u/Ready_Canary8632

Hi everyone,

I have been living with depression for a long time, and I am asking this because I want to better understand my own behavior. I want to see which things I do caused by depression are actually not "normal" for people who aren't depressed.

Without judgment, what is something depression pushes you to do (or not do) that has become routine for you, but would seem gross, unusual, or incomprehensible to someone healthy?

Things like:

•Going weeks without showering or brushing your teeth due to lack of energy.

•Being unable to clean your place for months.

• Living in total darkness because sunlight bothers you.

• Inventing weird little routines just to mark the passage of time.

• Not being able to listen to music because sound feels too heavy, staring at the ceiling for hours, or rewatching the same show on repeat.

Hey everyone,

I’m writing this because I’ve been stuck in a really heavy mental loop lately, and I feel like the people around me have started looking at me like a lost cause. Honestly, I feel like a textbook underachiever.

A while ago, I decided to drop out of my humanities degree. My first year was a total nightmare with "Impostor Syndrome". Over time I managed to overcome feeling like a fraud, but the momentum was already broken. Making the decision to leave was brutally hard at first. I kept changing my mind every single day, and it took me years to finally pull the plug. But now that I’ve actually done it, I feel such a sense of relief. The thing is, now I need to start over for real, especially because I'm stepping into adulthood and I genuinely want to make the most of these years.

Deep down, all I really want is to live through creating art. What I love is tactile, physical art: painting, sculpture, installations. But because the scope is so vast, my brain gets instantly overwhelmed. Before I even pick up a brush or a tool, my inner critic launches into a ruthless monologue: "You’re not good enough", "You don’t have the sensitivity to make real art", "It’s useless, where do you even think you're starting from?".

It’s so frustrating. People see someone who has the capacity to do anything yet ends up taking zero action, while on the inside, I’m just terrified of staying paralyzed for the rest of my life. Making decisions is insanely hard for me.

And the hardest part is that I only have one month left to decide what to do next, but neither of the standard paths feels right:

-Public University for General Design: It’s the only path I can financially afford, and it would give me 3 years of structure and peers. But I’m terrified of feeling trapped. There isn't much in the curriculum about the specific design aspects I actually care about; it's more general and also covers technical training for design software, which doesn't really excite me.

-Self-Taught Art: It would give me the freedom to focus on painting, sculpture, and installations. But it terrifies me: I'm scared of isolation, endless procrastination, financial instability, and feeling "inferior" compared to people who have a degree and are actually good. Plus, I literally know nothing about the art world, don't know anyone who could guide me, and don't have the money to wander in the dark for years.

Just to clarify: I want to commit fully to ONE path. I am not looking to combine them or paint on the side while studying. If I choose university, my focus for those 3 years will strictly be on the degree, leaving no room for personal artistic projects.

I feel completely stuck because neither the "safe degree path" nor the "chaotic self-taught path" seems like a fit for who I actually am.

If any of you have been through something similar:

Has anyone used the structure of a degree (like Design) to break out of analysis paralysis, even if it wasn't your 100% true passion?

How do you build a path in physical/fine arts (sculpture, painting, installations) starting literally from scratch with zero network?

How do you quiet that harsh inner voice telling you that you're "not artistic or sensitive enough" before you even begin?

What would you advise me based on your own life paths?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to anyone who reads this. Just getting these thoughts out of my head is already helping me breathe a little easier.

Hey everyone,

​I’m writing this because I’ve been stuck in a really heavy mental loop lately, and I feel like the people around me have started looking at me like a lost cause. Honestly, I feel like a textbook underachiever.

​A while ago, I decided to drop out of my humanities degree. My first year was a total nightmare with Impostor Syndrome. Over time I managed to overcome feeling like a fraud, but the momentum was already broken. Making the decision to leave was brutally hard at first. I kept changing my mind every single day, and it took me years to finally pull the plug. But now that I’ve actually done it, I feel such a sense of relief. The thing is, now I need to start over for real, especially because I'm stepping into adulthood and I genuinely want to make the most of these years.

​Deep down, all I really want is to live through creating art. What I love is tactile, physical art: painting, sculpture, installations. But because the scope is so vast, my brain gets instantly overwhelmed. Before I even pick up a brush or a tool, my inner critic launches into a ruthless monologue: "You’re not good enough", "You don’t have the sensitivity to make real art", "It’s useless, where do you even think you're starting from?".

​It’s so frustrating. People see someone who has the capacity to do anything yet ends up taking zero action, while on the inside, I’m just terrified of staying paralyzed for the rest of my life. Making decisions is insanely hard for me.

​And the hardest part is that I only have one month left to decide what to do next, but neither of the standard paths feels right:

-​Public University for General Design: It’s the only path I can financially afford, and it would give me 3 years of structure and peers. But I’m terrified of feeling trapped. There isn't much in the curriculum about the specific design aspects I actually care about; it's more general and also covers technical training for design software, which doesn't really excite me.

-​Self-Taught Art: It would give me the freedom to focus on painting, sculpture, and installations. But it terrifies me: I'm scared of isolation, endless procrastination, financial instability, and feeling "inferior" compared to people who have a degree and are actually good. Plus, I literally know nothing about the art world, don't know anyone who could guide me, and don't have the money to wander in the dark for years.

​I feel completely stuck because neither the "safe degree path" nor the "chaotic self-taught path" seems like a fit for who I actually am.

​If any of you have been through something similar:

​Has anyone used the structure of a degree (like Design) to break out of analysis paralysis, even if it wasn't your 100% true passion?

​How do you build a path in physical/fine arts (sculpture, painting, installations) starting literally from scratch with zero network?

​How do you quiet that harsh inner voice telling you that you're "not artistic or sensitive enough" before you even begin?

​What would you advise me based on your own life paths?

​Thank you from the bottom of my heart to anyone who reads this. Just getting these thoughts out of my head is already helping me breathe a little easier.

Hey everyone. I'm 23, and I’m a textbook gifted underachiever. Right now, I am completely stuck. And when I say stuck, I mean in everything—daily life, future plans, career, you name it. I actually ended up dropping out of university recently because the mental block and the burnout just became too much to handle. Out of shame and a total lack of energy, I have also pushed away all my friends. I never go out anymore, and I am completely isolated from the world.

Here is the thing: I’ve done multiple IQ tests with professionals throughout my life, and they all confirmed a very high IQ. But honestly? I hate having a high IQ. It just makes me angry because having a piece of paper say you're smart while your daily reality feels like a complete failure is exhausting. To be honest, I don't even know if all of this is actually caused by the high IQ or something else entirely. Plus, I’ve never actually fit the "gifted stereotype." I didn’t read complex books as a kid, I don't speak multiple languages, I don't play chess, and I'm bad at math. To top it off, I have a terrible memory, I’ve never been truly "excellent" at anything, and I have never had a real, long-term passion in my life. This just adds to the confusion and the massive imposter syndrome.

This paralysis isn’t new; I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. People around me always say, "You're so smart, you could do anything, you're just lazy." The worst part is that I think the exact same thing about myself.

My days are just spent staying inside, doomscrolling, over-planning, experiencing severe anxiety, and facing total mental blocks. When I look at the future, there is just a total void. No direction, no goals that feel real or motivating. Standard productivity advice and routines feel like a joke and just increase my guilt.

To anyone who has a high IQ on paper but has felt broken, completely isolated, and empty since forever: how did you manage to break the cycle? What was the first tiny step that actually worked for you?