u/Petrichor_ness

Asking for a family member, let's call them Sam.

Workers background

Sam was diagnosed with bipolar over 20yrs in their teens. They're very responsible with their health, take their medication, regular doctor check-ins and their condition has never impacted their work or performance until very recently.

Sam holds a senior position for a FTSE 100 company and household brand. They've had this job for over three years and as they live in Northern Ireland and the HQ is in London, they've always worked from home. Their contract says they must come into the office as and when needed which until recently, would be a few days every few months.

Company info

Head office have decided they want all staff back in the office. I know legally, they're within their right to do this.

HR have been invited staff to submit flexible working requests (for those who want to carry on home working) or, in some cases, reasonable adjustment (for those with medical/hard reasons they can't commute to the office). Everyone who has submitted a flexible working request has been denied so far and everyone who has submitted a reasonable adjustment is being pressured into changing it to a flex working request.

Sam's bipolar is heavily impacted by environment. They've got letters from their GP, therapist and submitted medical studies that all say going from their tranquil, rural and isolated home office to London on a regular basis would have a detrimental impact on Sam's health.

Sam's problem

Sam has always had brilliant performance reviews to date and promotions. They can prove they can effectively do their job from home. This has been going on for months now. Sam knows if their request is denied, they're going to lose their job.

As a direct result of this ongoing stress, Sam is having a bipolar depressive episode. Constant headaches, not sleeping properly, routinely physically sick and of course, very depressed.

Sam's current line manager (Dave) has the empathy of a spade and is constantly asking deeply intrusive questions about their condition. Sam has declared all this information on their original request and their occupational health form. Sam does not feel comfortable talking about something so personal to someone they don't trust and repeating the same thing over and over is taking its toll on their health.

Sam informally mentors a junior staff member who also has bipolar. This junior member of staff took an overdoes the other day, whilst they're going to recover, they left a note saying it was because of Dave and the conversation they had to have with him (why can't he just snap out of it, has he tried doing more exercise, has he tried improving his diet etc, all very patronising to someone with a genuine medical condition).

Whilst Sam's mentee's line manager made a complaint against Dave, it was brushed under the rug.

My questions

If you're still with me, thank you. I appreciate this is a lot of text!

Taking the reasonable adjustment request out the scenario - is there anything Sam can do to make sure their request is being handled by someone with more sensitivity or mental health awareness? Bipolar cannot be 'cured' and certainly not with diet and exercise as implied by this line manager.

Sam is obviously reluctant to rock the boat too much but is there anything they can do?

Surely someone ending up in hospital as a direct result of an employee acting on behalf of a business HR must have some accountability? (Sam even said, if they kill themselves, they want to me to make sure there's an inquest and the company is held responsible - this terrified me)

I know they can't terminate Sam's employment because of their bipolar but can the company legally say they can't do their job effectively from their location when they have been for years?

Sam is willing to compromise, the company wants everyone in four days a week with the bear minimum being four days a month for exceptional circumstances. Sam has said they can do one week/5 days every other month in the winter and one week a month in the summer. Does this sound like a reasonable compromise?

I am in no legal position to do anything personally about Sam's health and I'm starting to really panic.

In Home Bargains, B&M, Poundland etc, you always see 'dupes' of beauty brands mainly but also cleaning products, food brands etc.

But how duplicate are they to the main brands they're emulating?

I'm a sucker for marketing and easily swayed so help me out? If you're shopping for quality over cost - what should you be looking at?

I have endometriosis so regularity isn't my body's strength but why oh why, when there's a heatwave, does it decide that now is the best time to do its slaughter house re-enactment?

• Want to wear a light breezy dress? Nope?
• Already got the period headache? Yeh, you'll also need to tie your long hair up too.
• You were looking forward to a refreshing paddleboard to cool down? Not enough tampons in the world to keep the wetsuit safe and that's assuming you can move enough in the first place!
• For the next few days, you won't be moving far from the bed or the sofa unless you want to projectile vomit!
• And if you want a nice cool snack, it's ice cubes or nothing because of the sickness!

Is there some scientific reason why my worst periods always rock up with an amber weather warning?

I'm well aware more medical research has gone into creating pills to keep men's happy sticks happy than has gone into the mechanics of the female reproductive system, but this can't always be a coincidence?!

My husband (now 40yr) was diagnosed with bipolar when he was a teen, long before I (F39) met him. Whilst it's not been easy at some points over the years, he does, for the most part, manage his bipolar very well.

We live in a very quiet, remote part of the country and his employer of three years have now decided they want all their staff back in the office. For him, that's a ten hour commute each way so not exactly practical. He's going through an appeals process and has evidence that his work has never suffered as a result of his remote working, excellent performance reviews, manages lots of staff who have also only ever had good things to say about him, never needed time off due to bipolar etc.

But we also had a death in the family recently which has really knocked him and alongside what is now a year of work stress and not knowing if/when he's going to be sacked, he's having a depressive episode.

He declared his bipolar when he applied for the job so they know about it, but he obviously can't outright tell them the stress they're causing is making it worse.

This is the first job he's ever had that he's actually thrived in and first job that's lasted longer than two years. He really doesn't want to have to leave but also we can't move from where we are.

Being autistic myself means I struggle with problems I can't control. I want to email his HR department and tell them just how much damage they're doing but obviously this isn't something you can do in real life.

Any advice from anyone here?

Either practical/legal advice or just general how to be a supportive wife advice?

A house down the road is being renovated after being empty for over 20yrs.

They had a beautiful old looking mirror sat outside for a few weeks and after surreptitiously walking the dog past the house hoping to 'bump into' the new owners, I finally managed it.

Asked some polite questions about what they have planned, said how amazing it was to see the old building being restored, I casually inquired about the old mirror round the back and they said I could take it, would be doing them a favour to save room in the skip, even refused the obligatory offer of some cash.

After giving it a clean up (and not a tin of Frenchic) I now have a lovely Edwardian Asymmetrical Parlour Cabinet in my dining room :)

I've been chugging back Vimto's Tropical Twist for a while now. Yes, I know it's not exactly healthy but my autistic brain is very specific about certain flavours and it's the only way I can make sure I'm drinking plenty of water.

But, it's getting harder to find and Amazon have now stopped stocking it (I live in the Highlands)

Can anyone suggest some other tropical squash brands that don't contain mango? I'm not sure if it's an allergy or intolerance, but anything with mango in gives me horrible stomach aches and other very unladylike problems!

I acknowledge my house has a weird set up - 6ft fenced in garden to the side of the house, next to front door.

The road then goes round the other side of the house, round the back. So the back garden faces the front door of the neighbours behind us.

BUT,

• There is a sign on the gate saying 'do not enter, dogs running free. Parcels to be left by back door, behind house accessed on <blah blah> street'.
• My Amazon account says to leave parcels in parcel box next to back door accessed via <blah blah> street.
• There is a sign on the back door saying 'back door for <number> <my street>'
• And there is a large parcel box next to back door saying 'parcel box for <number> <my street>' with Amazon logos, Royal Mail logos, DPD etc.

And yet, I hear screaming when one of my large dogs wants to chase a delivery driver who has let himself into the 'do not enter' garden!

I get it takes them an extra three seconds to read the delivery instructions but I'm not sure how much clearer I can be!

Last week, when the gate was locked, they threw the parcel over and it landed on my dog sleeping the other side of it!

Heard nothing about how unbearable this heatwave has been for the last few days but I live in the Highlands.

It capped out at about 20degrees yesterday. Sun was shining but a lovely sea breeze meant the dog walk was lovely and comfortable. Got just hot enough to enjoy a nice swim in the sea afterwards before spending the afternoon cracking on with some gardening.

Apologies as I'm sure this question has been asked to death in this sub but I've had a quick search and can't find anything recent and Highlands specific.

I'm very new to houseplants, I can just about keep some spider plants and monstera alive (just to set my level, I almost managed to kill a snake plant last month!)

I want to add something more interesting now - what can you recommend and where can you recommend I buy from based on the following:

• I live in the middle of nowhere Scottish Highlands - loads of websites are super fussy about delivering up here
• Nearest big supermarkets/B&Q/commercial garden centres are 1.5hr+ drive away (hence the preference for delivery)

For plant's I'm looking for:

• At least one medium size plant that can sit in a south facing window. It will get a lot of direct light, especially in the summer but come winter, hardly any sunlight at all
• At least three plants I add in hanging pots in a very dark corner of my living and dining rooms which get very little light even in summer but aren't warm or humid - I want something I can trail around some poles and picture rails

I've been watching the Sheffield Made Plants guy on YouTube and found him super helpful but any other advice would be most welcome.

Down she quats, out it comes, a few small nuggets and one guest of wind has me chasing after it like it's a ten pound note!

As someone who walks large dogs and unknown foster dogs with warning covers on their lead ('not dog friendly', 'reactive' etc) it baffles me that people buy ones that say 'little princess' or something similar.

My dog is wearing one for a very real reason, people buying these gimmick ones are just diluting their importance. Please think twice before you put a meaningless one on your dog!