u/Round-Cow-2306

استخدام النت بتاعي قبل ما انزل مصر كان average ٨ تيرا فلشهر و دلوقتي مش بيعدي ٣٠٠ جيجا 💔🙏🏻

warning self harm mentioned

Some people think that depression is isolation, constantly crying, and being alone all the time.

Thats true in some cases but a lot of times it just isnt.

someone can be completely social and absolutely smiling all the time but in reality theyre rotting on the inside, thats the kind of depression that sucks, why you may ask?

" but youre smiling and laughing " "but you have a good life " "but we provide for you" "is what we do not enough for you?" "lol, depression huh? thats not a real thing"

these are all things ive received from my parents when I tried to communicate my 2 year depression to them, im young, very young infact, some of you might say a 16 year old cant be depressed, i couldnt care less.

it keeps getting worse, it hasn't gotten better throughout these years, ive only been able to get by with coping by video games.

without cope my life becomes miserable and im unable to proceed with anything, ive lost connection with people over these years, I came out as aromantical to my long distance girlfriend and had to break up, even when we were together it didn't help at all, a girl at school once confessed and I couldnt help but not care because I couldnt feel anything whatsoever towards her.

Ive tried to commit 3 times, first I tried stabbing myself but just as a small cut formed and a small blood drop I realised I probably wouldn't die, 2nd time I jumped infront of a speeding car but like a coward I ran back, 3rd time, today I went between 3 cars so there wouldn't be any escape and id be hit and hopefully die on the spot, the guy sped up and went away and missed me by mere inches.

not because im financially stable then I get to not be depressed, im suicidal and mentally unstable, I have anger issues and for proof it has genuinely caused me to have 2 surgeries.

I hate myself, I really do, everytime I mess anything up I start aggressively scratching myself to the point it burns and blood appears, It left a permanent scar on my chest that reminds me how much of a loser I am.

I dont deserve to live, I wish i was dead, i genuienly do, it doesnt matter and it never will, this world is rotten and needs to be fixed, and being from a 3rd world country where support and help isnt a thing makes it even better.

but well? what can I do about it, just keep coping i guess.

انا ولد عندي ١٥ سنه و بقالي سنه فلمنصوره و معنديش صحاب و عندي social anxiety بواجه صعوبه فلكلام فمعرفش بصراحه