u/Pretty-River-3687

Lunch: Yukon gold potatoes, orange bell pepper and zucchini, an over easy egg, berries and a peach raspberry bubblr over ice

UPDATE: I said in the post "I can't get past this" and I mean that. Maybe that was missed by some folks. I'm not trying to condoning his racism. I am allowed to be sad that a person I'm physically attracted to is racist and therefore I won't date them. I'm not arguing with people in the comments because there obviously isn't anything to argue about. I'm on the same page.

I want to start this by saying I know this is a sensitive topic that people are passionate about. I would love if things could stay cordial.

I (29f) matched with this guy (29m) on hinge last week, we hit it off instantly over text, had a few phone calls before our date (a requirement for me) and I really felt a connection. We went mini golfing and when he showed up I noticed he had a window sticker on his car that was in the shape of Alabama and said "Bama grown" on it but the whole thing was a confederate flag pattern. I immediately was a bit bummed but I am really trying to give people a chance (more on this later). After mini golf we went thrifting and chatted for like 2 hours.

He walked me to my car and I rolled down my window to chat for a few before I left. I mentioned (in a light hearted tone) that I wouldn't be getting back in his truck with that sticker on it and we had a good conversation about it. He explained that he sees the flag as a sign of his southern heritage and that he doesn't display it with ill intent. I explained that perception matters just as much as intent and that the flag carries some pretty negative connotations.

A little background about me: I grew up in a conservative house, not religious conservative but 2nd ammendment, American flag on the porch conservative. I went to college, got my degree in women's studies, and have changed my views considerably. My family is not MAGA, but still conservative for the most part. No one in my family is homophonic, racist, sexist, anything like that, but they are strong believers in the 2nd ammendment and are proponents of less government. I hold different beliefs than my family on most hot button issues regarding politics. We are in the pnw so not exactly red country 😅

A little background on my views about dating: I have been in the dating scene for what feels like forever. I have had times in dating where I was really into the social media stuff of "if he wanted to he would" "if he doesn't pay, open the door, xyz cut him off immediately". I've left dates after 10 minutes because I didn't feel a connection or didn't think he was a good fit and I've cancelled dates before they happened because of yellow or red flags. I'm not saying this isn't a valid way to date by any means it just doesn't feel like it's working for me.

I am trying something new where I actually give people a fighting chance instead of cutting them off after 1 negative thing. I feel insane even saying this, because it's not revolutionary, I'm just retraining myself from years of cutting men off for not being perfect. I have gone on some really great dates lately with people who I would have cut off immediately in the past and am enjoying less rigidity in dating for me. All of this to say, that is why I didn't leave immediately upon seeing the flag.

The conversation about the flag was respectful, he listened to what I had to say and he said if we continued to see each other he would take it off his truck. However, even the fact he had it up just feels icky to me.

I'm feeling conflicted about the whole thing because I know that if I was dating how I was before I wouldn't have this dilemma because I already would have cut it off but I really felt a connection and he expressed he did too. The spark during our first kiss was actually electric but I'm not sure I can get past the flag. (I am sure I can't get past it I'm just bummed to lose the connection). I haven't felt a connection/attraction this good in a long time.

Maybe this is more just venting rather than wanting advice but if anyone has thoughts I'd like to hear them. Please don't be rude.

I'm struggling to decide on even what color to go for. I have an oak coffee table that mathes the couches that has a glass top as well.

From first message to date in about 6 hours. I'm not usually the one to make the first move but I did today and it turned out great! Ladies, this is your sign to make the move.

For a little context my bio is "can we tell people we met at the library? You might have to message me twice, I get distracted easily"

I saw this bee floating in the lake today while I was paddle boarding. I brought it on board and it dried off and seemed to be fine and walking around. Then the next thing I knew it was dead and it looked like it stung my board or something to maybe kill itself? There was no reason for it to sting anything, we we're chillin listening to music for like 20 minutes.

I have a theory that my cat knows when it's the weekend or when I have a day off.

A bit of backstory: I have fed my cat at 5:30am every day since I got her. I used to have an auto feeder but a few months ago it broke so I've been feeding her manually. Everyday at 5:30am my cat starts yelling at me for breakfast. Sometimes I get up right away, and sometimes I make her starve until 6:15 but regardless of when I feed her she yells at me constantly until I do. She's so reliable and I am such a light sleeper, I don't even think to use an alarm.

I've noticed the last few weekends that I've been waking up at 7 or 7:30 with a sleeping cat curled up with me. The moment I show signs of life though she reminds me that she is on the verge of death from starvation. I've been thinking maybe somehow she just knows that every 5 days things are different and gives me a break which I already feel crazy about thinking but I cannot figure out how to explain it.

Friday was the start of a 5 day vacation for me and I woke up at 7 with a sleeping cat. I'm convinced at this point that she knows when I have a day off. I'm interested to see if she does this Monday too.

I thought maybe I do something around the house in the evenings, specifically on nights before I work that she's picking up on but I work from home so I'm not setting out clothes or doing anything really at all to prepare for the next day that I don't do every single day. I considered that maybe the traffic outside is what is tipping her off to what time it is because we live on a busy street with a train, and maybe there is less traffic on the weekends so she doesn't have the reminder of the time but Friday, traffic was the same as any other weekday.

Anyway, my cat knows the days of the week and apparently my schedule, here's a picture from our last roadtrip (yes she's buckled in)