u/OwlSoft8603

I had a very bad transition to grad school and needed to defer. My mother and her boyfriend had been very against it from the beginning, as it was far away. And for months I was told how they would pray I changed my mind. Would tell me how alone and in danger I would be. Once, literally, “Do you want to get raped and murdered?”

They got what they wanted, as I went home because I was worried about hurting myself if I stayed and figured if I hurt myself anyway, at least I would be home. That program was my dream and all I’d ever wanted. I was lucky to get there, but they said my apprehension was a sign it was the wrong decision.

I started therapy last week. I was stupid enough to tell my mother that was where I would be, but she is very nosy and would have pestered me until I told her. Since I currently live with her, she’d have known I was somewhere.

So I went and I asked her not to tell anyone, and explicitly said I didn’t want to discuss it. Of course, she told her boyfriend. She has asked whether her feelings should be hurt, if I was doing this because of her, what she did wrong that I think I need to do this. Now says her boyfriend would like to talk to me, because therapists turn people against their family and away from God, and both of them believe that the only way to be helped is through prayer.

My faith is very important to me. I’m a private person, and I don’t speak about it often unless asked. But I really truly love God. I know I am not the perfect Christian. But I feel like my faith is being weaponized against me. That I am too distrusting and disobedient and weak because I have done this. It’s making it very difficult for me to want to go back, even though I liked him.

Had this dream (I played too much Rivals apparently) that I attended some event and Wade asked me if I could drive him home.

That dream felt like it went on for days because I spent the entirety of it in my freaking car waiting. I called him like 20 times, no answer. Phone finally died. The sun went down. I was stressed about losing sleep with work the next morning and yet for some reason decided I couldn’t leave without him since I had promised.

At almost midnight I finally saw him cross the road—the entire time he had been at the McDonald’s. I was absolutely furious and all he said was, “Oh, you actually waited?”

It enraged me so much I was mad the whole day. Dream wasted because he kept me waiting for hours.

Deep in the thrall of a fandom obsession and with an utter lack of the specific content I required, I decided to write my own fanfic. First ever.

I wrote (I believe) three chapters. Uploaded one or two. Received two positive comments that speculated over aspects of the story.

Then freaked out that I didn’t know where the story was actually going and that the comments were smarter than me and deleted it lol

I’m unsure if this is relatable. But to every actual author out there, I commend you 💕

Edit: this was literal years ago but I FOUND the fic in my google docs 😭 perhaps I will reupload? For old time’s sake.

Curious. Gave up a huge opportunity and dream out of fear. Ruined my life. Disappointed everyone. There is no way forward, and I mean that. I ruined everything because I was not strong enough.

I had hoped to accomplish more. I suppose that’s why I ask. I don’t want to seek attention; if no one looked my way or spoke my name ever again I would be happier. I know posting this goes against that statement. I’m unsure what I’m hoping for.

I’m unsure at what point intervention might be needed. I don’t have a way yet. There aren’t very good options. I don’t want to resort to something unsavory. I also feel like prolonging the inevitable is weak. For me, specifically.

Insurance isn’t good. Filled out a request for appointment with therapist. Just unsure it can wait. Or whether it’s wise to disclose these things at all. Maybe I might be worse off.

Thanks for reading, regardless. Sorry.

Hi everyone,

I had been going to rent a 1 bedroom townhome in East Lansing but due to personal/family reasons, I had to terminate my lease as of 8/7/26.

If you are interested, it is in the Olde Farm community. You can dm me for more details or contact them directly.

I’m genuinely unsure how I’m allowed to feel about this. Context necessary. I am an adult but almost a decade younger than my siblings who are close in age to one another. So, never really been included. I assumed it would change when I got older, but I think the differences in generation and family dynamics are too big a gap to bridge. I understand it, even if it sucks.

Our mother is also the type to sort of go on a “nobody in this family loves me” episode if she isn’t included in things. As the only sibling still at home, I understand not inviting me places, as it would trigger that.

Here is the thing that I guess bugs me. I’m moving states very soon. This has been known since January, essentially. But had been the plan for well over a year.

Last year the idea of this vacation was floated. I said it would be awkward with our mother, but I would find a way to bring it up, because I would really love to go. I never heard another word about it. I learned through my mother, incidentally, that it was happening a few months ago. And that every sibling but me was invited.

It was also planned over my last week at home and during the time that I would be moving. Not that I expected them to help me move—of course I don’t, they’re busy. But I would’ve liked to had spent more time with them.

At my going away party while I sat with a few extended family members who’d traveled to see me, my siblings stayed in the basement doing their nails for their vacation. I think I spoke to them maybe 2 minutes over the entire party, the last time I would be seeing them for a while lol.

I’m unsure what to think. Ultimately I do know they love me. It just isn’t the same as each other. This isn’t the biggest deal, I think I’m only struggling because this is my first big step away from them, and I felt a little strange because of all this.

TLDR: My siblings planned a trip together without inviting or telling me. Just a little confused about my feelings about it.

This is so incredibly stupid and I don’t know how to make it not sound that way. I have no reason this came about nor why it got so bad. But I’m scared of getting to the point where I cannot at all. I’ve been so serious about oral health and terrified of something happening to my teeth, and now this feels like it will destroy that.

I’ve always been really disgusted by saliva. Who isn’t, I guess? But it’s getting to the point where I may need to brush my teeth 3 times a few minutes apart because the moment I consider that there is saliva in my mouth, I will gag. If I don’t put the brush away and stop I will throw up. If I think about it before brushing, same result, and I will need to do something else to calm down before trying again.

I don’t understand why this has happened so suddenly or why it’s gotten worse. But it really is distressing for some reason and I’m scared of something happening to my teeth because I cannot brush them without being disgusted. Like I KNOW that it’s in my head but I can’t stop the physical reaction anyway. If I’m distracted enough, I get through but the *moment* I think about it, it’s over.

And is ‘counseling’ different and always short-term?

I tried counseling only once. I was struggling mostly with family related issues. I still am, and I really just want to talk through things. To get them out, to get perspective, and to try to understand how it’s affected me. I don’t know. I assumed that’s what it was going into it.

Instead over four sessions I was given homework to write letters to people, and then had to read them out loud to her while doing the EMDR (?) thing. I’m sure that’s helpful for other people but I found it really humiliating and essentially she just asked me if I felt better after reading them? The answer was always no. She got frustrated and said there was nothing more she could do unless I wanted medication and dropped me.

So… I’m incredibly hesitant to try again because I am scared they will try the same things. I don’t want like a quick fix. I just want to figure things out and externalize them to someone who can help name it and help me process it.

Is that doomed? Is that an actual thing or is all therapy like what she did? If it is a thing, how can I find someone who does that? How do I ask without seeming like a problem patient?

Thank you ♡

I’m really sorry if this is all a dumb question. I don’t know much about it all.