u/Pumpkin_698

Ten months ago I asked my fiancé to delay our wedding because I have self image issues and I did not want to get married looking ugly or at least feeling like I look ugly. For context, I look very different from the people of my culture and that has made me a target gor bullies.

My fiancé convinced me to get therapy instead of a nosejob with facial fat removal. We agreed that I would get artificial tanning for our wedding so I would not look like Casper but that was all.

I have been on therapy since then. My fiancé is very happy about it and he says he is very happy for getting to keep "the real me". But I feel like it is not working. Yes, I feel a little better about myself in general (I have lost some weight, which helps, even if I am still overweight) but seeing pics of me or sometimes my mere reflection hit me hard almost every time and I get back to feeling like I should wear a bag on my head.

Honestly I am tired of this "you are unique" bullsh\\\*t. What about what I want? I feel like I am the bad guy for wanting the nose surgery and the weightloss. I think I deserve to feel beautiful at my wedding. AITAH for that?

Last year I was planning my (28f) wedding with my fiancé (30m). I asked him to delay it because I have self image issues and I did not want to get married looking ugly or at least feeling like I look ugly.

My fiancé convinced me to get therapy instead of a nosejob with facial fat removal. We agreed that I would get artificial tanning for our wedding so I would not look like Casper but that was all.

I have been on therapy since then. My fiancé is very happy about it and he says he is very happy for getting to keep "the real me". But I feel like it is not working. Yes, I feel a little better about myself in general (I have lost some weight, which helps, even if I am still overweight) but seeing pics of me or sometimes my mere reflection hit me hard almost every time and I get back to feeling like I should wear a bag on my head.

My fiancé has been hinting that he has to get married soon but I don't want to get married looking like I do now. I feel like a need at least 7kg less and a smaller nose. I am not even sure about marrying someone who sackles me to my ugliest version. I love him but I wish he did not like my defects so much.

I (27f) live away from my home and have a very demanding job, so I spent a lot of time away from my flat. Due to this situation, I asked my in-laws if I could give their direction so my packages could be delivered there when I order online and there is not a pickup option. They agreed and they have been so sweet and helpful about it. For context, I did not gave my parents direction because they spend a lot of time away from home too, sometimes weeks at a time.

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Last week, I got angry with my brother-in-law (32m), who still lives with his parents, because he refused to be there when the delivery guy brought my very heavy, very expensive and very discontinued manga collection. His excuse was that he needed to go to the gym and after that he had to play pokemon. I am aware that he has no obligation to help me but it just felt so rude he could not wait half an hour to go the gym. I mean he is unemployed, it's not like he has something useful to do. Also, I have been saving and looking for that collection for about 4 years, so I was not happy about his attitude nor about having to pick it up.

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He does not understand why I am angry and has told me to get psycollogically checked for autism and neurodivergence because no regular adult gets angry about a manga collection. He also criticized me buying funkos and nendoroid and told it was a huge red flag and that his brother should know if I have some issues before marrying me. Then he proceed to ask me if he could use my flat in the city for a weekend because he wanted to catch Pokémon there.

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I just removed myself from the conversation because I just feel like I was been joked on. This whole thing feels unreal and I have not told anyone because I feel they would not believe me. I just don't know how to deal with it.

I (27f) live away from my home and have a very demanding job, so I spent a lot of time away from my flat. Due to this situation, I asked my in-laws if I could give their direction so my packages could be delivered there when I order online and there is not a pickup option. They agreed and they have been so sweet and helpful about it. For context, I did not gave my parents direction because they spend a lot of time away from home too, sometimes weeks at a time.

​

Last week, I got angry with my brother-in-law (32m), who still lives with his parents, because he refused to be there when the delivery guy brought my very heavy, very expensive and very discontinued manga collection. His excuse was that he needed to go to the gym and after that he had to play pokemon. I am aware that he has no obligation to help me but it just felt so rude he could not wait half an hour to go the gym. I mean he is unemployed, it's not like he has something useful to do. Also, I have been saving and looking for that collection for about 4 years, so I was not happy about his attitude nor about having to pick it up.

​

He does not understand why I am angry and has told me to get psycollogically checked for autism and neurodivergence because no regular adult gets angry about a manga collection. He also criticized me buying funkos and nendoroid and told it was a huge red flag and that his brother should know if I have some issues before marrying me. Then he proceed to ask me if he could use my flat in the city for a weekend because he wanted to catch Pokémon there.

​

I just removed myself from the conversation because I just feel like I was been joked on. This whole thing feels unreal and I have not told anyone because I feel they would not believe me. I just don't know how to deal with it.

I (27f) work in a big city where rent is very high and where I know very few people. I am waiting for a promotion that will allow me to move back home where I could buy a house, form a family etc.

The promotion is being withold (For absolutely no objective reason) by my supervisor. My coworkers and me, a very accomplished team who had being congratulated by our CEO several times are stuck with lower salaries and overall worse conditions just because that woman, who has also being throwing bonuses and better condition to people famous for not moving a finger.

I have fought for that promotion and I just feel empty and sad. I also feel like a failure and like I do not earn enough money due to having to pay rent. I cannot talk about this with my friends because most of them are unemployed or with temporary jobs, so I tend to isolate myself.

Every month that passes I feel more lonely, frustrated and sad, though people think that I am working my dream job in the city. I come back home very often, but I don't barely have time to keep in touch with my friends and I feel left out by my coworkers because I go home a lot.

While being alone I dwell on bad thoughts about the bullying I got when I was younger and I end up feeling ugly and like I would be better if I was not in this world because I am not doing much here anyway.

For context, I (27f) am from the Western Mediterranean area but somehow I was born pale, with blue eyes and an abnormally large and masculine nose, the opppsite of what is considered normal in my country.

Obviously I was heavily bullied because of it, especially because of my nose. In fact people keep making fun of it. For this reasons I consider my looks as defective and I doubt if they are worth passing to my potential children.

I want to be a mother but being the reason my children are weird looking and laughed at worries me so much. And is very possible that I end up correcting my nose surgically, I don't want them to feel even more puzzled because of their looks.

My fiancé is more aligned with the stereotype but I am afraid my genes will ruin the mix.

TLDR: Should I still try having biological kids or should I try adoption or other options?

Recently I have seen a lot of comments in social media complaining about how nowadays people appear to have all the same "Instagram face". Actually, in real life I see more and more of those faces everyday.

But, is it really a bad thing? I mean, if we all looked the same there would be no place for bullying (At least for the bullying that is caused by physical feautures) and people would pay more attention to others personalities.

I really think that is positive that faces are changing in that direction.

I (27f) hace been tasked to welcome and teach a new colleague (23f). I will call her Annie. She was nice enough and went to eat with her a couple of days ago.

We talked about our hobbies and we both seemed to enjoy reading. The problem came when I told her that I enjoyed books by Brandon Sanderson, Joe Abercrombie, Haruki Murakami and Frank Herbert. She told me that was problematic and that I didn't read enough women nor enough stories women-centered.

I tried to explain her that I am also a huge fan of Robin Hobb and Agatha Christie and that I read what I feel like and don't think about the gender of the author. Seriously, I enjoy almost every book genre (Including Romance!) and sometimes I spend months at a time reading female authors, I just don't care wheter the book is written by a woman or a man, or if said author is unproblematic.

She did not listen and told me that my reading taste is a red flag and that I must be a misoginist. She has barely talked to me since then and I don't know how to react. Am I really a red flag because of this?