u/RandomRamblings99

I try not to be. I try to be helpful and kind. But I think deep down I might just be an awful person

He phoned the landline, clearly drunk. He said it was an accident, then started talking about how much he missed me. I hung up, but now I feel awful and guilty and sick.

Edit: fuck I'm the terrible one aren't I?

Sure he was a troubled kid, clearly acting out hitting the arcade machine and breaking his sisters doll. Probably somewhat neglected since he can play with fireworks unattended. But he had no idea he was harming anything living. He thought the toys were just objects. He didn't have a clue and he got traumatised over it.

Not in a "this is a simulation" type way, just in "I can't quite connect to the fact I'm here way". Like I'm sat here, I can hear myself speak, see my hands type this, but my brain just doesn't quite process that I am this person, in this space, existing around people. Is this something other people experience?

When I was a child, I felt so much older. Like I was already an adult just waiting to grow up and finally fit in. But now I'm in my late 20s and feel like a little kid. I want to watch kids films and play with toys (I don't because I feel too bad about it). I have a ton of trouble handling upset in a mature way. I feel like I'm holding back a toddler style scream most of the time. It's exhausting.

I'm not sure if I fully understand it. I know it's monitoring my app usage in the background, but can it see what I'm writing or my contacts? If I opt out can I opt back in? The website isn't very clear for me.

So many "treat your dad" "celebrate the worlds best dad" adverts describing the dad who's always there to support you and plays with the little kid and I'm sat here like "why wasn't my dad like that? Why is he still not?"

I really want to travel. The problem is I'm terrified of flying. I've been on planes before but found the whole experience frightening. Every second in the air, but especially take off, is horrible. How do I get over this enough to finally approach long haul and see the world?

Ninja Ice Cream maker, fancy coffee machine, high end quality air fryer, one of those cocktail machine things. No idea where I'd put them all but coming to mine for a meal would be legendary.