u/QuietInsights

Ik realiseer me net dat elke Djeyzus die binnen een aantal jaren zijn unieke naam in Google zoekt, deze subreddit gaat ontdekken.

Tenzij we de naam niet in de post, de titel of de comments herhalen, toch…?

Hierbij alvast een noot aan elke leergierige Djeyzus: “Lieve Djeyzus, het is niet jouw fout… Je moeder. Sorry daarvoor!”

With love

I recently went on vacation with boyfriend and his two teenage sons. We stayed at a pretty upscale resort in Uruguay, and honestly I spent a lot of the trip being annoyed.

My boyfriend is extremely conflict avoidant when it comes to his kids. He basically never sets real boundaries, or he says something once and then immediately gives up when they don’t listen.

The boys packed their own suitcases and he didn’t check if they had everything. On the plane the youngest was watching TikToks with the volume low, but still loud enough for other people to hear. My boyfriend said “guys, use your headphones.”

A bit later the youngest asked if his dad had brought an extra pair because he forgot his. My boyfriend said no. Then maybe half an hour later he started watching TikToks with the sound on again and this time my boyfriend just completely ignored it. I guess because he knew the kid didn’t have headphones, but then what was even the point of telling him to use them in the first place?

When we got to the hotel I suggested we freshen up and then go to the hotel restaurant. The boys just stayed on their phones the whole time, so they came to dinner in the same tracksuits they had worn during the entire flight.

At the restaurant they were eating with one hand instead of using a knife and fork. After eating they started showing each other videos at the table, again with the sound on. My boyfriend said nothing. I know these things might sound small but it was one thing after another and it started really irritating me.

Later that evening one of the boys knocked on our hotel room door and my boyfriend immediately shouted “yeah, come in!” I was literally in my underwear and had to run into the bathroom. He didn’t even think to check if I was dressed or ask me if it was okay for him to come in.

His sons can basically do no wrong in his eyes. The second one of them says “dad” he drops whatever he is doing and immediately helps them, gets something for them or solves the problem, even when they could easily do it themselves.

He says he only believes in positive reinforcement, but sometimes it gets ridiculous because he praises things that aren’t even positive. They spent an entire evening playing on the playstation and afterwards he told them he thought it was great that they had chosen the PS2 over their phones, because apparently phone screens are worse for their eyes.

I’m not expecting him to be super strict and obviously I understand that he loves his children. But this doesn’t feel like positive parenting to me. It feels like he is terrified of upsetting them or saying no to them. Meanwhile, I’m starting to feel embarrassed around the other guests. But since my boyfriend raises his children with the idea that they shouldn’t care what other people think of them, I don’t exactly feel like I can tell him (or them) this early in the relationship, that I think they should be more aware of their manners.

Would this bother other people too? Or is this just normal when you date someone with teenagers?

Gespietst? Als lezers naar een woordenboek grijpen…

…dan faal je als HLN.

Dit kan niet hun bedoeling zijn 😂

I have been thinking about something, but I’m not sure yet whether it would be useful or whether it could easily become problematic.

I read quite a lot of relationship posts on Reddit. Sometimes people describe behaviour from their partner that reminds me of patterns that can occur in autism or other forms of neurodivergency. Things like taking things literally, not noticing needs unless they are directly expressed, shutting down during arguments, struggling with changes, sensory issues, or showing care in ways that the other person does not recognise.

I want to be careful here because I know this is a sensitive subject. Some people consider themselves experts because they know a few autistic people, work with autistic children or they have read a lot online after deciding that their partner must be autistic. I really don’t want to encourage that last group of armchair diagnosis.

I have studied and worked in this field myself, but that obviously still does not mean that I can diagnose a stranger based on a one-sided Reddit post. I also don’t think autism should ever be used to excuse selfish, neglectful, controlling or abusive behaviour.

Still, I sometimes feel that Reddit relationship discussions are missing a certain perspective. The advice often becomes “they don’t care about you,” “they are doing it on purpose,” or “leave”, "a**hole", etc. Sometimes that is probably funny and even correct. But sometimes a difference in communication, emotional processing, sensory processing or executive functioning could also be part of what is happening.

I was therefore thinking about starting a subreddit called r/RelPatternsND (Relationship Patterns ND).

The idea would not be to ask, “Is this person autistic?”

It would be more about questions like:

What behaviour is being described? Could neurodivergence possibly play a role? What other explanations are there? What information is missing? what could the people involved actually try? etc...

People could post their own situations or anonymised summaries of other relationship posts. I think screenshots would be risky, so usernames, subreddit names and identifying details would not be allowed. Comments saying that somebody “definitely has autism” would also not be allowed.

So...

I would especially want autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people to be part of these discussions. I don’t want to create a place where people simply complain about partners they have diagnosed themselves.

Does something like this already exist? Would you find it useful, or do you think it would still attract too much armchair diagnosing? And which rules would be necessary to keep it respectful?

My boyfriend deliberately calls our 40 kg bouvier dog over to lick his feet, and I find it incredibly off-putting.

I completely understand that dogs sometimes lick people. A dog is a dog, and if it happens spontaneously, I really don’t care that much.

What bothers me is that my boyfriend actually initiates it.

We’ll be watching TV, the dog will be wandering around, and my boyfriend will call him over, take off his socks, lean back, and quite literally let the dog “do his thing” while he seems to thoroughly enjoy it.

When I tell him I find this gross and honestly a bit crude, he comes up with irrelevant arguments like, “Dog saliva is better for your skin than soap” or “He likes it because feet taste salty.” (Uh-huh...)

Afterwards, he doesn’t even wash his feet. He just puts his socks back on, slides into his slippers, and later gets into bed.

The hygiene aspect isn’t even what bothers me most. Him putting dirty feet into clean socks, expensive sneakers, or sometimes even wearing sneakers barefoot with dirty feet could probably be a whole separate Reddit post.

It’s more the attitude around it that gets to me. There’s something about deliberately summoning a dog, taking your socks off, and basically thinking, “Go on then, lick away,” while relaxing on the sofa that I find unbelievably boorish.

Does anyone understand why I find this behavior so disgusting?

Okay, the music in this video makes it even worse, but with her there the national parade is starting to look like a carnival procession.

So, yesterday, during Belgium’s National Day celebrations, Princess Delphine appeared in an extremely theatrical bright-pink outfit, with exaggerated shoulders, a short skirt, platform shoes and long white gloves.

Delphine is the daughter of former King Albert II, born outside his marriage, and had to fight a long legal battle before she was formally recognised as his daughter and became a member of the royal family. She is also an artist and has consistently dressed much more extravagantly than the other Belgian royals.

I’m curious about the psychology of this kind of self-presentation. In such a traditional and highly controlled setting, could dressing this way function as a deliberate assertion of individuality: "I am part of this family, but I will not disappear into it or conform to its conventions? "

Could it also be a way of reclaiming visibility after having been publicly denied and excluded for so long? Or is it more likely to be artistic branding, playful nonconformity, or simply a way of drawing attention to Belgian designers?

I’m not asking anyone to diagnose her or claim to know her private motivations. I’m interested in the broader psychology of clothing as identity, protest and symbolic communication. What message does this image communicate to you?

I think she’s entitled to her own opinions and personal style, but if she wants to take part in the royal family’s official events, she should also respect the dress code and traditions that come with that role.

Royal etiquette is part of the institution. At an event like the National Day celebrations, she is appearing in an official capacity and has a public responsibility. In my view, the focus shouldn’t be on her personally.