u/Rsbbit060404

Triggering content. Talk of old medical treatment.

So, I went to go see PJ open for my source sister's band. I got slight vibes from her when we were there, but I didn't think anything of it. Then, I went home. I was doomscrolling through YouTube Shorts when I came across a short of her. Before I continue, I should mention that I kin a fictional character from the 1930s and 1940s who I remember having this done, as well as darker treatments.   Any Fran Bow fans out there?

In this short, she was talking about her experience with ECT. ECT is done a lot more humanely now, but from what I remember, it wasn't done very nicely to Fran. I did more research on PJ, quickly put the pieces together, and thought, oh, that's why I was getting vibes off you. I kinned her the next day. I think she's going to be more of a factflick situation, but I don't know. Since Michael Jackson is really popular in my house, it might cause me to shift more often

Most of you know I went to see my sister and her band on Saturday, which both involved my main factual and fictional identities because they are intertwined. Shadow Rose and Sloane Momsen. In both lives, I had the same sister, just with different names: Taylor Momsen.

On the 4th of July this year, a bat showed up hanging off the front porch. If you don't know, Taylor was bitten by a bat in Spain, and a bat is also the animal I remember her being when I was shadow.

Soundgarden just showing up everywhere. I'm not going to talk about it here, but if you know Taylor's connection to SG, you will get this. Like, I was in Walmart today, and there was just one SG CD sitting there, and I wasn't even going to look in the music today. And also, when I went to the concert, Black Hole Sun was the first song that played in the car

I have so many other experiences like this with her, but I would rather not share them publicly.

I have two accounts. one of them, I have no button at all, and on the other one I have the button, but none of my stuff I reposted is showing up on the web

Tomorrow I will have to remind myself that

1. I can't go back to the bus after the show; I have to get in my car. 
2. You're not going to the next show. This is the only show you will go to. You will not go with the band.
3.  People are going to find it weird when you ask for a drink of alcohol because the body has never drunk, but you are of legal age, so you can do things you use to participate in.
4. You don't have access to Backstage.

For those of you who don't know me, I am Shadow Rose. I am the fictional part of a factual identity; think of Jackal and Hyde. I was created to make that factual identity more acceptable to the public. I am Taylor Momsen's fictional younger sibling, and I'm finally seeing her on Saturday. It's going to be a weird, like, oh, I'm supposed to be up there, kind of situation, because I did work with her and the boys for a very long time.

Fox can link the pronouns CC that I made for myself, and we can have a little ask me anything if you want

As I always say, I will always remember her; she will never remember me, and that's the reality

https://pronouns.cc/@fox_backstage

I found the halftime show on YouTube. enjoy. It's not the best quality, but at least we have it

I am 22, and my dad has been kind of bugging me about college and higher education. I'm not opposed to it, but each of my identities has different wishes for jobs and education. Because of this, every time I shift, which is sometimes multiple times a day, most of the time, what I want to learn and do for a job changes every single time.

It can go from training service dogs to photography, to wanting to learn nothing at all because I shift into a younger kin who wouldn't be going to college, to being a teacher, and so on.

I guess I'm in the teacher realm now, even though I was just in the service dog one last night, LOL.

I just subconsciously, if you can even call it that, looked up my local deaf school because someone wants to work there again. Like, what the hell. I don't even know who I'm shifted into who wants to work there.

And here is the kicker about that: I can't do ASL because of my physical disability; my hands just won't allow it, and that is obviously required to work there. I can visually understand ASL; however, I don't think that is enough to apply.

So yeah, there is an unexpected difficulty of being fictionkin for you.

You can call me crazy, but I have a really special ritual I do with the fictional parts of me, even the most permanent ones.

I make sure that when someone new comes in, or I can feel them checking me out, I do my spiel.  

“Hi. You are okay. It's nice to meet you. You are allowed to use my body however you want to, within reason, to accomplish something or to bring you comfort. We are all family here. Some of us have been here for 9 years. When you think you have used my body long enough to accomplish what you wanted or get the support you needed, you are welcome to leave. If you are comfortable staying full-time, you may, but the door is always open for you to go back home.”

This is a longer version of what I usually say, but I wanted to give you some context, so I made it longer.

I've even told Shadow, who is one of my most permanent identities, that when he thinks his job is done in my body, she can leave. I'm not keeping him here. That said, he's always allowed to come back if he does leave. It's the same thing I told Toko Fukawa. She left me in late middle school/early high school because she no longer needed my body for support. That doesn't mean I closed the door on her, and if she comes back one day, we would be happy to have her.

Our plans have changed and not able to go to the show on Sept 25 in New Jersey. There are 3 seats in the wheelchair accessible row. I bought them for around $95 each. I would like to sell all three at the same time. I don't mind taking a bit of loss on them, but not too much. The tickets are on Ticketmaster so they can be transferred. TIA

I do have more regular and permanent identities, which are both fictional and factual, but I also have tons of flickers; I feel like I can't keep up with them.

Every time I get a new flicker, I have to decide whether it's worth making a profile for them on my pronouns CC. Sometimes it's not, because they last only a few hours or minutes, but if they come back, I will make one for them. For example, Zooble. They came out like once to protect the Jax kins on here after the finale, but that was it.

I've been quietly calling myself a thought shifter because I feel like every time I think of a character I've been hyperfixating on, they eventually involuntarily make me shift when I'm not entirely focused on them. It's almost like a pay attention to me tactic, LOL. For example, Mavis at my dad's house at like 8:00 p.m. 

I kept getting the month of June, and because I had been hyperfixating on Hotel Transylvania and Mavis, I decided to look up Dennis's birthday, and it was June 13th, 2013. So, hi, Mavis, welcome, and I know you miss him. I'm sorry

 I create fictional characters to hold the memories of the people I think I was in my past life, but at the base, I think I'm fact.

What do you mean it is inappropriate for me to be talking to an almost 18-year-old when I'm 22 about Lady and the Tramp, dogs, and other movies? I would understand if we were doing romantic or adult things, but we are not, and I never will

People my age and older are scary, and I never get along with them. Heck,  I get along better with my 6-year-old cousins than people my own biological age. 

I understand if younger people don't want to talk to me as I get older, but for right now, my friend does want to talk to me, and he's okay with me being older than him and me calling him my big brother. If he ever got uncomfortable and ended the friendship, it would be hard, but I would understand

Me writing this because I can’t  stop thinking about my mom the day I turned 18; she said, “Keep them legal.” 

 Meanwhile, I felt like the people she no longer wanted me talking to when I became legal.

Age dysphoria is weird.

Gigi was modeled after my original character's guide dog, and now she is an emotional support stuffed animal for me because I fell in love making her.

G was a guide dog for a singer who traveled all over the world; she retired at the age of 10. She loved her job up until the very end. She is a Labrador-Burmese Mountain Dog mix, but I'm using the Twister Pitbull Lab mix to make her.

I need help with her gear. I got the extra-extra-small VooPet vest, but I'm still not happy with it. I would much prefer a mini guide dog traditional working harness, but I don't know how to make it for her. Do you have any ideas?

I also don't know how to train her. I know it's imagination, but I am a quadriplegic in a power chair with limited hand movement. So, if you have any training advice as well, that would be appreciated