit: the cardio is low intensity 3.8-4.0mph walk for 50 mins

Because I have a history of being heavier (260lbs when i was 14-13). I am absolutely terrified of fat gain. The idea of eating more makes me incredibly anxious that any extra calories will immediately go straight to my lower stomach and love handles.

However, because my activity level is maxed out and my calories are so deeply restricted, I am completely exhausted.

I feel completely stuck. If I keep cutting down to 170 lbs to flatten my stomach, I am worried my upper chest and shoulders will keep deflating, making my hips look even wider by comparison.

Given my measurements, is it a mistake to keep cutting down to 170 lbs? I feel like I wont be sastified because I genuinely want to build my back and chest to fill out this "space".

I dont mind a dm

I am looking for some realistic advice on my physique and where to go next. I am currently stuck in a brutal mental loop regarding my nutrition, and the physical exhaustion is starting to catch up with me.

My current stats are 5'11" and around 180 lbs, down from 211 lbs. My measurements are 46.5" shoulders, 36" chest, 15" biceps, a 30" natural waist, a 36" lower stomach/love handles, and 40" hips.

For my weekly workload, I lift weights 4x a week with a heavy focus on my quads, hamstrings, upper back, and shoulders. I also do cardio 4x a week and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu 2x a week. Right now, my current calories are restricted to around 1550 to 1650 per day while keeping my protein high at around 167g.

The problem is that my ultimate goal is to build a solid, blocky, masculine frame and fill out my upper body to balance my lower half. Spherically, my shoulders are broad, but because my chest is only 36" and my hips are structurally 40", I feel like my frame looks narrow or slightly hip-dominant in the mirror.

edit: the cardio is low intensity 3.8-4.0mph walk for 50 mins

Because I have a history of being heavier (260lbs when i was 14-13). I am absolutely terrified of fat gain. The idea of eating more makes me incredibly anxious that any extra calories will immediately go straight to my lower stomach and love handles.

However, because my activity level is maxed out and my calories are so deeply restricted, I am completely exhausted.

I feel completely stuck. If I keep cutting down to 170 lbs to flatten my stomach, I am worried my upper chest and shoulders will keep deflating, making my hips look even wider by comparison.

Given my measurements, is it a mistake to keep cutting down to 170 lbs? I feel like I wont be sastified because I genuinely want to build my back and chest to fill out this "space".

I feel like a fraud no matter how many hobbies I have. It's like I'll forever "stupid" or "Immature".

My family doesn't see me as the mature type since im the youngest sister yet the biggest. Im bigger than most of my family members.I tell alot of jokes and goof off just because I like making my family laugh and myself laugh.

But now its like they see it as if I'm actually stupid. When it comes to responsibilities I want to do they don't trust me even tho its so simple. It upsets because why can't you see me in a mature matter? Will I always be a goofball in your eyes.

I've showed so much proof of myself that im disciplined. I study 14 hours a week on I.T. while doing bjj 3x a week and working out 4x a week while doing cardio 4x a week. I showed proof of my intelligence holding a 3.9 GPA while being in a Honors Program and on the president's lists for the 6th time in a row. I was announced the best student athele in highschool being 4th ranked in florida wrestler while having a 4.6 weighted GPA.

Yet all you see is my fucking silly side? is that all I am to you guys? you think I can't do shit by myself?

You think im useless? I'm damn near good at every hobby you throw at me and yet im still being seen as a joke.

It pisses me off sometimes because thats just my personality..I like making people laugh. But its hard making new friends because when i get comfortable that side of me comes out..I dont want that side coming out because I fear they won't take me seriously and its just gonna be a cycle.

Somtimes I wish my girlfriend took me seriously while also expressing my bubbly personality.

I despise talking with my family sometimes because I know they dont see me as an adult. They see me as some fucking joke. It makes me think violent thoughts whenever they say "Oh whats wrong with you today?" "Shes all moody again"

I've never felt this feeling of violence in my life. I'm a good person im a kind person. I know im a grappler but I have a good heart, I don't like hurting anybody.

I feel guilty having these violent thoughts whenever my family members try to push that other side of my personality knowing that it will just make it worse of not taking me seriously.

I don't like interacting with my mother or father. I don't speak with them in the car. I do what im told and go back to my room or be silent.

I don't know if anybody else has experience tbis. How can I be taken more seriously.

I had something happen in BJJ this week that's been bothering me, and I'm curious what more experienced people think.

Before the round, a teenager (idk 15 or 16 and im 20) at my dojo asked if I wanted to roll. He spoke English and told me his shoulder was hurting. I asked, "Slow roll?" while making the usual rolling hand gesture everyone at my gym uses. He looked at me and said, "Yeah."

So in my head, we had agreed to flow roll.

The round starts with him in seated guard and me standing. It was one of those really hot classes with no AC, so I was dripping with sweat. Before engaging, I grabbed my own lapel, looked away for a second to wipe the sweat off my face and nose, and while I was doing that he grabbed both of my lapels and yanked me straight down.

I wasn't expecting it at all, and I think that's when I hurt my wrist. Since then, I can't comfortably post on that hand, pushing myself off the floor causes a sharp pain, and I've had to wrap my wrist. Even opening the fridge or lifting things gives me a little pinch.

The part that bothered me wasn't getting taken down. It was that we had just agreed to roll light because he said his shoulder was hurt, and then he immediately went full speed while I wasn't even looking.

After that, I just focused on controlling the round. I used heavy pressure from mount to slow things down, eventually caught a triangle and transitioned to an armbar. I wasn't trying to hurt him or "win" a training round. I just matched the pace he brought after expecting a flow roll.

He was pretty sloppy (we are both white belts but im just one stripe higher) and was in my closed guard and he was very hyper but not smart enough to notcie the obvious leg triangle I was gonna do.

After I submitted him, there were still about two minutes left in the round, but he went and sat against the wall while one of the coaches talked to him.

So I'm wondering

Would you consider what he did poor training etiquette?

Im currently 184.4 lbs i was 211lbs in March 27 ( F 19 5'11)

I have very high body fat in stubborn places that i want leaned out enough. My milestone was to reach 175 by july 10th and so 165-170 by august 20th for a cruise.

Im already eating 1500 calories a day including:

\- 4x Week of weightlifting

\- 4x Week of walking 3.5 mph for 45 mintues

\- Little no BJJ weeks usually once a week

Some days my worse weeks are just

3x a week of weights

3x a week of walking 3.5 mph 45 mintues

and no BJJ that week

I eat around 180-175g of protein a day to help retain my muscle and I fear overtime this might cause a crash. I feel find my energy has obviously decreased but im just going through it. My strength has actually maintained/stayed the same like curling 40s-35s and Leg extensions 90-100lbs for 8-10 reps.

But Im worried this will stall. What should I do when it stalls?

Im currently 184.4 lbs i was 211lbs in March 27 ( F 19 5'11)

I have very high body fat in stubborn places that i want leaned out enough. My milestone was to reach 175 by july 10th and so 165-170 by august 20th for a cruise.

Im already eating 1500 calories a day including:

- 4x Week of weightlifting

- 4x Week of walking 3.5 mph for 45 mintues

- Little no BJJ weeks usually once a week

Some days my worse weeks are just

3x a week of weights

3x a week of walking 3.5 mph 45 mintues

and no BJJ that week

I eat around 180-175g of protein a day to help retain my muscle and I fear overtime this might cause a crash. I feel find my energy has obviously decreased but im just going through it. My strength has actually maintained/stayed the same like curling 40s-35s and Leg extensions 90-100lbs for 8-10 reps.

But Im worried this will stall. What should I do when it stalls?

When I take off my shirt in the mirror I just feel like nothing is working. I take videos of myself everyday in outfits to see if anything changed and bought a phone stick to do a accurate angle and I spent most of my days looking at the video again and again to hope my brain sees anything different even doing side to side editing to blend them to see some small difference. I find it so exhausting because everyday I look at photos of myself and my measurements and constantly asking google if its normal, but i cant stop.

My started weight was March 27 at 211lbs and now I am 184.4 lbs (5'11 Height)

Even my measurements (Old)

46.5 Shoulder Circumference

32 waist Circumference

42.5 Hips C

(New)

45.5 Shoulder Circumference

29-30 waist Circumference

40 Hips C

All of these and clothing I wore a XL shirts to now a Medium and my jeans 42 to a 36.

Yet i still dislike my hips since I've been trying to achieve a masculine frame but this cut journey has made me more insecure than ever.

I cannot enjoy myself at parties, I fear I might get judged or just people staring. I went back to wearing my XL hoodies even tho I can fit in a medium shirt now. I don't like moving too much i prefer standing in one place or sitting down because I dislike my legs. I always have a urge to lookinf at some sort of reflection to see if anything changed but I still feel the same.

How do people go through this? I am still on my journey to reach 175-177 because if I go lower I just think I might spiral more.

When I take off my shirt in the mirror I just feel like nothing is working. I take videos of myself everyday in outfits to see if anything changed and bought a phone stick to do a accurate angle and I spent most of my days looking at the video again and again to hope my brain sees anything different even doing side to side editing to blend them to see some small difference. I find it so exhausting because everyday I look at photos of myself and my measurements and constantly asking google if its normal, but i cant stop.

My started weight was March 27 at 211lbs and now I am 184.4 lbs (5'11 Height)

Even my measurements (Old)

46.5 Shoulder Circumference

32 waist Circumference

42.5 Hips C

(New)

45.5 Shoulder Circumference

29-30 waist Circumference

40 Hips C

All of these and clothing I wore a XL shirts to now a Medium and my jeans 42 to a 36.

Yet i still dislike my hips since I've been trying to achieve a masculine frame but this cut journey has made me more insecure than ever.

I cannot enjoy myself at parties, I fear I might get judged or just people staring. I went back to wearing my XL hoodies even tho I can fit in a medium shirt now. I don't like moving too much i prefer standing in one place or sitting down because I dislike my legs. I always have a urge to lookinf at some sort of reflection to see if anything changed but I still feel the same.

How do people go through this? I am still on my journey to reach 175-177 because if I go lower I just think I might spiral more.

When I take off my shirt in the mirror I just feel like nothing is working. I take videos of myself everyday in outfits to see if anything changed and bought a phone stick to do a accurate angle and I spent most of my days looking at the video again and again to hope my brain sees anything different even doing side to side editing to blend them to see some small difference. I find it so exhausting because everyday I look at photos of myself and my measurements and constantly asking google if its normal, but i cant stop.

My started weight was March 27 at 211lbs and now I am 184.4 lbs (5'11 Height)

Even my measurements (Old)

46.5 Shoulder Circumference

32 waist Circumference

42.5 Hips C

(New)

45.5 Shoulder Circumference

29-30 waist Circumference

40 Hips C

All of these and clothing I wore a XL shirts to now a Medium and my jeans 42 to a 36.

Yet i still dislike my hips since I've been trying to achieve a masculine frame but this cut journey has made me more insecure than ever.

I cannot enjoy myself at parties, I fear I might get judged or just people staring. I went back to wearing my XL hoodies even tho I can fit in a medium shirt now. I don't like moving too much i prefer standing in one place or sitting down because I dislike my legs. I always have a urge to lookinf at some sort of reflection to see if anything changed but I still feel the same.

How do people go through this? I am still on my journey to reach 175-177 because if I go lower I just think I might spiral more.