u/ProfessorLogic7

Haven’t gotten any diplomas or anything since everything got cancelled. Never went to any of those graduation parties and never got to have pictures taken of my achievement from succeeding. If I were to have gotten it however I would have graduated at my slum school which honestly wouldn’t feel that great either.

Either way I feel like I missed that important experience which I could have easily achieved but things had to go like they went. I think I’d feel happier now if I got it than if I didn’t. Anyways just a quick vent

My grandma constantly talks to herself and it generally stresses me. I feel like it’s directed towards me and that I need to listen to hear what’s she’s muttering. I generally can’t stand it because it always feels like it’s gonna something bad is gonna happen.

No she’s not psychotic btw and I recon I am not the only one experiencing this. I generally just need to get my frustrations out and find someone who relates to my struggles

I generally sometimes feel like nobody on Reddit or discord is real and that I am only sitting inside talking to robots while everyone else is outside forgetting me. It’s actually kinda scary

I am attracted to women but I have to say vaginas are just not that good looking. I am usually indifferent to it but whenever I am watching porn I always skip the parts where they show their clit. It definitely kills part of the attraction for me.

Penises are generally revolting to look at and of course every time I am watching ThisVid I get these horrible ads that I have to look away from because otherwise it generally kills all my sexual energy on the spot. I feel Asexual when I watch sex (I am not actually asexual tho). I get disgusted when either sex squirt like I generally want to tear my eyes out when I see it.

Seeing someone please themselves is generally a horrifying experience. Would avoid at all cost and yes I mean this even if the person has sex appeal

I have talked here before about wanting to gain total independence. How I wanted to be free from my social desires. Well just like the title says things didn’t go my way😐. Idk why I thought it would work. It didn’t

I feel pathetic, weak and like a walking contradiction to myself. I feel like an animal enslaved by its carnal desires for connection. Right now I’m in my room at night just thinking. I’m in pain. I don’t want to do this stupid shit anymore. I want to be free. For fuck sake why am I even alive. I hate this world so fucking much. I am so over this

I don’t want to live anymore. If this is what it is gonna be then idk. I’ll never become independent

I can’t get over it. Humans just look ugly. That’s all. Just the shape of the body and how the face looks. It all looks off

Back in time if we were without our tribe it would most certainly mean death for us and that’s why the primitive side aims to make sure we’re never put in that situation. However now? What’s the point now? You can live your entire life alone and you’ll be fine. (Emotionally no but the dangers are next to nothing) sure there are some violent people out there but it’s still very possible.

Yet the stupid part of the human brain persists. The one that tortures you for not having a partner or close enough friends. Why am I even like this? I don’t want anything to do with it. Nothing about it is rational. It’s like oh you have to make a girlfriend oh you have to make friends but why?

If my brain wouldn’t torment me for being alone I’d fucking manage. It would be easy. I would thrive in fact. I don’t want to make friends. I don’t want a girlfriend. In fact it’s actually more dangerous to be with people. It’s giving up control. It’s giving up independence. It’s an insane risk for nothing else than to keep your mind at bay. There is no physical danger. It’s literally only the brain. I feel like we should have evolved out of this but evolution sure takes it’s sweet time

I hate her very much. I don’t understand why some people think you should worship your mother (She of course loves that mindset). She has never in her life ever understood the concept of me being angry at her because she never does anything wrong according to herself.

My feeling are not valid to her and I have no right to feel them. She constantly brings up my trauma which I’ve told her I don’t want to talk to her about and she glorifies my perpetrators saying they did good and she scolds me for “lying” and asks me to explain in detail what happened.

I have given her details more times than I am able to count I’ve cried and screamed in a desperate attempt to be heard and she mocks me saying my tears are fake and that I am acting. She then says all autistic people lie and that I need “the truth” to be happy.

Every time after she has burnt me emotionally I ask her to quit talking about it and that it hurts me severely. I’ve said idc who’s side your on or what you believe but I don’t want to talk about this with you. She says I am delusional and that my delusions are “scary” and that I need to be fixed. Keep in mind she was never there when any of these situations happened.

If I don’t submit to her beliefs now she’ll just kick me out because it’s a requirement to live there and when I was younger she would spend way less time with me or berate me if I didn’t try to “fix” myself. She has basically sold all my stuff from when I was little too. Pets, collectibles everything basically. She’s allergic now but wasn’t then and her reason was that they were boring. Never got to say goodbye to them.

Basically all neets live with their parents. My mom is at high risk of being allergic and my dad is 100% allergic. I have a hamster but come on now. How the hell is a hamster gonna help me? Its help has been minimal at best like I need an actual companion.

I read about all the health benefits online like much lower cholesterol and unconditional love and it sounds like this is gonna be the answer but no of course of course I can’t even have fucking that. Of course I have to rely on people. On fucking people.

WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME? I hate my life so goddamn much. I was about to buy 2 Guinea pigs and felt happy because I knew I wouldn’t feel like this anymore but of course. Fuck it I am done. I am honestly crushed.

Idc if I get seen as weak. This is just too much. I can’t have a single good thing happen to me. I need companionship. I need safe unconditional love to pull through this horrendous life. But no. I can’t have it. I am breaking. This should be a no brainer. I should have one.

A friendship that dosen’t end until its dead and then I could buy a new one. A friendship that is safe with no betrayal. A friendship where it’s always there. It’s so perfect and and yet I of course have to have allergic parents. WHY DOES MY LIFE HAS TO BE LIKE THIS!? I HATE MY LIFE SO MUCH. I HATE EVERYTHING WITHIN IT

Something that a lot of countries in the west don’t understand today is that humans are a threat. Knowledge makes people even more threatening and tell me again why we should amplify a threat instead of keeping it at bay? People are like big screaming disgusting orcs and honestly they scare me. They really do. I can’t see why we would want to give knowledge to people. I can’t see why we would want to lose control to these hairless beasts. It’s like giving a tiger exact knowledge to where an unarmed camper is. You don’t do that. We should understand our nature. Because otherwise we will fall a sad and pitiful death to our own species. Indoctrination will make people less dangerous and this is a good thing. I have seen many videos online that actively tries to make people dangerous like why would you ever? People today think they want chaos. But when chaos actually breaks loose they’ll think differently. We need to change the direction this world is going before it’s too late

I am tired of being social. I am tired of needing to be social. I know that I actually can’t do this because sadly I am enslaved by my social desires. I don’t want to need to talk to a single human being in this world again. I fantasize constantly about ending all my relationships and just saying fuck you all I don’t need you anymore. This is actually the furthest from my reality tho. I can’t do it because I can’t stand being alone because it hurts me. If anyone here knows how to actually stop needing people and not suffocate from loneliness please tell me your secret. Until then I am endlessly suffering. I don’t want anyone

I am just gonna be blunt and say that relationships are extremely undesirable. The rational part in me dosen’t want anything to do with it while the irrational side desires the pain and control that comes within it.

The irrational side is highly dominant ik it’s dumb and I want to change it. I just want to learn being comfortable in solitude yet it never works. My body is put into fight or flight mode and I can feel myself losing my shit and becoming lethargic and in pain really quick. It feels like a chain.

I just want to feel normal. I just want to end all my attachments to this world and be free. No I am not a Buddhist in case that gave you the impression I was. I don’t mean to sound like those “I hate myself for loving you” people either because there is nothing about anyone including myself that I generally love or even like.

I feel forced to need a woman around me, to have her think of me all the time and see me all of the time. Yet at the same time I don’t want anything to do with her at all. It feels like a drug I need to use to feel normal. I truly am a slave to my need for companionship

Edit: it’s supposed to say undesirable not understandable

I hate being bound to other people emotionally. If I had the smallest bit of control over my desires I’d be aromantic and asexual.

My mental health is shit when I don’t have a woman in my life to admire or whatever and like basically everyone here knows women are basically non existent in your life when you’re a NEET. Even in most jobs you’ll likely never meet anyone significant.

There are so many barriers to ever getting to know one that interacting with them feels pointless. The worst part is I really don’t even want to be in a relationship either. Like who here even wants to be in a relationship today? It’s so unbelievably boring tiring and stressful even.

Your reward is feeling normal (Only whilst in the relationship) and getting slight sex appeal from your partner while also needing to compromise with your time, being stressed and walking on eggshells. It’s just not worth it. Like it’s so unbelievably undesirable like seriously I’d do anything to just not feel the desire at all

I am almost certain that no religion is true so I generally don’t fear this would happen but a lot of the time I usually think to myself how much it would suck if it was actually true. Most religions believe you will be in your own body and that you will live on for eternity in it. That sounds like a complete nightmare for me. I’d rather die than have that like I am serious. I would probably become super depressed and not want to do anything ever again. Luckily I don’t think this will happen but I can’t be the only one who generally thinks this sounds like torture

Humans are honestly very ugly. I am not only talking about “ugly people”, I am talking about humans as a whole. Nobody is truly good looking nor beautiful. We as a species have disgusting bodies with disgusting faces. Some can be “sexually stimulating” but that’s it. It dosen’t make them beautiful. In fact I still find people I am turned on by to be ugly. Humans are so ugly to the point where I honestly want to cry. Babies are gross, children are not cute in anyway at all like I seriously don’t see how anyone could think otherwise. Almost all animals are disgusting as well. SOME animals tho like (insects, spiders, certain invertebrates) can be quite fascinating to look at. They are definitely not beautiful but being cool is at least something. Humans and most animals however make me wanna scream. I can’t understand the idea of finding a human beautiful. Why are humans so goddamn ugly like I generally don’t understand. Do people actually look at beauty magazine and think “I want to look like that” whole heartedly? I have googled countless times asking “Why are humans so ugly” and all that comes up is “why are some people so ugly?” Like they’re trying to imply that there are actually beautiful hairless ape things? I could go on and on but you get the point

I am not new to veganism. I was a vegan at from age 10 to age 13. I started because of ethical reasons and quit due to fear of judgment from my peers. I didn’t look back on veganism until recently when I have basically stopped giving a single fuck what anybody thinks of me. However for months now I have suffered from metabolic and digestive issues that I am not 100% sure what it is but it has basically put me into a very strict diet made to not cause me pain. I can’t eat anything spicy, salty, processed or any food high in indigestible fiber without being in pain for usually about 2 days (Depends on what I eat). Eating a small amount of sugar seems to spike my blood sugar for hours which also made me quit that. I can’t find a single vegan meal that would work for me atm like I was ok with eating tofu everyday but I can’t even do that now so I feel like I don’t have a choice. I think I am suffering from gut dysbiosis or gastrisis but I am not fully sure. Rn I can eat almost all available vegetables and also a lot of plants but can’t find a single vegan meal that would work for me since soy causes pain while other vegan meat is very processed which is a strict no. If you have had similar issues to me I’d love to hear your advice on what would work

So recently I was very keen on starting E therapy and I was 100% set on doing it. I only knew about the desirable effects like fat in feminine areas, tits and a more feminine face and voice. However of course there is a catch with this and that is the mental effects that estrogen gives. First I’ve read that estrogen makes you feel much more sensitive and hurt to people criticizing you while T makes you not care or slightly angry. This makes me feel like I would be vulnerable and I don’t want that. I don’t want to be affected by peoples stupid and idiotic remarks. Secondly I’ve read that you’ll get moved by acts of “kindness” and like cry over it which makes you an easy target for manipulation and scams. I really don’t want to lose my common sense. It also says you’ll desire to build relationships and connect with people. this is a big NO. I don’t want anything to do with emotional relationships and I especially don’t want to desire it. I like it to be surface level and nothing more. I don’t want to be vulnerable to this world. I don’t want to desire people. I don’t want anything to with them and when I am estrogen I won’t want it either but I’ll probably hurt more by not engaging which makes me so angry to think about. Idk what to do. I want to become a beautiful woman but I don’t want to become a victim of desires. Please tell me I am wrong about estrogen. Please tell me I’ll be satisfied without engaging in relationships. Please tell me I won’t get emotionally invested in dangerous people

This didn’t even last half a year. I got physically sick and started ditching school. The school is too expensive so to hell with going another year. Idk what to do both mom and dad are setting pressure on me to start doing something. I don’t know how much longer this will last. Idk how much longer I will last. Anyways I am back now and Imma be honest I’ve kinda missed this sub

For the last years in my life I have been feeling very lonely. I have bought multiple beautiful statues of naked women and some Barbie dolls to make me feel less alone. It worked splendidly and I felt very happy. I decided to buy more company so I went down to the sex store to buy inflatable sex dolls and a fleshlight. They didn’t have the sex doll so I only bought the fleshlight. I thought that this sextoy would make me feel less lonely and much more connected. I’ve never found sex to be attractive but I had a strong feeling that by engaging in penetration my deep seated loneliness would fade away. I also thought that having a fleshlight would do the same thing. I went home and started playing with it. I was hoping to feel a rush of oxytocin but I felt nothing at first. Then I started feeling disgusted by its presence and put it far away from reach thinking everything would be good. However the feeling of disgust for penetration and the feeling of general disgust towards genitals became so overwhelming I went several blocks away to throw it in the trash. I could never imagine how much revulsion it would make me feel but here I am. I now know that I will never want to have sex and that there are other much better ways to cope with loneliness. Sure real sex might give you some closeness feeling but it will be greatly reduced by this horrendous disgust I feel towards sex. I was planning on spending way more money on sex despite it not making me horny so I guess I learned something valuable for 20$. However the guilt and disgust remain and I am currently not feeling like doing anything