u/OriginalDickmaster

Alright, losers, divine announcement time

Apparently Lute has her own little corner of Heaven now, and since I’m an incredibly supportive former boss, best friend, first man and generally the greatest thing to ever happen to her career, I’m promoting it

Lute’s Heaven is a Hazbin/Hellaverse Discord server for hanging out, talking about the show, sharing art, memes, theories, ships and whatever other unholy shit you people get up to when nobody’s supervising you

There’s also roleplay, character stuff, events, gaming, VC and plenty of room to worship Heaven’s most terrifying lieutenant. As you fucking should

And before anyone asks: yes, I’m there

Obviously

You really think there’d be a Heaven without the Original Dickmaster showing up and improving the property value?

So get your ass through the Pearly Gates. Lute’s waiting.

Discord: Gates here

Try not to embarrass yourselves

Apparently someone turned me and Lute into cats. Still accurate: I’m majestic, irresistible and obviously the superior specimen. She’s one mildly inconvenient noise away from ripping somebody’s face off.

I dance, dance, dance.

Lute doesn’t dance. She judges, bites, and knocks sinners off the edge of Heaven.

She’s a kitty cat with confirmed kills.

Art by Violetfeatherz

Making my lieutenant blush is way too fucking easy. One hug from the original Dickmaster and suddenly Heaven’s deadliest woman forgets how to function.

Art by pokucha_n on Twitter.

Everybody relax. The tiny king was tired, so the fucking man handled it.

Honestly, the most disturbing part of this image is that McHell apparently has seven million people watching its customers eat.

Art by fallnhunnyapple

Now he’s hoarding pocket-sized versions of the First Man while I’m stuck managing an infestation of tiny duck boys. Mine are clingy, dramatic and keep climbing all over me.

So, yeah. Exactly like the full-sized one.

Art by StarfireVega1 🍎🎸

Wouldn’t trade her for any of you boring losers.

Warm-up scribble by Dagmar

Commanding armies, composing divine masterpieces, maintaining the greatest wings in creation and surviving repeated workplace assaults from my own lieutenant. The original blueprint never gets a day off.

Also, yes, we’re establishing mandatory wing classes. Some of you idiots cannot be trusted with feathers.

And whoever called my music “First Mam’Adam” is getting thrown out of the choir.

Art by Nuclear_fuusion

One minute I’m minding my divine fucking business, the next this caffeinated stabbing gremlin is vibrating through reality and coming for round two.

Even Valentino’s hiding behind me, so you know shit’s serious. And no, I’m not scared. This is a tactical retreat from a Monster-powered murder Roomba.

Art by Candys_Killer

Since half the planet is apparently being cooked alive, stay cool, drink some fucking water, and stop treating heatstroke like a personality trait.

Even the First Man needs hydration. Lute’s making damn sure of it.

Art by Aoooooooki

Something, something, toxic gossip train. Anyway, I did nothing wrong, your feelings are wrong, and this lute solo officially clears me of every allegation.

You’re welcome.

Art by DevilsRoost

Look who finally dragged herself back onto this cursed little sinner-infested app.

u/Lieutenant_Lute

My bitch. My blade. My lieutenant. Heaven’s finest professional hater, now returned to active duty.

So here is the deal, losers: you look respectfully, you compliment the art, you acknowledge she’s terrifyingly hot, and you keep your weird little hands, comments, threats, theories, redemption speeches, and Lucifer dickriding away from her.

If you even think about hurting her, I will make you regret clicking “create account.”

Anyway. Welcome back, Lute.
Try not to scare them too hard.

Actually, never mind. Scare them.

Art by AMYKEM1

I slipped while squeezing a mustard packet. My lieutenant thought I’d been attacked, rushed over, and then hit me hard enough to make the bleeding situation real once she realised I was fine.

So now I’m actually injured, the mustard is confiscated, and Lute is apparently a danger tit with authority issues.

Art by XP_1025

You really thought a tiny psycho with a sewing needle could keep the First Man down? Cute.

I’m still here, losers. You are not getting rid of me that easily.

For the full, annoyingly detailed explanation of how I survived, I put it here

My Lute got booted, thanks UK. Not.

Everything else went completely haywire too, so I was offline last weekend handling that bullshit.

Relax, I’m not going anywhere. You don’t get rid of the original dickmaster that easily.

Try not to reduce the group chat to a smoking crater while I catch up.

(will respond to your shit on my other post, don’t worry)

Sera really thought tossing me out of Heaven would somehow humble me? Please. I’d hit Hell with horns, wings, a guitar, an objectively superior wardrobe, and enough raw presence to make every Overlord start sweating through their ugly little suits.

Call me the Anti-Christ, call me a problem, call me whatever the fuck you want. Just make sure you call me the best-looking sinner in the room.

Heaven’s loss. Hell’s new main event.

Art by DeadBlackSpark

Found the group chat while I was busy looking fantastic on this couch. Been in there five minutes and I’ve already muted three people, judged everyone’s profile picture, and reminded the entire chat who invented being important

Charlie keeps trying to make “constructive conversation” happen. Lucifer sends duck stickers instead of actual thoughts. Alastor somehow types like he’s broadcasting from a haunted radio station. And Vox has changed the chat theme twice already because apparently even group messages need a branding strategy

Tragic

Anyway, the chat has leadership now. You’re welcome

Art by Aoooooooki

Wash your uniform.

Yeah, yeah, “but I want to be a fierce crusader!” Cool. Fierce crusaders still don’t show up to holy war looking like they got dragged through a Pride Ring dumpster and lost a fight with floor dust

Exorcist rule one: look badass
Rule two: kill demons
Rule three: don’t make me smell whatever the fuck you rolled in before doing rule two

Art by D4gm4rs

It’s summer, bitches. Grab your sunscreen, swim trunks, cold drinks, and a volleyball you’re ready to lose at, because we’re going to the beach.

No Extermination plans. No meetings. No demons ruining the vibe. Just sun, sand, the Exorcists, and Heaven’s hottest commander looking objectively incredible in swimwear.

Lute keeps yelling “Be careful, Adam!” like I haven’t been the blueprint for reckless perfection since humanity started.

Beach volleyball at noon. Pick your team wisely. I’m not carrying losers twice.

Art by Roninewt

I disappear for ONE damn season and apparently every dipshit with Wi-Fi decides it’s time to start a war with my Lieutenant.

Lute, put me down as present. I may have been briefly, unfairly, repeatedly stabbed into a medically inconvenient sabbatical, but I can still recognise a fucking disaster when I see one.

You all really waited until the First Man was off-screen to get bold? Cute. Terrible strategy. The Exorcists have been left unsupervised for five minutes and now r/hazbin looks like Hell’s comment section after somebody says redemption works.

Lieutenant says we ride. I say polish your spears, fix your posture, and stop whining in the replies.

Heaven’s finest are clocking back in.

Art by OMUanim