u/Prize-Individual-562

I have accepted the breakup and have been moving on. But every now and then still, I get sad thinking about my ex and wonder what she is up to (I haven't checked her Instagram for some time now).

What I realized is at the initial post breakup where things were still fresh, I had thoughts of improving myself here and there, fitness, knowledge, looks. But now as time went on and the pain lessened (it's still painful though), I don't seem to have as much motivation to self-improve and implement those plans.

Not that I don't have it totally, but it seems to be dwindling because I think pain is what makes people motivated to take action to move further from the pain.

What advice do you have to self-improve after a breakup? What advice do you have to overcome procrastination? What advice do you have to get over an ex girlfriend and find someone better?

I have arrived at the breakup grief stage of acceptance, where I've accepted that she is not coming back, and all hopes of it becoming a relationship again is at least mostly gone.

At first, I still have hopes, not for a relationship with my ex (because she kind of cheated on me), but for us to continue seeing each other as friends with benefits. I held on to that hope for some time, I watched a lot of "no contact to get ex back" videos. But I'm getting tired of holding on to the hope of still spending time as FWBs.

I've recently been more accepting that she and I will likely never get back together as FWBs again. She doesn't follow me on Instagram so for the most part she will not know what I am up to in life. We are just, going our separate paths now.

Once passionate lovers, sharing many happy and sad moments together. Now, strangers moving on in life.

What stage of grief are you at right now? I understand that the stages can overlap too. We can be in the "what if" stage, the "anger" stage, and the "acceptance" stage all at once, interchangeable, in a way.

I understand that not following your ex and not knowing what they are up to can help you move on faster. At the same time, I am also on the boat that after the moving on process is done, it would be nice to know what your ex is up to in life. Not as a way to still use that as a way to get into your ex's life. But more of knowing that they are well. Curiosity of what they are up to. Maybe they went for the trip they've always said they wanted to go for. Maybe they got promoted. Maybe they got married years down the road.

Even if things ended badly between the two of us, I would still have that curiosity.

Right now I am abstaining from going to her profile to see what she is up to as the pain is still hurting. But I do think that if months down the road she re-follows me, and I have moved on and not feel the pain anymore, it would be a nice thing to know what both are up to through social media. Similar to how we have followers and following to people from our jobs, our friends, our past schools, where we don't talk to them anymore, but we just have the occasional updates through their social media.

What do you think?

If you ever re-followed an ex after unfollowing them, how and what made you do that?

It's been a couple so months since the breakup. I miss you. Where have all the banters and fun cute moments gone? That's right, it's gone now, we're broken up, remember?

I miss you. I miss the times you did your whole routine with hygiene stuff. I miss the childish times we shared. I miss you beside me on the bed, cuddling and sleeping together. I miss the times we showered together. I miss the times you made tea for me. I miss the late nights we shared overseas. I miss you.

Why did things have to turn out this way? I miss you... We used to spend so much time together. The realization of how we're just leading different lives now. You don't know what I'm up to now. I don't wish to check your social media for at least some time too.

If I could turn back time, how much could I had prevented our breakup? Maybe chances are still very low given the nature of what happened...

I hope you're sleeping well tonight. Those days we talked late into the night to resolve things and you would say how you really want the sleep and lack sleep. You have it now, I'm no longer there to "burden" your sleep.

I miss you, and I wonder if you've had nights where you still think about me and miss me.

Let me elaborate on this further. Let's say your girlfriend betrayed you, or deceived you, or cheated in some way small or big. Because of that, you want answers and rightfully so she should be accountable for her actions. However, instead of being accountable and remorseful, she was AT FIRST trying to be accountable, but later brought up things that showed that she didn't feel heard and understood, and so from her point of view, maybe because she isn't feeling heard by you, she blames it on you for her WRONGDOING because you are supposed to make her feel heard and understood as you are "the man".

But why should I still be the one to be the "bigger man" trying to hear her out when she is the one at fault for betraying me? I wanted something casual after the breakup, but I could tell that it is possible that because she doesn't feel heard and understood (because I don't want to be hearing her excuses or justification for her wrongful actions), she rejected the casual seeing one another eventually.

If you were in such a situation where the girl betrayed you or showed bad character, should you still ask questions and hear her out and make her feel heard and understood?

I think it shows to your ex that you are moving on when even on their special day, you're not reaching out, and this seem to be something that helps you remind yourself that you are going to move on and that's that. Even if they were the one who ghosted you, or dumped you, or treated you harshly and coldly towards the end.

What do you think?

Towards the end of the relationship, things weren't very good. The breakup was also messy and included not-so-nice words said to one another.

When I looked back at texts from a time months ago when my ex and I had a much better loving time, it really gave me something to think about and to be sad about. How did we go from loving and caring, bantering and having fun, to all the toxic treatment, the struggles to communicate and all of those bad things?

I do not want to delete my texts/chats with my ex. But I know it is important not to keep going back to read through it. I definitely am not doing a very good job at it.

Any advice is welcomed.

Any similar experiences to share? With regards to reading old texts.

My ex and I broke up less than 3 months ago. Initially she and I were still open to being friends with benefits after the breakup. But eventually after we met weeks after the breakup, on that day after the meetup, she texted me that with more thoughts she decided we shouldn't be friends with benefits. Saying that she feels hurt, and that it is better this way in order for us to properly move on.

I replied through text and tried to give my perspective on how I want to do friends with benefits in a more healthy way, with an understanding that there wouldn't be us getting back in a relationship together, and it would just be for fun (like what friends with benefits are for).

I mentioned that if she ever changes her mind, she can reach out in future, emphasizing that even if it is months or years later, as long as we are both single at that time, I am open to a fun time.

Her reply was that she doesn't want to spend anymore time with me, and that she wants no relation with me, especially after what happened this year, and what I sent in texts earlier (it was a series of text where I called her out on how she betrayed my trust and whatnot, this was after she agreed to do friends with benefits). She mentioned that she wants to keep it that way (keep it such that she doesn't spend more time with me anymore) She also unfollowed me on Instagram and removed me as a follower I think after she sent the messages.

I replied that if she ever changes her mind she can reach out, and some farewell messages, keeping it short. However, she did not even mark my messages as "read". I find this so disrespectful to not even acknowledge my farewell message to her after I acknowledged hers.

To make things clear, she crossed boundaries while in a relationship with me, and even though I'm not perfect and have my faults too, the majority of what caused the relationship to fail is on her. She is avoidant in nature too.

I KNOW I cannot get into a relationship with her anymore after the trust is broken this badly, I find it hard to trust her. But I really enjoy the fun times we had and the sex. And so her rejecting the Friends with Benefits after initially saying yes to it, really impacted me some.

Do you people think that I've applied 7 principles to get an ex back correctly here? Do you think it works if in such a situation I want her back as a friends with benefits and not as a girlfriend?

I have this feeling it is going to be a bad idea to get support from my ex during a tough time in life. Considering how things ended where she didn't seem to care that much about me. She did express care for this life event she knows I will be going through, but that was weeks ago. It's been some time of no contact.

Can someone share stories of where breaking no contact to get support and care ended up being good? And also share where breaking no contact to get support and care ended up making things worse and feeling worse about it all.

It's been about 2 months since the breakup. I've been kept busy with work. But apart from that, financially I am also not doing very well. I've medical matters to attend to. I have a low self-esteem right now. I miss my ex-girlfriend. I've faced setbacks in life recently.

We made so many good memories together. I no longer have her to share my troubles in life with. I don't know what exactly is she up to in this moment as I've not checked her social media for some time. She also unfollowed me. It feels painful that we don't have something connecting us (social media) anymore.

The way she did not even bother to "read" my message on the messaging app after she sent her last farewells, and I sent mine afterwards, also makes me feel something from it. Why must she be such a coward she cannot even acknowledge or mark my final farewell message as "read"? Why must it be as if she ghosted me like this?

If I'm honest to myself, the relationship and time spent had a lot of very good moments. But I was also abused by her and treated badly by her.

I know I do not want her as my girlfriend anymore. I know I have to move on. But it's so painful. Who is there to support me during sad times like these?

I've found that I haven't really cried much ever since the breakup. I know it's healthy to let it out, but yet, why am I like this?

I've faced setbacks in life recently. And yet I'm pushing on, I tell myself I can do it. I tell myself words to encourage myself. But I'm so sad. I'm just a human, I'm really really sad and defeated. I'm so tired. I'm so exhausted. Why am I such a loser right now?

If only I can still have her supporting me in my life right now. If I could turn back time, I don't know if I could change the fact that she betrayed me and my trust. But at the very least I can have a chance to do things better.

My ex and I shared many good memories, and on top of that, also many times where she treated me badly. From what has happened, I know she is not someone I can be in a relationship anymore. And yet, I still think of her so often. I still hurt so much knowing we will likely never share intimate times together with one another again. I miss the intimacy, the warmth, the love.

I know that she is not someone to have a healthy relationship with, but yet, it still hurts so much trying to move on. Why? Any advice to help in such a situation?

There has been many times where I was treated badly by her. But yet, we've had so many fun times, special times together. In terms of sexual intimacy, we've had a lot of fun too, and that's made her seem more special in my eyes. I feel sad and upset thinking about whether or not I can find a girl who can satisfy me in terms of sexual intimacy the way my ex did.

Will I ever find someone better in those aspects I value? What if it takes a long time? How do I get through these kind of thoughts?

Like many people, my ex and I shared a lot of physical intimate time together. Naturally, I find her physically attractive and to me, her body is much more attractive than the average woman out there. I miss the intimate times with her, missing her and missing her body. Feeling like I may never (or it may take some time) to find a woman as physically attractive as my ex.

For the men out there, did you have similar thoughts to this? Missing the sexual intimacy? Did you eventually find someone new who may not have as hot a body, but yet still had hot passionate intimate times with, that are even stronger passionately than your ex?

I feel upset thinking and wondering if and when will I ever find a woman who would have as much compatibility/willingness to pleasure each other in bed as much as my ex and I did. What if the next woman takes months or more than a year to find? And what if the next girl I get serious with is sexually not as attractive and compatible?

How did you get over thoughts like these?

Sometime after our breakup, we were initially still both going to stay as friends with benefits. Not long later, she decided she doesn't want it anymore, mentioning it would hurt to continue seeing me. I do not want to be in a relationship with her anymore, however I would enjoy FWB and casual sex and things of that fun nature with her.

It didn't feel good knowing she didn't want it. I gave her the "if you change your mind feel free to reach out" speech alongside some other messages.

Less than a day ago, she replied saying something along the lines of she will not be able to enjoy fwb given our past history. It seems like this is the end of our interactions. I intend reply to that by reiterating "reach out to me if you change your mind", alongside some farewell messages (going to keep it on the shorter side), and then move on with my life.

What feels like a stab is that she also unfollowed me on Instagram, and removed me as a follower to her account. My account is private, and hers is public, so she won't be able to see my content, while I can still see hers, and this can slow down my healing process. She did not block me, so I can still see her profile. What I don't like is it would seem weird if I change my account from private to public now, after being private for so long.

It's also very painful because now I don't even get the chance to show her my glow up, my self-improvement, my moving on, through social media. She may think of me as a stagnant guy who isn't making progress after the breakup, maybe. I wanted the satisfaction of showing her that I am doing better.

Despite not wanting to be in a relationship with her anymore, I still do want to know what is happening with her life years and decades later, it would probably be nice. And for her to know mine. But now I don't have the opportunity anymore since she unfollowed me.

Even though I had my flaws too, the relationship was toxic on both sides, and she did kind of cheat on me as well. Corey would say "Rejection breeds obsession", and her rejecting/not wanting to have a casual fwb thing with me did not just take away some casual fun time, but also it took away the opportunity to move on with my life while still being able to have her stay a part of my life as an fwb, which in a way can help soften the move on process.

It is very painful. Any advice on how to deal with this?

The way I can ever update her about my successful life in future without directly contacting her (if she doesn't contact me again too), would be through Instagram profile picture updates, or messaging app profile picture updates.

After my recent breakup, I've been struggling with feelings of not being able to attract a better woman. My body isn't in good shape, my finances took a hit recently. I've been procrastinating on life matters that I need to handle to get my stuff in order.

I wonder if I will ever be able to attract a girl that has as much chemistry as my ex had with me. And if I will be able to attract and get a girl who is sexually as enjoyable as her, and not only that, I wonder if I can attract a girl with as good a body as my ex.

I feel like I may not be able to get laid in a while. How long will it take until I get a girl to sleep with and get laid with? How can I bond with a new girl when I keep thinking about my ex. Will I ever attract a girl as "good" as my ex, even if I know my ex had her flaws too?

What am I doing with my life. I'm even procrastinating on reading Corey's book, despite knowing I have to. I watch a lot of his videos but am lacking in the read his book department.

And I am not a young dude anymore, not that old either, but as I lose my looks due to aging, how much can I still attract the younger women?

When will I get through this pain? When will I get laid again? When will I get together with a better girl in future?

Anyone gone through tough times and feelings of scarcity and a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence? How can I get through this?

I matched with her about a week ago and we have a date that is going to be for about 2 weeks from now. I understand that meeting people through a dating app it's important for rapport before meeting and it gets harder if the first date is a longer time away.

How would you handle this? Text 1-2 messages a day until the day comes? Saying "See you then" and then not text till the date when there is this many days left till the first date seems a little off too.

This male best/close friend of hers had been in her life before I started seeing her. Before we became boyfriend and girlfriend, I've noticed how often she texts guys, and I think it is especially with this close guy friend of hers.

We had talks on what is appropriate and what is not, and that she has to keep her distance with him. After we got together as boyfriend and girlfriend, things were messy for us, but the bottom line is that in the time we had been at least exclusive with one another, she has been texting him almost daily, updating about her life and bantering with one another.

I have told her many times that he likes her. She also suspected he do like her. But yet, in her exchanges with him, she did not really even make an effort to create distance with him, and not only that, her interactions seem to invite more attention from him.

She said she has no romantic intentions with him. But still, this is a guy who has romantic intentions with her, and the attention she is getting from him are not from a purely platonic perspective.

I feel so disrespected that even during intimate times with her, at late night hours, she has had texting exchanges with him with all the energy behind it that she doesn't even give me at times. Their text replies can be quite instant even in late midnight hours.

Is this cheating? Many months of almost daily interactions, not telling him she got together with me as boyfriend girlfriend, bantering (which one can see as flirting) with him, telling him when she just woke up. The things you're supposed to share with your boyfriend, not a close guy friend whom you suspect likes you, and whom I told you he likes you.

The things we agreed upon, to not be texting so much and to not be sharing life updates getting so close and whatnot, she crossed these boundaries. All these while she mentioned she can manage her distance with her guy friends, but yet this happened. And this is not the only one, there was another guy that went out with her before we got together and I told her to never interact with him again. She still had some text exchanged with him, and even initiated text although minimal, with him.

One can say cheating is subjective, where cheating can be considered going against boundaries that were agreed upon. If you apply that, then this is cheating. And even if not applying that definition, she still entertained interest from a male friend. Isn't this some sort of emotional cheating? What do you think? Would you get back with an ex-girlfriend if she did this?

On my side I feel betrayed, as if I got misled as to how close she had been with him. I feel so disrespected that during nights we were spending intimate time together, she's been texting this guy, and even if she views him as just friends, the closeness is very inappropriate for a friendship.

I think it is not healthy to rush into a relationship right after a fresh breakup, but at the same time I think it helps to move on faster by casually talking and seeing new people at a non-rushed pace.

Some may advice to not look at old pictures and on top of that, not to go to places that your ex and you have made memories before. While it is not possible to avoid all places since even your apartment and neighbourhood could had have a lot of memories made with your ex, at least avoid the other ones.

But how about griefing? Isn't it important to grieve and feel those icky griefing feelings in order to move through the pain? And if so, wouldn't the act of not looking at old pictures and not revisiting old places be running away from feeling the pain to move through the pain?

What do you people think? I think it would be good to remove immediate environment triggers, such as storing old gifts and things that remind you of them away, looking at old photos can be done so but not too much.

I'm going through a recent breakup now and it's tough. Any words of advice on how I should process being deceived and betrayed by my ex? Any advice on griefing and functioning day to day while going through a breakup?

She and I were exclusively dating and were also officially together for a short while in 2026. To be clear, we were exclusive (and so shouldn't be seeing anyone else) from early January to early March 2026.

Before we got together officially, we've talked about it (this was when we have not became exclusive so we were both free to date others) and there was this guy who she says is suspicious of and he may like her. She described him to be someone she finds attractive traits, to be someone she used to not have interest but grew interest after some time.

This guy asked her out on an activity before and she agreed (this was before we got exclusive so she is free to see others during this time). I can tell that this guy clearly has interest in her. She agreed not to talk to him 1 on 1, and that she will let me know if he hits her up on text, and to be transparent if other guy friends hit her up and whatnot.

Fast forward to today, even though we broke up already, after some time after breaking up, we communicated to one another that we are still going to try again, and that we both are not seeing and will not be seeing anyone else. So that is the case for recently and now.

Recently she revealed (maybe by accident) something about what that guy told her about. I asked and she revealed she did talk to him 1 on 1 through text even though she agreed not to. This was very close to, but still before we got together officially. She told me something like anyway it's before we got together so what's the big deal?

I asked if there was anymore chats, she revealed there is 1 more through workchat. This goes against what we agreed upon, and why would she not tell me and why did she banter and talk with this guy?

About a week later, when I wanted to talk to her on it, she revealed that actually, during the time we were supposed to be exclusive, she and him had more than 10 one-on-one different texting "sessions", and 2 of it, she initiated it.

I saw that her texts contained emojis and exclamation marks and "HAHAHA" that seemed to suggest bantering and maybe even flirting, and regardless, it definitely doesn't give off the impression that she wants to keep her distance with him like she agreed to.

I also can clearly tell that this guy likes her and I told her about it back then.

Now she is saying that if she did not meet me she and him may had went out together, but this was in mid 2025. She says she has no romantic intent while chatting with him. She says that with me in the picture, she does not see him that way.

When I asked another day, she says that if she and I ended, this guy may be someone she may date.

So isn't this cheating if even if she doesn't intend to bring things further with him, she still did things against what we agreed on (not to talk to him ever again and to tell me if he talks to her), she also did not purposely reply one word reply to keep him away, she also finds him attractive and as someone who she may date if I wasn't in the picture.

Is this cheating or not? I feel like I got deceived. Why didn't she establish boundaries with him and why didn't she tell me he hit her up?

Is there any chance of salvaging this? She seem to be more open to be transparent now. She did also send me a summary of her texting exchanges with him, but I also saw part of the text and saw the emojis and enthusiasm, but yet at the same time her texting exchanges weren't totally about banters, some of it were more work related events (they're colleagues), at least most of it were short exchanges (even though there were more than 10 different text sessions within 3 months).

I think to fix this moving forward, she will have to be more proactive and transparent with me to show me that she wants to be open with any guy who hits on her and whatnot.

Side note: I put +20F and +20M in the title to mean in their 20s.

tldr; girl I've been dating exclusively was texting 1 on 1 with a guy who clearly likes her, but we've talked before and she agreed not to talk 1 on 1 with him, and to create distance with him, and that she would let me know if there are interactions. But turns out she did text him 1 on 1 several times, and did not tell me for months, until recently