u/Reasonable_Date2870

I'll go first - I had two goals for this year.

Number one was to find some kind of movement that I can do every day to improve general fitness. Tried running in the late winter and spring, was able to find time and motivation to do it 3x/week and liked how I felt, but hated actually doing it. Then some family stuff happened, was unable to run the whole month of May, and didn't get back into it.

However, in August I purchased a membership at a local pool and have been swimming laps 3-5 days every week and loving it! I swam in high school and a little into college which was a long time ago but the muscle memory is still there and the fitness is returning. I feel great, physically and mentally.

Number two was a handstand or headstand, by the end of the year. Yesterday I attempted for the first time in a while and was able to get a stable handstand inside of a doorway. Haven't been able to do that in probably 10 years or more!

What about all of you? Let's celebrate progress together!

Trying to buy fewer snacks. I am pretty good in the kitchen so I need to start doing that instead of buying.

Specifically, crunchy savory snacks. I have a ton of recipes for sweet healthy snacks but not as many in the savory/crunchy category.

I also have a LOT of oatmeal and rice because we keep a lot of shelf stable food stored so if you have oat or rice recipes, that would even better. I need to cycle through some oats.

A few years ago when we had our child, I stayed home with her for a little over a year before I went back to work part time and it was another year before I went full time so money was tight. Bills were paid but no extras.

During that time, I devised a method of budget meal planning that kept us eating variety on a budget. My method was to plan one meal each week based on pasta, one based on rice, one based on potatoes and then leftovers or low prep foods for the other nights. The rice, or potato, or pasta makes up half or more of the bulk of the meal. This, as opposed to starting with a protein and then adding sides or building a meal around it which is how I planned and cooked when we had two incomes before the kid and is how I've been cooking now that we're on two incomes again.

Going back to this now because prices of everything are going crazy and also my husband and I have noted a bit of lifestyle creep - we make more money now so now we're spending more, even though we're obviously capable of living on less. Part of this is being less intentional with meal planning and buying more snacky foods when I used to make them.

I hope this idea is helpful to someone and also if you have any potato-centric meal ideas other than loaded baked potatoes, gnocchi, or casserole-type dishes with a potato base, I'd love to hear them because that was something I struggled with last time.

I swim in a pool that's part of a fitness center in a high end gated community. This community has an 18 hole golf course that isn't world renowned, but it is notable. People do travel here just for the golf. Across the road from the gatehouse at this community is a 4 star luxury spa property, owned by the same people. They own several other things in the area, it's a touristy area.

I have worked for these people and I know the attention to detail they put into everything. From the type of stone used to build the entryway of the spa, to the color of the flowers at the golf community gatehouse. When I was there, they changed the color of our lanyards from blue and gold to blue and silver. It was a big deal. Many meetings about it.

I've been swimming 4-6 times a week since the end of August, getting back into it after a long time out, and I'm at the point where I want to plan actual workouts instead of just showing up and doing what feels good. So I start thinking about the length of the pool. It seems...off. Not quite right.

The website helpfully tells me the pool is 60 feet long. 60. Feet. which is about 18 meters, So a lap is 36 meters.

It's just...so weird. Where was the attention to detail on THAT decision?

They have swim lessons, which for older kids includes an optional introduction to competitive swimming.

In a 18 meter long pool.

It's also odd because I know how much the owners like to make and keep their money and they could bring in money with a swim team and meets. But they can't, because of their 18 meter pool.

Anyway, I guess I'll be planning every workout in increments of 100m in which 3 laps is about 100m.

I just got back into swimming for exercise after not doing it for over a decade. Went today for the first time and forgot how much I enjoy it and how satisfying the workout is.

Here's the thing: the pool I'm using only has one lane marked out, which in theory can be reserved. But I'd like to still be able to swim laps if it's not available or if someone is monopolizing it, which happened today.

My eyesight is not good. I'm not legally blind, but I do need corrective lenses all the time. I don't like to wear contacts in the pool, even with decent goggles it's a risk. In a properly marked pool, this is not a problem. However, the reason I stopped swimming laps in college is because I couldn't see the unmarked end of my apartment complex pool properly and swam into the side, resulting in a broken nose. I would not like to repeat that.

I'm planning on getting some weighted pool toys, the kind kids throw into the pool and dive down to go retrieve, so I can mark out the lane at the bottom for myself. My main concern is the end of the pool. Has anyone used something to hang over the side of the pool into the water to show them where the end is? I could use something like a dark colored towel but then I'm hauling wet towels to and from the gym which I could do but would rather not. I did see something about pool noodles which I might also try.

I'm in the market for a mattress. We got a pretty inexpensive off brand"bed in a box" about 5 years ago, I think somewhere in the $400-$800 range and it was okay (just okay) for a while but now I really don't like it. The current one is medium firmness with a pillow top; I really want something that's more firm and no pillow top. It's been losing firmness over time and I have to rotate it frequently because a pretty big dent appears where my hips are and it takes a long time for it to go away.

We own a business and one of our suppliers has a rewards system that gives you points you can spend on their website, on all kinds of things. But a new part of this is that if you make special arrangements, you can spend the points on things that are available elsewhere, not on their website and I want to use some to buy a decent mattress. It's hard to say how our points equate to dollars and I can't spend all the points on just myself but based on points value vs dollar value of other items on the site, it looks like I likely have about $5k to spend here.

Unlike with actual money, there's no incentive to not spend the full budget, the points are not redeemable for cash and if you don't use them by a certain date they disappear.

If you had $5k to drop on a mattress in the contiguous United States, what would you buy?

I do have a Costco membership if that helps.

This is maybe more of a vent than anything else. The answer is to talk to the other adults, which I have.

My child is 4 and has been recently diagnosed. The diagnosis was not a surprise except to a couple of people in our lives who have insisted that she's "a little different" and that maybe we need to join a playgroup or read more books or something. Her speech patterns are odd but she is conversational and there's agreement across the board that she understands everything said to her.

She does not relate well to her peers but really likes connecting with adults. A lot of times that includes attention seeking behaviors that are not great. Throwing things, making a mess on purpose, etc. She'll do these right in front of the person she wants attention from, or she'll come tell on herself. For the attention. This is behavior noted by my husband and I and her teachers as well.

She doesn't do these behaviors with me nearly as much because I have spent a lot of time coaching her when she does them. "That's not a good way to get my attention. Now you need to pick that up and put it on the table nicely. Thank you. If you want something from me, you can ask "mom can I have____" or say "mom I would like ____" or "mom I want to show you something". Her OT agrees this is a good way to deal with this. It is fairly gentle, it's effective. It's essentially expecting her to do what we know she's capable of.

My in laws however, especially my mother in law, play directly into it. I've explained that she's not spilling things, making messes, etc on accident. This is on purpose and we need to all work with her to have more appropriate behaviors. But they continue to act like she doesn't know what she's doing. "Oh no, how did you get paint all over your hand? You have to be careful, paint is messy" Instead of something like "that's not what we do with paint. Go wash your hands and then you can show me what you're working on". And then you have to stick with it until she does whatever the correction is - washing hands, picking up the mess, whatever. She needs to be told explicitly that the behavior is not acceptable, and then what the acceptable thing is. No one does any of this.

The same applies to conversations. My mother in law will ask her "how was your morning?" and she's fully capable of giving an opinion about her morning. But, she get MORE of a reaction when she flops on the floor and kicks her feet and sings "No no no no No nono". Plus, having a conversation is hard work vs flopping on the floor which is fun. And then they engage with that. "No silly, we don't lay on the floooooor when we're talking" she KNOWS. She KNOWS that. But here you are, sing songing back at her on the floor. validating that this is, in fact, an excellent way to get Granny's attention. Vs saying "When we're talking with someone, we listen and answer". No one is trying to force her to sit still, or make eye contact, or any of that. Just engage and answer. Which we know she can do because there are certain people she will ALWAYS engage and answer with.

It's infuriating because I do all of this work to try to get her to develop more appropriate behaviors and then no one else reinforces it. Taking her to speech, paying for OT, getting special books and social stories and doing all of this STUFF and none of our family or close friends act like she's capable of more than chaos. When I've said something, my mother in law or father in law tell me to stop being so hard on her or insist that she doesn't know the right thing to do. She does know. It's just easier and more fun to act like...whatever this other stuff is, because then she gets laughs and tickles and sing songs from Granny and Pop Pop.

Notheastern Pennsylvania, United States

I've had my garden a few years but this is the first time I've really been able to do almost as much as I would like with it, the past years time constraints have been too much.

I don't like to spend money on things for the garden but this year, I decided I was done standing around watering everything with a sprayer on the hose so I bought a kit from Drip Depot and put it all together.

Was 100% worth it. Left for four days a couple of weeks ago, didn't have to worry about watering except two containers which my husband took care of. Currently, it's 90+ degrees every day and I know everything is taken care of. Now I can use my sometimes limited time in the garden on other tasks, not just watering.

Our water supply is two rain barrels with a pump, the pump is connected to Home Assistant and comes on at 6:30 am and is on for half an hour. I have three zones set up connected to a timer so the rain barrel turns on at 6:30, the first zone starts at 6:31. We also have it set up so the barrel pump turns on again 12 hours later if it's 80 degrees at 6:30PM for a second watering. If it's rained 1/2 inch or more in the past day, the barrel doesn't turn on for the AM watering.

Even if it isn't automated at all and you have to go up there and turn it on....it's worth the money and the time to put it all together, because you get that time back almost immediately.

ETA: went through the comments, not going to respond to all of them but a couple of things:

-A lot of people saying, sounds like roommates but more depressing. Yeah, maybe like roommates but the best version of roommates I've ever had. Does his share of the housework, contributes entirely equally to the finances, obviously loves our kid, always down to build something I want for the house/yard.

-Why don't I get a divorce? Because I'm really not in the mood for it, tbh. I'm genuinely pretty happy. The big stressors in my life don't include anything about my marriage, at the moment. If I had the money on hand to waltz on out of here and into a similar quality of life, I might consider it more closely. But I don't so it's not an option worth considering when my day to day is pleasant. Housing prices have skyrocketed since we bought our house, along with everything else. Some people might think it's shallow but you know what's worse than roommate husband? Being unable to afford rent or access medical care.

-Sounds like he doesn't even like me - no I don't think that's true. We just hung out in the driveway for an hour after he put our kid to bed and talked about the stars and life and how to manage the native plant areas in our yard and it was pretty great. Does he like me in the way I thought he did when we got married? Maybe not. Is there tension/bad energy/snippy attitudes in our house/silent treatment/manipulation/lying? Nope.

- a few comments assuming my husband doesn't work. He does work quite a lot and our incomes are about equal, he pulls 5-10k more than me annually (I'm salary, he's hourly). We make okay money for a rural MCOL area. Someone said something about me paying him alimony - yeah no haha

-I'll fall for someone else/I deserve someone better/this sounds more lonely than being single - I honestly think if we got a divorce I'd just be done with dating. Not super interested in there being a "someone else" I'm a pretty strong introvert and men are exhausting.

-I don't read messages or chats or whatever they're called on Reddit.

Came to the realization that I was pretty lonely in my marriage. Didn't feel like my husband and I were spending enough time together. He got in the habit of staying up late doing his hobbies or watching youtube or whatever and then just not coming to bed. He would sometimes talk like date nights are some obligation, mentioned in the same sentence as chores he'd rather not do or work related tasks he he had to do on weekends. I started to feel like spending time together was the last thing on his list. Something to do after all other boxes are checked. This also applied to our sex life. I was the only one initiating and he would often turn me down (in a nice way but still) or tell me "yes later" but later never came.

Overall the whole vibe I got was that he feels like he never has "free time" and anything other than what he has planned for himself is an obligation he has to meet.

To be fair, sometimes what he wants to do is a certain chore, often something that does need to be done now or soon, but it's almost always something he can go off and do by himself with headphones in. No child nearby. No distractions, just him and headphones and tools. Sometimes these are chores I could totally do and would like to do but instead he does them and I am relegated to things I can do while also keeping an eye on a 4yo.

We'd have conversations about these issues, and others. I have been very open about my feelings. Lots of good suggestions from both of us and promises from him that never came to fruition.

I don't want a divorce. I love my husband and also a divorce is just not practical even if I wanted that. I put real thought into whether I wanted to keep this going and if yes, how do we stay married in a way that is less lonely for me and also doesn't require him to change himself or his actions because clearly he won't be doing that.

I started by thinking about it as "matching his effort". I realized I was spending a lot of time just making myself available for free time or sex or whatever, and for what? He's not doing the same for me. I started filling that time with my own hobbies. Instead of scrolling some garbage in the living waiting for him to be done with his thing, I've been reading more. Got back into yoga a bit. Playing around with art in ways I haven't before. Big upgrades to my garden.

The I watched some content about The Abby Eckel about "decentering" it it clicked and I watched more and started applying it to more areas of our life.

I stopped trying to carry our sex life by myself. Bought some toys and just take care of my own needs. I have things I need to do to feel "ready" for sex, like if I haven't showered in the past 8 hours then it's a no-go. Or shaved my armpits in the last few days. For a while I was making sure to have those boxes checked for all the time, in case he was in the mood. Even when I was really tired and just wanted to go to bed, I'd shower and wash my hair in case maybe sex was an option. When in reality, I could just prioritize myself and go to sleep and shower in the morning.

Developed bedtime and wakeup routines that are incredibly self centered and would be kind of rude if I were sharing a bed. Bought cute sheets. Started decorating the bedroom walls in a way that appeals to me, because he's never in there.

A lot of our "together time" in the evening involves watching something together on the couch, often youtube videos. But our couch isn't conducive to snuggling so we end up on opposite ends and I almost always fall asleep, wake up at 3am, and then have to go to bed and it interrupts my sleep. I've shared with him that this kind of "quality time" actually doesn't do much for me. Mostly I was doing it because that's the quality time that was available. That bums him out, but not enough to suggest other modes of quality time. Or to decide on a better couch which I'm also open to. So if I really do want to watch youtube with him, I will. But I'm not doing it anymore just because it's the opportunity for quality time.

The important thing to note here is that none of this is meant as some kind of manipulation to get him to change his behavior. Its just meant to redirect my own energy where it can serve me.

This started about two years ago and here's how it's gone:
I'm way less stressed. More time for hobbies. More time with my friends. The time I spend with my husband is higher quality, because it's when we're both fully engaged with each other.

Has he noticed or said anything? Yes and I'm not mean and don't try to make him feel bad but I tell it how it is, calmly.

Like one time he said something about how I used to use my hair to tickle his face when we snuggled. I pointed out to him that this is thing you usually do at night or in the morning in bed with your partner. He's never in bed. So I don't do it. I have made it clear he's welcome to sleep in the bed, but it's not something I need from him. He almost never does.

A few times, he's asked for sex and I've turned him down. This never used to happen. I've told him, I used to wait around for sex and now I don't. When I decided I was done carrying that aspect of the relationship, I made that clear to him - explicitly - and then he didn't initiate anything for a year. I pointed that out to him and he said "well. Yeah." and that was it. One time after that he said something about me "never being in the mood when he is" and I pointed out, once again, that he only every tries to make things happen like, 4 times a year. I'm still in the mood very often, but instead of going to him I'm taking care of it myself, because doing it myself is guaranteed satisfaction. He did suggest to me that he is more in the mood early in the morning vs evenings so maybe I should try then. I told him, HE is welcome to come on upstairs and make something happen. Until then, I'm happy with my DIY situation.

He said something a couple of months ago about how we never "cuddle" on the couch and watch youtube or movies together anymore. I reminded him that doing that, really doesn't do anything for me. The cuddles are low quality on opposite ends of the couch and I hate falling asleep on the couch in any situation. "Well I know but I miss it". "You can bring the laptop upstairs and we can watch something up there" he has not done that.

We have had conversations about this magical "dad" ability to walk out the door on a Saturday morning and start a project that renders him basically unavailable and how unfair that is. He acknowledges that this is real and unfair, but does nothing about it. So I've started wandering away to do my own projects before he does, or announcing I have an errand to run, and then he can figure it out. He does not give me any static about this, because again he knows it's a thing. He takes it in stride and adjusts his expectations for the day.

So, yeah, Decenter the main man in your life, find greater personal fulfillment.

I know this has a lot to do with diet culture here in the US. The idea of someone saying "I should probably just eat in a more healthy way" and then doing it, without a book or a youtuber telling you what to do or a firm hard set of "rules" is kind of a foreign concept to many. But it's still super annoying and very unhelpful.

I used to be too thin, growing up. I ate well, my mom made good homecooked meals. I was just super thin. Then in college I saw some doctors and gained up to a healthy weight. I was very active and generally had decent eating habits. Now that I'm in my 30s, had a child, and work a more sedentary job - turns out I should probably pay a little more attention to what I'm putting in my body. I've gained a little weight especially in the past couple of months which I would be fine with if I were eating right and moving more but I'm not. So I've started to prioritize fiber and protein in my meal planning and cut back on ice cream. Keeping healthier, lower calorie whole food snacks ready to go so I'm not reaching for salty snacks if I'm hungry. Next week after my new swimsuit arrives, I'm getting a pool membership so I can swim laps early in the mornings.

This means that a couple of times, I've turned down foods from friends or family that I recently would have accepted. Snacks at work, ice cream after dinner. "No thanks" "Why not? Are you feeling okay?" "yeah just trying to eat a little healthier" "oh, are you on a diet? Which one?" this conversation repeated, over and over, across different people and facets of my social circle.

It just really annoys me that someone can't say "I'm done eating chips as a meal replacement" without people trying to pick it apart. Or worse - trying to convince me it's fine, I look great, my diet is already so healthy! I think they're trying to make me feel good about myself but no, actually it's not! I feel sluggish and my pants don't fit! Just let me eat what I want!

My daughter is 4 and has had difficulty with communicating, social situations, and sensory things basically forever. Just recently, like last week, got an official diagnosis.

About once a year, we drive 10 hours to visit my family. We split the drive across two days, each way stay in hotels, see my parents and it's generally a good time for everyone. We've noticed that often, she comes back from these trips with very sudden "leaps" in ability. Using new words, longer phrases, new skills. I used to think, maybe she would have made that leap anyway but it's happened too many times to be a coincidence.

She and I just got back from one of these trips. We've been working hard to help her understand how to use personal pronouns - she is constantly switching I and you. If she says she wants "me" to do something, she means the other person she's talking to. She uses "you" when she really means, herself. She also speaks in 3rd person a lot - if she wants something she'll say "Can mom give that to Sarah?" Sarah meaning, herself. Her own name. Often if she's telling you about something she'll tag her own name onto the end of the sentence, because that's how people speak to her. "This is for you Sarah" as she's handing something to you. There is no doubt that she understands everything said to her, it's stating her own thoughts, wants, and needs that is the problem. We coach her through these as they come up and we've seeing slow yet steady progress.

We've been working on this for over a year, including in speech therapy. But all of a sudden, day 2 of this trip we just went on, and she's telling my husband on the phone "I'm eating popcorn on this bed, Dad" and we were both absolutely floored. I don't think either of us had ever heard a sentence like that from her without coaching her through it. Followed immediately by "I'm in the hotel, dad!" and many more phrases like that for the rest of the trip. More responsive to questions. Asking more detailed questions. Fewer off topic comments. A whole bunch of things we've been working on for months or longer. And again, this isn't the first time we've noticed big leaps while traveling but this is definitely the most notable. It's like when babies are fussy for a couple of days and then all of a sudden they've figured out clapping.

Has anyone else noticed something like this in their children?

I keep honey on hand all the time from one of a few small local or regional producers.

I generally like dark honey because of the stronger flavor but this last time I got a jar of buckwheat honey that is SO strong. Almost a molasses flavor - but it is definitely honey.

Thing is, it throws off the flavors of teas I try to use it in. I often infuse things into honey - lemons, or different herbs, but I don't think it will work with this.

Other than baking with it in place of molasses, any ideas on how to use it?

We have a 4yo daughter with problems communicating in general and with interacting with her peers. A previous evaluation when she was just about to turn 3 mentioned "probable sensory processing disorder" . No diagnosis at this point, next week we have an intake appointment with a mental health center to begin evaluating for autism. She currently receives speech therapy once a week through Early Intervention and this summer we will be starting additional private pay services. She can communicate basic needs effectively and much more beyond that, but her use of language is quite interesting, to say the least.

Right now she's at a really great Montessori school. We chose it because the environment is similar to those she has done well in in the past and with a low student/teacher ratio. They were aware of her challenges when they accepted her. Until about two weeks ago, she has spent most of the school year quietly going about her business, learning a lot, participating in most things, not speaking much to staff until about a month or so ago and not really engaging with peers. They spend a ton of time outside, most of the time indoors is spent doing very tactile or active things.

Academically, she seems on track with other kids her age in her class (mixed aged class, ages 3-6 although almost all of the 3yos have turned 4 by now).

Now it seems she's she's ready to engage with others and, not sure how to do it properly, is being quite disruptive in class. Disrupting other kids while they're building or working on something. Throwing things, grabbing classmates when she wants attention, and shouting loudly during circle time when they sing songs instead of singing in a normal tone of voice. Until a couple of weeks ago, she was singing the songs appropriately. We had a meeting at the beginning of the week with her lead teacher and another staff member, all got on the same page about what needs to happen and what is happening, and decided that if things escalated then the strategy would be to redirect her to a room reserved for that purpose.

Things have escalated - today she threw things at a teacher. It's not great. So they'll be redirecting her to this other room. I also gave them permission to call me to come get her in the middle of the day if it seems necessary. She has cycled through a series of attention getting behaviors in the past and a firm, direct consequence usually does the job. Like not being able to go to the fun place where she's been acting out.

It's hard to address things that happen at school, when we're at home. The general consensus between us, the school, and other adults who know her is that much of what she does is attention seeking. We've told her that we know she's making poor choices at school and talked to her about what the right choices are. Her teachers think she would benefit from a 1:1 aide so I will be pursuing that via Early Intervention to see if we get somewhere but that's long process.

If we get some kind of diagnosis, the school will write her a detailed IEP separate from what she has through EI. In the meantime they are fine with continuing to help us find solutions but I don't want to wear out our welcome. This is not a school for special needs kids and as a private school, they don't technically have to accommodate special needs although their own handbook states that they will make every effort to accommodate when possible. And they have, they've been wonderful.

Next year I think we'll do 3 days/week instead of 5, giving more time for speech and other therapies. Currently she's leaving in the middle of the day once a week to go to speech.

Her diet is pretty healthy, lots of fruits, vegetables, and protein with relatively low added sugars and she generally sleeps well at night. She is generally physically healthy.

All suggestions are welcome!

ETA: Thanks, everyone! So many good suggestions, so quickly! I just got a card through Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh.

I live in a rural area. Libraries are kind of far away, out of the rhythm of my daily life, and the hours don't often line up with when I can go in person. I feel bad returning books late so I often use LIbby with my local library card. it's also great because I read really quickly, so when I finish one book I can go to another immediately. Keeps me from scrolling my phone. We do go to the library for activities sometimes and I donate to their food and clothing drives and sometimes money, I love our local libraries. I just can't get there to get or return hard copy books very often.

The selection on Libby isn't great. Sometimes, they'll have one book out of a series but not others. We're talking things that have been out for a while. I re-read Scott Westerfield's "Uglies" recently, I got the paper copy for free from a book bin, and Libby for my library has that one. But none of the others in the series. I'm constantly searching titles, new and old, and they just don't have them.

The two library groups near me share a lot of resources and Libby is one of them. So there's nowhere close I can go to join and have access to a wider selection.

Back when I had a library card from a larger library, this wasn't an issue. However I lost my online privileges because I moved and didn't do anything at a branch for more than 5 years. It's my understanding I could go in and borrow a book or just talk to the staff and everything would work again, but it's 600 miles away so that won't be happening.

Is there a library I can join online without living there to have better access on Libby? To be clear, I am NOT asking to share someone's card. My friend offered but I'd honestly rather keep my reading habits more private than that.

Looking to move more in a permaculture direction in my garden with a shade layer and more perennials, so last fall I purchased two cherry trees - a Bing and a Stella - and a peach tree. For the peach, I opted for one of their "instant orchard" trees which are much more mature so we'd see harvest sooner.

I planted them in established beds, because our native soil here tends to be very clay-heavy so I thought I would give them a better start in something a little looser, more fertile, better draining. After planting, I added finished compost around each and then hardwood mulch while avoiding piling against the trunk/the dreaded mulch volcano.

The cherry trees are basically sticks with buds on them, the peach is much farther along with a 1 inch caliper, actual branches, and is leafing out.

Should I use a fertilizer at some point? And at what point in the growing season?