Dating at 50 — am I the only one who wants to be liked before being wanted?
I'm a 50ish year old bloke, average in most ways, and I've been dating for a while now. I went in thinking that at this age, people would mostly be looking for the same thing I am — someone to actually share life with. Conversation, companionship, someone you genuinely get on with.
That's not been my experience. What I keep running into is that connection alone doesn't seem to matter. If there's no spark, interest evaporates — even when we get along brilliantly, make each other laugh, and could clearly be great company for each other. I've had situations where the friendship side was genuinely good, and the moment it became clear I was offering friendship over lust they were gone.
Maybe I'm naive, but I always thought passion was something that could grow out of really knowing someone, not a prerequisite you have to pass in the first hour. It's left me a bit deflated, honestly. It sometimes feels like being desired matters more than being understood.
So I'm asking the people who've dated in their 40s and 50s: is this just how it is now? Did anyone start with friendship and compatibility and find the rest followed? Or am I looking for something that doesn't really exist anymore?
Genuinely curious what others have found. And I am wondering if this is a male thing or same for everyone.