i tend to push a godlike personality on myself whenever i go thru mania or wtv and it cringes me smmm, like when it was the worst i convinced myself i was some sort of special prophet sent down to earth to guide people💔 idk if it is me coping with wanting to feel less different than people or if i just do that bc im r worded
i'd never go out of my way to date a moid, but gah damn do i really wanna have sex
i find myself so weird for harming myself anytime i get sad, idk how to explain it but it just feels so odd. and whats worse is that i can't always cut myself cause i'm so scared of my mom finding out, but i always crave cutting its soo odd. Like when i get sad my first thought is to cut myself soo deep to distract myself, even when i'm doing ok i just crave cutting myself.
anytime i talk with a moid they only complain about never having a gf and having sex, yet they'll also say shit like "oh women are all whores and they r all only good for sex"
if they are all such whores why are u still a virgin? its is so funny to meee 🥹
I stand still on a moving spot
Wilting away right before my own eyes,
And with time, I mourned a loss I never knew I had
For all I miss are the days I thought were bad
A rainy haze drapes over my memories,
and a nostalgic melody lingers in my head.
Sitting still and awaiting what's next.
Aware that this grief will one day be missed.
can we stop reproducing lowkey, kids are so fucking annoying. imagine giving birth and ruining your body for a ugly fuckass little boy/little girl just for them to become annoying little bitches who watch gore and act edgy online? or for your son to become a sexist pedophile thats apart of some com group? why don't we fear failing children?
i hate that i call myself a feminist yet i somehow have the most misogynistic ideology, i believe that being thin is a feminine trait, that being over 20 is disgusting. idk if this is all from me getting groomed alot by incels or if it is just me wanting to appeal to incels. i just dk i feel so weird, like i'm a disgrace to femininity.
i hate that i'm not "normal" it pisses me off a lot, i'll complain about never doing anything and missing out on my teen years, like not having a hobby or friends. but it is so hard to keep friends i like when i changed my opinion about them all the time,
it is so hard to keep a hobby when at one moment i really wanna try something new then the other i don't feel like doing it anymore. i hate that when i get the slightest angry it sticks with me, i hate that i just complain but do nothing about it.
i have so much to do and live for but a part of me doesn't even wanna try, its like i'm locked up in my own flesh, like i'm the only person not letting me get happy, like i'm against myself.
heyy!! i kinda dont know how to start with this post or if this subreddit is even the right place to post this but for the longest time rn i've had really bad derealization. its hard to explain it but it all kinda started when i was 8. idk whats wrong w me but i have always liked to have answers for stuff, answers that are like slightly unnecessary, so ofc as a kid i used to question stuff alot and want answer, when i didnt get any id try and get the answers myself. (funny story before i learn anything let it be math, i need like a quick history lesson about that thing to get a true deep understanding of it!!)
At some point after i turned 8ish i began questioning how i was "me" what made me, me? why was i who i was? i just couldnt believe that i was a existing being the same way my mom was one, the same way a flower was one. it confused me alot!
my mom is religious, she'd always try and answer my questions about life and stuff but it never made sense to me bc ofc i always asked her where god was from, who was god and so on. She found those questions pretty offense and made me never ask her "dumb shit" like that ever again. Science never explained anything for me either, sure yes i don't believe in god, but can i believe in some particles around space exploding and making life? if that's the case why isn't there life in any other planet?
Anyways, there are times where these questions hit me really deep and i'll get super dizzy, my blood flow will feel weird asf, like it'll go from my feet all the way to my head. i'll get so lightheaded i start seeing blurry (sometimes it gets to a point where i cant feel my feet or hands at all for some time even after these episodes) besides just these questions sparking it up, there are times if i'm in unfamiliar places i'll do the same thing. like once me n my class had a class trip to an amusement park and after 2 hours i felt so weird, like being in a unfamiliar place always weirds me out, i almost fainted and lost control over my legs for some few mins. (another time we went ski-ing and i deadass fainted and lost my vision for like 20 mins straight)
Sometimes i'll just be all by myself/just be myself and this weird emotion washes over me, i'll stand still and zone out for a bit & while i do i'll get so lightheaded, see everything in a weird way (like stuff zoom in and out, i see flickers and colors get weird) after all that happens and i'm back to normal i'll start questioning if anything around me is real at all, and then it becomes a loop in a way? i hope i explained this veryyy throughly and good bc english is lowkey my 4th language 😓 i just wonder if there is any way i can get rid of this bc its so tiring.
idk how to say this but i keep on only attracting loser old moids w mommy issues and white pubes and i think i enjoy the attention they give me? like i dont feel like a traumatized person at all and ive been getting groomed left n right since i was like 10 (i used to get groomed on moviestarplanet but idk if that counts cs i used to lie abt my age) its so weird seeing ppl complain abt loosing their childhood/teen years bc of grooming n then theres js me craving it