u/Random_Introvert_42

I kinda don't know how to word this but I still...needed to talk/ask about it so...sorry if it gets confusing (didn't really know what flair to use, either).

I was told in various ways that me surviving my accident at all was a "miracle", that I "used up all the state's guardian angels", that it looked "more like recovery than rescue", that "someone must have plans for me" etc. When my parents were notified about my accident the wording about my condition was "if he makes it" (sure scared them). After a few weeks the doctors/nurses/etc started talking about how I'd pulled "an impressive recovery".
I watched a docu-series (accompanying an emergency doctor) on TV yesterday and they happened to talk about someone who'd had a similar-ish accident and survived "against all odds", with the emergency doctor there describing more or less my accident as a "worst case scenario" in modern road traffic (tiny car vs big car with high speed-difference). Which felt...weird.

And yeah I've gradually looked at the remains of my car and...it makes no sense at all that I lived, much less that I'm still walking around on my original legs. I've literally had someone ask me how I managed that and I...can't explain it. The car (ignoring the damage caused by the fire department peeling me out of it) doesn't look like there was survival-space for the driver, someone on a forum calculated the impact forces and....they make no sense (to me) either.

Maybe it's because I'm not really a person who believes in "higher powers" or that sort of thing but...I really don't know how to handle the situation, the status of "I objectively shouldn't be here still". Talking about the accident tends to feel more like "woe is me", mentioning the insane absurdity of me surviving feels like...bragging? Seeing the survivor on that docu-series, or being told I should write about it/"become a speaker" or so....how? It's not just me being introverted, it's...I did f*ck all in that. I got blindsided by the other car, cut out, put in an artificial coma and flown to a specialized clinic. I had exactly zero input on what happened, be it the survival or the initial "impressive" recovery. But I also can't just go "alright, glad I survived, moving on".

I guess what I'm trying to say (I'm falling into blabbering, sorry) is...has anyone found themselves in a similar situation, being faced with somehow handling a "nonsensical" survival? It might make no sense but I'm kinda stuck on "what am I supposed to do now?" since apparently my accident was a bit...out of the norm :/

(I hope that post made some resemblance of sense)

So...my accident was in September, and I've supposedly done pretty decent with recovering. Externally I pretty much only got some scars and (oddly permanent) bruises left, but even those are "gone" if I got a shirt and 3/4-length pants on. I do have some "invisible" physical damage though, related to a TBI, the hospital stay, and there's some mental/psychological consequences too. And maybe it's because I'm an introverted person, but I REALLY HATE IT when those consequences make me behave "odd", draw attention, etc. I "stick out" sometimes, and I can't change that, and it's really uncomfortable. Especially because I look "fine". Even when I get a chance to explain why I am the way I am...that's not always something I want to do either (generally, but also "woe is me"-kind of feeling). I get exhausted fast, even from non-physical "efforts" (like dinner party kind of events), my memory is shit, I struggle with word-finding difficulty and emotional regulation, I get headaches a lot...and I can't "act over" that all the time.

Like today, at a rehab-gym (!!), some trainer I'd never interacted with walked up, looked at my training plan and went "you could do a little more, don't you think?"? I did shut him up with "I'm not doing not too bad for having been in a coma half a year ago", but...I don't know if he believes me, I don't want to bring that up all the time, and it got me some weird looks from people around us :/ And that was a literal place with *only* people in a rehab-program for something. And even there I apparently stuck out.

Don't get me wrong, I know I should be happy that I still got all my original limbs, can use them all, etc, and I am, but...I sometimes feel like that "looking normal"-thing also makes it stick out more when I hit limits caused by the internal stuff :| I feel like maybe people would be more understanding if something was "visibly wrong".

I hope that makes sense :/

So...this might be a bit of a weird post. Bear with me. For a while I thought that I was "knocked out" by the crash, then got sedated and taken to hospital. A few weeks ago a relative told me "oh no you were responsive when the ambulance arrived, you were communicating". I don't remember *any* of it, never remembered the accident-day (went to bed the day prior, "woke up" almost a week later post-coma). I don't know how I was communicating/(maybe) talking with [TW: Injuries] >!a pneumothorax and severe tbi!< and was rough enough to be put in a >!coma!< "on the roadside" once the fire department helped pull me from the wreckage, but...I still kinda worry about how I behaved. Like...was I uncooperative (as far as I could do anything)? Was I....being an ass?

I've had paramedics (local ones, not involved in the accident-response) tell me they know it's a very "extreme" situation to be in, that they wouldn't mind, but...I still kinda worry. As dumb as that sounds. I wouldn't want to have been an "asshole patient":( I did recently write a thank-you letter to both the ambulance crew and the air rescue crew, but I refrained from asking that in that letter.

Does anyone else have/had similar thoughts? Like..."those people quite literally saved my life, I really hope I didn't misbehave."

Ich hatte vor ein paar Monaten hier gefragt ob es komisch wäre, sich (Monate später) bei den Rettern zu bedanken: Bei Luftrettung nachträglich bedanken - Seltsam? : r/blaulicht

Erstmal danke für die Ermutigung/Motivation 😄
Hab ja als "Außenstehender" wenig Ahnung wie sowas von eurer Seite aus wirkt.

Die Luftrettungs-Einheit hatte ich schnell raus, die "bodengebundenen" Kräfte waren schwieriger. 2x beim örtlichen DRK per Kontaktformular gemeldet, 2x über Wochen keine Antwort. Ok, vlt auch Datenschutz-Sache. Ich hab zwar 1 Foto von der Unfallstelle mit zumindest einem der RTW drauf, aber nicht erkennbar welcher/woher (und es waren wohl auch mehrere im Einsatz).
Wollte aber auch nicht "auf gut Glück" bei Rettungswachen anrufen :/ Hab dann tatsächlich auf IG eine Antwort bekommen, der Mitarbeiter da hat meine Kontaktdaten weitergereicht und ne Weile später hat sich der Chef der betreffenden Rettungswache bei mir gemeldet.

Ich hab also zwei "Dankesbriefe" geschrieben (und noch circa ne Woche lang dran rumgefeilt), 1x Luftrettung 1x Rettungswache. Ich weiß, dass eine Spende wohl die "üblichere" Reaktion wäre (hab auch ausm Umfeld n blöden Spruch für meinen Ansatz bekommen), aber ich hab zur Zeit nicht die Möglichkeiten für 'ne nennenswerte Summe 😞 Hole ich irgendwann nach. Mir war das "zumindest bedanken" wichtig, und vielleicht finden die Retter es ja auch mal ganz nett zu hören, dass jemand den sie dreivierteltot an die Luftrettung/im Schockraum übergeben haben wieder rumläuft.

Obwohl ich ein "will Dinge wissen"-Mensch bin (und mich die Amnesie schon deshalb auch irgendwie nervt) hab ich's mir auch verkniffen direkt irgendwelche Fragen zu stellen^^

So I had a rather bad car accident a bit over half a year ago. Air Rescue, amnesia, the works. I never remembered any of the accident-day, looking back the amnesia is *weeks* long. I started looking at the remains of my car in December, bit by bit removing a tarp off it over several "attempts" until I saw the whole wreckage by late February (and 2-3x since).

I was told I'm lucky to be alive, that it "looked more like recovery than rescue", that I "wore out all the state's guardian angels". I was told that I pulled an impressive recovery. Standing in front of the wreckage, standing on the driver's side, it just felt...surreal to be standing there. On my own legs, without crutches or anything. Absurd even. I know I was in that thing (obviously), I've been told what happened (in broad terms), I read the police report. So I'm not doubting anything, but I also...can't really accept it, either?

It's hard to describe, it's like a really strong feeling of "there's no way I was in that thing", "there's no way the car is THAT mangled and I can walk/talk/have a pulse". I had [TW: Injury list] >!among a few other things a severe TBI, pneumothorax, some nerve damage and bruises, but not even a broken bone.!<

Does anyone else know that feeling? Struggling to "reconcile" that you had as bad a crash as it was, that the mangled bit of metal is what you were in/were pulled from, that you're still alive/walking/talking after THAT happened. When I talked to someone and told them what the police say happened they (in slightly kinder terms) told me I was making stuff up because "there's no way you had that happen and you're still here". And...part of me agrees? Like...I'm not doubting the police, they had experts whose whole career is telling how a crash happened involved, they apparently had data from the other car's onboard computers (mine was too old to have that), but...if I compare the two cars involved, try to imagine the forces, look at the destruction mine shows (ignoring the rescue-cuts from the fire department of course)...it's just really hard for me to accept/grasp that I went through that bad a crash and I'm just...okay. Half a year on and I'm walking around, talking, got all my limbs, can get back to working, etc. I'm dealing with a ton of frustration over the "side effects" from some of my injuries, but at the same time it just feels like...I'm way too...intact for what supposedly happened.

(Probably doesn't help that I talked to three different therapists/psychologists and the closest to help/support I got was "well you seem to be doing quite alright so far, maybe see how things are in a year or so")