u/PuzzleheadedDance578

I am ashamed to admit it but I have sent my ex partner NOVELS explaining why what he did was wrong and listed example after example of why him mistreating me was actually him mistreating me and not just “in my head” or “my perspective”. I don’t really feel bad for him, but I do feel bad for me because this cycle has been going on for almost a year now.. anyone else feel this way?

I recently moved to a neighborhood on the north side and have had two negative experiences in the last five days on the red line. It’s rare that I ride the train at night, but one of these experiences was at 920pm. In one, a man was sitting next to me & would not stop trying to talk to me - eventually started to almost touch me before I got up, having had enough, switching trains at the next stop.

Tonight, a man with a bandana on his lower face, sunglasses on, hat, long sleeve shirt and long sleeve pants stood right next to me on the train and stared down at me for a few minutes before I got so uncomfortable, I sat in between two other riders. The man then sat across from me and stared at me from across the train. I pretended like I was getting off, then he got off and I then sat down next to someone else.

What do you do when these things happen to you? I am terrified to make them mad, but I also don’t want to stay standing next to them and put myself in harms way.

It feels like everyone in the cast (sorry, this was not clear in my initial post!!) is just jealous or intimidated by her??? I understand her going into a room yelling about Meredith, but she was reacting behind closed doors.

I agree with her - shes held to a different standard than the other women for some reason? Am I missing something?

how do you develop some sort of discernment after an abusive relationship when dating again? how can you trust your filtering process after you experienced what you experienced?

She’s crazzzyyyy. The gaslighting and screaming is insane - especially when there is proof. I agree with Meredith - this woman cannot see outside of herself

I spent two years with a man who was incredibly emotionally abusive. I have some stories that are so bad that if I share with friends, my friends start to cry. I was diagnosed with PTSD a few months after the break-up and am learning to live alongside the difficult days that healing entails but it has been really hard. If I’m in my ex’s neighborhood and I see someone that looks like him or if I pass his house (we live very close & in a large city so walking is the primary form of transportation), I have to talk myself down from a panic attack. Panic attacks have slowed down, but they’re still happening every other week. I dissociate often and the rumination is 24/7. I have two therapists - one as a talk therapist and one is for EMDR. This has been helpful and lately, there has been more calm than storm, but I still can’t stop dreaming about the relationship.

Anyone else struggle in this way? How did you find hope after?

you don’t deserve getting screamed at, lied to, gaslit, no one should be hitting things right next to you.

it’s not your fault, this is how THEY treat people.

Hi. My more recent relationship has brought out a lot of anxiety related symptoms than I’ve ever had before. I knew I was prone to anxiety prior, but my panic attacks were maybe once a year. My panic attacks turned into a few times a month with him and now after him, for a couple of weeks after I see anything that is related to him. I’m dissociating & experiencing emotional flashbacks. I have been really struggling (but it’s obvious these symptoms are coming from seeing anything that has to do with him.) The relationship wasn’t always bad, and to be honest I really truly believed I was the crazy one after being gaslit to the point that I was, so I ended up staying with him for almost two years. I’m now in EMDR and trying to work it out. I could really use some hope that it won’t be this dark forever today. Any one else experience this after an emotionally abusive relationship? Any happy ending stories you’d care to share?

My boyfriend is great - he is very kind, takes care of me, we are best friends. Have been together for two years.

When we met, we met at a random bar, he was talking to me first, but then my best friend came over and he started talking to her/hitting on her instead. She rejected him, and instead told him that I was actually interested and then he started talking to me and that’s how our relationship formed. When I shared with him that my best friend had told me he was hitting on her, he told me he doesn’t remember that happening and shut down the conversation completely. I know it’s not a big deal, we didn’t know each other at the time, but I was worried about starting a relationship with him due to this and honestly, it made me feel second best. I tried to express this to him, but he tells me he doesn’t remember telling her that, then stone walls me.

I am trying to let it go because I know it’s not a big deal, but he does do other things that make me feel a little bad. We’ve been mid-conversation at grocery stores before and he has completely turned his head to check a girl out - head to toe. I understand people still think others are attractive, but it felt bad because we were mid-conversation. He told me that I was being insecure when I shared that this upset me. I am trying to express my emotions, and he is kind, but the sentiment is that I am being insecure. If I try to re-have this conversation, because I feel like it has never been resolved, his response is that it barely happened & that it didn’t happen while we were in the middle of a conversation.

Other times, we have been out and he’s stared at women in bathing suits right in front of me, looked down as he’s walking past women in leggings and looked out of the corner of his eye to see their ass, looked in the mirror as a girl is passing to look at her ass, he has smiled at random women in restaurants, looked behind me to look at a woman’s ass. It’s not very discreet. I share with him that this makes me feel bad, but he refuses to talk about it. He will start screaming at me in some cases, refuse to talk to me for hours, or he will threaten our relationship. He says he is not looking at other women and it’s in my head. In some cases, he has screamed at me for bringing it up, then hit objects right next to me or in front of me. I am not worried he will cheat on me, but it feels disrespectful. I don’t even stare at other men or smile at them when I’m alone or with my friends, so I don’t understand why he would be doing it with me right next to him.

I understand people look at other people all of the time. I am not sure where to go next, because I have seen it so many times, I’m not confident it’s “in my head” anymore and I’m not really sure what else it could be nor why he would threaten our relationship if I truly wasn’t seeing what I am seeing. I am also not sure why he would be hitting things right next to me if he was actually doing it.

In other situations, he has screamed at me in front of his friends and at a national park because I brought up something I was annoyed with him about. He says we both should have been exercising more so I could have been dealing with my anxiety and the problem wouldn’t have happened. I feel insulted by this, but am wondering if there is truth to it. He has screamed at me for being upset about not being invited to a wedding (that at the time, we were both under the understanding the bride to be was a friend of his exes.) I had gotten upset with him for things like leaving my friend’s birthday early to be with his friends and he then called me crying, telling me that I was being toxic. Which he now refuses to acknowledge and now says the reason for the problem was on his friend.

His friends will make jokes about my culture, which upsets me because I’m the only one in the group during those times of my skin color. I bring it up to him & he says that I’m overreacting because outside of those instances, I’m the majority. The jokes have me leaving these interactions asking if I’m even welcome there.

In terms of the screaming at me, he completely denies it ever happens, says it has only happened twice & then claims once was in response to my “hitting him” (which never happened and is also confusing for me..) If I try to talk about it, he won’t tell me what he means it’s only happened twice - we were both present every time so I’m not sure if it’s maybe a misunderstanding of how loud he needs to be yelling in order for it to be considered yelling? I know this sounds dumb, but I don’t understand how he could lie about something I was there with him as he was doing so I’m trying to make it make sense?

The situation has gotten to the point where I feel physically ill. I have had to leave situations where I’m with him because I’ll start to feel myself having a panic attack. I’ve had these in bar bathrooms after he’s smiling at random women, or will need to go outside to whatever venue we’re at to be alone and to not cause a scene. He is otherwise very good to his friends, he is honest in most other situations and seems to have empathy for me in other struggles that I deal with. We do everything together and he is my best friend. I just want this to workout but I’m starting to feel crazy. I am trying really hard to control how my body is reacting, but I’m having a difficult time and just want to make sense of what’s happening

My boyfriend is great - he is very kind, takes care of me, we are best friends. Have been together for two years.

When we met, we met at a random bar, he was talking to me first, but then my best friend came over and he started talking to her/hitting on her instead. She rejected him, and instead told him that I was actually interested and then he started talking to me and that’s how our relationship formed. When I shared with him that my best friend had told me he was hitting on her, he told me he doesn’t remember that happening and shut down the conversation completely. I know it’s not a big deal, we didn’t know each other at the time, but I was worried about starting a relationship with him due to this and honestly, it made me feel second best. I tried to express this to him, but he tells me he doesn’t remember telling her that, then stone walls me.

I am trying to let it go because I know it’s not a big deal, but he does do other things that make me feel a little bad. We’ve been mid-conversation at grocery stores before and he has completely turned his head to check a girl out - head to toe. I understand people still think others are attractive, but it felt bad because we were mid-conversation. He told me that I was being insecure when I shared that this upset me. I am trying to express my emotions, and he is kind, but the sentiment is that I am being insecure.

Other times, we have been out and he’s stared at women in bathing suits right in front of me, looked down as he’s walking past women in leggings and looked out of the corner of his eye to see their ass, looked in the mirror as a girl is passing to look at her ass, he has smiled at random women in restaurants, looked behind me to look at a woman’s ass. It’s not very discreet. I share with him that this makes me feel bad, but he refuses to talk about it. He will start screaming at me in some cases, refuse to talk to me for hours, or he will threaten our relationship. He says he is not looking at other women and it’s in my head. In some cases, he has screamed at me for bringing it up, then hit objects right next to me or in front of me

I understand people look at other people all of the time. I am not sure where to go next, because I have seen it so many times, I’m not confident it’s “in my head” anymore and I’m not really sure what else it could be nor why he would threaten our relationship if I truly wasn’t seeing what I am seeing. I am also not sure why he would be hitting things right next to me if he was actually doing it.

In other situations, he has screamed at me in front of his friends and at a national park because I brought up something I was annoyed with him about. He says we both should have been exercising more so I could have been dealing with my anxiety and the problem wouldn’t have happened. I feel insulted by this, but am wondering if there is truth to it. He has screamed at me for being upset about not being invited to a wedding (that at the time, we were both under the understanding the bride to be was a friend of his exes.) I had gotten upset with him for things like leaving my friend’s birthday early to be with his friends and he then called me crying, telling me that I was being toxic. Which he now refuses to acknowledge and now says the reason for the problem was on his friend.

The situation has gotten to the point where I feel physically ill. He is otherwise very good to his friends, he is honest in most other situations and seems to have empathy for me in other struggles that I deal with. We do everything together and I just want this to workout but I’m starting to feel crazy

I started having more panic attacks, I started dissociating way more, have had difficulty trusting anyone. It’s been about 8 months - how to get back to normal?

I want to be able to date again & to trust like I could prior to my last relationship, which was emotionally abusive, but I’m finding it incredibly difficult. In fact, I find it more triggering than anything else.