u/Overall-Chipmunk60

If your person only talks to you when they need something they’re using you.

Your person will make it known they want a relationship with you. There won’t be confusion.

If your person lies about normal daily things, they are a pathological lair, and you deserve honesty.

Relationships aren’t one sided. Stop putting in all the effort and save it for the right person.

If your person tells you that you deserve better. Believe them. That’s them letting you know that they are a POS that will never improve for you.

To chase after the person that doesn’t love you. To go after the person that doesn’t reciprocates.

Love the person that loves you back.

“People come and go all the time”

“K will leave soon. She’ll go to nightshift”

But here’s the thing M, I never left you. The times we confided in each other were numerous. Watching you break down at work was heartbreaking. Watching you cry brought me pain. But you came to me, because you knew I’d comfort you. You know that I would shelter you from everyone else, because that’s the type of man I am.

When we feel weak, we tend to go to the people that we feel is stronger than we are, and I do not take that responsibility for granted or lightly.

You watched me go through my own pain, you watched me go through my own breakdown. You had the knowledge that others didn’t. You had a front row seat and saw the pain that woman caused me. You watched her use me. You saw the evidence. She made me feel like I was crazy. You’ve seen how much it’s changed me. When I needed advice on what to do, I confided in you. Because you are and will always be a sister to me.

But to come back from medical leave and see you two acting like life long friends hurts. I come back and see you two giggling like school girls. You made room for her, and pushed me to the side.

“I can’t help it, we work together a lot”

Well you also walk out with her now. Park next to her, and sit next to her at lunch. Momma didn’t raise someone stupid, and if she did, it’s one of my sisters. If it walks like a duck, you know.

In the end I wonder if this is partly my fault. Perhaps I thought too much of the bond we had, and built while we were in the trenches together.

You don’t know that I know this, but it’s weird hearing that you ask out people about how I’m doing, when you could simply pick up the phone, call me or text me.

It comes across like you’re trying to hide our friendship.

You’re the first person to always remind me to do what’s best for my health, but that means not being around you, because you’re around her. That out come is one you wouldn’t be pleased with either.

Maybe I’m to “ride or die”. That’s 100% a possibility. But if the roles were reversed, and someone hurt you like she did me, they’d be dead to me. Nonexistent.

If someone hurt you, like she hurt me, it would be like that person disrespected me as well, because you are someone I chose to be in my inner circle.

Watching you be friends with the woman that fundamentally broke me hurts. It always will.

But I was wrong in thinking that you completed me. I know now that you’re my soulmate because you inspired me to complete myself.

I hope we find each other in the next lifetime. I hope we find each other in every lifetime.

I didn’t look away. I didn’t avoid eye contact. Our glimpses of each other felt like minutes instead of seconds. You probably think I’m an asshole for ignoring you, but in reality it’s so much simpler than that. I don’t want to cause anymore harm. I never want to see you cry again.

I always got nervous around you. You were the one woman I’d get tongue tied around. I wanted you to see the perfect version of me. The clean, polished and proper man that I thought I needed to be to have a woman like you. My mistake was not knowing that you loved me for who I was. You loved how real I was in the beginning.

I was so worried about losing you that I tried harder each and everyday to impress you. I wanted the lord to know that I was thankful for blessing me with the woman I prayed for. I wanted to inspire you like you inspired me.

It’s funny to me that we use the heart to convey love. It’s such a flawed and fickle instrument. I wish mine worked properly because you’re etched into it. Your name is carved into the very fabric of my life. I don’t want a new one because the red string around it and you are woven together forever.

It broke me to hear you say that I scared you. That my rage is something you feared. Because I wanted nothing more than to sit in the awkwardness with you, hold you and pick you back up when life got you down. My anger is and will always be sadness that has no where to go. The gym has been good for me. It provided me with a place to release my anger. To use that raw emotion to create a better me.

I told people that I wanted to work so I could have a normal life again. I lied. I wanted to work again so I could see you once last time. The physical toll of our job is killing me. Some days I wish heart failure would run its course and take me. I wish my eyes would close one last time and I’d peacefully leave. Open heart surgery scares me, but if I was honest, you’d be who I want to see when I first opened my eyes again. I’d want you next to me in that hospital room. Holding my hand while I recovered. Watching over Cade.

I will always believe that you are my soulmate. I will always believe that I fucked up the lord’s blessing by causing you pain and harm. You wasn’t some notch in my belt or some trophy. You were a woman that I could gladly call my friend, partner and wife.

You were no secret to my inner circle. I wanted the world to know that I found someone as special as you. You brought happiness back into my life, you brought my spark back. You kept me alive during my darkest night. My mother knows how special you are to me. I cried in front of her that night you went to the castle. She held me, and didn’t let go until I stopped.

I have five different cardiologist. I had five different diagnosis. But all agreed on the time frame. Six months to year. That’s how long my current heart has left. I’m not responding to treatment. Even when I do the side effects are awful. Sleepless nights, nausea, and tremors so bad that I can’t physically control my body from shaking. This really is me at my worst, and I wish you were here supporting me.

If I could wish for anything, I’d wish you’d lay your head on my chest and hear it beat one last time.

I feel the red string that’s wrapped around us. I can feel your energy when you think about me. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I didn’t think about you. You have been and will always be in my thoughts.

I love you Kasey, and for as long as this heart beats I always will.

So I’m going to need you to stop looking like a snack. I’m on a very strict diet, but damn I wanna nibble on you.

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist but probably thrill a poet.

That does things to me. That smirk single handily drives me wild. That once display of emotion teases me, tells me to come get it, and I want to. But you wouldn’t be ready for my hands to be on you. To rip and tear through your clothes. To caress your body into ecstasy. For my mouth to kiss every inch of your body. I wouldn’t stop until you were left gasping for air. I wouldn’t stop until you were completely satisfied. Until you couldn’t walk the next day. Your pleasure has been and will always be my calling, because you’re worth the energy and effort.

I still think about coming up from behind you and wrapping my arms around you. I still think about kissing every inch of your neck while I rip off your clothes. I still think about pushing you up against the wall, moving your thong out of the way and sticking it in. I still think about bending you over and pounding you until you’re satisfied and can’t walk the next day. I still think about finishing, kissing you on the forehead and calling you a good girl.