Feeling tired of having toxic sibling, how can I focus on my own happiness / create the life that I want?
I have been tired of having to live with my toxic older sibling. We both live with our parents and we work together on our family's business. I myself have left my job 1 year ago in order to focus more on our family's business. My toxic sibling have also left his job almost 2 years ago. As time went on, my sibling kept on being toxic and immature. He is disrespectful towards me and my parents. Even though my parents have given him everything that they could. My parents also helped him financially even though he already had his own income back when he still had his corporate job. And guess what? He never showed our parents respect, and he liked to blame them for his own mistakes. He also has a really bad temper and never admits his own mistakes. And whenever we try to give ideas, he would always try to oppose our ideas and whenever we disagree with him, he would be upset and gave us silent treatment or he would be passive aggressive towards us, instead of trying to have a proper discussion like how mature adults should do.
I have tried many things to keep myself sane. I have tried to go exercise, trying to focus on my health. I also have tried hanging out more with my friends. I have tried to limit any kinds of interaction with him. Set my boundaries. But still, sometimes, some days are just hard for me emotionally, having to live and work with him. Even after I have been out with my friends, sometimes I felt sad by the end of the day because I couldn't tell them how much I hate my toxic sibling and from a month ago, I have decided to not consider him as my sibling anymore since we had a big fight last month.
Trying to live outside of my parents' house is not possible for me since we live in such a small town and I honestly love the comfort of my house and not having to spend money for rent. Actually I used to have a dream of studying abroad for my masters, but seeing the current job market makes me think that it is not worth the try to go study abroad again. I honestly don't mind if I have to spend money for my master's degree, but if I fail getting a job abroad, that means I would have to go back to my hometown, working with my toxic sibling again. Even finding a job in my own country is also really hard and most jobs are only in the big city; I have experienced living there and I hated it, that's why going back to corporate jobs in my home country is not an option for me if I fail to secure a job abroad (I'm from SEA).
I also have tried to seek advice from the healthygamer youtube channel. Got some quite helpful advice, but still, some days just feel hard for me emotionally. Been also trying to explore new skills like coding and learning a new language, because I have always been someone who likes learning things, but this season of my life, living with my toxic sibling have made me kind of lose my spark(?) Like it's been so hard for me to be consistent with my learning. Sometimes, I would think to myself like, "what's the point of it all? How long do I have to endure this suffering of having to live with my toxic sibling? What should I do with my life? How can I survive out of this? How can I be sure that there would be light at the end of tunnel? Is what I'm learning now the right thing to do?"
What should I do with my life? Would appreciate any emotional advice as well. Thank you for reading this.