u/PassNo6780

Me (31F) and my ex (40M) of 1.5y broke up a week ago because we couldn't agree on having kids in the future. I am 100% sure that I want children. He initially said that he was open to having children if it was the right relationship, but he also knew he'd be happy not having them at all.

We dated for a year and a half, and the relationship was good. We had similar hobbies and shared the same moral values, and the relationship felt easy. We didn't really have any major disagreements or arguments. Our parents approved of us as partners.

Over the past couple of months, we'd been having discussions about where the relationship was heading. I told him that we needed to understand where we both stood on having children. We checked in about it intermittently, but last week we finally had a full (relationship-ending) conversation.

He said that he isn't completely sure where he stands on having children but is leaning towards not wanting them. He said he thinks it IS the right relationship for kids but he is really hesitant on the huge change it would make to his life. He also said he doesn't know whether his mind would change in six months, a year, or longer and he didn't want to keep me waiting.

It was really hard because, when we broke up, he told me there aren't many people like me in the dating pool - I have a good job, I'm well put together, financially and emotionally stable, kind, caring, honest, patient, loyal. He said he felt completely safe and vulnerable with me and trusted me with his life. He called me a "rare diamond" and was clearly very visiblg upset that the relationship had to end. He was also finding the decision heavy as if he is choosing not to have kids in this great relationship, he is essentially making the decision to have a child-free life, full stop.

Although it was painful, we mutually agreed that we weren't looking for the same things in terms of our future and our core life values.

However, he asked whether, if he had some sort of epiphany, he could contact me in a few months' time. He said he wouldn't leave it for several years or anything like that.

How do I get over this? I feel like it would've been easier if he said he 100% didn't want kids. Logically his uncertainty is enough for me to take it as a complete no. I refuse to waste my fertile years on a uncertainty situation.

I don't know...I'm struggling. I feel like I am on a timeline for the kid of future I want. Everyone around me says that I have it all and won't find it difficult to find a partner, but I've experienced failure after failure in relationships and I'm just fed up.

Money? Avoidance? Thinking they don't need it?

What are your stories? Has anyone eventually done the therapy after a looong period of staying away from it? If so, was it worth it and what did you learn?

I recently posted here about me (31F) and my now-ex (40m) not agreeing on kids. I 100% want them and he would be happy with a life without them, but worries he would be missing out an a valuable experience and didn't want to lose the healthy relationship with me.

We came to a mutual decision to break up and it fucking hurts.

I guess I just want to understand what this fence-sitting actually feels like? Like...a few hours before we had the big relationship-ending chat he was talking about possibly needing more seats (for kids) when he is thinking about getting his next car. Then in the next breath we are having this serious conversation where he said he feels like he is leaning more towards not having kids and he wouldn't know in 6 or even 12 months where he stands and therefore doesn't want to waste my time. His concerns are about losing his life as it is, not being as free to travel, not wanting to spend weekends at play parks and finances (even he is on £100k doing a 9-5 job, and I'm a family medicine doctor with a stable job and a house which is fully paid off).

He kept going back and forth about being okay with a life without kids but then also being worried that he is giving up the option to have kids forever because he is happy with our relationship and if he doesn't want them with someone like me it probably means he is choosing a child-free life generally by us breaking up.

But then at the end of the conversation he said he was going to therapy and asked if he could ever contact me if he "had an epiphany"

It's almost harder to let go because it wasn't a firm "I know I don't want kids". Logically, I am not going to wait around for ambivalence and feel positive about finding someone who is completely on the same page.

I guess I just don't quite understand the not knowing? What does this feel like? Is it really that scary being in the middle and thinking about a life either way? This is not judgemental at all!! I really want to understand what is going round in people's heads when they are on the fence?

I am a 31 year old female. On paper it looks like I have everything. Loving parents, job as a doctor, house and car paid off, good friends (although they live around the world and not many nearby), I'm active and go to the gym/run. I am actually quite proud of who I am as a person in terms of my morals and understanding of others.

Life feels incredibly empty and lonely. I have always wanted marriage and kids, but I can't find anyone who is on the same page. It feels like the traditional family unit is no longer the norm. I'm tired of friends, family and ex-partners telling me how much of a catch I am and that they have no doubt I will get that one day.

I think I find it frustrating because I can't control if/when I will meet someone to have this life that I dreamed of with.

Life just feels "ok". I do my hobbies, try new hobbies, set fitness goals, travel.... and its fun but just "ok". I don't feel fulfilled. People may expect fulfillment from a job where you're helping people but it's just actually a lot of stress and anxiety because I care so much about doing the right thing for my patients. Plus patients don't have much respect for NHS GPs recently and I have had people tell me that we are useless even though every day is a grind.

I just feel stuck in a rut where nothing feels that exciting except for the concept of a family one day. I don't want to centre something I have no control of though and I certainly will not settle for building that life with just anyone. I know that marriage and kids isn't all sunshine and rainbows because I've done extensive research on it, but I'm still not put off by the potential cons.

Life just doesn't feel meaningful and at 31 I'm starting to feel like my time is running out for the things I envisioned for my life. I'm just stuck in an ok life.

Current a week post a break-up and solo-tripping to Palma today! My friend is meeting me out there tomorrow but I would like to watch the England match later in somewhere with a bit of a buzz. Any suggestions of places to watch it would be welcome!

Thank you 🙂

I (31f) just broke up with my (40m) partner of 1.5 years because we couldn't agree on having kids in the near future.

I have always wanted them. When we met he said he would be open to having kids in the right relationship but would also be happy with a life without any children.

Our relationship was good, we communicated well, had similar interests and for once this relationship felt easy and comforting compared to previous ones. I think he's a really amazing person (and would actually make a great dad)

We have just ended it because he is on the fence, but strongly leaning more towards not having them. He feels that this would be a good relationship to have them in and by us ending, he is ruling out a future with kids in it. He's a bit worried this is a mistake but doesn't want to leave me in limbo given my age and what I know I want for the future.

It feels heartbreaking. Should we have given it more time? Any stories from people who have been in similar positions and how it worked out in the end?

I feel like most of the time people talk about how difficult it is having kids and most posts/comments on reddit are about people regretting having kids or being so happy childfree?

​

I have always wanted to have kids and luckily I am in a good enough position financially, psychologically etc to do so. I am aware it is life-changing and exhausting, but it sounds so fulfilling! I get this burning ache to have kids of my own when I am around them. But it seems like most people talk about how hard it is or how they regret having kids and are miserable.

​

My partner is unsure about them and we might have to break up about it. He often cites how everyone around him says how awful it is but then go "oh, but I wouldn't change it for the world!". He's scared of making a decision either way that he might regret and doesn't want to lose me, but knows he would be happy in life without them.

​

Am I missing something here? Should I be reconsidering having them seeing as people never lead with the positives of having them?

​

Honestly, I wish I was not bothered about having kids because it seems like such an straightforward life being happy without them and not having to worry about it 😔

I've been with my partner almost 1.5 years now. We have been having conversations about the future. I've always been sure about kids. When we met he said that he would be open to kids if his partner wanted them, but would be very happy in life without them.

​

I guess crunch time has come because its now becoming more of a real conversation. He's worried about the irreversible decision, the impact it would have on his lifestyle and the added stress it could cause to his relatively very happy and easy life currently.

​

Our relationship is really good. We have similar interests, treat eachother with respect, communicate fairly well and have a really lovely time together. It's the first time we have both been in a relationship like this. He said that if there was any relationship he felt would be the appropriate one to have children, it'd be ours. He thought that being in this position would make the decision to have kids easier. But it hasn't and he is still really hesitant.

​

I'm at the age where I'm not so young to keep waiting it out for someone who is unsure, but still young enough to find someone who does want kids. He has said lightly in passing thay maybe he just needs a bit of encouragement to take the big step. But I do not want to force anyone into that life with me and then have them resent me if anything were to go wrong.

​

He does feel that us staying together vs breaking up feels like a huge decision. Because of his age he feels like it's also a decision about a future with or without a family. I can tell it's really stressing him out and he doesn't want to lose me or our relationship, but he also doesn't want to waste any more of my time feeling unsure.

​

Anyone in the same position as my boyfriend who can explain how it feels? Or any opinions/advice on whether we should just sadly end it and move on?

Just looking for some support and reassurance.

I met my partner around 1.5 years ago. Around 10 months into the relationship I was treated for genital warts. It took around 3 months to get on top of it using various methods - cryotherapy, warticon, aldara (only for a short period as i couldnt really tolerate the treatment). I also got the gardasil vaccine course. For the past 4/5 months I seem to have been free of any visible lesions.

I really thought it was something we could forget about. We spoke about it at the time I was diagnosed and he was super understanding and we both agreed that we could not identify where it came from and that we likely already shared the hpv as we were having sex without condoms for the entirety of our relationship anyway.

Our sex life slowed down and we weren't intimate whilst I was being treated due to the pain down below. We did have sex again a couple of months ago.

A few days ago he noticed a single tiny 3mm wart on himself. I'm really worried that it means I am still highly able to transmit and just feel guilty about me being the reason he has it. I'm worried about the warts returning in myself and I really dont want him to have to go through the process of months of treatment because I found it very stressful and upsetting. He's incredibly understanding and not particularly worried but how do I get over the guilt and uncertainty of the situation.

Words of support/advice most welcome 🙏🏾