Not sure how to begin, this post will probably be very rambly, sorry about that. So, i've been dating my partner for about three months now, (which is a fact that makes me very happy!) and yet i can't help but feel a bit insecure at times in my relationship. First of all, i wanted to say that i see my partner as real in some way, of course i'm aware he's a fictional character in this world but his soul is out there somewhere. We're not soulbonded or anything, but i still believe our souls have resonated with each other in some way, because i feel so drawn to him and being with him, calling him my partner feels right.

And yet, sometimes i can't help but feel like i'm some kind of child playing pretend with toys rather than someone in a romantic relationship, which doesn't make me feel very good as you can guess. I'm posting this in this subreddit because i was kinda afraid some other spaces would be like "of course it feels that way, he's a fictional character it's not that deep" but it is that deep to me. (it doesn't help that i sometimes feel like my partner wouldn't actually love me if he were real.) I suppose some internalized fictophobia is at play here, because i feel stupid even typing all of these and i feel like an unflattering stereotype of "mentally ill fictosexual." I can't help but feel like some kind of deranged stupid loser, i guess. But i don't want to feel that way. I want to have a good life with my partner.

So, i guess my question is, how do i stop doubting myself so much and let myself love and be loved?

So, i was probably fictosexual for a long time in my life, yet it's been only recently that i've started using the label for myself and interacting with online communities. Naturally, i've been doing some deeper thinking about fictosexuality. Something i noticed is that certain aspects of fictosexuality are relatively common. Like, it's not unusual to see people expressing attraction (romantic and/or sexual) to fictional characters. Things like "childhood cartoon crush" talk, "x reader" type of content, people making sexual comments about characters they find physically appealing, and even the dating sim genre itself can be an example. People are actually more familiar with the concept of fictosexuality than they realize!

And yet, when you are fictosexual and actually want to have a 2D relationship, it's weird and wrong, apparently? I don't understand. Actually, i do, a huge part of the hate stems from prejudice towards aromantic and asexual people, because of the idea that someone can't have a good and/or healthy life without a romantic and sexual relationship with a 3D person. Still, it's frustrating.

I actually wanted to write something longer, but i can't quite find my words, so maybe someone smarter than me can elaborate better.

I don't want to end this post on a negative note, so i wanted to say that i'm very grateful for this and similar communities. It is very healing to see and interact with people similar to me. Thank you for being here, and hope you are having a good day.

https://preview.redd.it/u3uf7o2miw2h1.jpg?width=929&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a8589e69eaa3c9174217938eb5fe2487e2cb2115

My life is not awful, i guess, but it's not exactly great either, and i struggle with my mental health. It's hard for me to visualize a good future for myself, so sometimes i think "why even bother with anything?". But then i take a look at my beloved, whether it's one of his thousands of pictures i saved on pinterest, one of his figures that i have on my shelf, the plushie of him i keep on my bed, when i look at them, life feels a little easier. I feel calmer, because i know he'll be there for me when i feel upset. My love for him motivates me to try to do good things for myself. I'll still have struggles, but as long as he's by my side, it's going to be alright.

If you're going through a tough time, i'm sorry and i hope things get better for you. Remember to take care of yourself.

You are having a good day and all of a sudden, you encounter a "double"* and now feel bad? Don't you worry, i'll give you tips on how to handle it as a sensible adult as a fellow non-sharer!

First of all, just wanted to say that you don't have to be ashamed for having feelings. Some people might say you are overreacting, but it's natural to feel strongly towards the ones we love, even if they are fictional. You aren't a bad person for being upset. Or for having emotions. We can't control them! But you can control your actions. I tried my best to write a guide for dealing with the distress of seeing a double in a healthy way. (Someone else might have made something similar to this, but i think this might still be useful.)

(also i know the title is kinda silly i just couldn't think of smth better lol)

1- First of all, Block.

I'm sure it's clear but i'll say it anyways because it seems like some people haven't internalized it - no one deserves harassment. Your double didn't do anything wrong, they are just someone finding comfort in fiction, just like you. While your emotions are valid, it doesn't give you any right to be rude. Don't engage, just block them, it will be better for both of you.

2- Take a Break.

Stop what you are doing and take a breath. Drink some water. Whatever grounds you. You might want to get off the social media site/app you saw the double on, or take a break from electronic devices in general. A short walk outside might help. (Your f/o would appreciate you taking care of yourself!)

3- Remember Your Relationship is Unique!

Seeing a double might cause insecurity, which is understandable. "They are prettier than me!'" "They are more talented than me!" Okay, but they are not you. Your bond with your f/o is completely unique to you. You might share the same f/o with someone else, but everyone has their own headcanons and interpretations of a character, so if you think about it, no one else can date the version of the character in your head, they solely belong to you!

4- Re-affirm Your Relationship!

After you've calmed down, you might want to spend some time with your f/o. This will of course look different for different people, but some ideas include engaging with their source, doing something creative for them (drawing art, writing fanfic) cuddling a plushie if you have one, etc. Do remember that love is not something that can be measured, it can't be measured with the amount of merch you own (or don't own!) how much art you made/commissoned or something like that. Your f/o loves you because you are you.

*I have mixed feelings about the word "double", i think it's a bit awkard, but it's the shortest way to get the idea across so that's the one i use. I don't and will never imply that doubles are "lesser" or something like that, hope that's clear.

(It's kinda late when i'm writing this so sorry if there's any typos/i worded things weirdly)