So a pattern I clearly notice is that even in an age of dying romance and relationships, romance content and art (books and films) are more popular than ever before. The consumer base for these things are overwhelmingly female. Some of the most "male skeptic" women I know, low-key still love corny romantic shit. Even my mom loves this stuff. She'll carefully watch shitty movies Twilight.

So I'm curious about the difference. And are you guys aware of this discrepancy? Romance is not something that the majority of men enjoy or want to do. It's more like how you work hard to get a promotion or be in the good graces of your boss. You don't do it because you love working. Romance = More male effort. I'm being reductive but I hope y'all get the point.

Edit: I want to add that you will notice this pattern if you look carefully as well. Women have girls night where they dress nice, go out together at a nice restaurant and get dinner. I don't know men who do that with their boys. Even men with a lot of money. We seem to have different definitions of fun.

I feel like this is something we all know low-key but women act shocked or even offended when a guy says he wants to bang. Did he have to tell you? I feel like y'all would know before even going out.

And I have to clarify, I don't mean creepy or aggressive dudes who are trying to be coercive or push boundaries. I mean men in general. Of course, you don't have to do it but I feel like you'd know. Furthermore, I would think that you would be concerned if the man you are with didn't want you. You would think he's gay or not attracted to you enough. I am speaking from personal experience where being too "safe" backfired on me with a woman. She ghosted me. Most guys would low-key love to smash just for the experience/excitement of doing it with a new person, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

This is not an attack. There is a very clear pattern that I have noticed with women and I want some clarity on this. Do y'all do this knowingly or unknowingly? Is there no cognitive dissonance?

I have seen so many women who claim to be very feminist and give off "smash the patriarchy" vibes and yet do and say some of the most ass backwards shit I can imagine. A coworker of mine asked if I was gay or not because she's never seen me date or shoot shots. This is a woke, bisexual woman mind you.

Even in the big 2026, there are massive proportions of the female population who value a man's social status and income above all else. Most couples I know, the man makes either somewhat or significantly more. I've seen waitresses and clerks coupled up with mechanics, senior devs, or accountants/finance men who make much more than them. I personally know a man who started getting way more attention from women once he became a doctor and started "signalling signs of financial prosperity." He's a cousin of mine.

Tinder isn't a good place to find love. Yes, I know. But the girls here have no shame putting "need a man with a boat" or "need me a real man with a provider mindset" in their bro.

Here is the sad part. Even when men and women make similar, there is an almost unsaid expectation for a man to contribute a lot more financially to a relationship. This is an illicit social contract that almost no man dares to push back against lest he be called "less of a man." Failure to provide is a failure to be a man. Then I realized a lot of women who don't like their husbands only feel an internal conflict about getting divorced due to the potential of a lifestyle deflation.

Now the only exception to this I have seen is women at extremely high levels. Because you reach a point where you become Taylor Swift and there is little to no one who can match your success lol but those are super rare cases. To add to this point, this is another reason succesful women struggle to find mates. Because she herself is limiting her options to a tiny pool. Most men won't even be able to pay his share and keep up with her lifestyle (trips to Europe, expensive luxury goods, etc).

Women don't like coffee dates because it signals "lack of effort" (read: he doesn't want to spend money on an expensive dinner). Now here is my ultimate point, if you don't want to be objectified and seen as a commodity, why do y'all market yourselves as such? This isn't me speaking against men spending money on their partners or families. I'm trying to understand this issue at a deeper level. Why sex and money is so linked for women. Please don't give me a generic "uhh because capitalism and patriarchy!" response.

Perhaps my cynical mind is right about how men and women see each other lol.

Let me explain.

Progressive in Public, Traditional in Romance

I believe modern culture is fundamentally at odds with what people call “romance.” Despite being on equal socioeconomic footing, many women want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to earn as much as men, yet scoff at the idea of being with a man who earns the same amount—and God forbid, less than them.

“Progressive” women are often not nearly as progressive when it comes to relationships. She is rarely going to initiate, plan a date, organize and finance a trip, or buy flowers for a man. She may even scoff at the idea. Yet, of course, she quietly wants all of these things from her ideal man, even if she does not want to admit it. Women "hate nonchalant men" and want a man to "worships the ground she walks on." You have to wonder who is feeding their egos for them to think like this unironically.

Men’s Desperation and Women’s Leverage

Men in the West are often desperate and sexually frustrated. Recent data suggests that men now want children more than women do, which would have been wild to imagine a couple of decades ago. Women aren't out here shooting shots, risking rejection and public humiliation nearly at the same rates as men are. They're not risking "aura loss" as the kids call it.

When the topic of relationships comes up, the conversation is almost always about what the man brings to the table and whether the woman is happy—not usually the other way around. Both men and women are conditioned from a young age, through everything from Disney movies onward, to see “love” as a man’s performance and pursuit.

I personally know God-fearing men who are with women who are heavily tattooed and have much higher body counts than they do. Some of these men are also high-earning and conventionally good-looking. Women now have considerably more leverage than men. You have to ask yourself what kind of dating market—and yes, it is a market, because it practically functions as one—we live in for things to have reached this point.

Who Actually Makes Relationships Happen?

Effort matters. Women do not have to chase nearly as hard as men do. I do not even know where the myth that they do comes from.

Relationships seem to “just happen” to women. The only reason they feel that way is because someone else makes them happen through persistent effort—and that someone is usually a man. Men make relationships happen. I have personally had women bail on me once they realized I was not going to dance for them. I also got more positive attention from women when LARPd confidence and happiness. But you will notice a pattern where you are expected to jester as a male. No one has been able to give me a good reason for this other than bio essentialist crap like, "You are the man. You are substantially more desperate and horny. Therefore, you must chase if you don't want to die alone." Men think "How can I get her?" and women think "How can I get him to get me?" Big difference.

Man-Hating

Unironic misandry is quite popular among women right now. Women think they are better than men, laugh at their struggles, and think they are doing men a favour by being with them.

Questioning the Entire Framework of Romance

I might be a cynic, but I promise you that I am not “hating” on anyone. I am trying to get at something deeper: I am questioning the entire framework or script of this thing people call “romance.” The juice might not be worth the squeeze.

From the beginning, this guy I really like has mostly talked to me sexually. He never asks much about me or seems interested in getting to know me as a person. Recently, he told me, “Either you strip and spread those legs wide for me or go away.” I left, but I still like him.

I’m starting to think he doesn’t actually like me and only sees me sexually. Is there anything I can do to make him genuinely like me and become interested in me as a person, or am I holding on to something that just isn’t there?

We all know there are differences in the ways boys and girls are socialized from a young age, generally speaking. But I have to ask myself how much of it is nature and how much is nurture.

I have noticed a consistent pattern where women love bonding, talking about personal things. I would even wager most women are like this. If they don't have a partner, they can do it with their closest female friends.

Men don't care about this as much. I can speak from personal experience. I have very close childhood friends that I haven't seen in years and I only speak to once or twice a year maybe. But if I hop on a call with them or see them it would almost be like a day hasn't passed. I was also very close with them for years in my formative years.

This social difference may explain some of the friction that happens often in relationships. I hear this a lot irl and online from women. They want more bonding time, more high effort dates, things of that sort. Men, not so much. Now I have also heard female sexuality is more reactive than proactive which is why she likes you more when you put in effort and move first but that's a topic for a whole another post. That doesn't mean he doesn't like talking to you. He just doesn't need it as much. He's fine with a more relaxed, laid-back approach which she doesn't like. To her, it comes off as a lack of care and effort.

The previous post fell flat because my phrasing was poor and people found it difficult to answer so I'll try again.

I'll change and simplify it. If you had to assign a %,

Physical = Face, height, dih, body, all that stuff.

Everything else = Social skills, kindness, patience, personality, job/social standing, how he treats you, etc.

Word word word word word word word word word word word.

Allow me to be more specific.

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When I say who he is, I mean traits that are inherent to him and yes, this includes his looks (height, face, body) but I also mean the personality traits and accolades such as temper, sense of humor, personality, kindness, job/income, etc.

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When I say how he treats you, I mean everything under that. How he initially approached you, how he talks to you, treats you in general, makes love to you, plans dates, etc.

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Thanks.

I would like to think I'm fairly smart. I'm doing good in school. I work a lot when I'm not in school and people like and respect me for the most part. Yet, I have seriously struggled to understand women. I mean I feel detached from most humans but I specifically don't understand "relationships" and women.

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I have heard so many contradictory things I don't know what to believe in anymore. He has to be strong and stoic but sensitive. He has to be like a rock to the outside world but a sweetheart to you. He has to choose you and prioritize you but he can't be a simp. He has to provide but he can't have any control or say in your decisions. He has to be vulnerable but if he shows too much emotion he's a bitch. He has to have his own shit going on but he can't be selfish, self-obsessed, "avoidant."

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Women want men to be mind readers. It's like when they say they want men to be bold and make the first move but what she actually means is the specifically small pool of men she finds attractive. Did I get it right?

I'm curious. Say a guy checks all your other boxes. Hard working, kind, stable job. But he likes collecting Star Wars, Alien, those types of action figures. He's really into tech and computers. Does that turn you off, on, or are you indifferent?

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Word word word word word word word word word word word word word

From a very young age, I noticed a pattern. A lot of the girls in my grade would date boys in older grades. Women in their early 20s would start dating men in their 30s and even beyond. A good chunk of women use marriage and relationships with men as a way of upward social mobility. This is what happens when you barely like the opposite sex.

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The world has changed a lot. If you live in an actually developed nation, you'd see that women are not only matching but outpacing men in a lot of thriving fields. Since women want at least equal and ideally up, their dating pool is shrinking. But it is not men doing the shrinking. It is her. People have it backwards. Women's success does not turn off men from her. It turns her off from men who make even a cent less than her.

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I know this part of pure anecdote but I'm quite shocked with what I see these days in the outside world. Women nowadays are dating up even in the looks department. It's amazing what you can achieve when you don't budge and the other party is desperate. I've seen tons of fit, conventionally attractive men with "mid", overweight, or even "ugly" women. What youth and beauty is to women, height and status is to men.

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Despite all the progress women have made, they still cling to certain "patriarchal" ideals. And one of them is that the man she's with has to be better than her. Bigger, stronger, richer. As cheesy as this sounds, this narrative still not only exists but thrives. Even among the self proclaimed feminists. A lot of women turn oddly "trad" when you ask them who should court who, who should plan dates, pay for vacation, pay for the lion share of family expenses, and so on. For the life of me I don't understand the logic behind this. Even when the man and woman make roughly the same, the man almost always ends up paying much more. "His money is our money, but my money is my money." Feminism has also played a part I'm sure which is why regular women feel entitled to top tier men and then act surprised when they're used as an easy f**k.

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There isn't an explanation for this other than a "redpill" one. It seems a man's life in some way has less value than a woman's which is why he has to make up for it in other ways. He has to "chase" and "compete." Perhaps this is what happens when there is a big attraction gap.

Dating is vastly different for the majority of men vs the majority of women. One is the chaser and one is the chased. You cannot say objectification is bad when you partake in the culture of pedestalizing women (yourself).

Men don't like dating because there is a lot more pressure. You have a chip on your shoulder to impress, to pass the test. It is akin to a job interview. This dating dynamic that has been established is beneficial to women so they hold on to it but it is anti-feninist and you guys are not ready to confront that.

Women don't like dating because there are crappy dudes out there. There is also a higher risk of danger.

However, men have to take a risk that women don't. It takes courage in this day and age to show vulnerability. Even asking someone to hang out or be your friend requires expressing vulnerability. But in that instance, you typically don't risk public humiliation or having your reputation damaged.

It is always the most generic advice. Just be nice, honest, humble, and work hard. Okay. What if someone does all those things, and still has no luck? What if he's emotionally intelligent, attentive, kind, dresses well, confident, hard working, everything women ask for and still struggling? Is it high time people start looking at what's going on? Why are y'all so terrified to blame women's standards and lack of self-awareness?

I have no idea why or how this idea became popular but I think it's total bs quite frankly.

Historically men "chased" because it was more effective and it was a more useful method for finding and locking down a partner.

Chasing is a humiliation ritual for most men. You have to risk looking like a fool, lowering self-esteem, public embarrassment, having your name sullied, and at worse, legal repercussions.

Now let's come to modern times. Recent data completely shatters this myth. Almost half (roughly 45%) of Gen Z men have never approached a woman. And I seriously doubt these are all or even mostly undesirable losers who never had a shot anyway. This shows that this phenomenon is not biological or some sort of intrinsic desire in men.

Time for a truth bomb.

I truly believe western men are cowardly. They are terrified of being alone. Never having kids, and dying alone. This is why they tolerate so much. This is why there can be so called "man hater/misandrist" women with husband and kids. This is why literal OF women/🌽stars can have families and get their happy ending despite everything. Women see men like luxury goods, not a necessity. Men treat women like a necessity. This is why they keep budging until supply meets demand at the equilibrium. And this is precisely why women can have such crazy standards. Women are functionally/practically men in modern society. They can keep moving the goal post because they don't need you.

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