u/Robustburrito

So… I moved into my flat three weeks ago and live with this girl from South Carolina who is very Christian (I’m from the UK and she’s moved here for uni). This is super fine, I’m also religious but she’s very fundamentalist and I’m very gay. Overall, she has been lovely, very welcoming and we’ve been hanging out and enjoying each others company. HOWEVER…
Every time I mentioned my gf, I noticed a slight change of energy.. something was.. off. Every time she would come into my room and sit with me on my bed, she would look at my wall… the wall filled with pictures of me and my gf. There was a slight weird vibe but I thought I was overthinking it as she was so lovely to me and treated me like anyone else. However, I could not put up with this awkward silence anymore. Four beers in, in my flatmate’s (let’s call him Rob) room, unable to keep my worries to myself, I said… “diva, are you homophobic?”..
She went on to explain how God made Adam and Eve and just went on about this bible story as if it was the be all and end all of life. I was obviously upset and talked about how God makes everyone in his image and that he chose us to be how we are etc. She then described how we are supposed to procreate, and implied that gay people cannot do this and that if they did it goes against what god intended (I wonder what she thinks about infertile people). I just sat there in shock, and Rob also seemed very shocked and sat there in silence.. she then goes on to explain how she believes that gayness is due to a mental illness, or a childhood trauma which resulted in this. This to me means that she believes that being gay is a consequence of a negative experience.. which I do not agree with at all. She told me she still wanted to be friends and that was it for the night. Rob hugged me and reassured me that shes not used to it, and perhaps she would develop as a person during her time in Oxford and become more open minded. I’ve spoken to my gf about this and she’s said things like even if I don’t feel upset about what she thinks of me, if she thinks this then she’s likely racist and/or transphobic, and questioned whether or not I’d want to be friends with someone who fundamentally disagrees with a lot of my friends’ existence.

A few days go by and she’s asking me to hang out at least once or twice everyday, I have been busy so unable to. She has also been telling me that she misses me.

Today she messaged me asking to hang out, I responded that I was busy and couldn’t. Then all of a sudden got a burst of anger and disappointment and texted her explaining that I was uncomfortable being around someone who fundamentally disagrees with who I am. She responded saying that she should be able to have an opinion, and that sexuality doesn’t make up my whole personality and that she really likes me anyway.

I felt really uncomfortable with this response. No, my sexuality is not my whole personality, however, I am gay, I’m in love with a woman and intend to spend the rest of my life with this woman… so.. how can I be friends with someone who disagrees with my life?

I have responded saying that basically I’m too uncomfortable to be friends with her because I’ve put up with enough homophobia in my life and don’t want to choose to deal with it.

This is really upsetting to me because I really liked her however.. morally.. I just can’t be friends with her. But, I’m wondering if I should just get over this small part of her personality because I do really like her and don’t want to be branded an “oversensitive woke” because of my instinct to cut her out of my life. So, AITA?

I'm curious how other people deal with this.

One of the symptoms I struggle with most is concentration. I can sit down intending to study, read, or do something productive, but my brain just seems to drift away after a few minutes. Sometimes it feels like brain fog, other times it feels like I just don't have the mental energy to focus on anything.

I don't know whether it's the depression itself, low motivation, being tired all the time, or something else, but focusing feels much harder than it used to.

Has anyone found anything that genuinely helps? What strategies work for you when your brain just doesn't want to engage with a task?

From personal experience, do you find this statement to be true?

>

I hear this a lot, but honestly I'm not sure I relate to the "more manageable" part.

To me, it feels less like it becomes manageable and more like it becomes familiar. You get used to carrying it around. You learn what it feels like and how to function alongside it, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's easier to deal with.

It's almost as if it becomes part of your normal life rather than something you've learned to manage successfully. The symptoms might not be as shocking anymore because you're accustomed to them, but they're still there.

Does anyone else feel this way, or has depression genuinely become more manageable for you over time?

AITA for having mixed feelings about my grandmother not accepting my relationship?

I'm a woman in a long-term relationship with another woman. We're very happy together, and I can genuinely see a future with her.

The problem is my grandmother. She found out about my relationship some time ago and has struggled to accept it ever since. She has told me she wishes I wasn't gay, that she wanted a different future for me, and that she finds it very difficult to cope with. She has even said that if I got married to another woman, she wouldn't attend the wedding because she couldn't bring herself to watch it.

What makes this difficult is that she isn't cruel or hateful in an obvious way. She apologises when she hurts my feelings and seems genuinely upset by the fact that she's upset. She's told me she cries about it, struggles to sleep because of it, and feels guilty for feeling the way she does.

For a while I avoided talking about my girlfriend around her to give her time to adjust, but my girlfriend is a huge part of my life, so she naturally comes up in conversation. Sometimes my grandmother seems uncomfortable when I mention her, but other times she'll ask why I didn't tell her about things I've done with my girlfriend. It's very confusing. I don't know what to tell her and what to keep to myself, I just want to be comfortable and not worry about what I'm saying.

Recently she asked me not to show affection to my partner at a family wedding because she didn't want it to upset her. She apologised for asking, but still made the request.

I'm torn because I love my grandmother and can see that she's struggling. At the same time, it hurts to know that something as fundamental as who I love causes her so much distress. I don't want to hide my relationship or feel ashamed of it. I want to be able to talk about my partner the same way everyone else talks about theirs.

Part of me feels angry and upset, maybe even betrayed in a way? Yet, another part of me feels guilty because I can see that she's suffering too.

AITA for feeling upset about her lack of acceptance while also feeling sorry for her?

How do I move forward after this? After all, I have to see her pretty often, I don't know how to act.

I usually would never post something on reddit, but I just gotta write this out.

To me, and probably everyone who has ever met her, knows my girlfriend is like the most awesome person ever. She's so fun and kind and caring. She is truly beautiful in every possible way. I fell in love with her about four years ago, and we got together last year, and everything about our relationship is just incredible. I never told her how I felt in 2022 because I just could not possibly believe that she could like me, not because I have super low self-esteem, but just because she's just so cool??? Everything I do for her is out of love, and I want to make her life easier as I know how busy she is. Being with her has made me feel more confident, more understood, and more myself than I ever thought possible. One of my favourite things about her is how excited she gets about the things she loves. I could listen to her talk about them for hours. She is so smart.

We just have such a good relationship, and I feel so lucky for us to share our lives with each other. I can feel how much she loves me, and she is always so thoughtful about my needs and feelings. She is genuinely the sweetest girl i've ever met, and ever will meet.

She is my best friend, favourite person, and I couldn't ask for a better partner. I just wanted to put this somewhere.

Update, responding to comments.

She deffo knows how I feel, I make sure to tell her all the time, and we talk about it 😊.
Also, there was a comment or two about losing myself in the relationship, but as I replied there, it's absolutely the opposite. She really has helped me find myself. I was in a pretty dark place for a while, and being with her has reminded me who I am and what matters to me. We do have our own independence, and we choose everyday to share our lives with each other.
I’m incredibly grateful for her. In my opinion, what we have is one of the most beautiful feelings a person can experience, and I feel very lucky to be able to have it with her.